# Gnarrows race 2009???



## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

I am In Like Flint. I think it might just be me and you Patrick. Does anyone else boat in Fort Collins? Shit, your about to join the old and decrepit with kids list too. 1st step to becoming a narrows champ is getting a vasectomy.

I believe the FoCo crew has about 15 total days on the water between you all. Mostly split between some french guy and Marty, who going against conventionalism, has kids and is older than father time himself.

Enough writing, I am going to run the Big South. I will be sure to sprint the flatwater section just to train a little. Not that I need it.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

I know lots of boaters in the fort that paddle. We just dont talk about it online.


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*gnarrows*

I to know lots of boaters in the Fort.. since I live there.. and you dont talk about it online?? go back and look at the posts about the 2008 Gnarrows race..


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Patrick, you motherscratcher...goin up to narrows in a bit probably. Care to join us and "train"? I'll shout motivational cliche's at you.


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*boatin*

would love to but gotta be back by 1..
give me a call at 970-691-3322
thanks
patrick


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## chiefton (Aug 3, 2006)

I've been boating at least five times this year.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

This is all the shit talking that has taken place in my 10 hours of absence? This is what I am talking about, FoCo is lame. Sorry I couldn't ignite the fire I was too busy training to kick your asses up on the BS

P.S.
Patrick I don't know if I will join you tomorrow. I think I will work on my other boof stroke (not with your sister this time) and then go to a BBQ. If I took a lap or two on the Narrows tomorrow that would be like giving the test answers away before hand.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

First rule about boating in Fort Collins, is we don't talk about boating in Fort Collins. 

Second Rule about boating in Fort Collins, is we don't talk about boating in Fort Collins.

Ronto the kayaker is ready to kick some ass and bring the belt back to its rightful place! The FC crew will represent this year!!


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*really*

I really don't understand this "fight club" like 2009 gnarrows race mind set..
Last year there was like hundreds of shit talking posts about leifs mom kicking so and so's ass.. ect..
In the interest of the sport I will offer up my mom as the 2009 "whore" since Leif is probably not coming back for a race...There fore his mom should probably be left out(leif I was in no way calling your mom a whore, please don't rip my head off). I am not doing this because my mom is, but because the level of shit talking or even any talking at all is down right pathetic. 

Oh and Kevin I called my sister up and showed her your last post. She said you didnt even have a "boof stroke" and that it was the most uneventful 21 seconds of her life....
So skip the BBQ and come out with me and I will show you the way down the Narrows since you have probably forgotten since all you have been doing this summer is riding your bike!!
Kyle.. your pants are going to be falling down soon, because the buckle will be coming back to a Fort Collins home..

Patrick


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Nobody said you cant talk about the race. Its everyday boating we dont talk about. Got it!?! I'm guessin the lack of quality shit talking is b/c Lotsawater isn't here this year, as we all know...he's down in South America getting his Doctorate in Shit-talk, in Spanish no less. Soon as he learns how to conjugate those verbs i'm guessin we should all run for cover cause the shrapnel's gonna be thick. Su madre es todas putas y usted remar como verdín del norte, ja ja ja..or somethin like that.

Another reason; It's 2009. Competition is frowned upon. I've been training to give hugs and knuckle-bumps.


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## JJH (Oct 14, 2003)

ahh, its that time of year; when the JV gets to taunt the Varsity with their tales of training, DOR, and how well prepared they are for this years race. Hoping to make the finals for once with a chance for the buckle. blah blah blah... The same old names with the same lame game. Its like wacthing the same episode of Dora the Explora over and over again.


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## bolsito (Aug 26, 2007)

JJH said:


> ahh, its that time of year; when the JV gets to taunt the Varsity with their tales of training, DOR, and how well prepared they are for this years race. Hoping to make the finals for once with a chance for the buckle. blah blah blah... The same old names with the same lame game. Its like wacthing the same episode of Dora the Explora over and over again.


Fuck the race, I'm in training for the afterparty at the Mish. Anyone want to meet up this afternoon, get drunk and fight some methheads?


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

I will tell you all why the shit talking is at an all time low:

1. Lotsabullshit ran away, not being able to hack the FC gnarrows stress.
2. Yourreallygoingtobaddlewithnalegenesonyourhands is too busy fighting weekenders on I-70 hitching rides to and from river to river to spend any time on the buzz.
3. JJH is so enthralled with dora the explorer and barney he has not gotten off the couch in 3 months.
4. Evan “oh I wrote a book” is watching barney with JJH and has joined the old man club, where is that guy?
5. Lief's mom bitch slapped Lief for letting everyone use her to their hearts content, so he scurried away as well.
6. The only thing I have heard or seen from Cutch this year was a great defense against my alleged swim, which was ruled buy the people of the buzz to not be a swim!
7. Frenchy’s techno keeps him in a docile pacifist state and he cannot think of anything bad to say.
8. Does Marty know how to use a computer? Or is he too old?
9. Boof is still in shock that his sister would play with Kevin after school.
10. Adrock is too busy looking for paddles in the river.
11. And for the rest of the people I didn’t specify, your stuck floating bridges at 2.3 feet and forgot where narrows was, it’s just past the turn off for Steven’s Gulch, but before the narrows campground, good luck finding it next weekend.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Kent I agree with you. I wouldn't talk about everyday boating either if I was you. Who wants to hear about running three laps on filter plant at 2.5 feet? I don't even know if that qualifies as boating.

JJ why don't you see if Dora can go exploring and find you nutsack so you can come out and boat

PtotheK just because a bad ass kayaker lives at you house doesn't mean you then become a good kayaker. Quit trying to live vicariously through other boaters. I was really sick of you riding my coattails


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

I fart in your general direction.


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## GAtoCSU (Apr 18, 2005)

I've got my money on Evan this year..


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## CGM (Jun 18, 2004)

Maybe Evan will finish the race this year?:twisted:

My bet is on a Denver sweep of the finals bracket....bring it!


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## xkayaker13 (Sep 30, 2006)

I just ran the "gnarrows" today at 2.5 feet and it was the considerably lower than any other time I have run it. 

I think you fort collins boy's need to adjust your definition of gnar, because the poudre narrows is not very gnarly at this flow. Maybe once it is over 4 feet you can call it the "gnarrows", or maybe you pussies just run filterplant at that level.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

be some funny shit if the buckle goes to a different state. say wyoming.

good boating with you christian, tom, evan, natalie. what a weekend.


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## Phillips (Feb 19, 2004)

It's not "In Like Flint" you knucklehead. . . It's "In like Flynn", as in Erol Flynn. Visit Wikipedia.org at somepoint and look it up.



yourrealdad said:


> I am In Like Flint. I think it might just be me and you Patrick. Does anyone else boat in Fort Collins? Shit, your about to join the old and decrepit with kids list too. 1st step to becoming a narrows champ is getting a vasectomy.
> 
> I believe the FoCo crew has about 15 total days on the water between you all. Mostly split between some french guy and Marty, who going against conventionalism, has kids and is older than father time himself.
> 
> Enough writing, I am going to run the Big South. I will be sure to sprint the flatwater section just to train a little. Not that I need it.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Phillips said:


> It's not "In Like Flint" you knucklehead. . . It's "In like Flynn", as in Erol Flynn. Visit Wikipedia.org at somepoint and look it up.


