# Busted at Keystone



## IcantRide55

I am an EXCELLANT rider, let me say that first. I can stop on a dime and I always ride IN CONTROL, but I got hasseled at Keystone by this one ski patrol dude who said that I was going too fast and he took my pass. I was in control the whole time but I just kinda tapped this one guy's skis who cut me off at the last second (he was going side to side). Man, you'd a thought I shot the pope the way he got on me! Joe K you are not OK! I was totally in control, and if I wasn't as good as I am that guy woulda been _creamed _but the fact is I was in control the whole time. I think losing my pass for a week is kinda weak, and I've gotta attend a _safety class _to get it back. WEAK!!! Schoolmarm is wide, open, and built 4 speed!!

Let er Fly!

Silly Patrolers, lucky I let you catch me at all...


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## Waterwindpowderrock

yeah, the only thing I can think of when I'm on a run named schoolmarm is "LETTERRIP!!!!!"

whoooohooooo, crankin down a green run!!!! WHOOOO HOOOO, lookitmeee, I'm going fast over here.

whoo hoo

but yeah, Joe K is definately not ok!!


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## Geezer

Yeah, famous last words. I was in control man. Honest. I didn't meant to...


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## El quapo

Oh, well, if your an excellant rider than JoeK must be a moron. Thanks for clearing that up for us. 

JoeK what are you thinkin takin this guy's pass? He can stop on a dime! I've been trying to master that for years!






.


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## Dave Frank

If you're calling someone out by name, don't you think it's pretty weak not to use yours?

If you can not avoid a traversing gaper on a green (or any color) run then you are not skiing in control. That one rollover on schoolmarm must be at lest 18 degrees; maybe it should be a black run.

Thanks for looking out for us Joe.

There are places to ski fast and places you shouldn't. If I see someone skiing out of control in the vicinity of my kid, they will wish Joe had taken their pass.


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## caspermike

*ski pass*

this reminds me of that "don't taser me bro" video.

dude, if he took your ski pass you probably deserved it. why don't you sack up admit your sh*t stinks and quit the b*tch**g.


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## dvanhouten

IcantRide55 said:


> I am an EXCELLANT rider, let me say that first. I can stop on a dime and I always ride IN CONTROL, but I got hasseled at Keystone by this one ski patrol dude who said that I was going too fast and he took my pass. I was in control the whole time but I just kinda tapped this one guy's skis who cut me off at the last second (he was going side to side). Man, you'd a thought I shot the pope the way he got on me! Joe K you are not OK! I was totally in control, and if I wasn't as good as I am that guy woulda been _creamed _but the fact is I was in control the whole time. I think losing my pass for a week is kinda weak, and I've gotta attend a _safety class _to get it back. WEAK!!! Schoolmarm is wide, open, and built 4 speed!!
> 
> Let er Fly!
> 
> Silly Patrolers, lucky I let you catch me at all...


I'm glad to hear you're an excellAnt rider, because you certainly can't spell. Riding in control mean being able to avoid anyone downhill of you, even the guy who cuts you off. The first two points in Your Responsibility Code are:

Always stay in control, and be able to stop or avoid other people or objects. 
People ahead of you have the right of way. It is your responsibility to avoid them. 

http://www.nsaa.org/nsaa/safety/heads_up/know_the_code.asp

A girl was killed in Jackson a couple years ago by someone who was 'in control'. Joe K, you should have pulled his pass for the season!


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## sj

Space not speed. I'm with Dave on this one.


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## KSC

I assume this is a joke, right?


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## steepcreeks

*Posts like this remind me of why I dont ski at Keystone*

Dood

Skiing fast at schoolmarm is lame. That is gumby central. Go find a blue run or stay in control.


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## IcantRide55

Hey DaveF---
I am not the guy wearin' my name tag on my coat, just lookin out for all my bros who might run in to Joe K-No K......and now it's a pow day and I can't go up a lift so I've gotta go in the Backcountry...I am not calling him out, just venting. Also, I WAS IN CONTROL , Sheesh! 

Joe K is still No ok

Brandon X


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## scottw

IcantRide55 said:


> I was in control the whole time but I just kinda tapped this one guy's skis who cut me off at the last second (he was going side to side).


Dude, by definition, you were out of control if you can't avoid some one in front of you. ESPECIALLY on Schoolmarm. If ever there was some one who needed a safety lesson, it's YOU!


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## benrodda

The original subject seems like it is really only a joke but...

The only way for someone to really cut you off is to scream past you and then turn sharply infront of you. 

Otherwise if they are downhill of you they have the right of way and are at liberty to take as much of the slope to turn as they want to.... You can not expect them to anticipate or have eyes in the back of their head. 

I say this because i have a 4 year old who is learning how to ski and just as soon as some person hits her and claims she cut them off i will beat their ass bloody.


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## [email protected]

Just for future reference.... 
If you argue with Patrol the most likely outcome will be that which you have experienced. If you are reasonable and acknowledge the patrollers concerns and ask for forgiveness (as simple as "I'm Sorry") you will most likely only be warned, especially if there was no accident.


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## rideon

*Joke? Right?*

Haven't we learned enough from our political leaders?? the "it's all their fault, not mine" mentality is extremely dangerous, not to mention LAME. Brandon, I hope your selfish attitude never puts anyone else in harm's way. I also hope that you never get on the river with that mentality. If you are a boater I feel sorry for your crew. I am still not sure if this is just a joke or not.


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## Waterwindpowderrock

WHOOOOO HOOOOO

Joe K you can't catch me!!!!!! :wink:

put it together boys!


