# Paddle rafting sucks.



## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

Unless you enjoy yelling at your drunken buddies or clueless customers for hrs on end its the worst. I dont even bother with it on class 3 anymore.


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## Peev (Oct 24, 2003)

And we're suppose to give a shit? Sound like a third year guide.


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

Peev said:


> And we're suppose to give a shit? Sound like a third year guide.


Good post, will read again.it amazes me guys think it's fun to spend a day on the river yelling at people. Typically power trippers or dudes too poor to afford a frame from my experience.


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## willieWAO (Jun 14, 2005)

sounds like you suck at guiding a paddle boat and ya need to vent on the buzz.


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## lncoop (Sep 10, 2010)

bucketboater said:


> Good post, will read again.it amazes me guys think it's fun to spend a day on the river yelling at people. Typically power trippers or dudes too poor to afford a frame from my experience.


Like you I prefer to yell at people on the internets. Your posts make me laugh. Please never stop.


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

willieWAO said:


> sounds like you suck at guiding a paddle boat and ya need to vent on the buzz.


Let's stay on topic brah. Just cause you made the big move to CO. Doesn't mean you have to be a dbag. Paddle rafting is inefficient and generally pointless. It's also dangerous if you have a bunch of swimmers. Can't catch them without oars.


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## palidog (Apr 28, 2005)

This is going to get good. Grab your popcorn.


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## mprobst (Oct 13, 2003)

you need to learn better boat control and set up early. I used to listen to my wife and her friends complain it was boring to float our local class 3 run because I never had them paddle. I used to like seeing how little help I needed to get the boat down the river.


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Totally agree with Bucket boater, rafts are only good for hauling Yeti coolers, steak dinners and women in bikinis.


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## Fuzzy (May 25, 2005)

and all forward....


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)




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## yesimapirate (Oct 18, 2010)

This seems too much like a trolling thread, but I'll respond anyway... Setup the oar frame, bring the paddles, and share the work. Many of my guests have said they'd rather be active instead of being just a bump on a log. There's a sense of reward for the work, and I find myself saying quite often 3hp is better than 1hp.

Also, I don't mind hauling the bikini babes and beer!!!


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## yesimapirate (Oct 18, 2010)

Or a shorter response - A shitty day on the river is still 100 times better than any day at the office. ...unless your office is the river.


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## MT4Runner (Apr 6, 2012)

bucketboater said:


> Unless you enjoy yelling at your drunken buddies or clueless customers for hrs on end its the worst. I dont even bother with it on class 3 anymore.


 a) your buddies apparently suck and 
b) how many people on this forum care if you guide (or do Crossfit, or are a Vegan, or an Atheist)?




Peev said:


> And we're suppose to give a shit? Sound like a third year guide.


Who got stiffed on the tip, while all the private boaters who invested far more than that on their own gear think, "Oh, wah."


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## Haggardphunk (Jun 5, 2014)

R2 4 lyphe


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## SKeen (Feb 23, 2009)

Going on the internet to bitch about what you don't like on the river is what sucks.


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

MT4Runner said:


> a) your buddies apparently suck and
> b) how many people on this forum care if you guide (or do Crossfit, or are a Vegan, or an Atheist)?
> 
> A) my buddy's don't suck they're just lazy drunks.
> B) unless you've been living under a rock you'd know I've created several threads that have had thousands of views. People have come to respect and value my years of running some hardest runs in the Nw. I've been featured on sotars home page and been told by several people I'm one of the better rafters in the Nw. I think its time i share with you and other less experienced boaters on this forum that paddle rafting sucks. If you don't like it, you can kick rocks kid.