First of all I was quoting Austin powers you knucklehead. In like flint that's my favorite movie. Second it is Errol Flynn look it up in wikipedia or something. Third the phrase in like Flynn which you are referring to refers to mr Flynn's way with the ladies including when he was charged with statutory rape. Now if you get rid of the rape part we could probably modernize this quote and say " in like Jacobi" it would be the same thing. 

Anyways what you won't need to look up is who won the 2009 gnarrows race. It will be I cause I am in like Jacobi


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## Phillips (Feb 19, 2004)

Nice recovery bro 



yourrealdad said:


> First of all I was quoting Austin powers you knucklehead. In like flint that's my favorite movie. Second it is Errol Flynn look it up in wikipedia or something. Third the phrase in like Flynn which you are referring to refers to mr Flynn's way with the ladies including when he was charged with statutory rape. Now if you get rid of the rape part we could probably modernize this quote and say " in like Jacobi" it would be the same thing.
> 
> Anyways what you won't need to look up is who won the 2009 gnarrows race. It will be I cause I am in like Jacobi


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## Buckrodgers (Feb 28, 2007)

FLOWTORCH said:


> I've been training to give hugs and knuckle-bumps.


And tiny little one handed hugs...


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## nemi west (Jun 22, 2006)

F that Gnarrows race shit. Every time I go up to the Fort all I see is a swim Fest..... its like a Mike Phelps training camp up there. Besides all the swimming it is a central west virgina orgy.... dudes sisters getting pumped left and right. 

me and my crew are taking jet skiis from Loma to west water that day.... can't wait to rip up Blackrocks


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Nemi, does your sister want to come?


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## Force (Apr 27, 2004)

JJ well put, my balding friend. Looks like the ambiguously gay duo is back and maybe trying to recruit Patrick. I bet Cutch is shaking in his boots right now with the weak sauce you three bring, seriously. I was thinking about the race not too long ago but have been too busy huckin waterfalls and doing some skirt implosion testing the past few weeks to start anything up. 

Patrick - Nice try calling the race but only last years winner can do that in his absence a triumvirate of past finalist will likely decided and since neither one of you has advanced past the semi's you can't call shit. Your sister is hot though only surpassed by maybe Evan's sister. That is one nice piece of @#$. 

YournextSTDwaitingtohappen - For all the BS your spraying you better make it past the qualifying round. While you have been getting out this year your boof stroke still looks like it needs work from the video I've seen! 

P the K - You sure talk a lot of game but history has shown you can't really back anything up. Why don't you re-open the mountainshop, opps you tried. Why don't you try to sell real estate, oopps you tried that too. You're gonna need more than a beat up CFS and and ass full of shit talking to get yourself in the finals. Go ride a bike its the one thing you seem to be kind of good at.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

burn fest!


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## ToddG (Nov 29, 2003)

hi pals. 

as luck would have it, i'll be in FC this coming weekend. should you decide to have the race then, & if one of you deebagz can provide me with adequate equipment (burn or everest & a straight-shaft paddle with a full blade, please n thank you), i'd be more than happy to offer up a steamin' hot, sticky-sweet slice of humble pie for your efforts. 

and my lovely parents will even be there to watch with pride -- & a bit of compassion for the rest of the field -- as their beloved sea-level-dwelling son personally bestows each & every one of you gents your respective meals of humiliation. 

Leif, wouldn't you agree? that buckle surely will look nice as it reflects the muted greens & earth-tones of the pacific norfwest for the next year. 

tink aboot it .. let's eat!


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Paul, you have an everest don't you? God I would love a slice of humble pie it sounds delicious, one of those things in life I have yet to experience.

Skirt implosian huh? I just got done doing a round of that. A little afternoon delight and not a better way to spend it, unless it was having cutch putting the buckle in my hand. Force, I know you miss the Mank you profile says so. I think falling off waterfalls is cool and obviously something ain't right if a 8 footer is poppin your skirt so come back to run some skill testing co water.
I think I am immune to any STDs after getting a handjob in the back seat of your moms pinto. It was like the worlds greatest flu shot allthough I thought stretch armstrong was going to fall off.

Evan has a sister?

Unforunately the shit talking is still weak with the best stuff coming from out of state. Where the f is the competition?


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Alright you snaggletoothed wannabes, why no shit talk yet? Well, it's like Leif said, nice try on calling the race while Cutch is doing a family float on Ruby/Horsetheif. Although this does highlight the incredibly small chance of a repeat for Switchback since he's been looking like an old man with a sunhat, and a hairy back, rowing the the flats more than creeking this summer.

And... Jacobi, Ronto and hot pants are four words I don't want to hear in the same sentence this year.

Where have I been. You fools don't get up early enough to paddle with me. I don't get out as often as I used to, sure, but while you little mank whores are out breaking your boats on back crunchingly low runs of obscure class V just to post on your fake little bike shuttle blog, I'm out running high water laps on Big South and working on covert ops of classic uncovered gems (see below) just so one day you can get the balls to run'em when the beta's all there. 

As for the old men, I ain't one of 'em yet. I told JJ not to call me if he didn't run Double Trouble last weekend... and he still callled! Mainly to bitch about how Frenchy rushed him and how Marty wouldn't sack up to run it first! 

We all know Marty's the shit but he's definitely forgotten his rugby days. Maybe he would show up for some competition if we held a polo game, instead of the race, in the pool above the dam on the Filter Plant. Boatercross, that shit's way to rough for Marty. Come to think of it, his absence throughout the entire history of the race is making me question if he is really a Kiwi, or if he just faked the acscent to pick-up Michelle and now he's stuck with it.

Leif, you might be gone but your mom's still hanging around. I think I saw her in a convertable rabbit with Patrick's sister and Jacobi the other day. You've seen those MILF teaches teen episodes right? Kind of suprising that Patrick's sister passes for a teen, but you know, suspended disbelief. And yeah, my sister's hot... but you know she only likes black men. 

Now who wants some.

Where I've been.


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## [email protected] (Apr 26, 2006)

I don't care when we have the race as long as Keck can be there, that way no one will have to worry about getting last.

I think we can rule out Christ-Ian winning cause i'll give him some of his redman sauce the night before.

Evan might have a leg up on the competition with his bald head but I'm not sure if it can make up for his arthritis.

Yourealdad and his seventh grade GF should be putting one on the ground soon so he might miss out.