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## gapers

IcantRide55 said:


> I am an EXCELLANT rider, let me say that first. I can stop on a dime and I always ride IN CONTROL, but I got hasseled at Keystone by this one ski patrol dude who said that I was going too fast and he took my pass. I was in control the whole time but I just kinda tapped this one guy's skis who cut me off at the last second (he was going side to side). Man, you'd a thought I shot the pope the way he got on me! Joe K you are not OK! I was totally in control, and if I wasn't as good as I am that guy woulda been _creamed _but the fact is I was in control the whole time. I think losing my pass for a week is kinda weak, and I've gotta attend a _safety class _to get it back. WEAK!!! Schoolmarm is wide, open, and built 4 speed!!
> 
> Let er Fly!
> 
> Silly Patrolers, lucky I let you catch me at all...


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## COUNT

Ski patrol waves me down all the time. I just wave back and say "howdy" as go by.


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## deepsouthpaddler

I too am an exceptionally excellent rider and I feel your pain. 

The other day I was going for the guiness book record for extreme snowboarding on a green groomer. Some little punk ass 5 yr old got in my way, and if it weren't for that little crumb crunching punk, I would have the record. 

Me and my boys waited in the parking lot to jump him, but his dad was BIG, so we bailed to go play nintendo, drink mountain dew, and jump off the roof. If I ever see that little 5 yr old punk without his dad, he's in big trouble.

For my next stunt I'm gonna drink a 12 pack of mountain dew, put a pack of firecrackers in my ass, and do a 360 over my dads garage off a huge kicker that me and my boys made after shoveling my dads sidewalk for $5.

If you want my autograph, look for me on the slopes. I'm about 4'11", sport camo pants around my knees with a radical spiked belt, got a red bandana and my hat cocked to the right, and I wear my sponsors shirt "Big League Chew" over my jacket. I got mad volume on my 6" speaker headphones, so you best speak up if you want to get noticed.


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## IcantRide55

5 year olds tik me off too...they are SUCH posers...in 5 days when I am back shredding kstone I'll keep an eye out for him. 
$5 bucks to shovel a driveway...your dad ripped you off man. You should join the shovelers union, they'll protect your rights!

Brandon X



_The problem with Jethro Tull cover bands is you have to listen to Jethro Tull!_


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## gapers

IcantRide55 said:


> 5 year olds tik me off too...they are SUCH posers...in 5 days when I am back shredding kstone I'll keep an eye out for him.
> $5 bucks to shovel a driveway...your dad ripped you off man. You should join the shovelers union, they'll protect your rights!
> 
> Brandon X


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## brokenpaddlejon

I'm with Dave on this topic. I have 2 young kids I take skiing every weekend, have to spend most of my time on greens. If someone is ripping in those area I would be pissed and probably do something about it. I like to ski fast and have been for a long time, even though I would never call myself an excellent skier, frame of reference prohibits it. But when I feel the need to bring it I go to places where the only person that can get jacked up is me. Suck it up, take responsibility for your own actions, and quit whinning. With your excellent status maybe you should hit the pro tour. Don't know you Joe K, keep up the good work.


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## Force

Is that the Joe K???


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## Canada

How long will it go on! Thank you for making me smile today!

Joe K is freakin hilarious!!


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## IcantRide55

*AAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!*


*Powder day!     *


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## ec

IcantRide55 said:


> *AAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!*
> 
> 
> *Powder day!     *


 
HAA HAA! 










Serves you right, douchebag!


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## caspermike

powder day, does it make you sad or something? the more the better unless you can't ski anything but green runs, pussy.


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## Mut

You guys are so GAY i think reading these posts has given me aids.


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## Phillips

Joe is a good dude. He wouldn't have taken your pass if you were skiing. As Bill clinton say's, "I feel you pain"

Kent


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## JCKeck1

You know what sucks? Punks straight-lining schoolmarm. You want to know why that sucks? Because then I have to go sit on schoolmarm and slow people down to avoid serious injuries. When I'm standing on schoolmarm, I'm definitely not throwin bombs, skiing powder, or chatting with ladies in the lift line. And that's why I ski patrol. 

Brandon, too bad you missed the skier education class, it's a powder day today! Hopefully, you've perfected the Dew roof-top back flip off your parent's garage - sic. 

Also, don't even tell me you're a good rider - I saw you chimp out on the Denver Extreme huck (skier's right at the top of schoolmarm). I do agree that the Marm is wide, open and too flat for speed.

Joe the K


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## Gary E

Joe not so cool K better not try that shit up here in Jackson! Oh--wait Jackson doesn't have a schoolmarm; So in that case, get your arse up here Keck, the snow is good brotha.


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## caspermike

was up there not long ago and i can second that statement


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## IcantRide55

Chimp Out? *Chimp Out? *I hucked that hit so phatty you couldn't get your head up that high! I may straight line but I do it _In Control_ and I have the skills to handle that speed. Dude, I was almost _sponsored. _More than likely you are throwing bombs in the lift line with the chicks cuz dude, you couldn't handle my speed. The only thing holding me back from the pow is not having my pass now, but soon I'll be out there.....way ahead of you, Joe K.....

Brandon X :twisted:


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## Waterwindpowderrock

man, you must be a ripper! 
Joe, you're obviously in the wrong, I can't believ you didn't spot the talent & let him go just cause he's SO stylie.

Joe, you obviously misread this one! Next time let's have a bit more understanding for the UBERtalented.


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## Waterwindpowderrock

btw, good thread Joe....


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## Matt J

dvanhouten said:


> I'm glad to hear you're an excellAnt rider, because you certainly can't spell. Riding in control mean being able to avoid anyone downhill of you, even the guy who cuts you off. The first two points in Your Responsibility Code are:
> 
> Always stay in control, and be able to stop or avoid other people or objects.
> People ahead of you have the right of way. It is your responsibility to avoid them.
> 
> http://www.nsaa.org/nsaa/safety/heads_up/know_the_code.asp
> 
> A girl was killed in Jackson a couple years ago by someone who was 'in control'. Joe K, you should have pulled his pass for the season!


