# CO. Boaters at Gauley!



## erdvm1 (Oct 17, 2003)

You have officially been challenged to a Shot Gunnin Contest
(or syrup guzzilin) you choose........


----------



## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

*ES who?*

Who is ES anyway? 
Expert Swimmer, Early Swimmer, Eddy Swimmer, Eat Shitter, Eastern Spanker, Eventual Sinker?... Help me out here guys.

-d


----------



## thecraw (Oct 12, 2003)

First off, Booths reply is perfect. Matt is obviously stoked up for get hammered! I love it.

The day you need to take anything beyond a playboat down Upper Gauley is the day you need to start doing the Lower.

That being said, we are stoked for some deep water! I am so pumped up, I couldn't sleep last night. Head'n out tomorrow and will be at the Gauley/Potomac/Yough for about 2 1/2 weeks.


----------



## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

Erection Sucker? 

-d


----------



## T-Bomb (Jul 9, 2005)

ES, please be in good shape for my arrival. I don't like waiting for my gear deliveries.


----------



## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

Good point T, Oh, and once you gather all the gear, feel free to carry it up the hill to the car if you would.
-d


----------



## Edward-Oh (Jul 9, 2007)

*Not me*

I hope your not talking about me, as I am an expert kayaker. Just check out my extreme instructional video at grabyournuts.com. By the way I'll have my RV at Gauley and a mechanical bull on Saturday night at the venue grounds. Come by for some free swag and a chance to win $500 on the bull.

GRAB YOUR NUTS IT'S GO TIME!


----------



## deepstroke (Apr 3, 2005)

Now, that's how to self-promote. Take notice, Norquist.


----------



## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong! We're coming to wreck your entire state. When we leave the summersville dam will be in ruins, friendsville burnt to the ground and we'll get rid of George after wave wheeling the Great Falls on Monday afternoon. I bet you'll be dropping some sic loops and blunts as it hasn't rained on the ridiculous coast in a year. I'm sure hell hole has taught you boys a thing or two as it's the only game in town. We may only have three months of goods, but the Green doesn't even run anymore on your block. I would drop some lines about your ladies in return, but they're not even worth looking at much writing about, so we're bringin our own from CO. In regards to our ladies, you can drop your best lines. Unfortunately, our ladies run the shit, drop the beer bongs, and remain drop dead gorgeous. Thus, they're far out of your sheep huntin', Deliverance watching league. I'm only rocking back east because the Mank Crew has been getting it done so hard for months now and we need a warm sauna (the gauley) to relax our rock hard pecs. 

Joe


----------



## erdvm1 (Oct 17, 2003)

Come closer Edward.....I want to tell you a joke.
What did the five fingers say to the face???????
SSSSSSSLLLLLLAAAP!!
See you at the fest Byatches!!


----------



## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Sad, those East coast boys get onto the Buzz, start smack and then obviously can't hang. You better polish up, word on the street is that Gary E is coming in hot also. Lock up the women and children, here comes the West side.
Joe


----------



## huckit21 (Nov 4, 2003)

Listen, i'm not trying to be a dickor to sound all high and mighty. I didn't mean to offend anyone by calling them out and i certainly didnt mean to call anyone any bad names. It was poor judgment on my part...and I'M NOT F$#@ING SORRY. Keep talking smack Joe and we will see where it gets you. Im not messin around when i say that i will kick flip all over your ass, and once i figure out what even means, it will be too late for you to come back with a smart ass remark. And as for Gary, i didn't want to bring it up but there is a pretty stout paddler out here in these parts by the name of Jeb Hall who is gunnin for him and my money is on good ole Jeb. So come one come all, you high altitude bitches may beat me in a syrup drinking contest but when it comes to eating Kit-Kats and running the shit i have no problems keepin up. See u front strangers in a week.

ES


----------



## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

LOL, ES. Better lend Jeb a boat; Word is, he got stuffed, no more than 4hrs ago on the big east fork. Put him on the swim team!(glad he's ok) 

As for Jeb gunnin for me, lol; He's been gunnin for me ever since I took him to cheeseman (01)and he got arrested and worked over by the ********.(sorry I didn't stick around, I had to fire that shit) Imagine some guy named jeb getting thrown out of a ******* area, that ain't natural. 

Think he's had plenty of years to gun me down.

Please come and say hello ES, as this high altitude bitch wants to meet you, so you can buy the drinks.

As for kick flips? Joe will grab Jebs midget ass, and use him to pound you into wanting to learn how to huck it. Money on Jeb paddling, that's a safer bet than anything else Jeb would have to offer(well-he's good a shooting rats off the porch). We all know Jebs a stud in a kayak. Funny thing is, I've watched him swim; He's never seen me pull. And yes ES, we paddle the same drops. 

