# Low Water Topic: Theory why some kayakers hate rafters/tuber



## paddlebizzle (Oct 15, 2003)

Hmmm. . . 

Maybe this is a little critical. . . what brought on the rant? I think in most cases it is just a little rib-jabbing and not a complete disdain. Everyone who uses the river increases the exposure and creates an overall positive experience that makes the sport more fun and sometimes safer. This community is too small to warrant an open hatred or even to draw the generalization that rafter-haters are miscreant kayakers trying to make up for an insecurity. 

Remember a few years ago when snowboarding was really starting to take off and there was a serious rivalry between single-plankers and snowboarders? Time worked out the wrinkles and now everyone is cool.

I think you're making a mountain of out a mole hill and most folks on the Buzz don't hate rafters at all. . . it's just good to poke fun and keep things interesting.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Yeah, dude, 'sup? Just cuz there's no water you need to start hatin'? Roll a doob and kick back, bro, wait for the snow.


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## PhilBob (Jun 30, 2005)

Two kayakers and a rafter are sitting on an airplane, the rafter has the isle seat. The window seat kayaker says "hey man let me get out so I can go get a drink". The rafter says, "no problem man Ill get it for you since Im on the aisle seat". 

While the rafter is up the window seat kayaker spits in his shoe. The rafter returns with the coke and gives it to the window seat kayaker. A few minutes later the middle kayaker says "hey I need a coke too let me out". Again the rafter says "Ill get it for you, sit tight". while he is up, the middle kayaker spits in the rafters other shoe.

Both kayakers finish their cokes and the plane lands. As they are all 3 approaching the exit door the rafter turns back and says "I dont understand where all this animosity between kayakers and rafters comes from, spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes!".


Being both a rafter and a kayaker, I can relate to both sides of the issue. And its true that if youre a kayaker on Browns Canyon theres gonna be shitloads of commercial boats. Thats just the way it is. Rivers are for everyone to enjoy, we all have to share. 

Now any kayaker that has been on a multiday trip can attest to the fact that rafts are your friends. They carry your beer. Nuff said.




Philbob.


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## WhiteLightning (Apr 21, 2004)

I am a rafter and a kayaker, so I hate everyone equally, right Bizzle?

You moved to Smogver, I mean Denver yet, or you still in the Promised Land?


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

You guys all suck, can't you tell a "troll" when you see one? You jump all over some poor girl who lost her dog and I only get 4 posts in almost 24 hours? And they were all nice! Jeez. Perhaps I should have lobbed one out there instead of coming out swinging. I'll try to do better next time.

Hey, Nice one PhilBob, here's another-

How can you tell if someone is a raft guide?... they'll tell you. badumpbump

-d


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

It's not that I don like rafts, it's just that I don like rafters, unless they kayak. I don run Brown Canyon unless I'm fishing from a raft, but most fishermen hate me when I'm on their uncrowded creek, unless they kayak. That airplane joke is old and stupid, but on overnight runs that rafts can navigate they do carry the beer, but I'd rather self support with some Wild Turkey in a place where rafts can't go. Tubers are cool, especially the gnar gnar ones who ran Gore, so it's not about the rubber in your craft, it's just that rafters tend think they're so bad-ass. Kayakers think they're bad ass too, but they are, especially if they own a creek boat and use it, or if they live somewhere (not the front range) where you can get air and then you're bad ass too. I think river surfers are bad ass too. And if you're a rafter and you really love the river and you're not claiming river god because you can run some class III rapids that you keep insisting to the customers (and probably yourself) are class IV then, you're o.k. by me. Actually I don care what you do as long as you truly love and show respect for the river, unless you're a rafter.


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## paddlebizzle (Oct 15, 2003)

Dempsey - 

Got a job in Denver and I'm still pushing for graduate school so that I can become the next CEO of WorldCom. I'll hire you as my IT tech so we can wire billions of shareholder dollars to the Cayman Islands.

My last day in the "promised land" of $35 million dollar houses, $3.00/gallon for unleaded, and shithead tourists from Texas and NYC is on September 12. 

Just kidding - you'll see me around plenty, so dry your eyes, little caterpillar.


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## WhiteLightning (Apr 21, 2004)

Cool, what kind of job you doing? Yeah, don't remind me about the $35 million dollars houses and $3 gas. The only good thing is that my little hovel that I bought has now appreciated to just under $35million.

There we go, finally got someone bitter to write in, it's about time. I'm with Jeff...er PaddleBizzle. Nobody cares.