Riding in control meanS being able to avoid

Misspelling something in a post where you call out someone's spelling will never not be funny.


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## cecil

been away for awhile and i see the buzz is still good for a laugh.

if you get your pass stripped for being a real d-bag than it serves you right. plus, anybody knows that keystone and "excellent" riders don't go together. the real sickos aren't on the front-side groomers.

Joe your post was great! Keep taking punks passes!


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## fred norquist

if you are such a good rider, why were you on that run? go shed something else if you wanna go fast


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## DanOrion

school·marm (plural school·marms)

noun 
Definition:

1. an offensive term for a woman schoolteacher, especially one considered too proper and old-fashioned

2. funniest buzz topic of the winter


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## JCKeck1

Ah Brandon. Now you show your true colors. Anyone who gets defensive and starts screaming on a public forum that they hucked the _*Denver Extreme*_, obviously did it in a pink and neon yellow one-piece bag, including matching moose antler hat and glacier glasses. And that my friends is how it became known as the Denver Extreme. 

But I will agree with you my friend that I didn't ski waist deep stashes in the woods today nearly as fast as you were straight-lining a green run with 8 year olds.
Joe


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## caspermike

ohhh slam. joe k is your daddy. if this was seriously a green run, i'd boot my self in the balls. get some powder or something , wait you are out of control so why would you even think of anything with trees?


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## off_piste

Just out of curiosity: what happens if you don't show a ski patroller your pass if they demand to see it?


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## COUNT

For sneaking on without a pass or using someone else's, they can nail you with theft (you are, after all, stealing the equivalent of a $90 product from them). I would assume that the same can hold in this case.

COUNT


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## JCKeck1

Yeah, dirk's got it. Not having a pass or using someone else's is theft of service if you use or attempt to use the lifts. 

The catch is that since all the resorts are on public land, you don't have to have pass to be there - just to use the lifts. You can skin up a run and then ski down without a pass, but if you can't use any lifts. Also, the resorts are allowed to determine open and closed terrain for safety and various other reasons. These closures apply to everyone under the Forest Service permit each resort has. Question answered?
Joe


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## sbratt

Hey Joe,
You are right on the forest service bit. One thing that always pissed me off was when Berthod re-opened as a resort (10 years back) they were dicks about letting us hike up. Why pay for something I had been hiking for years?


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## kclowe

*Texan?*

Brandon,
Are you from Texas? Just curious.


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## grandyoso

*Great Post*

This is possibly on of the best posts ever. Way to throw yourself under the bus.


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## IcantRide55

I am NOT from Texas, though I have run into many fine Texans (most of them cut me off while I was riding), but I gotta tell you that I would have been out today except *YOU NEED TO TAKE A SAFETY COURSE BEFORE GETTING YOUR PASS BACK.   *Dang it, it's a powpow day too, but after taking it tomorrow at *8* AM I will be back, looking for that snow-plowing JoeK No K more lika the Special K, hey, I will be coming Back! :twisted: 

I just will try to goa little slowa. I just don't see how you have the right to take something I paid for without reimbursement, just so you have something to chat it up with the ladies to enhance your need 2 B macho-nacho.  

You will not stop me again, you shall eat my snow entrails silly patrollers!!

Brandon X8)


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## Steve Kahn

*sad little boy*

brandon...you are not getting any of this, are you? 

the only thing that keeps me from thinking that you are totally worthless is that you finally seem to concede that you need to slow down, and hopefully you are realizing that if you are hitting people, or even getting close to hitting someone (who did not cut you off as noted above), that you are not in control. It is also obvious that you are probably still going thru puberty and have not really matured into adulthood yet. it also has only taken 5 pages of this for you to come around. better late than never, i guess.

i bet that most of the aggressive skiiers/boarders that call themselves experts have probably run into someone along their journey, too (me included). it is only perspective and maturity that you lack for you to realize that this should be embarrasing for you. 

finally, i hope that you come around, and start to re-think this situation. one last thing i'd like to leave you with is that being a snowboarder (right?), that you should go out of your way to be extra courteous to everyone else on the mountain. we have a bad enough rep. without you running into people and talking shit simultainiously. 

try not to be an immature dick and perpetuate the bad snowboarder rep. there really is some truth to the tele'ers attitude that "if it was easy, it would be called snowboarding"....that is why there are so many dudes like you that are on top of the world, all becuase of the skill in which they slide down a mountain....pretty stupid if you think big picture....

grow up man.

S

ps. don't kid yourself that probably every patroller out there would kill you in any kind of speed contest...groomers, trees, etc. - seriously. especially if they are on skiis.


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## IcantRide55

*smack back!*

Yo Steve K---
u related to Joe K or something?  

I took up riding a long time ago to get the hottie chicks! I'll bet you show up for blind dates---


and find Dateline's Chris Hanson!!

BooYah!!!

Brandon X :mrgreen:


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## Andy H.

this just gets better every day....


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## DanOrion

So i figured this was a josh, you know, Joe K gettin' everyone's dry panties all wadded up with a Brandon X pen name...stories of craaazie speed on Schoolmarm and a run-in with an un-hip patroller...all to perfect too with Schoolmarm "THE STRICT SCHOOL TEACHER." I figured Joe was just playing the buzz like a fiddle. But now I suspect that Brando is the REAL DEAL, just the school yard rebel we need in this century. So back the fuck up Jason Dean, we got a new badass in town.