All you east coasters are great paddlers though, can't wait to see the boys.


----------



## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Ahh yea. Now I'm hearing that NOC is bringin the welcome wagon out for the CO boys. Rumor has it that they are literally bringing one ton of beer in an attempt to keep us sedated and prevent things from getting out of hand. Unfortunately, their gambit looks to backfire and I'm sure it'll produce a paradoxical reaction. My money's on Booth to defeat the mechanical bull. Two days to liftoff!
Joe


----------



## erdvm1 (Oct 17, 2003)

Vile things will be done to that Bull!!


----------



## Blumpkin (Oct 31, 2003)

You boys are lucky the Blumpkin King can't make it this year, unfortunately I'll be "stuck" in the pacific northwest running the little white and the green trusse, but I'll see you CO boys this summer. In the meantime, you kids play nice at Gauley Fest and watch those eddy lines in Lost Paddle...hahaha.

Blumpkin


----------



## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Here we go....update on tueday if I make it to work...
Joe


----------



## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Unreal weekend boys and girls. We caught the room of doom, beat Gary E twice in foosball (look him up on the World Championships of Foosball) and I even managed to carp several rolls and be T-rescued for the first time ever by a lady in with a pink helmet on. I wish she hadn't paddled onto my boat while I was trying to roll. Far and away the most embarasing experience on the river of all time. As Thomas said, if I had swam I might have taken less shit for it! What a party - makes gore look silly. I'll see y'all back on the Range after boofing W's backyard waterfall today.
Joe

P.S. Leland you can pay me my money when I come out for the Green this winter - I told you betting on Gary was a bad idea.


----------



## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

*swamp donkey*

Joe,
I think the Colorado boaters unanimously agreed that:
"4 missed rolls" + "1 T-rescue" = 1 swim.

What a party. I was retarted at my 7AM meeting this morning.
-d


----------



## Seadog (Jan 12, 2004)

What a great trip, we got our red-wings on. ES, you smack-talked the wrong swamp donkeys. Can't say I ever saw the mechanical bull though.

Let us raise a drink to the hero of Gauley, the Birdman, who woke the whole goddamn festival up at 3 am threatening murder and screaming about how the cops can't take his cocaine. For the Birdman, it's always "Go Time".


----------



## erdvm1 (Oct 17, 2003)

Did anyone video the bird man?? Please post!!
After his buddy soccer kicked him in the ribs and he said he would murder him in his sleep......I thought we had entered a new level for Gauley fest. Can't wait to see what happens next year.


----------



## jross (Jul 8, 2005)

Gar, you did't win! I thought you're ankle was broken, not your wrist. ha ha! Thanks for rallying me out there this weekend. You guys are the best hangover cure ever. Missed you Monday!


----------



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

JCKeck1...


> and I even managed to carp several rolls and be T-rescued for the first time ever by a lady in with a pink helmet on


Good work Joe!

1 pink boat retail- $1000, replacement boat after that one breaks-$1000, 1 hole in a drysuit-$600. 4 carped rolls+1 t-rescue+1 pink helmet- booty booty booty.

having the east coaters call you a pussy all winter long.....priceless

So did you buy ice cream to drown your sorrows and then give all the lonely east coat men thier massages like they asked?


----------



## erdvm1 (Oct 17, 2003)

I'm still waiting for my ice cream ........Joe  
and my sweater......Gary


----------



## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

First off, there is no kayaker on this planet that would ever beat me at foosball. You should know better Jen.

2nd, the pink helmet only interfered with Joe's fouth carp attempt. Folks this was a complete disgrace. Hell even Marty told folks Joe was from TexASS, and he swam all over the state. I just put my head down until it was all cleaned up. He did pay up the ice cream.

Jen Ross, sik rally. Hasn't paddled in two years, 10 pukes on the way to the put in, still drunk, perfect lines all day. Nice rally!

ES, is the man. Awesome hangin Eric, hopefully you'll get good at kayaking by next year.

Maria is sik. This girl should make all of us proud. The first 5 minutes I meet her and her gnarly finger, she pulls out a glass pogie she made to protect her destroyed digit. Had to love her instantly.

Joe K, what can you say. The guy is a great paddler with no roll. I mean how the hell do you even take a t rescue? He should have tried his ugly roll for 10 more minutes in that eddy. He is the ultimate road warrior, and a super fun guy to hang with though.

Booth is the prettiest guy out there after 3 days in a tent. Super cool guy; I'm knitting him a flower pattern pull over as we speak.