There are two types of people on the river, idiots and river people. They are all spread out among kayaks, rafts, canoes, tubes, rubber allogators, snorklers, and so on. The biggest difference is a kayak can only hold one idiot, whereas a raft can hold 6. 

Once again, I hate everyone. If I'm kayaking, I throw poop at rafts, and if I am rafting, I plow over play holes full of kayaks with reckless abandon! Yeeee haaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww!!!


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

RiverWrangler eats babies.


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## paddlebizzle (Oct 15, 2003)

> RiverWrangler eats babies.


Livingston - THAT was funny!!!

Dempsey - I'm managing the Diamond Cabaret in Denver and opening a crack cartel. Soon enough I'll be driving a Bentley with a 20-person entourage. Watch out.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

I think a dingo ate your baby.

How do you get 10 raft guides into a closet?
Tell them they can live there for free.

How do you get them out again?
Tell them they have to keep it clean.

Rafts carry beer AND hot girls that don't kayak. I'm all for both. You dudes that are too hard to like rafts can spank the monkey with your greasy granpappy and drink the schnapster. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't ride in one...well, unless there was a lot of flat water to cross...then I'd tie my boat on and hop in and enjoy the orgy! Rafts have orgies, right?


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## paddlebizzle (Oct 15, 2003)

> Rafts carry beer AND hot girls that don't kayak. I'm all for both.


BastardSonOfElvis: 10 points. Hot chicks are cool, and beer makes them hotter.



> I'd rather self support with some Wild Turkey in a place where rafts can't go


RiverWrangler: -5 points. Have fun with a bottle bouncing around in your boat. Where are you going to carry your sleeping bag, tarp, and disco ball?



> Actually I don care what you do as long as you truly love and show respect for the river, unless you're a rafter.


RiverWrangler: 2 points. You redeemed yourself a little. 
Overall score: -3 points.



> I am a rafter and a kayaker, so I hate everyone equally, right Bizzle?


WhiteLightning: -5 points for admitting to being a rafter. +5 points for being a kayaker. Make up your mind, damn it!



> Now any kayaker that has been on a multiday trip can attest to the fact that rafts are your friends. They carry your beer. Nuff said.


PhilBob: +10 points. Everyone likes to make fun of rafters until they're carrying all your shit, your friend's shit, the booze, beer, food, and the ladies. Well done.

God I'm bored.


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

BSOE masturbates to Christo and voted for Bush.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

P. Bizzy: -20 points for talking shit about the whiskey. if you don't like wild turkey i don like u. and if u ever self support the shit with me i ain't sharin' my whiskey with u either. maybe you can drink some if you bring the disco ball and the hotties.

for the record - i don't eat babies


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## ZimbaumBippy (Aug 25, 2005)

Masterbating to Christo, that's classic.

How many kayakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

7. 1 to screw the light bulb, and 6 to talk about how gnarly the hole was. zing.


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## GAtoCSU (Apr 18, 2005)

The only problem I have with tubers are the ones w/o PFDs and helmets and the outposts that let them get away with that shit.

Scott


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## badkins (Oct 30, 2003)

Livingston is a communist goat fucker who swims in class II


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## COUNT (Jul 5, 2005)

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE! I give everyone shit because that's what makes it fun. But I still like the rafters who carry my gear and anyone who's completely and totally committed to whatever they do. I don't care what craft you're in, I like you as long as you're not an idiot, unless you're from Texas (hot girls exempt).


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## ToddG (Nov 29, 2003)

Mmkay .. let's be clear, & honest here, mmkay? The issue is not so much with the "rafters" (i.e., tourons from Oklahoma & Aurora), but with the guides. With 15 yrs of involvement of one sort or another in "the industry", I've managed to find only a handful of raftguides that I can tolerate .. let alone "like". Note: the ones that I do like, I tend to like a whole lot .. but by & large, you commercial guides are a buncha goons in "wacky" shirts & chacos. It's true -- accept & move on. 

Now let's be fair .. proportionally, there's an assload of no-style kayakers who try too hard, who never know when to shut their dick-washers, & who are capable of breathtaking displays of douche-baggery (Hey A-hole, I'm looking at you) .. I've spent the same 15 yrs defending myself & my chosen hobby against shit talkin' from my non-boater friends .. 

whatever that all means ...


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

Yessss... now that's the kind of ranting response I'm looking for, f'kn sweet ToddG. But WTF? You do not fit my original stereotype so I'll have to come up with another theory for uptight creek-boaters so I can offend everyone.

Badkins, when you and BSOE get tired of making knuckle babies over Cristo's curtains, I'll loan you my goat.