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## caspermike

DanOrion said:


> So i figured this was a josh, you know, Joe K gettin' everyone's dry panties all wadded up with a Brandon X pen name...stories of craaazie speed on Schoolmarm and a run-in with an un-hip patroller...all to perfect too with Schoolmarm "THE STRICT SCHOOL TEACHER." I figured Joe was just playing the buzz like a fiddle. But now I suspect that Brando is the REAL DEAL, just the school yard rebel we need in this century. So back the fuck up Jason Dean, we got a new badass in town.


AHAH BACK THE FUCK UP JIMI DEAN, you're the only one who knows who chris hansen is so i don't think you've been getting anyof the hottie chicks when you pass them, by the way this pisses those hot, tightass texan babes off more than you talking to them


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## IcantRide55

*Double SmackBack*



caspermike said:


> AHAH BACK THE FUCK UP JIMI DEAN, you're the only one who knows who chris hansen is so i don't think you've been getting anyof the hottie chicks when you pass them, by the way this pisses those hot, tightass texan babes off more than you talking to them


Thanks for correcting me-- I thought it was Chris _Hanson_ but you are right, it's Chris _Hansen. _

Nice guess for someone who has never seen that show...


BooYah AtYah

Brandon X:mrgreen:


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## fred norquist

i like how your name on the buzz is icantride... haha very true, it is one thing to go fast down a green and not hit anyone or come close, but another to go fast and almost hit some poor tourist who's only wish in life was to go down "one dem green ones" 

i bet you are one of those snowboarders who wear their goggles under their helmet just because they think it is cool, and they see it on tv, its ok to be stylish, but dont be such a push over!! it cant be comfortable, and sure as hell isnt functional.

but you are probably soo gangster that i shouldnt "front" on you, most snowboarders are, they got their glauk 9 ready along with their daddies credit card and their suburban


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## brendodendo

No Fred, I'm guessing Brandon does not wear a helmet. Why should he, he is way cool and he is never out of control enough to get into an accident. I also bet he wears an XXL suit. You've seen them on all the "cool kids" probably looks something like a picnic tablecloth sewn into jacket and pants.
see here for example
I got busted a decade ago for ridding to fast. Took my licks like a man and got my pass back a week or so later. I knew I was wrong and apologized to the patroller. By the end of the season, said patroller (an older guy at that) was showing me some of the best (relative term) lines at Purgatory. 
Sack up B, you were wrong, Now get over it.


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## IcantRide55

OK
So things have been GREAT, what with the snow and me getting my pass back and all, riding the PHAT powder, but I had to go back to Keystone's park. It is the best park around, but today they had a part of it closed FOR NO GOOD REASON. I popped over one of the fences, caught some freshie and some railie, next thing I know I am getting hasseled by a park guy who goes on this power kick and calls...yup..._patrol. _I get _lectured_ by some med school dropout, made to go fix the fence, and then let go with a warning. 

Lucky Break!


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## flipover

IcantRide55 said:


> OK
> I popped over one of the fences, caught some freshie and some railie, next thing I know I am getting hasseled by a park guy who goes on this power kick and calls...yup..._patrol. _I get _lectured_ by some med school dropout, made to go fix the fence, and then let go with a warning.
> 
> Lucky Break!


Dude, you are a slow learner

flipover


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## skibuminwyo

Are you really this dense? Or is it some sort of stupid game you play on the interwebs to try and look cool? Moron.


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## raftus

Joe, are you really writing these posts about the stupid people you have to deal with on a daily basis?


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## [email protected]

I don't think it is Joe, he is down in AZ boating.


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## yetigonecrazy

skibuminwyo said:


> interwebs


"interwebs" ha ha, I like that...I think i shall have to start using that


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## SSOWDEN

*quit you whinning brandon*

I have missed over 4 weeks of skiing because I was taken out by an in control knuckledragger on ballholler. It was your choice to ride fast, not my choice to be hit by someone.
You are probably just good enough to be dangerous, think you are in control but don't realize shit happens.
Get a clue!!!!


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## Yakjet

*Knuckledraggers?*



SSOWDEN said:


> I have missed over 4 weeks of skiing because I was taken out by an in control knuckledragger on ballholler. It was your choice to ride fast, not my choice to be hit by someone.
> You are probably just good enough to be dangerous, think you are in control but don't realize shit happens.
> Get a clue!!!!


I've taught both skiing and (mostly) snowboarding for the past six years. Guess that makes me a part time knuckledragger and creator thereof. Each sport has its merits, and each helps me understand the other a bit better. And, yes, while some snowboarders do wear apparent picnic table covers around their knees for pants, providing comic relief for most, many just enjoy the art and beauty of plying the snow.

As for control, lack thereof is certainly not relegated solely to snowboarders. A fellow instructor had one of his femurs modified into a three piece bone by an "in control" skier a couple of years ago. The young woman who hit him was skiing straight down a blue run without turning. She complained to the ski patrol that the accident would have been avoided if the instructor and his two students had not been "zig-zagging" back and forth across the run in front of her.

One good piece of situational awareness advice for snowboarders: use at least some of your toe edge turns as an opportunity to look uphill and behind you to see who is coming your way--especially the people about to pass on your blind side. Turning your head uphill helps align your hips and shoulders to better shape your toe-edge turns anyway. Try it.

As a person who enjoys both skiing and snowboarding, it would be hypocritical for me to be a hater of either. Hurling epithets does little to raise the respect of your sport. Like every sport, skiing and snowboarding each have their fair share of a-holes.


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## SSOWDEN

*knuckledraggers*

Yakjet,
Lighten up francis.
I was originally a two planker wanker rut slut.
Now am a backpack and duct-tape wearing, stinky pinner of a snow snob.
In between I have been a gay on a tray knuckldragger and a sledneck.