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## dfresh (May 19, 2010)

A) my buddy's don't suck they're just lazy drunks.
B) unless you've been living under a rock you'd know *I've created several threads that have had thousands of views*. *People have come to respect and value my years of running some hardest runs in the Nw. I've been featured on sotars home page and been told by several people I'm one of the better rafters in the Nw*. I think its time i share with you and other less experienced boaters on this forum that paddle rafting sucks. If you don't like it, you can kick rocks kid.[/QUOTE]

Bahahaha,
I agree that this is a hoax, but what a tool bag regardless! 
And by the way, I agree that paddle boating sucks, but you just killed your thread by going too far, too early. Shouldn't you be applying for a cast position on Real World instead of playing on a boaters forum????


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## MT4Runner (Apr 6, 2012)

If your buddies are lazy drunks, let them swim. They'll either grow to enjoy swimming or learn to listen to your sage insight.

I'm too old for a peepee measuring contest, but I'm getting up there enough in years that deez nutz probably hang lower than yours.

I'm in the PNW as well. I will give you a hug and a medal one day when we cross paths.


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## daledevon (Jun 10, 2013)

I had a girl that would randomly paddle. When we needed her, she just sat there.
It only takes one to make it kind of miserable. I didn't say anything, just decided I would row from now on. I don't have a problem with your complaint, apparently other poster think you should only post sunshine and roses. My guess they are not as good natured :roll eyes: as there posts put on.


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## climber-420 (Jan 10, 2014)

Bucketboater..........thank you for making Thursday more enjoyable by starting this thread. Cheers.


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## InflatableSteve (Jun 12, 2013)

Lol. What exactly sucks about it? That you don't have complete control of the boat when your drunk buddies won't follow commands? You'd have to be pretty drunk to not be able to follow paddle commands.

I think that most of the folks on here can figure out for them selves weather or not they like paddle rafting without your vast knowledge and experience.

What really sucks is not being on the river at all.

Throw your frame on and do what works best for you. If it's your boat, no one can say shit about it. Have fun out there. 



Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz


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## swiftwater15 (Feb 23, 2009)

One of my mentors from the days of military 10 man.bucket boats used to say there's no excuse paddle rafting on a private trip.

Sent from my HTC One using Mountain Buzz mobile app


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## sammyphsyco (Aug 15, 2012)

I really enjoy paddling my kids, I ment paddle rafting with my kids. Well they paddle I row now.
I have been featured on seyvelors web page and I'm considered the TOP rafter out on the high plains of North Dakota! I own the class 1.5 rapids on the Pembina river, all the tubers make way for me. 

So yeah I feel your pain bro.


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## treemanji (Jan 23, 2011)

I think being a commercial paddle raft guide would suck same river almost everyday and forward two all backk yadda effing yadda to a bunch of clueless customers. R2 a little boat with someone and chemistry and its a kick in the ass WW this weekend at 13,000 in a mini max will get your adrenaline going class III or not.


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## Haggardphunk (Jun 5, 2014)

treemanji said:


> I think being a commercial paddle raft guide would suck same river almost everyday and forward two all backk yadda effing yadda to a bunch of clueless customers. R2 a little boat with someone and chemistry and its a kick in the ass WW this weekend at 13,000 in a mini max will get your adrenaline going class III or not.


Yes!


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## shredder-scott (May 21, 2013)

bucketboater said:


> Let's stay on topic brah. Just cause you made the big move to CO. Doesn't mean you have to be a dbag. Paddle rafting is inefficient and generally pointless. It's also dangerous if you have a bunch of swimmers. Can't catch them without oars.


Dude...your do not have a clue what paddleboats are all about....that's fine..stick with ur oar frame....enjoy it....but know this....there are AWSOME runs available to paddle boats...that no oar frame will ever see....frankly given the BS attitude of your post...I am grateful. ..I will never have to deal with you and your legend in your own mind reputation. ..on any of my paddleboat runs.....


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## FlyingDutchman (Mar 25, 2014)

Agree with shredder Scott. Plus the weight of a 6 or 8 load paddle boat plus guide gets great hits on technical runs with steep drops


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## heavyswimmer (Dec 20, 2014)

bucketboater said:


> It's also dangerous if you have a bunch of swimmers. Can't catch them without oars.