-d


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## DanOrion (Jun 8, 2004)

Talking out of turn that's a paddlin 
Looking out the window... that's a paddlin 
Staring at my sandals... that's a paddlin 
Paddlin the school canoe oh, you better believe that's a paddlin

original prose is not my strong suit


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## manofthehouse4now (May 7, 2005)

I've been a raft guide(professionaly) since 1977 and kayaking since 1979..I still like both..but conflict has alwasy been there between rafting and kayaking..now certain people belong in a kayak....I'd like to see George W. going over Niagra myself.......
What do you say to a raft guide in a 3 piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise..."


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## sj (Aug 13, 2004)

Nice one Man of. Well I raft . yak ,canoe and tube. But then again i have add and don't take my meds. well the ones my doctor tells me to anyway. Ahhh where was i going with this. Oh yeah How can you tell who the kayaker is on a multiday trip. He's the one sitting in your lawn chair drinking your beer hitting on your wife. sj


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

thanks tg for clarifying.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

You have that backwards...I voted for Cristo and masterbate to bush...just not the president...I'm into the 70's porn :lol: 

Wait a minute...I don't like Cristo, either. He sucks.

And actually, in 2000 I voted for Nader...so I kinda did vote for Bush.

And I DO eat babies. mmm...babies.


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## cecil (May 30, 2005)

even though i'm a kayaker and am supposed to not like anyone who runs with rubber, i must say i hold much respect for the crazies who ran gore in tubes. those guys got more balls than most of us.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Delicious.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Wait...is Cristo the chick? Maybe I did cuff it to her...


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Yup, I did.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Livingston watches FOX News.


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

Only to masturbate to Stacey Donaldson.


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## Tube1 (Jun 23, 2005)

With all seriousness, we all love the river. It would be great if everyone was safe and everyone was good, and no one rode your favorite river, but thats just not how it is. For my money, everyone is welcome on any river I'm on. Just as long as you're enjoying the river and being relatively safe (because come on, we're all nuts), I'd love to whitewater with you.


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## dvanhouten (Dec 29, 2003)

All this talk about rafters and kayakers and tubers. What about duckies? Do they get grouped with rafters? And cata'rafters'? :? 

Hot chicks in duckies with beer are cool! :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

"Seriousness?" Your on the wrong post Tube1, haven't you been paying attention?

My theory on you gnar tubers is either a huge set of balls or overcompensating for a tiny penis. I'll ask your exboyfriend, ToddG*, whom you left for a raftguide 15 years ago for the details.

*meant to be a specific joke linking these two, penis size, and raft guides, not a general dis on homosexuallity. (just trying to be pc while being an a-hole)


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

You're beating it, alright, Livingston, but it's to Sean Hannity. Beating like mad.

I like rafters cuz they go "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

OHHH, It's a joke, I get jokes. I'm just gonna stand on the sidelines and cheer for this one, funny stuff. DanOrion, what you said made me do one of them LOL things, classic.


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## DanOrion (Jun 8, 2004)

> *meant to be a specific joke linking these two, penis size, and raft guides, not a general dis on homosexuallity. (just trying to be pc while being an a-hole)


It's a sad state of affairs when waterlogged river folk must justify their jabs with this PC nonsense. 

BSOE...Masturbate to bush, vote for Christo. Awesome.


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## stinginrivers (Oct 18, 2003)

BSOE, I go "Weeeeeeeeeee" and sometimes maybe "Yahooooo" but more "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee"


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## mescalimick (Oct 15, 2003)

A raft guide walks into BongoBilly's with a huge frog on his shoulder. The girl behind the counters says "Wow, where'd you get him?"

The frog says "Brown's Canyon, they're all over the place down there".


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## GitRDone (Jul 26, 2005)

Well hell COUNT and PaddleBiz, I detect a tid bit of animosity comin forth and attack'n my southrn roots. What the hell is wrong with Texans? Now I knows what the hells wrong the Okies but why is people gotta pick on the Texas folk. After all it seems my kin folk from down there is supportin well over 1/2 this state. Be it in rafts or showin y'all hotdogers up on the slopes. To this day I have never seen anyone with near the dedication and devotion to the ski wedge that is held up by the fine upstand'n fellers from the lonestar state. I know somes of them bastards thats been holdn on to that style for over 10 years. And when all that damn snow is melted and they put them bumps away for the summer, hell yeah..... all them damn bastards love that dern whitewater raft'n. As a matter of fact there's a class FIVE club you can get into in Dallas, you just need to show um yur reciept or a photo of you doin the Royal Gorge. 

Now ToddG must know whare Ima comin from. He know them Okies is nothin but trouble. Todd also know his people from that damn Saudi Aurora. Nothin good comes form over there. I imagine if them rafting companies put some metal detectors on the touron buses they might weed a few of them out too.

