# Some Texas Idiots made a video of the Ark



## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

They come up here in their pickup trucks and run our rivers. Taking play boats down high water RG and flossing Clear Creek of the Ark BELOW RECOMMENDED FLOWS. I heard they even hit on some BV women and visited a dispensary in Leadville. Who do these guys think they are?

https://vimeo.com/104938527


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Texans can kayak? And to think, all I thought they were good for was comin to Colorado and spending their money in our dispensaries before they go to the bar and tip good looking Colorado girls "excessively" (excessively tipping in Texas equates to a 12% tip) in their futile attempts to take us home as trophy wives.  Hahaha... oh, Texas.

Say hello to my family down there!


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

12%, that is generous! If you ever get tired of those Soggy Tortillas come on down and get you some freshies, I know a few boys that would love to hang you on their trophy wall.


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## David L (Feb 13, 2004)

The nerve of these guys! Have they left yet? Can we go back outside now to run our rivers without having to see or hear them? Hold on, shouldn't they have to wait until we're done running them?


Have any women recently lost their virginity that we should be watching for?

Good video, thanks.


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

No one is safe. Cannot be eradicated. Growing up in Arkansas they were as pervasive as cockroaches and armadillos.


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## desertSherpa (Feb 27, 2013)

We gotta keep these boys outta the crown jewels. Camping across from them was hell. They played awful music all night long after boating till dusk. 

Nice Edit. I enjoyed boating w/ you all!


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

Viewers be warned. This vid comes with the same effects of ambien.


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

bucketboater said:


> Viewers be warned. This vid comes with the same effects of ambien.


Actually I enjoyed the video. 

Particularly in absence of any hook 'me horns gestures or unnecessary abundance of orange. 

Not sure what your problem with it was. Realize this is very hard for a former Arkansan and current Colorodoan, who equates Texans as one level lower than the invasive Asian Camel Cricket species, to admit.


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

bucketboater said:


> Viewers be warned. This vid comes with the same effects of ambien.


Dear BucketBoater,

Please take this as a personal IOU for the 9 min. and 37 sec. that I have maliciously stolen from you today. I know that your work here on the Buzz is very important and that your time should be respected. Now please continue your riveting posts about your YETI cooler, how Asian made rafts are destroying the industry, and how you are better than rafters in Creature Crafts.

Sincerely,
Paddle_like_Hell


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## DoStep (Jun 26, 2012)

Perhaps they were planning to go to Arkansas, and just ended up here by mistake...


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## JDizzle (Sep 4, 2014)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> Dear BucketBoater,
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Ha!

I finally registered so I could respond to this post. 

Stay classy BucketBoater. 


Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

DoStep said:


> Perhaps they were planning to go to Arkansas, and just ended up here by mistake...


The Cosatot, Buffalo, Mulberry, and Frog Bayou have nothing on the Ark. Even the Pee-eblow Play Park.


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> Dear BucketBoater,
> 
> Please take this as a personal IOU for the 9 min. and 37 sec. that I have maliciously stolen from you today. I know that your work here on the Buzz is very important and that your time should be respected. Now please continue your riveting posts about your YETI cooler, how Asian made rafts are destroying the industry, and how you are better than rafters in Creature Crafts.
> 
> ...


Excellent humor PLH. You know for a Texan I almost like you. 

Almost.


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## DoStep (Jun 26, 2012)

duct tape said:


> The Cosatot, Buffalo, Mulberry, and Frog Bayou have nothing on the Ark. Even the Pee-eblow Play Park.


But would they know that?


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

Lets also kick out all the tourists who come to the mountains in the winter and give people jobs. Let the mountain towns survive on their own!


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> Dear BucketBoater,
> 
> Please take this as a personal IOU for the 9 min. and 37 sec. that I have maliciously stolen from you today. I know that your work here on the Buzz is very important and that your time should be respected. Now please continue your riveting posts about your YETI cooler, how Asian made rafts are destroying the industry, and how you are better than rafters in Creature Crafts.
> 
> ...


Methinks the Texican is getting the hang of the Buzz.


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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

Only watched 20 secs of this weak sauce brah, no apologies needed.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

*GO Rangers!!!!*



mattoak said:


> Lets also kick out all the tourists who come to the mountains in the winter and give people jobs. Let the mountain towns survive on their own!



HAHA!!! That's all right, even if all the Texans stop coming to spend their money here, the Front Rangers still come up every friggin weekend. I like to watch them race down Rabbit Ears on Friday evenings, then race back up Rabbit Ears Sunday mornings. It's pure joy.