I take it you've never seen someone bow/stern paddle. You would be surprised how nimble and aggressive one can be. By the time you get your boat righted, back in it, oars back in the locks, and back in your seat, I'll have my entire mess cleaned up. 

How long will it take you to get a spare oar out when it snaps on a rock while the boat is upside down? What if your oarlock gets pinched so you can't get an oar back in? Pins & Clips? Your oar gets spun around the pin and locked out of place by the stirrup? 

Every time you add gear to a boat, it is just more that can break.

FYI, bad paddle crews are a reflection of who's calling the commands.


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## carvedog (May 11, 2005)

Murtaugh at 25,000 cfs and the Canyon at the Payette at 4,000 are two of my all time favorite days on the river. Happened to be in a paddle boat with my buddies. They were drunk. I didn't yell. We had a ball. Maybe if I had posts with thousands of views and sucked at the tit of Sotar I would be too self-important to have fun too. Carry on if it's working for you trollholio.


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## SpeyCatr (Aug 14, 2013)

I bet BB would say Paddle Rafting rocks if he had 8 members of the Swedish Bikini team in front of him paddling and he was yelling out commands while on the oars. And BB would be the combo oarsman & official Swedish Bikini team oil boy.


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## InflatableSteve (Jun 12, 2013)

SpeyFitter said:


> I bet BB would say Paddle Rafting rocks if he had 8 members of the Swedish Bikini team in front of him paddling and he was yelling out commands while on the oars. And BB would be the combo oarsman & official Swedish Bikini team oil boy.


Sign me up for that job!


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

heavyswimmer said:


> I take it you've never seen someone bow/stern paddle. You would be surprised how nimble and aggressive one can be. By the time you get your boat righted, back in it, oars back in the locks, and back in your seat, I'll have my entire mess cleaned up.
> 
> How long will it take you to get a spare oar out when it snaps on a rock while the boat is upside down? What if your oarlock gets pinched so you can't get an oar back in? Pins & Clips? Your oar gets spun around the pin and locked out of place by the stirrup?
> 
> ...


Best handle/post I've seen on the buzz. I'm sure you do lots of swimming in your paddle raft. Ive got at least 30 paddles in my shed from crews like you, thanks.Listen kid, I reflip my boat so fast your head would spin. Once im in my boat my oars are right where they should be with pins. Never had a problem. Now I'm able to pick up swimmers while you do 360's or are stuck in a hole. I'm not here to argue, just spreading my years of experience and the stupidity of paddle rafting.


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## SpeyCatr (Aug 14, 2013)

Good one Oil boy


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## heavyswimmer (Dec 20, 2014)

bucketboater said:


> Never had a problem.


You're not running big enough whitewater...


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## Blade&Shaft (May 23, 2009)

y'all all a bunch of googans jeeze


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

SpeyFitter said:


> Good one Oil boy


Thanks little buddy. ::rubs Speyfitters head, snaps up his commercial pfd, buckles his hockey helmet and pushes his fishfinder into a class two rapid with a feeling of accomplishment:: seriously though,the adults are talking. Listen and learn.


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## Sherpa9543 (Jul 22, 2014)

Good grief. Isn't boating supposed to be FUN? I feel your pain about drunken paddle crews that are too busy getting high to paddle, but that just makes you a better paddle boat guide. Stand up paddle board if it's so bad. 


Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz


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## shoenfeld13 (Aug 18, 2009)

Bucketboater- you must be really bored to post bs like this. Grumpy people suck.... No wonder your friends are lazy drunks. Get a new attitude and you'll attract a better class of friends.


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## shredder-scott (May 21, 2013)

bucketboater said:


> : seriously though,the adults are talking. Listen and learn.


But, your not one of them...and it is you who needs to listen and learn


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## SpeyCatr (Aug 14, 2013)

InflatableSteve said:


> Sign me up for that job!