I might actually have to get my back waxed for this one just to make sure I get the belt.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

The Hot Pants are my secret weapon, and just because Jacobi and I high five 3 times over head doesn't mean we do everything together. We do plan on taking one and two though...

Evan, you only get up early to do laps on bridges, or surf the hole, pineview and anything above has lost it's appeal to you I guess.

JJH, don't complain about boating with Frenchy and how he rushed you, you went boating with Frenchy, you knew that was going to happen. I ran the BS with him a few weeks back and we werent even allowed a break for lunch. I got him back though by making him drive the shuttle while my key was down in my boat at the takeout.

Again, does Marty have a computer? Or is that too new of an innovation for him.

Lief, anyone can run mako falls, on a shamoo, so your plop and drop boating in the Pac NW doesnt impress me. Try doing those drops tandem on an inflatable couch with beers in hand and I may be interested. Oh ya Kev and I highfived 3 times over you mom's head last weekend, totally sucked.

Patrick, I dont have anything bad to say about you, but seeing your sister stumble out of my house multiple times into the bright morning sun for a nice long walk home always made my heart tingle knowing Kev was doing business.

ToddG, I may have a beat ass CFS you can ride, sorry the Everest is reserved that day, cannot let actual talent compete against me in my own gear.

For the rest of you, bring your blinders, mine and Kev's upper thighs havnt seen the sun in almost 30 years!!


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## xkayaker13 (Sep 30, 2006)

Evan, I bet the middle kings was better. Besides, getting your walker down to the put-in might be challenging. 

Tom, you can't make fun of Kevin. Wasn't your girlfriend a freshman highschool last year? Plus, instead of running the middle kings with me when you were at the take out, you drove back to colorado so you could fly to pennsylvania, so you could drive back to colorado with your girlfriend. Who's the boy toy now bitch! WHIPPED!!!!

Kevin, anyone who walks double trouble is way to big of a pussy to be my real dad. 

That buckle is coming back to my peoples! RED POWER!


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## gnat (Apr 17, 2008)

I would be in if it is on the 2nd. I'd probably kick most of your asses, so on second thought maybe you should have it later so that I can't make it. 

I don't post much, so in case you don't know this is Natalie speaking.


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## doublet (May 21, 2004)

Cutch! Pick a date already! That run is already 'low side of good'. If it gets any lower some mank enthusiast like Keck or Tom will win since the rest of us won't be interested in subjecting our boats to that level of abuse.

Since some of us are still getting it done on the weekends maybe the race should be on a weeknight (don't make it too late...I hear the Foco geriatrics have an early curfew on weeknights.) 

Anyone who thinks the race should be held on a prime Crystal Gorge weekend looks like a weak biatch who is afraid of racing against people who actually run the shit.

It's hard for me to comprehend how any Fort Collins boater has the balls to talk shit in this thread after a Denver boater who had never run the Narrows kicked all your asses last year. On your home run! The shame!

Not that I think the aforementioned Denver boater stands a chance at the buckle this year...unless there is a rafting category.

Kevin, it's a kayak race, not a bike race. Sorry you've been training for the wrong thing.

ToddG - do you even kayak anymore? I'd let you borrow my boat but I'm a little concerned that you've forgotten how to roll. It would be kinda sad for your mom to see you lose to a bunch of Front Rangers after all the shit you spray about the PNW.

It looks like between Tina and Natalie we can have a ladies division. That's good news because I'm guessing they'll both beat me.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

im going to beat all your ass's in my Walmart raft. sissies. tom and christian your boof better be solid cause im giong to knock you both out in whiteline, steal your boats and S.U.P. both of your cracked ass jefes to finish line, like a pair of gay ass roller skates. 

ohh can't wait to take the buckle back to a real state where you should actually wear a buckle to hold your britchs up, not to look like a bunch of flamming metro sexuals at a panic at the disco rave at the Mish.

evan bring that remix again ill set the log up for that epic swim.

jj, marty, frechman i don't even have to worry about you guys ill leave the raft for you guys to swim to after i steal tom and christians boat.

anybody wearing hot pants, kick your self in the ass and wait at the filter plant for us, we will meet you there just keep waiting.

nobody really has to worry about the pnw crew they don't paddle mank anylonger and todd nobody around fort collins boats so i doubt you will beable to find a boat let alone a paddle.

as for the girls. ill give a head start and jabs and haymakers are allowed.

keck or cutch you even boat anymore?

thanks for the whore patrick. deffentelly needed one just make sure you take her to the vet before heading up the canyon with our winnings we don't want some nasty imbreed disease!


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

caspermike said:


> im giong to knock you both out in whiteline, steal your boats and S.U.P. both of your cracked ass jefes to finish line, like a pair of gay ass roller skates.


Priceless.


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

I was not trying to call the race... However the term "shit or get of the pott" came to mind since I had not seen any posts about a 2009 Gnarrows race. 
Evan.. Nice job on photo shop.. you guys really look like you are running the shit..that must have taken some time to make it look that good...give me a call so we can get some narrows pre-victory laps in today..
Kyle- Turn your computer on and name a time and a place for the race...then maybe the shit talking could get bumped up a notch (aka. a come back by lotsa's)
Nemi-Who goes for a T-rescue in the middle of green bridge.. then carps his roll and swims in class 3????


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Talk about balls, Doublet you're too busy jerking off to Fred's POV Crystal Gorge video to come on an exclusive first descent much less sack up to race the Gnarrows on a week night. 

First rule of Gnarrows thread shit talk - YOU HAVE TO RACE TO TALK SHIT! 

All these comments coming outta Boulder are getting outta hand. Put down your Natty Light and get off the Fraternity computer for long enough to realize that we drink real beer up here, our parents don't pay for it, and you've never even had the balls to show up to the race before... so why should we believe your coming this year.

And Christian.... 2.5? Please! Learn to read the gauge before talking shit about our backyard run and trying to inflate your pint sized ego. 2.2 on Sunday and if the Gnarrows aren't gnarly enough for you, why don't you run Boulder Creek instead? The nasties coming off the half naked tubing hippies making Wigston rich should be gnarly enough.


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## xkayaker13 (Sep 30, 2006)

1) The natural light pilsner that I am enjoying right now is delicious.
2) I paid for my natural light pilsner with the full time job that I work.
3) I'll talk as much shit as I want, until this race is held at a respectable level (around 4 feet)
4) The crystal gorge scares me.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

xkayaker13 said:


> 1) The natural light pilsner that I am enjoying right now is delicious.
> 2) I paid for my natural light pilsner with the full time job that I work.
> 3) I'll talk as much shit as I want, until this race is held at a respectable level (around 4 feet)
> 4) The crystal gorge scares me.


1) Cat urine is better than natty light
2) Flogging the dolphin is not a full time job
3) Your shit is weak so talk all you want, I will kick your ass from 1-5ft
4) The crystal gorge scares me too, hopefully your boyfriend Tom will keep me safe tomorrow.