If someone uses a derogitory term to refence me for no reason, they have issues, if there is a reason then I have issues. If I hit you feel free to use any derogitory term you like.

I am confident enough with myself to know that these terms are no different than "a-hole" and that I cannot ALWAYS stop on a dime or anticipate everyones next action on a busy slope. 

KIR.


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## tress33

sounds like Karma took care of you


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## rhm

SSOWDEN said:


> I have missed over 4 weeks of skiing because I was taken out by an in control knuckledragger on ballholler. It was your choice to ride fast, not my choice to be hit by someone.
> You are probably just good enough to be dangerous, think you are in control but don't realize shit happens.
> Get a clue!!!!


how does someone who is in control run in to you? if they were in control, then they would have stopped before hitting you. imho, if you run into someone else, you are out of control.


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## Waterwindpowderrock

rhm said:


> how does someone who is in control run in to you? if they were in control, then they would have stopped before hitting you. imho, if you run into someone else, you are out of control.


I think he was being sarcastic (see the first post about how in control ican't ride was...)


I actually PM'd Joe to hassle him for starting this post, seemed just a bit too convenient for my thinking, but he claims to be 100% uninvolved, I'm still not totally sold. I know idiots like Ican't ride are out there, it's just funny to hear them talk, they just seem made up or something.


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## monkeyaker

*Brah*

_"I *hucked that hit so phatty* you couldn't get your head up that high!...... Dude, I was almost __sponsored. More than likely you are *throwing bombs in the lift line with the chicks cuz dude*, you couldn't handle my speed. The only thing holding me back from the pow is not having my pass now, but soon I'll be out there....." _

I just wanted to make it known that not everyone who lives in Summit County is a complete moron. Not everyone talks like an incoherent monkey douche. Some of us are real normal people. With belts around our waist instead of our knees.

I just wanted everyone to know that.

Now I'm out to hit the madd pliggity pow chowder before this knuckle-dragger flames my freshies.


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## ric

This has been a most entertaining thread of all times!
Perceptions can vary so much depending on your choice of ride!
This must be how perception in religons gets wars started with no resolve to be fond, with out walking a mile in the others shoes!
With that said the Taos ski area is about to have a wake up call!
In days the mountain will be open to all snow riders.
Check with patrol in one year and look at their accident reports to see if it jumps up?
They've had no fatalities in years, how long will it take?
Nothing personel boarders, but that is one steep ass mountain and I'm sorry but boarders do change the nature of a mountain.
Not to mention the wecks on the road up to the chairs
Or will it be more going down the canyon?
Oh well, nothing stays the same!!!!!
This is not a static Universe
Be safe, enjoy yourselves, it's later then you think!


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## brendodendo

I strongly disagree Ric. It's not knuckle daggers that cause accidents, its dumb or clueless or overstimulated people. Look at Aspen (Ajax Mtn), when they opened to snowboarder only a few years ago, people thought that the world as they knew it was going to end. Everything if fine as far as I can tell. 
Now lets look at Aspen Highlands. Wow... they have some of the steepest and most dangerous inbounds terrain in N. America. I think snowboards can handle the terrain just fine.

By the way, pull up your pants young shralper, I'm sick of seeing your A$$.


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## BigSpencer

*TAKE LEGAL ACTION, NOW!*

*Brendodendo*,
If some little 20-39yo shithead on skis can't avoid a snowboarder HE's the one out of control. Seek Legal action...the little asshole patroller is just another young asshole westerner who can smear powder and thinks he's a professional, well he isn't very good at either....and he represents the resort. This will make the resort look seriously at him and their hiring procedures while accessing the outrageous prices.


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## ric

Brendodedo
Maybe!?
But taos has different fan base then aspen ever will!
Time will tell
I know locals in taos.I'll fill you in next year,i'm sure this thread will still be going.


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## caspermike

skiing tears up the powder more than a boarder that knows how to board. and whats up with mogals?

2 steep for boarders blah blah. have you tried it?


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## mtthumper

monkeyaker said:


> _"I *hucked that hit so phatty* you couldn't get your head up that high!...... Dude, I was almost __sponsored. More than likely you are *throwing bombs in the lift line with the chicks cuz dude*, you couldn't handle my speed. The only thing holding me back from the pow is not having my pass now, but soon I'll be out there....." _
> 
> I just wanted to make it known that not everyone who lives in Summit County is a complete moron. Not everyone talks like an incoherent monkey douche. Some of us are real normal people. With belts around our waist instead of our knees.
> 
> I just wanted everyone to know that.
> 
> Now I'm out to hit the madd pliggity pow chowder before this knuckle-dragger flames my freshies.



Hahahhaha, I thought the original morons post was great.. but you made it better. I am laughing so f'ing hard I am crying. I agree with you about Summit County inhabitants. Generally if they have worked/fought to live there, they appreciate it. Seems to me like ICant is riding on daddies wallet.


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## FLOWTORCH

ric said:


> blah blah blah blah...with that said the Taos ski area is about to have a wake up call!
> In days the mountain will be open to all snow riders.
> Check with patrol in one year and look at their accident reports to see if it jumps up?
> They've had no fatalities in years, how long will it take?
> Nothing personel boarders, but that is one steep ass mountain and I'm sorry but boarders do change the nature of a mountain.
> Not to mention the wecks on the road up to the chairs
> Or will it be more going down the canyon?
> Oh well, nothing stays the same!!!!!
> This is not a static Universe


 









Icantride is a troll.


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## Matty

It's not a troll, but I can see how "icantride" would be seen as too stupid to actually be a real person.