Yous right Livinston, we can all just get along, all ya need to do is get one them squirter boats like I got me. When there is to many of them damn rubber floatillas around you jus go down and hold yur breath as long as you can and them BAMMM you come up under one them hypaloons and grab one of them fine lookin southern bells and have a time with her. Dont worry none about the guide, he probably already had her at lunch time. Now Livinston, I can tell you right now, a fine piece of southern ass is much better than any goat I ever had. You aught try it sometime, turn off FOX news and leave them goats alone. Next time you swim class II do with one or two uf them hotties

Now as far as them craziass tubers go. Hell yeah.... I dont see how them bastard fit in those tubes. Their balls gotta be the size of monster truck tires. I'd share an eddy with any one of them, if they could make their way into it. They is a hoot to watch get beat'n ta hell; toughfr'n nails though. 

Riverwrangler, I think you have one of two options:
Option 1-Back off the Wild Turkey and stop snackin on them babies or
Option 2-Keep the Wild Turkey flowin, jump in one them rafts and start enjoyin some Southern Comforts as well. Them hotties it'll make you ferget all about bouncing off that rubber and you better hope you didnt forget to bring you a rubber or two. 
I would go with option two if I was you.

Bastard of Elvis, hell YEAH... how the heck you doin? I was wunder why the damn Christo been calln me beggn for the velvet son elvis I had done. You musta dun her right!!! Hell I m downright proud of ya. Way to GIT-R-DONE.

Just remember all.....theres more than one way to GIT-R-Done!!!!


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Ahight, it's been awhile since i hit ya'll up with some linkage. This thread reminds me of the Flamer Roster. Scroll thru and see which one you are:

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/index.htm

Totally applies to this forum.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

That was some funny shit..I wonder..which one am I?

Oh yes...Perv. Just what ARE you wearing, anyway?


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## bigboater (Dec 10, 2003)

Aborted ones are the best. I like to think about pissed off conservatives while munching.


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## ericF (Feb 9, 2005)

I am filled with self-loathing as I am both a ungrateful beer-mooching trash-boating kayaker as well as a unforgiving river-clogging shit-hauling rafter. I can't stand to be around myself. I only find solice during the orgies with the hot chicks on my raft when the scum kayakers are out of sight.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Just remember...any time you're getting it on with a hottie you are stirring kayker milk.

Too far?


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## El Flaco (Nov 5, 2003)

The difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?







The pizza can feed a family of four.



I had to get mine in.....


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

Reminds me of a joke I heard many years ago about ski instructors (modified out of deference to some long-time instructors I know):

What do you get when a whore becomes a (first year) ski instructor?





















A fuckin' know-it-all


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## the chupacabra (Aug 27, 2005)

COUNT said:


> I HATE STUPID PEOPLE! I give everyone shit because that's what makes it fun. But I still like the rafters who carry my gear and anyone who's completely and totally committed to whatever they do. I don't care what craft you're in, I like you as long as you're not an idiot, unless you're from Texas (hot girls exempt).


You ass. I like rafters in texas because the raft can hold 6 people and there are only 3, then you can tie your boat up give them your shit drink all thier beer and sleep in thier raft, between the endless miles of texas "whitewater". By the way I like tubers, they try to go down rapids and eat it like cake, they lose all their beer in the hole, the kayaker ferries over to the hole, knocks the beer into the eddy by doing a couple of spins, goes to the eddy and collects the beer and deposists it in the cockpit. Simple but effective way to get free beer!


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

GitRDone,

I can spot a SOUTHERN PHONY any day of the week! Hell, you make my job EASY: there wasn't one "y'all" or even so much as a *single* mention of NASCAR _any_where in your post!

Kudos on allusions to velvet Elvises, monster truck tires, and Southern Comfort..... Definite point deductions for encouraging one to tune out FOX news (c'mon, what **true** suthuhn'ah offers up THAT kind of schwag advice??  ), and for failing a) to utter the phrase "UN-American" even once, b) passing on an opportunity to link all that is good and holy back to the (so-called) "accomplishments" of one George W. Bush, or c) blaming _every_thing on us commiesatanisthomosexualtreehuggingterroristfeminaziabortionistantigunantifamilytroophating liberals!!! 

Next time, my friend..... 
next time...


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## gh (Oct 13, 2003)

damn newby, that was funny.......one 'fixin to' can cure most of those previous failures though.