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## funkins (Jun 24, 2005)

This shit is getting good. Nice retort Kevin, Nattylight is worse than cat piss. But is catpiss really that bad if you live in Aaassspen?

I'm not good enough to race so I'll be there with a throwbag in one hand and my 12 pound brass balls in the other, wishing I could race. 

The only real question (other than when the damn race will happen) is where the after party will be. I vote for a BYOB/BYOM/BYOwhatever at the big pullout above Lower Gnarrows. We can grill out, get trashed, and then roll into the Mishagarbagecan and start a fight with the methtards.


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

*Race is on.*

Saturday, August 1st. Noon. 

Super excited to get up there and run that stretch of whitewater for the second time. It's true that my only time up on the Poudre was spent rowing Steven's to BTO for two days at 3.7' while preparing for a family Middle Fork Salmon trip. Ruby Horsethief was a relaxed float with some nice cliff jumps and swimming exercise. And besides the fact that I havn't kayaked a single piece of whitewater in all of July, I'm pretty sure that I can still smoke half of you shit talkers. 

The belt is an excellent fit, and the Denver ladies (Tina) loves it when I wear it with my birthday suit. 

As you can tell from all of the raftings shenaniguns, it's been a pretty relaxed summer. Besides a few high water descents of the Rio Emubudo, Upper T Box, Santa Cruz(arrogant sandbagger beta), Numbers, Gore, SSV (the spike, not the low flow race wknd), and a Lawson to Golden Clear Creek run at peak, I haven't really kayaked. Upper Provo in Utah was low flow, because it's UT. Needed boof practice. Basically I'm a little pissed at the lack of quantity in the quality of whitewater that I've been kayaking, and looking to take it out on some rookies that have been running the MF Kings and some other shit without me. Not too worried about the baby booming FOCO boys stealing the belt back. Predicting a Denver/Boulder battle to the end. 

Todd, I have a cracked L Burn you can borrow. Don't worry, I'll adjust the patch for you. 

Party afterwords with details in a following post. See you all there. Bring your elbow pads.


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## Toni (Sep 18, 2006)

Kyle, I think you're ready...I know I saw some pretty bad ass boating last weekend!


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

kyle you should get that belt ingraved with my name so when you hand it over none of the see kayakers are suprised!

engrave 
casperfucking mike. thanks brother. i also wear a size 34 belt and id like a pair of matching suspenders to hold up my britchs my balls are hanging to my knees! might actually need a ball bra with the set up thanks! 

funkins. tie one end around your "brass balls" that way when evan swims again and needs a hand you can throw the rope. he can help remove your balls itll be cheaper than the trip to thialand!

augustus firstus at noonus perfect timing!


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Alright let the excuses fly on why you cant make it:

JJ: Noon is when the sun is directly overhead and can't risk getting a sun burn on the top of his head. Also it is illegal for he to be out due to possible blinding of others.

Marty: Doesn't wake up until two

Tyson: 12 noon is when he heads to his yoga class because it is when the Sun, Earth, Moon, and his vagina are perfectly aligned.

Evan: Doesn't roll on Shabbos

Patty: Has to wear a pregnant outfit so he can emphasize with his wife on what she is going through. Welcome to having a flesh anchor.

Casper the ghost (even if you show up it will be like your not even there): Saturday is his day off from the ranch in his "real" state, and he spends his time getting "real" with Gloria and Sheryl, his pet sheep.

Christian: Never knew you could hurt your shoulder spankin it. You will have to show me that technique.

Denver crew: Has to shop all day at Metroboom, the "metro" store across from the old Confluence Kayaks. Then hit up Lodo to do jagerbombs, jagerbombs, jagerbombs.

Rest of the Boulder/Golden crew: Can't come because they won't make it back to their skeevy stoner pads by 4:20. And have already made plans t whip up a fresh? batch of patchouli.

The buckle is riper for the taking than you know whose mom's Va JJ and I will be the one to pluck both.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

ill bring the sheep for you after the race that way when i take your mom as my prize you don't feel left out. just watch out for little mike in 9 months he will pop and be ready to boat better beable to keep up! you even make semi's last year?


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## Marty (Oct 14, 2003)

_* les enfants*_

SYOTR

Bring protection

You're going to need it

Marty


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

What is wrong with Jager bombs? Real men booty beer jager bombs.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Cutch said:


> What is wrong with Jager bombs? Real men booty beer jager bombs.


Here's what's wrong with Jager Bombs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

Camera is primed. Last years excitement: Picasa Web Albums - Jeff - Gnarrows Race...


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

Unlike 1/3 of the field, I at least still have hair to cut. Don't look at me the wrong way.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Evan, how did you grow hair back to make that sweet video? You look good downing that jagerbomb.

I agree with yourreallyfuckingthatgirl in that high noon is going to weed out a bunch of the meek. I have yard work, or brunch with my fam, like excuses. 

I am all business and will be showing up to do business, that belt is mine.

Hey I see Marty went to the library and learned how to use a computer, too bad he just spewed jibberish.

Hey boulder crew, bring some natty ice for us to drink, I am sure you mom's won't care if you take another case from the liquor cabinet.

All FC final is my call!!


After party, jagerbombs all around.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Evan, thanks for knowing about jagerbombs. Cutch, if that is what a real man is, I think you need to move to the Jersey Shore.

Does winner call where the after party is, cause if so, I say jagerbombs at steakout/trailhead?


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## ToddG (Nov 29, 2003)

blahblahblahblahblah

YouTube - Your Opinion Man

seeya saturday bitches


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## Force (Apr 27, 2004)

If either yourealrashinthenetherregions or PusedtokayakbutnowjusttalksshitK wins the buckle I'll wear a lip slug for a month. You boys, care to back your talk up with some lip fur?

PS - The mustache must be fully documented through online blogging and pictures right here on the buzz. Specific mustache challenges will also be required as decided from a panel of our peers.


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## rideon (May 2, 2005)

*C team represent!*

Marty, what kind of protection do we need to bring? does this have to do with UV protection for the bald cracks? Prophylactic protection in case someone starts to get frisky with Casper's sheep? Protection from JJ's gear when it goes flying every which way at the bottome of Whiteline? (I hear he is already working on this maneuver). 

As a card carrying member of the Fort Collins "C" team I will tell you what you need to be afraid of...us chumps who have been making the Varsity look so good all year long. No more making the high end paddlers look fancy as they flash peace signs mid boof in Slideways. No more hanging on the coat tails of you badasses who run rapids "up right". Thats lame. Evan, I know you saw my lines last night in lowers and you are shaking in your Grande. Don't be jealous of my lines, or the fact that I already beat you in the first annual Lower Gnarrows Foot Race.

My best guess for you outta towners will be that you roll up on the scene at noon and see 15 FTCO boaters that you know you can't beat, and just keep on driving, deciding amongst yourselves that Lower Rustic is "just as good at these levels". 