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## mayberafting

*hilarious thread*

What a hoot! Thing is, I think I have met this kid. He tried to purchase clothing from the shop I work at. I remember him because he came in and was upset that I wouldn't take his starter check from an out of state bank. If I remember correctly, he talked about how he "doesn't like to make turns" and vowed to "spray gapers in the face". Keep in mind this guy was in our store buying a full price new Burton outfit (anyone who is really "in" up here knows how to avoid that- pssshhhh). Oh, and he refused to wear anything other than the color black, telling me things that were not black "weren't really his style". Black is soooo out, by the way.

As a Summit County local who not only works at a rental shop but then gets to ski alongside the tourist varieties, I will acknowledge that I'm often less amused than frustrated to share a chair with someone unenlightened about safety bar warning etiquette, but these same folks are the ones who donate memorable quotes such as "does that come with shoes and sticks?" to our catalogue of tour-isms. And unless Bran-don-da-don-don-dong is actually living off of his parents (if you are count your lucky stars, it won't last long) these are the same folks who drop tons of cash and often (i suspect) go into credit card debt just to have their ski vacations which keep this little economy chugging along, including allowing us to make our meager to modest wages and more importantly, live the dream.

As for ski vs snowboard, everyone deserves to enjoy what they prefer and not get any grief for which they choose. I think arguing over who causes more incidents is pointless because I believe really strongly in this thing called "personal responsibility"- if a person collides with you it is their responsibility and generally it is due to the fact that they are inexperienced on whatever equipment they've chosen- not simply that they chose that equipment to begin with.

But back to our boy of the season. Brandon, even if you don't care about someone else's vacation experience, the safety of others, or being creamed when someone's dad goes berserk on you because you nearly/did hit them (see this article) you can always think of the person who inevitably matters most- yourself. While I'm not the greatest skier (and a humble person at that), I can ski the whole mountain with care and confidence, including some of the jumps in your favorite place- the park, as well as some in my favorite place- the forest! But I biffed it one early December day after my friend and I were mimicking ice dancers on a green road at Copper. It was a really dumb thing to do in the first place, but worse yet I fell wrong and tore my ACL in the process. I missed an entire season of halfway decent Summit County "gnar" because of this one really idiotic move. Thankfully I did have insurance or I'd still be paying for the surgery, but my knee is still not quite right. Not that I ever possessed the cavalier attitude you do (look it up in the dictionary), but I have become an even more cautious skier since that happened. You can have a lot of fun out there for years to come (unless the locals run you out of here first or you just get sick of having your pass yanked) if you treat yourself right. Not that you ever fall, but next time you are cruising at Mach 5, ask yourself how many bones/ligaments would break/sprain/tear if by some freak chance you caught an edge or hit an unexpected patch of ice and actually fell. And if you really want a challenge apart from "how many people can I narrowly miss in one run?", try skiing the whole mountain.

Oh, and if you ever "tap my skis" I will personally see to it that you also have a chance to check out the awesome new Peak 1 Medical Center. And don't be fooled by my leisurely pace- I CAN catch you if I need to.


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## mtthumper

Mayberafting.. kudos.  I would lay down my pass to ski with you any day. (did the same to my right knee a few years back)


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## JCKeck1

IcantRide55 said:


> OK
> So things have been GREAT, what with the snow and me getting my pass back and all, riding the PHAT powder, but I had to go back to Keystone's park. It is the best park around, but today they had a part of it closed FOR NO GOOD REASON. I popped over one of the fences, caught some freshie and some railie, next thing I know I am getting hasseled by a park guy who goes on this power kick and calls...yup..._patrol. _I get _lectured_ by some med school dropout, made to go fix the fence, and then let go with a warning.
> 
> Lucky Break!


Alright, Tom's right - no troll. I was in AZ creeking when young Brando had his second discussion with a "med school dropout". But, I'm sure you're all psyched for an update and I just couldn't deny my homies on the Buzz. 

Obviously, the skier education class didn't have it's intended effect. Of course the patroller that had the second discussion with Brandon didn't realize it was the second discussion. Thanks for posting to us here Brandon. Basically, the decision was then made from up high to have him come back in and fix snow fences for an afternoon to retrieve his pass. If you've ever worked with snow fences, then you know that they are nasty wood and wire deals that invariably bring sweat and frustration and usually wreck your clothes. 

So Brandon shows up with a Burton "bag", bandana tied around his calf and skeleton gloves. Oops. The wire and wooden slats made short work of his gloves. Ten minutes in he had the bag unzipped and folded down around his waist as sweat steam rose off his head. Priceless. Hopefully a little toil will provide respect for other's work. We shall see..
Joe


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## h2obro

*What say you now Brandon?*

Lets hear it. Keep the party going.
Joe, how was AZ?


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## FLOWTORCH

Wow, IcantRide is real!? Wow. In that case I wanna hear more about his style. All black with the switch alert on. Wow,he just sounds rad. And the starter check, classic! Where was he from?

Pllllllease post his pass picture next time he's caught Lettin er fly on Spring Dipper, _if_ you can catch him.


....and I hope some douchebag admin didn't remove my picture from the last post.


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## Steve Kahn

*keystone policy*

well, icantride is certainly not worth any more thought or words, but since we have a keystone patroller reading here, thought i'd look for some clarification. 

a couple buddies and i got busted a few weeks ago going up to bergman/ericksons from the trail at the base of the lodge a little down from north peak. it was shortly after 1:30, and the trail closes at 1:30. it was presidents day, and the patroller we encountered on teh way up was pissed. he probably spent his day dealing with guys like icantride, and wasn't taking any of our rationalizations. so the trail had a closed sign posted in the middle of the access, and it was clearly after the time it was supposed to be open, but my deal is this:

i go alot to the beav, and if you get out on the hikes there, they are all chronically posted as "closed", but are not roped. just like the keystone access to bergmans/eriksons. i am guessing that this has something to do with the hikes there leaving the resort, while the hike at keystone is still in the resort? it is pretty confusing, however...you got one resort where closed equals open, and another where closed is closed. 

i used to think that as long as it wasn't roped, it was good to go?

can someone clear this up? 