Livingston is a pimp! 40 bones= priceless. You bitches better have payed up.

Great weekend with some awesome folks. Thanks for hanging CO.

Gary


----------



## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

During a weekend where I didn't stop laughing for 100 straight hours, I must say that watching Jen open the door to her truck at 60mph on the highway before the Upper G putin and cover the entire side of it with puke was the funniest thing I've witnessed in a long time. That was on saturday morning before the party! Then she proceeded to stomp lines. Also, I would recommend against the mexican joint in summersville unless you're really loose and ready to laugh.

The sac up award of the weekend goes out to Leland who plugged the hole in Insignificant in a squirt boat - awesome. Honorable mentions go out to Gar who without a proper scout motivated the room of doom and maria who is definitely the toughest lady I've paddled with.

Darren, sorry, but the votes of Colorado boys all twisted up at the party don't really count. Further, half of those voting snuck the line and the other half were too chicken to run it a second time, much less a third. Hence, I'll allow Booth and Eric to qualify the incident. 

Thomas gets a shout out for just being the man.

Also, the Colorado contingent got it done regardless of injuries. Marty continued to paddle post what I was sure was tibia break, maria paddled two days with a grossly broken deformed finger, gary suffered through with a busted ankle in a play boat and booth is just off broken ribs. I think I'm still missing an injury or two. Damn fine work team.
Joe

PS - Christine, where you been all my life? Word is you're having a great Gore season. Keep at it, hopefully we'll meet up there one of these days.


----------



## Leland (Jan 25, 2004)

JCKeck1 said:


> Also, the Colorado contingent got it done regardless of injuries. Marty continued to paddle post what I was sure was tibia break, maria paddled two days with a grossly broken deformed finger, gary suffered through with a busted ankle in a play boat and booth is just off broken ribs. I think I'm still missing an injury or two. Damn fine work team.


yeah, the colorado gimp squad made out ok for showing up this battered. I couldn't believe it at the putin when one person had a broken hand, another a broken foot, and another was puking her toenails out.

despite the rough start it was a nice showing - even if Gary did skirt the hole in insig just after a spout of poo-talking.

great seeing the Colorado crew out for some warm big water! it was good hanging with y'all appalachian style.

Leland


----------



## COLDFEAR (Apr 20, 2004)

I have to say sitting in the eddy with Gary as Joe floated by it looked like he was on his last breath, the bright red face bobbing looked like it was at a definite loss of oxygen! I have to call it a swim dude!

It was great boating with the Colorado crew thanks for laughs and good times I look forward to giving you guys the tour in Wyoming!

Gary Great meeting you face to face finnally, we will hit the Big Horn Gold in the spring for sure!

Aaron


----------



## dolfijn (May 22, 2007)

*ES...........*

E.S. (endless slurry of shittalkin)

why the need to be so harsh my fellow paddler? yard sales happen. by the sounds of it, i'm sure you have never had one, propts to u bro! i'm sure pillow rock gets your nads off every year, but seriously, how long has it been since you dipped your head in the fresh, cold, cleanest water in the states? no need to be a douche. I pick up yard sales no matter what river i'm in. i was once a newbee yard sale paddler which you may have been too at one point in time. I don't know??? I like to still believe that paddlers are a community, a brother/sisterhood of a sport that only we appreciate & see the beauty of. Why the angst? Mabe you need a refresher on the narrows @ 4.5'..... You can run it first, i'll give you a 30 minute lead, that way you have time to dry, warm up, get the beers cold and dry out my turkey sandwich!!!! happy and safe paddling my fellow paddler!! Put all that wasted energy into that next big loop!!!


----------



## mgk (May 31, 2006)

I just want to say that the whole colorado gauley crew rocks. Thanks to everybody for a ridiculously fun time. 

especially thanks to ES, Joe and Gar who helped keep me laughing practically the whole weekend despite some disappointment and pain on my part. I look forward to actually boating with all of you sometime soon-- _without_ the fiberglass pogie.


----------



## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

Gotta go with Joe on the big daddy move. Leland, way to hit that shit with your head. I won't make anymore remarks about you being afraid of water until you get back in plastic. That was sweet! 

Aaron, great finally putting a face with the name. Can't wait to let my hair down in your yard.

Gar


----------



## Leland (Jan 25, 2004)

Gary E said:


> I won't make anymore remarks about you being afraid of water until you get back in plastic.


glad you rallied out for a Gauley trip Gary - it was good to see you back on the water no matter how much poo I had to talk to get you there. get healthy and stay that way so that we can run some shit next year.

L


----------