Casper: I think you also need to bring some cut off jean shorts and a head band for your gay roller disco act.

Scott
Assistant Secretary, FTCO "C" Team


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Force said:


> If either yourealrashinthenetherregions or PusedtokayakbutnowjusttalksshitK wins the buckle I'll wear a lip slug for a month. You boys, care to back your talk up with some lip fur?
> 
> PS - The mustache must be fully documented through online blogging and pictures right here on the buzz. Specific mustache challenges will also be required as decided from a panel of our peers.


I am already working on one cause yer mom requested it. She loves them rides.

I think that is a great idea. Since there is no entry fee, this year the entry fee should be all the losers have to grow a clit tickler.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

head band and gay ass cut off check but ill let you sprt them for since i know you aint going to race!

and don't be worried about getting a disease from my sheep it can't be worse than what leifs mom gave all of you!


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## Force (Apr 27, 2004)

Are you accepting the bet kemosabe?


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

After party will be a Crawfish Boil @ 1616 Crestmore Pl. 80521

300 lbs. of crawfish is getting shipped in from the south!

Odell and New Belgium Beer will be on tap!

$10 for all the beer and crawfish you can eat!

Winner eats free!


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

L diggity dogg of course I accept the bet. What about all you pussies and the entrance fee? If any of you could pull girls they would appreciate the ride and for those of your already one foot deep in hell, your wives would appreciate you livening up the bedroom with some wild mustache rides.

Evan is the afterparty at your place? Where is crestmore?

Can we trade out the beer for jagerbombs? jagerbombs on tap = heaven


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Lotsa's old house.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

perfect you give me an actual reason to win now!


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## lotsawater (Nov 18, 2003)

Let me start by saying thank you to the incredible doctor of Lief's mom, a couple of stiches in that "lower region" really tightened her back up. She's like a prom date again. Lief you should be at the race to choke on a hot dog right at the finish line and be geniunly pissed that your 4 months of training didn't work. Further, it is one thing to talk some shit, but you got pretty pointed there in some of your comments. Your mohter is so proud that you moved to Seattle and finally grew a pair of baby nuts. Who was that hot blond you were making out with in the Trail Head when you came back to visit the Fort? How's Nicole?

As far as iprematurelynuttedonpatrickssister, I remeber when you were jacking off to pictures of jj's boof stroke, before he was completely bald and had 17 children. I think you're only making up this patricks sister bullshit to overshadow your real concern of patricks new kid callin you daddy.

Paul the student: your hot pants are not a "secret" weapon anymore, we've seen that and it's not awsome. And everbody knows you won't win.....ever.

Whatever happens just do not let Tod Win. I will throw in a free vacation to ecuador to anybody who tags that chode in the head with a rock. maybe gary could show up and help with that.

Have fun and be safe. 

who I don't want to win in order;

Todd
Cutch
casper mike
keck
leif's mom
yourrealdadputsitinyourbutt

other than that the buckle belongs in the fort

ps. don't trash my house at the after party fuckers.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Finally some noise from the peanut gallery. I didnt know the internet took so long to send messages to Ecuador. I am just glad I got a mention in there, but didnt make the final list of non-winners. I will bring it back to the fort, and it's Paul the God to you lotsasdtsinsouthamerica. 

Hot pants are old news, nude is the new black! 

You guys bore me, see you at the finish line.


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*sunday sunday sunday*

What part of "it should be sunday august 2nd" did you guys not understand.. I have to get people drunk at the stanley bar in estes on saturday... 

Youreallyfuckedmysisterbutshesaiditwaslame :dont worry I am doing everthing I can to get out of the shift at the bar and think there is a really good chance that I will be there to kick your educated ass..

Evan: Nice jobs on the southern home cookin.. you now deserve to win..Just dont swim this year

Lotsaherpies: If I do have to work, I am going to come to the after party and drink enough to puke in each of your rooms..

Forigners(AKA. Wyoming/ PacNaw): should have their own class so as not to effect the purity of the Gnarrows race..

Everyone else: Thanks for upping the level of shit talking.. I was getting worried about the soul of our sport..
Patrick


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Lostacrabsfromfuckingecaudorianwhores,
You caught me that one time and the only reason I was using JJ is cause he had a monk ring going on and I was using that as target practice. Lief's mom gets really cranky if the money shot doesn't go up both nostrils. You know how hard that is from 18" away?


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

i bet, 1/8' probably is probably to small to get anything to come out! couldn't imagine what you have to go through wantingarealydaddy!

you probably feel like shit being unable to please a whore like patrick or leifs mom.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

lets see 1/8' equals 1.5" that is 1.5 inches of pure pain. I do feel like shit why did you have to go in there and stretch those lips out with your humongous 2" ramrod, oh the humanity!!

Besides Patrick's mother is a good woman leave her out of this



caspermike said:


> i bet, 1/8' probably is probably to small to get anything to come out! couldn't imagine what you have to go through wantingarealydaddy!
> 
> you probably feel like shit being unable to please a whore like patrick or leifs mom.


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## gnat (Apr 17, 2008)

Did the tiny bit of drizzle keep you native Coloradans at home curled up in a fetal position today just like a PUSSYcat? Went up to the narrows at the afternoon rush expecting to find anyone but alas, it was only me myself and I getting ready to kick some major man ass. To top it all off I got to run (literally) shuttle. 

-natalie


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## Toni (Sep 18, 2006)

gnat said:


> Did the tiny bit of drizzle keep you native Coloradans at home curled up in a fetal position today just like a PUSSYcat? Went up to the narrows at the afternoon rush expecting to find anyone but alas, it was only me myself and I getting ready to kick some major man ass. To top it all off I got to run (literally) shuttle.
> 
> -natalie


That put a smile on my face...my money's on you!


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## freexbiker (Jul 18, 2005)

Damn.... Natalie throwin it down...


Your all screwed now...


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## rideon (May 2, 2005)

*Ninja Status...*

I have been up there lapping the whole deal...midnight - 2 am...blindfolded. Just to make sure I am one with the water. Ninja status, seriously Mr. Miyagi already walked me through the whole thing...Shaolin style. Run it in the afternoon if you prefer, but it won't do you much good when you are upside down getting turned into a roller disco toy by some cowboy who is rockin out to ABBA on his brand new, cassette tape, Walkman Sport, WITH a graphic equalizer no less. All the while I am out repping the "C" team down river somewhere ahead of the junk show...

boof on, paddle off...

Casper if you need directions to the show, head south, turn right at civilization.

Drew, I seriously think you need to reconsider, ain't no shame in repping with me.


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## funkins (Jun 24, 2005)

Scott. If you show up as captain of the C team, I will be your first mate. I certainly won't win anything, except the Whiteline Rodeo.

We've got a whole tribe of "c" team paddlers just waiting to sabotage you out of staters/out of towners. The JVers know all the sneak lines, we just don't have the skills to make them. But we do have the skills to get in your way, and I'd be willing to swim for the 19th time this season if it means the buckle goes back to FoCo.