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

I appreciate the hospitality of all you mountain dwellers, everyone we met at PaddleFest was top notch. 

Desertsherpa, it was a pleasure hanging out with your NM crew. 

Duct tape, I love paddling in Arkansas and I find Arky boaters to be some of the best boaters and people on the river. Richland creek is a personal favorite of mine, as well as Cossatot at about 10ft. 

I heard people in the PNW, especially Seattle are a little less friendly. I heard the old rafters up there like to lurk around on Rocky Mountain forums and talk about camp site lotteries. Gotta watch out for 'em.


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

Forgot all about Richland Ck. Fond swimming memories there during my early years. Cossatot Falls too.


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## Schutzie (Feb 5, 2013)

Schutzie has a Texas joke;

Why do Texans carry their diplomas in their truck with them?
So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

*Schutzie runs off cackling


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## desertSherpa (Feb 27, 2013)

mattoak said:


> Lets also kick out all the tourists who come to the mountains in the winter and give people jobs. Let the mountain towns survive on their own!


NOOO, I need my lift tickets subsidized by Texans and Mid-Westerners.


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## fella (Jul 29, 2008)

mattoak said:


> Lets also kick out all the tourists who come to the mountains in the winter and give people jobs. Let the mountain towns survive on their own!


What a ridiculous delusion that seems really prolific among the really self-righteous "second-home-owners" and tourists who frequent such towns. This mindset seems also to be a common rationalization for why locals (even multi-generation local families) should be displaced from such towns in the name of embracing and growing the "tourist-economy".

Virtually all "Mountain Resort Towns" in Colorado were "Mountain Mining Towns", or "Mountain Ranching Towns" or Mountain Trading Towns" long before there was tourism. THese towns and their populations survived and sometimes thrived before tourism. Tourism is not necessary for survival, it is merely a component of the modern progression of these places. 

Suggesting that Tourists must be pandered to in the name of economic survival is pure fallacy. A strong year-round local community is the key to the economic strength of MTN towns, not tourism!

RANT OVER!!!!?????>>>>>!!!!????!!!!!


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## Ripper (Aug 29, 2012)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> Dear BucketBoater,
> 
> Please take this as a personal IOU for the 9 min. and 37 sec. that I have maliciously stolen from you today. I know that your work here on the Buzz is very important and that your time should be respected. Now please continue your riveting posts about your YETI cooler, how Asian made rafts are destroying the industry, and how you are better than rafters in Creature Crafts.
> 
> ...


Greatness!

When I make it out of Texas and up to Washington I have good knife for cutting myself out of Bucketboaters over priced ego stroking floating undercut. You have been put on notice sir! Soon as we frack some more shit up and our gas prices drop here I'll load up and come see you. Texan's have been known to drag people out and curb check them and steal females for far less. 

This Texan is heading out to Arkansas next weekend, I'll holla at your people! I love boatin out there, good people and good shine.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

fella said:


> What a ridiculous delusion that seems really prolific among the really self-righteous "second-home-owners" and tourists who frequent such towns. This mindset seems also to be a common rationalization for why locals (even multi-generation local families) should be displaced from such towns in the name of embracing and growing the "tourist-economy".
> 
> Virtually all "Mountain Resort Towns" in Colorado were "Mountain Mining Towns", or "Mountain Ranching Towns" or Mountain Trading Towns" long before there was tourism. THese towns and their populations survived and sometimes thrived before tourism. Tourism is not necessary for survival, it is merely a component of the modern progression of these places.
> 
> ...


You must not work in the industry...... it's pretty difficult for a person in my age group (20-30) to get a job in a mountain town that doesn't involve catering to out-of-towners. Lifty, Snow Maker, Server, Line Cook, Housekeeper, Delivery, Cashier.... pretty tough to escape the tourist industry, even if you do have a nice, expensive piece of paper that says you're smart. I bet if I asked 75% (I did just pull that number out of my ass, 80% of all statistics are made up on the spot) of people in the service industry in Steamboat, they'd tell me they have some kind of college degree. Doesn't go very far here. Most of us have to work two jobs just to pay to live in the town that we love so much. But maybe you lucked out and you've got that 9-5, and you aren't dependent on the Texans, Floridians, and what-nots to compensate you for the shitty wages that have evolved as a result of a revolving-door style hiring process.

That being said...

It's great when we have local customers in Steamboat, all the businesses take excellent care of locals with great service and usually some kind of discount... unfortunately, usually only about a third of the population here in the winter is "local" or "long-term." 