BTW - my 2 buddies got their pass pulled for 2 weeks, while i just got a warning....was up there again yesterday for so some oh so fluffy turns! if you haven't been to keystone in a while, and are a keystone hater, you might want to check it out. the actual bergman bowl is a little too flat, independence takes quite a bit of leg work, and eriksons is pretty sunny, but the ericksons terrain is pretty good, and the trees off the access to bergmans/ericksons is pretty good.


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## LoopDog

Bummer to hear about your 2 buddies getting their passes pulled, I have been cutting ropes and going down closed trails for years, never had a problem. It seems like the patrolers there spend most of their time going after characters like icantride or smoking herb in the trees. Maybe that is why the closed sign is there, so they have a place to roast down. More power to the stoney patrolers, they are much easier to outrun that way!


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## mtthumper

Let me first say I can't vouch for the SP here in Colorado, nor do I really have any background knowledge about the owners of the mt's. Nor is this a rail against any previous posters.. except maybe the OP. However, as a former patroly up at Jackass (now Silver Mt) it was more then frustrating that we had to spend most of our time chasing down rope jumpers. Although some kids would think that we were roping off an area for no reason, every time I was planting 'em it was for a damn good reason. Anyways... I had a particularly nasty reminder of why I get a little peeved, we had just set up a slalom run for one of our kids race teams training sessions. Myself and a few others were on the edges of the track against the trees in case something happened, when a guy (possibly Icantride  ) flew out from the trees above, cross cut the track (which was icy by this time) lost control and took me out. I left with a 4 inch fracture in my wrist 3 broken fingers and a smashed nose. When my bro's pulled his pass and took him down to the hut, they asked him why was he 'there'. "uh... because I saw a nice run on the other side of the trees and man.. i was totally under control until she got in my way." Now, generally I have found a lot of the patrollers in CO aren't to bad. I was up at the beav myself awhile ago and some beautiful looking runs were closed for business. I asked one of the patroly's I came upon elsewhere and he said that that particular run was being used for training something or other later in the day. I just said cool and asked where he thought was good today, I ended up somewhere on Grouse mt on a beautiful line through the glades. 
Anyways I am kinda confused like Steve and ask of CO patrollers for a little clarification on sign/rope closures, it doesn't seem to be consistent between each mt. 
Also... I am on the lookout for a guy in all black that is in total control of the WHOLE situation. Obviously the rest of us who believe that we will always be learning have not achieved the ultimate nirvana of perfect rides every time. my number is 867-5309.. call me my gorgeous guru!

**walks away snickering


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## JCKeck1

Steve, that's exactly what's happening. Many of the Beaver closures are leaving the resort. Technically, you still have to go through a backcountry access gate or you are considered to be cutting a closure. The gates are set by the forest service and not the resorts. They are generally way out of the way to try and decrease the extent which the ski resort impacts the surrounding forest. Erickson, bergman and independence bowls are within the Keystone resort. Therefore, we have to sweep and avalanche control them, which requires opening and closing the bowls. These closures are generally enforced more strictly than closures leaving the resort for liability reasons. 

As far as ropes are concerned, the skier safety act actually requires each skier to know what terrain is open and closed and ski accordingly. So technically, neither ropes or closed signs are required to have closed terrain. Realistically, we try very hard to delineate open and closed terrain with signs and rope. Generally the problem only occurs when people cut through the trees from an open trail to a closed one. If you're un-sure the correct answer is to ask. We'll tell you and if you're polite, you just might get a good powder recommendation. A sign in the middle of the road leading up to the bowls that says closed next to a sign that says the bowls close at 1:30 definitely means the bowls are closed. 

As a final note, I've never met a patroller who signed up to pull passes. We're just ski bums living the dream and taking care of a few people along the way. So, if you get contacted for whatever reason, the best bet is just to be polite, honest and recognized that we all share the same dreams of powder without injuries. It wont get you off every time, but it generally will with 90% of circumstances. 

And one other thing, it seems as though hit-and-run injuries are on the rise. So, look out for your friends and if you're involved do the right thing and stop. People who get caught later go to jail (remember that all the runs end in the same place).

Diatribe over,
Joe

P.S. I definitely do not speak for Keystone, Vail resorts, KSP or as a legal expert on the skier safety act. Just my thoughts and opinions.


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## mtthumper

kudos, thanks for the clear up on those runs


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## Jahve

Super funny post... Out of control skiiers and snowboarders... Taos will never be the same.. Is Joe a troll.. Funny.. 

Patrol is just doin what they get paid to do.. Dont hate..

Readin this post reminds me why I NEVER ski the front range cattle drives.. Moooooo...


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## SSOWDEN

*if you are hit*

Joe,
Quick question if you are hit by someone.
Does the person being hit have any input to what happens to the person who hit them?

Skiing/riding is an adrenaline sport more than less and is "inherently dangerous", one way for many of us to realize our spirit of adventura. The balance in life in general between protecting the population while still allowing a sense of adventura is a delicate one being overrun by the litigous society we have created.

I am still torn between whether I should have reported the incident when I was hit.
Ballhooter, not holler, was probably closed for night skiing shortly after we went through. Lot of stars aligned just perfectly or imperfectly for this fella to hit me, maybe he was meant to learn something before he pulled a "Brandon". I thought he would go to jail if I reported it although if he had hit my son I would have been fine with that. 

Did I screw the pooch on this by not reporting it? Kinda feeling that way in retrospect.