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## rideon (May 2, 2005)

That's what I like to hear! Now we are talkin.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Sorry Natalie but the first rule of the Gnarrows Race is you can't train for it. So actually you're disqualified or maybe I'm just scared you'll be in my heat...


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## [email protected] (Apr 26, 2006)

Me and Keck might have to show up after a little WY mission, if we do make it you guys might have to etch some mank crew member name in there. I believe there are now two members of the mank crew, we would accept Christ-Ian but he doesn't break enough boats, and I only understand two words that kid says, tatanka and how. 
PS, will there be a spot halfway through the race for people to empty their broken boats? 
When I win I promise that the after party will be switch into some sort of rave to give kevin the oportunity to rufi somone and for the grand canyon disco ape to make an appearance.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

I have four broken Jefes right now, that doesn't qualify me? I do make a mean roofiecolada. The secret is in the horse tranquilizer. Like you said Tom, if you and Keck make it it just means the lowest I can finish is third to last.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Ya training is lame, I wanted to go up there, but why not make Saturday my first narrows run in over a year. I know the lines, I am winning the buckle, training laps are for suckas.

Since you are a girl I guess it's ok, but like evan I hope you are in the other heat.


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## doublet (May 21, 2004)

My excuse for missing the race is even lamer than the one Kevin made up for me. Dammit. 

Hopefully there will be some actual competition...sounds like a lot of strong Front Rangers are getting it done on Bull Lake, Little Wind, Crystal Gorge, CF Box this weekend. (<== Had to throw that in so whoever wins doesn't get too full of herself.)


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Alas, I must agree with Tyson. This year's race will be lame. All the FoCo boys will be taking sneak lines because they won't want their babies and hooter wives watching them rodeo together in Whiteline. Even more tragically, the only true FoCo competition moved to WA so he could sit out kayaking season in the rain. All of the Rangers will be running real shit with the exception of Christian and Cutch. This is truly tragic because there can't be a sweep of the final bracket as expected by everyone - only half will be from the Range. I expect to hear all kinds of stories about the super smooth sneak lines had by the FoCo JV winner. 

However, maybe Tom and the duckie will show up to round out a Mank Crew finals heat. But only if the shit is too low elsewhere. Lotsa, after the Mank Crew wins the belt, I promise to bring it down to Ecuador for you to ogle over. Get your polish ready and maybe if Majia makes me a drink, I'll let you burnish her up.

Joe


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## JJH (Oct 14, 2003)

So, Kyle and Evan the butt-buddies they are, decided once they knew my schedule, to plan the race when they knew I couldn't do it. Good strategy guys, Kyle knows my quickness off the line in lowers is unmatched and that he got a lucky break last year.

In all honesty people, last year was so fun, with all the new people who showed up. I hope this year is even better. I wish I could be there.

There is nothing more enjoyable than smashing Kevin and Paul's egos. So big yet so easy to deflate as they watch the finals from the sidelines, year after year.

Todd, my gear is your gear buddy. Grande and a bent shaft. 

Funkins and Rideon, you guys better race. You are both in better shape than most. And whiteline is a toss up anyway. Hell, I swam out of there for the first time in a decade two days ago..

FOCO will represent. And the after party better be crazy at its new venue.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

got my shit tossed in whiteline on sunday for a bit. was luckier than you jj. ill kick them in the balls for you if they don't race.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Keck - Seriously? First off "the only true FoCo competition moved to WA????"

That Scandinavian traitor has never actually won the race. Yet I believe he holds the all time record for rolls in the finals. 

Two - you may not have swam last year but you definitely finished as dead last as you can without being DQ'ed. You weren't even trying to race. You were so scared you were just trying to make the lines. This is a fact. 

Three - talking up the "Rangers." This shit is laughable man. The rangers couldn't field a minor league softball team much less an all rangers finals. 

Four - this shit, after the hour I spent on the phone giving you beta last night? Every ranger I called couldn't get their shit together to come on the First D, but now that everything is "low enough" and you've got the first hand beta you can roll out there.

All I have to say after this shit show of shit talk is...
Y'ALL BETTER BE AT THE RACE.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Man, now that the shit talking has begun people are weeding themselves out of the race. Lame excuses too:

Bull Lake-Hey let me hike for two days with a 90lb plastic back pack. I have a better idea, Race the Gnarrows. If you are in to s&m then I can help you out. I call the move the French Press and it will wake you up in the morning. I know that if I went in there I would be the only one not owing ice-cream after running Haagen-Daazen.

Little Wind: Sadly i do not know of this river/creek. It has the name "little" in it, as in it takes little balls or ovaries to run it. Did I mention I have never heard of it, therefor it sucks.

Crystal Gorge: Are you kidding me, I have been sitting up here waiting to run it all week, and people are going to hit it up on the weekend and use it as an excuse to miss getting their ass kicked by moi' I want to run that badly and the race comes first.

The Box: I will admit I really wanted to get in there this year after talking to Ethan about it, however if you come to the after party I guarantee that I can take you down town to the Bar-muda triangle and get you more box than you can shake your stick at. Some will probably be scarier than the Clarks Fork (see Lief's mom). 

Lame


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

if you got off your bike blog once in a while and to boofington heightw subdevision youd see the sicktardidness of wyoming. anyways ill pass up a little winds for now, its not going anywhere but that buckle sure is, thats around my sheep turd stained britchs. 

you guys suck at this trash talking i have to even start talking shit on myself to make it interesting! little winds in 2 weekends? or next friday?


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Leave your excuses behind and put the stank on the hang down boys! That's right dip it in there and twirl it around a little. That's how the future narrows champ does it! 

JJH, my ego is never deflated, even when I lose it's still big, this year it come with a win!


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

paul the only thing youre going to be winning is last place in line for leifs mom!

sorry leif, had to do it man. im sure youll waste my ass in the race with that lanky ass body of yours. but maybe if i botch my line in whiteline and am somehow in front i can mess you up and knock you in the hole and have you possibly swim out. sounds likea plan..


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

That's ok, as I said she was horrible, I'll stand last and video tape that so Leif has something to watch before he goes to sleep.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Just look how good yourlegslookreallygood and yours truly look in those hot pants!


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Mike you have obviously not tasted the sweetness that is Lief's mom. Last place is where you want to be, otherwise you had better bring out the Sam's club sized bottle of KY Hot and Spicy.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

ill take patricks mom you guys can take turns with leifs!

you pussies better get your laps in.


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## Awoody (Nov 15, 2006)

See all you no talent ass clowns this weekend.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Here is Leif's mom getting abused as usual.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Big wyo Wood coming through better lock down those younger sisters!


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Awoody said:


> See all you no talent ass clowns this weekend.



Austin, this is the best you can come up with? I am an ass clown. People are amazed that I can fit so much meat in your mom's ass, kinda like clowns in a car.