So most of my customers end up being more like this:

I once had to deliver a bunch of pizzas in a blizzard to some Texan who was renting a house for the week or whatever and the driveway hadn't been plowed. First he accused me of forgetting a pizza (I had to teach him how to read a receipt), then I got stuck in the driveway. He actually pointed to my tires and advised that maybe I get myself some snow tires. To which, I responded, "I have brand new studded snow tires. Maybe you should go back to Texas....."
Didn't even offer to help get me out.
Then, when my buddy from the pizza shop came to pull me out, the Texan asked him if he brought the pizza I "forgot." :shock:

Oh, Texas....


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

But again, even if all the Texans and Floridians stop coming we have plenty of Front Rangers coming up every friggin weekend.


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## fella (Jul 29, 2008)

soggy_tortillas said:


> You must not work in the industry.....


 Granted, I've only worked in the "industry" for about 20 years, but still, I like to think that my perspective has some merit.

That said, how is the pizza delivery business in, say, late October? Are the tourists jamming the phone lines, tipping copiously, and lining the pockets of the "locals"? Are the gift shops crushing it? The jeep tour guides? 

How about five years ago, when the bottom fell out of the real-estate market? Were tourists the salvation of Steamboat? 

On the other hand, Steamboat is fortunate to be surrounded by many prosperous cattle ranches -- year-round outfits that are not affected by the whims of the tourist dollar. They bring stability to the region.... Oh wait, all those ranches are now a sprawl of empty McMansions. All hail the tourist!!


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

Hey Soggy_tortillas, why'd you forget the pizza?


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

fella said:


> Granted, I've only worked in the "industry" for about 20 years, but still, I like to think that my perspective has some merit.
> 
> That said, how is the pizza delivery business in, say, late October? Are the tourists jamming the phone lines, tipping copiously, and lining the pockets of the "locals"? Are the gift shops crushing it? The jeep tour guides?
> 
> ...


Honestly, I feel like we both have some pretty valid points here. You're right, the tourists are usually few and far in between from mid October til about Thanksgiving. I'm really not sure what to expect this year though. We didn't have much of a mud season this spring, the tourists just kinda kept comin... Even last week, we had something like 10,000 people in town for Labor Day. Why? I don't know...
But usually several businesses close down for about a month before the ski season and a month sometime after ski season (mud seasons). Yeah, tourists aren't here to spend money. Locals usually aren't spending money during that time either though.
As for the pizza biz, it's been interesting. I work for a pizza biz that has two locations, one on the mountain and one on the west side of town. Used to work on the mountain side and deal with a lot of tourists in the winter- super busy. This year I'm over on the west side- little slower in the winter but I have the pleasure of dealing with locals as opposed to tourists. So I lose a little money in the winter, but overall it's a much more enjoyable work environment because I don't have Texans giving me directions to their "condo right at the bottom of the mountain." Instead I have nice locals telling me they live in Steamboat II asking if we deliver out there, because not many businesses in Steamboat will.
Not much of a mud season for us on the west side. A lot of the locals switched from their seasonal mountain and restaurant jobs to their seasonal landscaping and construction jobs- probably catering to a lot of second home owners.
All in all I guess I feel like Steamboat has a pretty balanced flow. By the time winter is over we're generally sick of Texans and Floridians and ready for them to all go home. By the end of mud season we've had enough space, had the town to ourselves long enough and are broke enough that we're ready for them to come back. It's not just tips and stuff either. The taxes we collect from them add up to be quite a bit of money. Over the next decade Steamboat expects to collect around $5 mil with just a 1% lodging tax, they want to use most of it to improve upon and build new trails anywhere from Rabbit Ears to Mad Creek. So in a way, I guess Texans have probably had a hand in building the new promenade on the mountain, laying down the core trail by the Yampa, making new bike trails on Emerald Mountain, a revival of Yampa Street, and probably some other things that really just feed the tourism industry more. Vicious cycle.
Texans: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.


I'd also like to take the time to mention that part of what I love so much about this place is the huge diversity of people we get here. From Minnesotans to Mauritanians- we got 'em all. For someone who's lived in the valley their entire life and doesn't have much of a desire to move anytime soon, it's super nice to have that kind of culture exposure. Some of the best people I've met are west Africans and Bulgarians that don't speak a lick of English.

All in all, if you took the time to read this, it's probably WAY too much fuckin information anyway... but for the sake of argument and information....