I need a resume & cover letter please. Please include any relevant experience you have both as an oarsman, and/or as an oil boy


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## SpeyCatr (Aug 14, 2013)

bucketboater said:


> Thanks little buddy. ::rubs Speyfitters head, snaps up his commercial pfd, buckles his hockey helmet and pushes his fishfinder into a class two rapid with a feeling of accomplishment:: seriously though,the adults are talking. Listen and learn.


I know what happened now...

Bucketboater was being too much of a bridezilla on the boat trying to command his paddle raft crew and they abandoned ship!


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## Junk Show Tours (Mar 11, 2008)

STOP!


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## InflatableSteve (Jun 12, 2013)

SpeyFitter said:


> I need a resume & cover letter please. Please include any relevant experience you have both as an oarsman, and/or as an oil boy


I don't have a resume or experience, but I do have firm but soft hands and I will work for three hots and cot.


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## 39571 (May 27, 2012)

Yeah, conservation of energy is stupid!


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## flite (Mar 31, 2013)

Haggardphunk said:


> R2 4 lyphe


Been rafting from Maine to AZ and i've had the most fun on rivers paddle rafting. It just opens up more possibilities and engages the entire crew. I've been R2ing some creeks in Steamboat lately you will NEVER get an oarframe down. If yu think paddle rafting sucks then your doing it wrong. its unfortunate that someone with so much experience can be so shortsighted. You sound like the carpenters that i used to work with that would say "I've been doin this for thirty years" to which i would reply "Have you been doing it wrong like this for those thirty years?" just saying. I was in the PNW last spring and meet some amazing paddle guides that took me down some cool shit. And with all the years rafting why don't you have friends that can paddle a boat??? 

I'm all about floating down a river and enjoing some beers but to say paddle rafting sucks cuz your not good at it....come on son??


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## RogueRat (Apr 29, 2015)

In all seriousness why do all the Colorado rafters who I see on the Rogue stink of hypalon have a mesh lawn chair strapped on their boat to row from and have thick black glasses and fake ass ZZtop beards?


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## 39571 (May 27, 2012)

RogueRat said:


> In all seriousness why do all the Colorado rafters who I see on the Rogue stink of hypalon have a mesh lawn chair strapped on their boat to row from and have thick black glasses and fake ass ZZtop beards?


just to piss you off


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## caverdan (Aug 27, 2004)

RogueRat said:


> In all seriousness why do all the Colorado rafters who I see on the Rogue stink of hypalon have a mesh lawn chair strapped on their boat to row from and have thick black glasses and fake ass ZZtop beards?


 They're Texas transplants. We give them a Colorado plate and send them on too you. :mrgreen:


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## 39571 (May 27, 2012)

caverdan said:


> They're Texas transplants. We give them a Colorado plate and send them on too you. :mrgreen:


So true


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## flite (Mar 31, 2013)

RogueRat said:


> In all seriousness why do all the Colorado rafters who I see on the Rogue stink of hypalon have a mesh lawn chair strapped on their boat to row from and have thick black glasses and fake ass ZZtop beards?


You forgot the rainbow umbrellas or pirate flaggs, copious amounts of beer and marajuana and at least two dawgs on every raft...Ahhh cuz we like to party? 

The beards in colorado are out of control i fear they may take over soon! but leave ZZtop out of it.


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## Fuzzy (May 25, 2005)

Forward hard.... dig dig....


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

To be honest, it's nice to see a thread with some good, innocent humor. 
Laugh a little. Live a little.
Go paddle a raft.
Or a kayak.


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## Porterdog (May 18, 2012)

What a great thread! Thanks for all the laughs! Too bad I'm out of popcorn and should get back to work. I'm reminded of a quote from when I was first learning about river stuff,
"It's a poor craftsman who blames his tools." I think this is true on a lot of levels. Go float around on water this weekend!


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

bucketboater said:


> Unless you enjoy yelling at your drunken buddies


Of course I do. What could possibly be more fun than that?