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## gnat (Apr 17, 2008)

Paul the Kayaker said:


> Just look how good yourlegslookreallygood and yours truly look in those hot pants!


I happen to like the short shorts, lets see more of em!


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## WW Lush (Dec 26, 2003)

Sooooo…I know I talked a lot of shit last year because my boyfriend is such a badass, and I was pretty much required to race this year…but I sadly am out. 
Tore my MCL 2 days ago and am hobbling around with a knee immobilizer… so won’t be able to get my butt kicked by Natailie. I should have been soloing the Narrows instead of playing freaking volleyball at the park! 
Oh, and…I will refrain from shit talking after Kyle kicks everyone’s butts again on Saturday. 
That belt has a home!
Tina


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## dvanhouten (Dec 29, 2003)

I vote for Patrick winning this year, since he started the thread on the race. GOOOOOOO PPPAAAAATRICCCCCKKKKK!


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## gnat (Apr 17, 2008)

RiverWrangler said:


> Sorry Natalie but the first rule of the Gnarrows Race is you can't train for it. So actually you're disqualified or maybe I'm just scared you'll be in my heat...



Disqualified, schmollified. I run by my own rules. 
Bummed I won't get to race with Tina and see her kick some Whoop ass as well.


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## doublet (May 21, 2004)

gnat said:


> Disqualified, schmollified. I run by my own rules.
> Bummed I won't get to race with Tina and see her kick some Whoop ass as well.


This is a thread for shit talking. You're doing it wrong.


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## Force (Apr 27, 2004)

Ummm. Evan you might want to follow the mank masters lead this year judging from last years performance. A picture is worth a thousand words so luckily I've included a few below. 

Casper - You just entered into the mustache bet whether you realized it or not. If you don't make it into the finals I'm going to want to see the handlebar for a good month.

Paul - 1. Be oringal 2. I think you confused with the whole Gnarrows race. This isn't a freestyle face splat contest. If it was you'd be a shoe in but alas its not. 3. Still waiting to hear from you regarding the mustache bet I guessing from you're silence you know you can't back up you shit talk. So whats it gonna be chump? Are you ready to wear a lip slug for a month?

ToddG - Show those CO biatches whats up and bring that buckle to the PacNW.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Leif - next time we meet you better keep a hand on your skirt at all times. You're going down. That is if your truck isn't on blocks.

Change your location already on your profile. We don't want you claiming "FOCO" anymore, the Poudre ain't your home run and as bad is it may hurt she's already forgotten about you. 

Oh and, I may have swam last year but... My name is on the buckle! I'm one of the winners and you are a, how do I put this nicely, CHOKER. And since you've got no way to back up your shit all you can do is root for Todd? That shit is laughable man.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

threatened by a handle bar? i wear one for all my the late night booty calls with your mom! and im wearing one for the race, more aero dynamic. so that when tod brings the slalom gear i havea chance. turning the race into giant slalom with have to make eddies and lines would be hella interesing.


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## bolsito (Aug 26, 2007)

Ted's at 2 today for those who have a little bit of spare time to go kayaking in between shit talking.


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## Awoody (Nov 15, 2006)

yourrealdad said:


> Austin, this is the best you can come up with? I am an ass clown. People are amazed that I can fit so much meat in your mom's ass, kinda like clowns in a car.


 

Just be sure to bring your woodscrews, cause I'm gonna blow your doors completely off.


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## sarahkonamojo (May 20, 2004)

*Gnat, Natalie, Naturally*

Hey, Natalie! Go girl! And kick some skinny ass.

While they are busy talkin' the shit and comparing notes on whoever's mom, you just stay focused and bring that buckle to the righteous side of the table.

All the Gnars Race means to me, is that it is now Gnarrows time for this OPP. I like the water without so much testosterone. Get this damn race over with and clear the course!

Sarah


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

sarah no talking shit unless you are racing. you can borrow my walmart raft since i know you are just pissed that nobody is letting you borrow a boat to swim out of like Evan. better idea why don't you and Evan team up in a duo. with the two of you together you might actually get close to equaling one of us(not including the foco pussies)


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## adrock (Apr 28, 2004)

I'll be lounging through the prelims as usual (too much flat water and not enough full contact for me to give a shit) then beating down the losers in lower once again. Quick stop at the Mish for some hippy hucking.* 
*IF I'm not in Winter Park all day.

Oh, P to the K, found my paddle and its got your name on it.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Im sure green bridge will give you enough trouble that we can afford lounge 2.


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## adrock (Apr 28, 2004)

at 2 feet? I doubt it. Running the meat 3 times in a row at 4 feet? maybe 
But you wouldn't know what the narrows look like at high water so hard for you to judge


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## adrock (Apr 28, 2004)

Gillman is getting sauced in the NB tasting room right now with his folks so I doubt he will be much of a threat.


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## WW Lush (Dec 26, 2003)

Anyone from Denver going? Could I get a ride back to Denver either Sat or ideally Sunday? Just me, no gear. Thanks! PM Cutch.


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## adrock (Apr 28, 2004)

Check it out, The weather Channel knows we are racing tomorrow...
See "Raceday Outlook" on Saturday.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Just to clarify. we are a bunch of friends kayaking together. not a race. *


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Adro - Nice Find! Raceday Outlook is looking great! Sunny skies and humble pie.

Casper is right. This is not an official race. There is no entry fee. There are no timers. There are no prizes. For bragging rights only. There is only you and the buckle. There will hopefully be safety. 

Tomorrow @ high noon racers meeting at the first pullout above Super Collider.

After party @ 1616 Crestmore Place in Fort Collins, 80521.

We'll see you there!


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Force, what are you even talking about, you are not even going to show your face, nuf said. This discussion is limited to those racing, so get in line like everyone else, you will have your turn with you mom soon enough.


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

I woke up today to do two things.. eat my wheaties.. and win the Gnarrows race..and I already ate my wheaties...
see you on the river..
Patrick


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## xkayaker13 (Sep 30, 2006)

Just so everyone knows, my waist is a size 30. Just in case any adjustments need to be made to the belt. I'll see you hacks up there!


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

xkayaker13 said:


> Just so everyone knows, my waist is a size 30. Just in case any adjustments need to be made to the belt. I'll see you hacks up there!


Congrats to Christian!

Photos will be up soon. Adrian's ass, casper's swim and all.


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## freexbiker (Jul 18, 2005)

Any body take any video??


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

*Photos from the race.*

I took about 400 some odd photos. These are the decent ones.

Picasa Web Albums - Jeff - Gnarrows Race...

If anyone wants any in full resolution let me know. Just send me your boat type and color and gear color.

Jeff


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## JJH (Oct 14, 2003)

details please...


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

1st--Christian
2nd--Marty
3rd--Cutch
4th--Natalie
5th--Myself

Props to Christian.