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> Hey Soggy_tortillas, why'd you forget the pizza?


hahahah but I didn't forget a pizza, Texans are just too stupid to order right.
"Hey, what's our phone number?"
"Hey, what ya'll want on yer pizza?"
"I don't know my address, or the name of the condos, but we're right at the bottom of the mountain."
"Let me get the biggest pizza ya got, everything on it, leave them fishes off."
"So, what time ya get off?"


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## lncoop (Sep 10, 2010)

Ripper said:


> Greatness!
> 
> 
> This Texan is heading out to Arkansas next weekend, I'll holla at your people! I love boatin out there, good people and good shine.


Arkansas, eh? Which part?


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

fella said:


> What a ridiculous delusion that seems really prolific among the really self-righteous "second-home-owners" and tourists who frequent such towns. This mindset seems also to be a common rationalization for why locals (even multi-generation local families) should be displaced from such towns in the name of embracing and growing the "tourist-economy".
> 
> Virtually all "Mountain Resort Towns" in Colorado were "Mountain Mining Towns", or "Mountain Ranching Towns" or Mountain Trading Towns" long before there was tourism. THese towns and their populations survived and sometimes thrived before tourism. Tourism is not necessary for survival, it is merely a component of the modern progression of these places.
> 
> ...


 Remove tourism from any western STATE and the economy falters, remove it from a mountain town and kiss your future in that town good bye. Yes some folks will manage to remain, but there simply won't be enough money to sustain the community. Tourism ultimately funds most of our western lives. Mountain towns have no other industry, no other source of income to sustain the population.

Virtually all "mountain towns" that were once "mining towns" and "ranching towns" were also "ghost towns" in between each boom... Your remove tourism and the population drops by 50% every year after... It's purely ignorant to discount the importance of tourism to the vast majority of mountain towns.

On the other hand I totally agree that the sense of community comes from the locals, it's what drives the town and ultimately is responsible for the success of the tourism industry. Would our towns be better without tourism dollars, with populations of a fraction of what they are? To some yes, others no, but what I can guess is that YOU (who ever that may be) are not likely going to survive the cull; at least 9 out of 10 "locals" would be gone once things stabilize. Who would remain? not the rancher, he sold off his land years ago, it's now empty condo's. Not the bar tender, wait staff, lift op, mountain manager, ski area exec. - All gone. It may be a sad state of affairs to many but most of us rely utterly on tourism... unless you live in Williston ND.


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## fella (Jul 29, 2008)

Tourism is as cyclical as any other industry. Just because many worship tourism now does not make it sustainable. 

For those respondents whose history in mountain towns is limited, many towns had far larger full-time populations during the mining and ranching "eras" than they do now.

In the information age, mountain towns are just as capable of having diverse, sustainable economies, based not exclusively on tourism, as any other type of environment.... There is no mining or manufacturing or industry in many cities, yet they survive!


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

fella said:


> Tourism is as cyclical as any other industry. Just because many worship tourism now does not make it sustainable.
> 
> For those respondents whose history in mountain towns is limited, many towns had far larger full-time populations during the mining and ranching "eras" than they do now.
> 
> In the information age, mountain towns are just as capable of having diverse, sustainable economies, based not exclusively on tourism, as any other type of environment.... There is no mining or manufacturing or industry in many cities, yet they survive!


Tourism is cyclic yes, but it's not finite. There isn't a limit to how much can be extracted from an area, its not limited by how many creatures can be sustained on an acre (or at least that limit is very high and not truly a factor). You don't have to like it but with out tourism it is highly unlikely you'd be living in your little piece of nirvana.

While in this "age of enlightenment" any town may be capable of sustaining themselves with out tourism, but it aint gonna happen, why would it? What's going to drive that change? Internet chatter, I think not.

So what do you know about other respondents history? Yes many mining boom towns saw populations in the 10's of thousands in their heyday (usually lasting a few decades at most). Lets see a list of these towns, with comparative population estimates.

As for your last statement, name one city without mining, manufacturing or industry! Seriously, Just one! It's an economic impossibility at this time. Maybe someday, but not currently, the information age has not matured that much yet and the "real" world has not sufficiently adapted to foster a "telecommuting base economy".

I think your heart is in the right place but your facts are a bit lacking.


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

Somewhere in here was a funny story from some Texan's having a good time paddling here in Colo and some good natured grief back at them, but we seem to have misplaced it?


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

duct tape said:


> Somewhere in here was a funny story from some Texan's having a good time paddling here in Colo and some good natured grief back at them, but we seem to have misplaced it?


True 'nuff, sorry.