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

RogueRat said:


> In all seriousness why do all the Colorado rafters who I see on the Rogue stink of hypalon have a mesh lawn chair strapped on their boat to row from and have thick black glasses and fake ass ZZtop beards?


So you were the guy taking pictures of me styling Blossom Bar while you were wrapped on the picket fence?


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## MT4Runner (Apr 6, 2012)

SpeyFitter said:


> I need a resume & cover letter please. Please include any relevant experience you have both as an oarsman, and/or as an oil boy


I'm just a little confused why SpeyFitter is giving up such a cush job.


Gotta get a straight job to pay child support for baby dragons?


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

caverdan said:


> They're Texas transplants. We give them a Colorado plate and send them on too you. :mrgreen:


No. The best thing about Texans is that they love texas too much to leave for very long. They just come out on vacation, spend money, brag about texas then they get back in their oversized RVs and go home. It's the Californians that stay. But I can hardly fault them for that. If I were them I'd get the hell out of there too.


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## SpeyCatr (Aug 14, 2013)

MT4Runner said:


> I'm just a little confused why SpeyFitter is giving up such a cush job.
> 
> 
> Gotta get a straight job to pay child support for baby dragons?


I'm moving on to bigger and brighter things - I've been offered a bigger contract - now I'm an oil man!


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## TUNACAT (Jun 6, 2011)

flite said:


> . If yu think paddle rafting sucks then your doing it wrong. its unfortunate that someone with so much experience can be so shortsighted. You sound like the carpenters that i used to work with that would say "I've been doin this for thirty years" to which i would reply "Have you been doing it wrong like this for those thirty years?" just saying. I was in the PNW last spring and meet some amazing paddle guides that took me down some cool shit. And with all the years rafting why don't you have friends that can paddle a boat???
> 
> I'm all about floating down a river and enjoing some beers but to say paddle rafting sucks cuz your not good at it....come on son??



Took my crew down Cataract at 27k last weekend. Although Ihave my oar rig. I prefer a paddleboat whenever possible!

https://youtu.be/kg0XKim8fwI


Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

bucketboater said:


> Unless you enjoy yelling at your drunken buddies or clueless customers for hrs on end its the worst. I dont even bother with it on class 3 anymore.


I hate licorice and every time I see this buddy of mine he offers me licorice and I eat it and it tastes horrible. What can I do so I don't have to eat licorice any more when my buddy offers it to me?



shoenfeld13 said:


> Grumpy people suck.... No wonder your friends are lazy drunks.


This^^^


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## Mattchu (May 29, 2015)

Paddle rafting sucks for control freaks. Note to self-quit being a control freak.


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

bucketboater said:


> ...unless you've been living under a rock you'd know I've created several threads that have had thousands of views. *People have come to respect and value my years of running some hardest runs in the Nw*. I've been featured on sotars home page and been told by several people I'm one of the better rafters in the Nw. I think its time i share with you and other less experienced boaters on this forum that paddle rafting sucks. If you don't like it, you can kick rocks kid.


Yeah, that's what people say! Your threads get views because people laugh at your dumb ass. But hey what ever gets you attention! I guess you find it hard to differentiate when people are laughing at you or with you. Too funny.


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

soggy_tortillas said:


> To be honest, it's nice to see a thread with some good, innocent humor.
> Laugh a little. Live a little.
> Go paddle a raft.
> Or a kayak.


 This girl gets it! You could ride in my raft anytime. Saw some noobs paddling this weekend and it reminded me of my last paddle trip a few years back.Was on the sf canyon stretch of the Payette. A mile from the take out we flat wrapped our boat on the only rock in the river. After hrs of work and constant heckling from other boaters we hiked out and hitched back to crouch. 
We spent the night at the dirty shame tavern drinking Washington apples and drowing our sorrows. After a few too many, my buddy got in a fight with a cowboy and my other buddy banged a biker chick in the bathroom. We spent the night in the field across the street. We awoke to the blazing Idaho sun and horrific hangovers. The next day we went back with a 10 ton come along and saved old blue. This is just another reason paddle rafting sucks!