No props to myrealdad's ass


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

good stuff. wheres the booty beer pics?


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Great pics Jeffy.

Some details-

RealDad "claims" he was wearing a thong under his daisy dukes and golds gym workout shirt.

P the K wearing a classy blue leisure suit, turns out it doesnt breathe well and holds a lot of water.

ToddG got worked by the altitude.

Natalie is as good as people were afraid of

Christian and Austin going into whiteline, Austin almost boofed christians head. (see pic)

RealDad getting bumped into the mank pile in lowers and parking it up on a rock then comically throwing his hands up in surrender.(see pics)

Casper swimming in lowers, waving off the rope then goin back for his paddle.(pics)

The belt buckle doesnt fit a size 30 waist

Huge good ol southern after party

100's and 100's of crawfish

4 kegs

Grease bombs

Cops shut it down around midnight-noise complaint ticket

Realdad made me fall of my bike on the ride out.

Fun.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Yo, Scott Yoder. Went back and got my boat from the party this morning. Your rope somehow ended up in it. I gots it for ya.

Pete's house looked great this morning btw.


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

Did anyone pick up a throwbag at Whiteline? I'm missing mine. I was sitting on the outcrop... if you find it, it's a salamander.

Wish we could have made the boil. 

P.S. Natalie crushing Casper almost made me drop the camera in the water. Awesome. 

Who was the guy wearing the Wyoming jersey? I saw him at last years race, but didn't know who he was.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

I got pics and video I will get up as soon as I can. Camera battery died so got to charge it. Wyo paddler is Austin Woody. I just picked up a dynamic duo, shoshone is going to be so fun.


Final word: Jagerbombs


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Gnarrows 09 was the shit. Great pics Jeff. Great race Christian and everybody else. It's a real mans race and just stepping up to the plate deserves props. And not only did Natalie step up, she also stepped on Casper's head forcing him to swim and at the same time passed ToddG for a spot in the finals.

Even though I choked (ouch!) at least I finished the race this year and FOCO, no thanks to me, did represent, with 3 of the 5 paddlers in the finals being locals. As predicted bluebird skies and humble pies - what a day... and Lotsa definitely missed the best party that's ever happened at his house! I think the crawfish boil is officially the new tradition. 

Christian, the buckle should help you pull some serious granola pussy this year, but don't forget what Nick and I were discussing last night... every girl who unbuckles that thing is gonna read JJ, Kyle and my name when they take it off! We'll be there in spitit!


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## Marty (Oct 14, 2003)

Nice job Christian - well deserved, passing me twice and all...

Where were the rest of you?

Marty


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## rideon (May 2, 2005)

RiverWrangler said:


> It's a real mans race and just stepping up to the plate deserves props.


agreed. What a kick ass time. Stoked to be having that much fun on the Poudre in August. 

Christian, you are a savage. Congrats.

Marty, thanks for confirming what we already knew, you are pretty hardcore yourself.


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## WW Lush (Dec 26, 2003)

Very good time! Props to Christian- he dug in and finished it. Natalie kicked some butt and gave Kyle a run for his money for 3rd place! Great to meet a very solid chick that easily keeps up with the boys! 
Thanks to the FoCo crew for hosting a sweet after party (I am definitely feeling it today…). Best boater party I have been to in awhile!


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*Some good pics from the Gnarrows 2009*

Some great shots of my swim..
And how many boaters are in there??
Lastly thong boys pin..
Great times.. can't wait till next year.
Patrick


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

was waiting for the pic of kevin, awsome carnage!


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## gnat (Apr 17, 2008)

My mom took some great pics here are a few, but I uploaded more to an album in my profile


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## Awoody (Nov 15, 2006)

Great day of it, it was real fun boating and hanging out with you all. I'm pissed I had to split from the party early, thanks a ton to the hosts. Some great paddling to watch; Christian, Natalie, and Marty, damn. 
And the Mikes out there of the Casper and Boulder varieties, thanks for rallying for the next lap, good end to the day.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

which one of you lazy bastatrds has the sneeker beer photo?


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

Booty beer spillage.. in my defense.. these are my creeking booties and they need replaceing becasue of the amount of holes in the shoes..Great for the ocasional booty beer..


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

has to rank as one of the top weekends this year. minus getting run over by nat. leif you won the mustach bet but since you didn't show up better grow one 2.


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## adrock (Apr 28, 2004)

Jeff, that was Kevin Jacobi (your real dad) sporting the thong and thus the ass. I think you confused me in your post. I got some great pics of Casper Mikes swim, will post soon. Got limited vid too. Congrats to all that competed, great day up there. Until next year.


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

Damn Adrian. Sorry about that, didn't mean to associate you with lotsathong. No idea why I typed your name there. 

I went through so many pictures trying to put names to faces.


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## adrock (Apr 28, 2004)

ah no worries dude, much respect for lotsaThong, thanks for shooting, great shots in there. BTW did you shoot that pic of me from last year that I posted? I would love to track down a hi-res file of that if possible. 

Cheers, Adrian M Glasenapp


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## gnat (Apr 17, 2008)

hey everyone. I ended up with someones black SR elbow pad (only one) and a yellow throw bag that were left at lower narrows. I'll be on the Grand Canyon the next two weeks, but let me know if they are yours and I can try to get them back to you.

-Natalie


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

gnat said:


> hey everyone. I ended up with someones black SR elbow pad (only one) and a yellow throw bag that were left at lower narrows. I'll be on the Grand Canyon the next two weeks, but let me know if they are yours and I can try to get them back to you.
> 
> -Natalie


Was it a salamander bag? small?


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## jeffy (Sep 17, 2004)

Adrian,

Yup, those are mine. I'll post it somewhere you can find it tonight. I'll just find all the ones you were in last year and this year and send them your way. Send me a PM with a email address or something.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Jeffy, if gnat doesnt have your bag talk to funkins. He or his brother had it saturday. 

Scott I still have your ropebag. Not sure yet if i will be at narrows today to join you and patrick, depends when i get back.


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## fcstudio (Aug 5, 2009)

Greetings fellow posters, I just wanted to drop a post letting you know I have
815 hi-res photos on my site at http://web.me.com/fcstudio for your enjoyment.
Sorry for the general posting but I wasn't sure how to get a hold of the group to
get this info out. Thanks
Jim


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## funkins (Jun 24, 2005)

FLOWTORCH said:


> Jeffy, if gnat doesnt have your bag talk to funkins. He or his brother had it saturday.
> 
> Jeffy, rechecked my gear and didn't find your throw bag. I'll check with Tim (my brother) and see if he ended up with it...


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## crackeryaker (Oct 15, 2003)

Had a great time up there, it was nice to get to boat with you all! Thanks to everyone that showed up and organized, and big ups to the safety, it was nice to see you along the shore at whiteline!

The party sounded savory, wish I could have made it work. Tom, I had last place locked up pretty tight, but I still would have taken Joe.


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