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## GitRDone (Jul 26, 2005)

Now tak'er easy there honey. Ain't no need to be jealous or territorial here. Well perhaps there may be a little reason but hell, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm sure if you fell out of that danged oll raft one if these here kayakers would still have their way with ya, Dont hold yur breath for the raft guide at lunch though. 

Now forgive me for sayin so but, perhaps you ought spend a bit less time tryin ta find a man here and a bit more time paying attention. 



> I can spot a SOUTHERN PHONY any day of the week! Hell, you make my job EASY: there wasn't one "y'all"


????

What exactly is your job? Certaintly it doesnt have anything to do with pay'n attn. If ya take the time to go back and check, I'm sure ya might find a "ya'll" in there somewheres. Now be sure and take it slow read the whole post because sure'nough, its in there. 

As far as the Danged o'll FOX news goes, if you had any local knowledge whatsoever yoo'd know that Jerry Springer comes on the same time as FOX news, Now I dont care who ya are, AINT NO WAY IN HELL YA CAN PICK FOX NEWS OVER SPRINGER!!!!! You wanna talk about UN-American, well there ya have it. Thats just unheard of. 

Now then whos really the phony round these parts? Lets take a look at your attempt at to sound smarter than the average Texan



> or c) blaming everything on us commiesatanisthomosexualtreehuggingterroristfeminaziabortionistantigunantifamilytroophating liberals!!!


Now I believe the operative word in which proves your ass to be either A)a damnd liar or B) A typical looney multipersonality prozak tak'n golddigger would be "us" used in the above context. Now if you truely is a commiesatanisthomosexualtreehuggingterroristfeminaziabortionistantigunantifamilytroophating liberals, then you sure as hell aint no true suthun girl like you been tryin to lead us to believe. 

Either way, I'm not a hater, so get those photos up on the that web site you was talk'n bout and I'll surely send in a few bucks.

If ya ever do make it my way, I'll hold true and GitRDone......


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

LOL, GitR.....
Maybe on my next trip down to the river, I'll pick you up one of those bumper stickers or cigarette lighters with your pen name plastered all over it: that little quick stop across from Rock Creek Ocoee does always have a nice little selection of "Git R' Done" items. 



> Now forgive me for sayin so but, perhaps you ought spend a bit less time tryin ta find a man here and a bit more time paying attention.



A man? What would a lesbian like myself do with one of those?????


(KIDDING! on the lesbian part, at least....  I've already dated the kayaker before, so I know better than to make that mistake again!!  Besides, I already hang with a bunch of guys who paddle-- why would I need to try to pick up fellas 800 miles away when I've already got boys *here* who are more than happy to tote my beer or drybag for me??) LOL!!


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

Get a room


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

And a video camera :shock:


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

I thought I already told you guys: I'm not putting any more film up on the internet-- moving or no-- without someone ponying up the cash on the front end of things first!


Sorry, BSOE, that's just the way I roll.....


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## gh (Oct 13, 2003)

Standard practice of internet transactions is to see pictures before you send the money. Your move.


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

How about we see YOUR pics/ face _*first*_, GH??

check.......


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## gh (Oct 13, 2003)

I dont think anyone out here, who is sane, would pay to see pics of me. So whats my ROI? You however are looking for cash for pics so I am just asking for something to back up the asking price before investing. In simple terms, I am calling your bluff.


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

Hey, I'm just saying-- I'm not looking for $$ for pics, per se, just making shrewd business decisions where they're necessary. 

Besides, what's with this sh!t about "calling (my) bluff"?!  You don't think pics of your internet buddies are worth it or something??? I'm not gonna stand over here and talk about how cute I am or anything... okay, yes I am.... I'm *_totally_* cute and absolutely worth it....! LOL


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## GitRDone (Jul 26, 2005)

WHOAA!!! Now just hold your horses there little missy!!!! 

Did you say your not putting up any "MORE" film on the internet? Sheeeiiiittt. I musta missed somethn, I never did see the first ones.

C'mon Bastard o Elvis, tell me you did get in on some of that? If so I knows yooda downloaded it for us all. Hook us up with a link or a file or somethn.

.
.
.
.
.
.
WAIT I done a google search and think I just found it!!!! 

http://www.crazywomantradingpost.com/


:wink:

http://www.bofunk.com/video/1574/crazy_woman.html


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

Actually GitR, I resent the fact you posted that misleading link!

Everyone here *knows* this is _my_ trailer park!
http://www.rubylot18.homestead.com/

You guys might be interested in seeing my little brother's website, too:
http://www.mytrailerpark.com/


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## caverdan (Aug 27, 2004)

Is this the right picture?

http://www.tshirthell.com/images/contestpics/a17_002.jpg


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