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

elkhaven said:


> Yeah, that's what people say! Your threads get views because people laugh at your dumb ass. But hey what ever gets you attention! I guess you find it hard to differentiate when people are laughing at you or with you. Too funny.


This post is a irony buffet. Btw you should thank me. Most of the threads on the buzz read like old phone books. Kick rocks.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

bucketboater said:


> This girl gets it! You could ride in my raft anytime.


Haha! Thanks... but, no thanks. I'll have to pass on this once-in-a-lifetime offer. You can keep the rain check. ;-)


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

soggy_tortillas said:


> Haha! Thanks... but, no thanks. I'll have to pass on this once-in-a-lifetime offer. You can keep the rain check. ;-)


Wasn't serious anyway. I've got a better chance of riding a unicorn then finding a "single"female boater.


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

bucketboater said:


> This girl gets it! You could ride in my raft anytime. Saw some noobs paddling this weekend and it reminded me of my last paddle trip a few years back.Was on the sf canyon stretch of the Payette. A mile from the take out we flat wrapped our boat on the only rock in the river. After hrs of work and constant heckling from other boaters we hiked out and hitched back to crouch.
> We spent the night at the dirty shame tavern drinking Washington apples and drowing our sorrows. After a few too many, my buddy got in a fight with a cowboy and my other buddy banged a biker chick in the bathroom. We spent the night in the field across the street. We awoke to the blazing Idaho sun and horrific hangovers. The next day we went back with a 10 ton come along and saved old blue. This is just another reason paddle rafting sucks!


Translation:
Please come rafting with me! I need, I need.

This past weekend me and some of my homies decided "if those a-holes on the buzz can paddle raft we can too" so we stole my mom's old hyside and a sixer of my dad's hard ciders and headed to the payette. After we rigged on the ramp and tore that old geezer a new one for looking at us funny we shoved off.

Those fuckers just didn't understand to get out of our way and one of them blocked the only slot we could get to and ran is onto this fi-ing rock...thing came out of no where!

Do you know that those assholes just kept floating by, laughing!!! So we finally waded to shore and walked to the bar to try out our fake ID's.

Mine worked but Frank got kicked out. So anyways Johnny and I are in there swillin' away when these bikers come in. They felt so bad for us that they bought us each a sloe-gin fiz...

Next thing we know we're waking up in a field behind the bar. My ass feels like somebody....oh well, you know it hurt.

We can't find Frank anywhere so we start hitchin' for the car. Some old rancher pulls over and we begged him to help pull mom's boat off the rock... the last thing I need is for them to know I lost that and my virginity in one day!

Fucking paddle boating sucks!!!


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

elkhaven said:


> Translation:
> Please come rafting with me! I need, I need.
> 
> This past weekend me and some of my homies decided "if those a-holes on the buzz can paddle raft we can too" so we stole my mom's old hyside and a sixer of my dad's hard ciders and headed to the payette. After we rigged on the ramp and tore that old geezer a new one for looking at us funny we shoved off.
> ...


Cool story, I archived it. Amazed you have high speed internet it that cow town in MT.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Sometimes it really is tough to beat some good ol' fashioned shit talkin.


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## stinginrivers (Oct 18, 2003)

I'm the best skier on the mountain....

Ooops sorry wrong forum back to your regular scheduled program


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

bucketboater said:


> Cool story, I archived it. Amazed you have high speed internet it that cow town in MT.


Archived it bro - nah you lived it. You'll be able to tell your blow up doll all about it.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

bucketboater said:


> Unless you enjoy yelling at your drunken buddies or clueless customers for hrs on end its the worst. I dont even bother with it on class 3 anymore.


You know, I was just thinking... maybe living up there in Washington... maybe you're just SUPER deficient in Vitamin D...
Maybe if you get on some supplements... or get some real sunshine... class 3 would bring a smile to your face once again, and drinking PBR with your classless friends would bring joy to your heart.


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