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## IcantRide55

> Obviously, the skier education class didn't have it's intended effect. Of course the patroller that had the second discussion with Brandon didn't realize it was the second discussion. Thanks for posting to us here Brandon. Basically, the decision was then made from up high to have him come back in and fix snow fences for an afternoon to retrieve his pass. If you've ever worked with snow fences, then you know that they are nasty wood and wire deals that invariably bring sweat and frustration and usually wreck your clothes.
> 
> So Brandon shows up with a Burton "bag", bandana tied around his calf and skeleton gloves. Oops. The wire and wooden slats made short work of his gloves. Ten minutes in he had the bag unzipped and folded down around his waist as sweat steam rose off his head. Priceless. Hopefully a little toil will provide respect for other's work. We shall see..
> Joe


Wow are you guys funny....you smell funny, you're funny to look at....I could go on but I won't. 

You ski patrol guys were sooo macho, standing around joking while I did your work for you...."Lazy" is what momma would call it and you'd not get any Chocolate....

Good thing I spend more time being the _Rippasaurus _I am on the hill and not "getting back at the Man" by posting here during work. 

If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any puddin?


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## mtthumper

IcantRide55 said:


> Wow are you guys funny....you smell funny, you're funny to look at....I could go on but I won't.
> 
> You ski patrol guys were sooo macho, standing around joking while I did your work for you...."Lazy" is what momma would call it and you'd not get any Chocolate....
> 
> Good thing I spend more time being the _Rippasaurus _I am on the hill and not "getting back at the Man" by posting here during work.
> 
> If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any puddin?



**listens to the crickets


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## IcantRide55

I've got a feeling I'ma gonna hit 10,000 page views today, and you can't stop it!


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## Andy H.

And remember, we're all laughing *WITH* you....


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## RiverSA

IcantRide55 said:


> I am an EXCELLANT rider, let me say that first. I can stop on a dime and I always ride IN CONTROL, but I got hasseled at Keystone by this one ski patrol dude who said that I was going too fast and he took my pass. I was in control the whole time but I just kinda tapped this one guy's skis who cut me off at the last second (he was going side to side). Man, you'd a thought I shot the pope the way he got on me! Joe K you are not OK! I was totally in control, and if I wasn't as good as I am that guy woulda been _creamed _but the fact is I was in control the whole time. I think losing my pass for a week is kinda weak, and I've gotta attend a _safety class _to get it back. WEAK!!! Schoolmarm is wide, open, and built 4 speed!!
> 
> Let er Fly!
> 
> Silly Patrolers, lucky I let you catch me at all...


So you clipped someones ski's and are calling yourself in control? Man sorry but I am friends with most of Keystone ski patrol. I think they are the most libral in the county. Joe Klein (if that is who stopped you) is a great patroller and a very reasonable person. I'm sure he along with most other patrolers could catch you. They have a job to do and as long as you treat people with respect you will find the same courtesy returned to you!

Famous last words, "I was in control the whole time".


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## IcantRide55

Yo RiversSA, 

You are right.

I was out of control and Joe K is actually OK. I met up with him in a bar the other day and he is a nice reasonable guy. We had a nice talk up until the point we realized who each other was; I remembered he was the guy who took my pass and he realized that I was the guy that had my new gloves ruined, we laughed, and he even bought me a beer! I now have some understanding how tough it is being a ski patroler, doing what you love to do while trying (vainly) to prevent those conditions which cause accidents. After I bought him a couple wine coolers he even offered to style me out on a phatty cat ride! I can now appreciate how difficult it is to be a ski patroller, to get paid worse than I do at Burger King yet still have to deal with horrible accidents and, yes, unreasonable people, like me. A couple more wine coolers later he was showing me some _rad _pictures of how those guys _PARTY! _Wow! You think Joe K is tall now, you should see the pics of him in 5" heels! Damn, how he found a dress that long I'll never know! Sure, I put a bar stool between us after that, but that dude will joke and laugh as long as the wine coolers are flowing! He showed me a pattern of what he was going to wear the next time Cher comes on tour, can't picture him in a vee neck but whatever, he's a cool dude and I have no beef with him at all!!

Rock on, Man!


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## JCKeck1

Cheers to one hellva season! I prefer sangria in the summer - let the boating begin!
Joe not oK


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## peak

*screenplay?*

somebody ought to make a movie out of this thread. Davis Hasslehoff as JoeK, Jack Black as ICan'tRide. perfect makings for a Will Ferrell-esque comedy/mockumentary..I'd watch it.


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## caspermike

fucking dress and high heels i about pissed my pants. now that's some funny shit.


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## Badazws6

Why am I not suprised he is showing up on April fools day...


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## skyrunner

http://www.mammothtimes.com/content/view/72402/27/

Skier dies from hit and run boarder.


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## Waterwindpowderrock

skyrunner said:


> http://www.mammothtimes.com/content/view/72402/27/
> 
> Skier dies from hit and run boarder.



skier dies from hit and run MORON, you people who like to sensationalize the fact that a skier this or a boarder that are pitiful.


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## skyrunner

Moronic and cowardly boarder hits skier and rides away. Skier dies days later. Pitiful!!!!

http://www.mammothtimes.com/content/view/72402/27/


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## Waterwindpowderrock

you're an idiot.

A pitiful coward did something horrible by leaving this guy to die. Idiots like you that feel the need to polarize a sad event & try to turn it into a "all these people are bad" kind of situation should go back under your rock.

btw, I tele, alpine & board.


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## Andy H.

Yeah, what he said ^^

& I alpine, board and tele...


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## arkshark

Andy H. said:


> Yeah, what he said ^^
> 
> & I alpine, board and tele...


 
make up your mind friend.


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## peak

arkshark, its boating season. bring this thread back in december...


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## arkshark

ok.8)


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