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## henrylightcap (May 11, 2012)

I'm gonna guess these guys make awesome go pro videos of themselves shredding the gnar on Copper Mountain Blues during spring break. Keep up the good work bros!! Hopefully you're not wondering why Texans get so much shit in Colorado.


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## GoodTimes (Mar 9, 2006)

This is entertaining...a thread about why I left the state, the rivers, and the mountains that I grew up in....and someday (because it's inevitable)...why I'll leave Idaho. 

Sorry...but it's true...bunches of people f%&k shit up, regardless of where they're from.


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

GoodTimes said:


> This is entertaining...a thread about why I left the state, the rivers, and the mountains that I grew up in....and someday (because it's inevitable)...why I'll leave Idaho.
> 
> Sorry...but it's true...bunches of people f%&k shit up, regardless of where they're from.


Sorry to further derail the thread, but where you gonna go? Wy, Mt & I'd are pretty much it as far as population density goes. .. or you could try Alaska. Not much of a season there though.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Turning all the Coloradans against each other is exactly what the Texans want!!!!!!


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## Ripper (Aug 29, 2012)

Sounds to me like you get some duchbags that arent as privillaged as others in regards to where they live and play visting... Hate to say it but sounds like you should get over it... Lol those ignorant bastards are everywhere. 

Keep in mind this comes from a native texan whos so sickof the texas mentality i could vomit. Thus buying your land in the near future, and ordering your pizzas. 

No beef otherwise with you northern folk. Yall have always done right by me! Plus some of yalls "low water blues" and wobbles at the put ins occasinonaly is humerous.

Incoop- ill be heading to the vous in rockport, hope to see you there!


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

soggy_tortillas said:


> HAHA!!! That's all right, even if all the Texans stop coming to spend their money here, the Front Rangers still come up every friggin weekend. I like to watch them race down Rabbit Ears on Friday evenings, then race back up Rabbit Ears Sunday mornings. It's pure joy.



Look for my car this winter! I'll be doing one or two weekends in your hood. I'll be racing up and down as fast as I can


Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

I will also be in Steamboat this coming season, love that champagne powder and $500 lift tix. 

Soggy_tortillas, should I go ahead a place my pizza order here?


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## lncoop (Sep 10, 2010)

Ripper said:


> Incoop- ill be heading to the vous in rockport, hope to see you there!


Yeah baby! Was hoping that would be where you're headed. I'll definitely be there since I got roped into running it this year. Gonna be big fun.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Feck.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> I will also be in Steamboat this coming season, love that champagne powder and $500 lift tix.
> 
> Soggy_tortillas, should I go ahead a place my pizza order here?


I bet I can guess....
The typical Texan usually asks for a large sausage pizza, hold the pizza. 

I understand. 

Everything's bigger in Colorado. Even our small sausages are still ten inches. 

The Texans just can't get enough of our sausage.


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## Ripper (Aug 29, 2012)

lol... PLH digs the sausage pizza hold the pizza. 

Gotta admit I've never heard everything is bigger in Colorado though.... Maybe your state income tax/city tax and cost of living.... ohhh Texas jab lol.


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

Ripper said:


> lol... PLH digs the sausage pizza hold the pizza.
> 
> Gotta admit I've never heard everything is bigger in Colorado though.... Maybe your state income tax/city tax and cost of living.... ohhh Texas jab lol.


Is there any other gay kayakers here in Texas? 

Seems to me the only thing bigger in CO is the back and forth bickering on internet kayak forums.


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## justin.payne (Oct 28, 2009)

bucketboater said:


> Only watched 20 secs of this weak sauce brah, no apologies needed.


So this is the same dude asking about Blackrock at 500 and porting narrows and rigo? Doubting he has ever ran CC of the Ark. Let's see your gnar vids, poser. 


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Mountain Buzz mobile app


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> Is there any other gay kayakers here in Texas?
> 
> Seems to me the only thing bigger in CO is the back and forth bickering on internet kayak forums.


So.... I just want to take a moment to clarify. I don't really hate Texans.... half of my family is from Texas... I also don't really have anything against front rangers, other than I just feel bad for them for having to live where they do. These posts are really all just in good fun. Is that not what the original post was about? Good fun, a decent video and a couple of gentle pokes at the Coloradan ego....

Everybody's so sensitive nowadays, not even just in this thread or this forum. We can't even have innocent sausage jokes anymore.

Making stupid jokes and getting cheap laughs used to be as easy as taking candy from a diabetic man. 

What has the world come to?


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

And........ I've watched full metal jacket a few too many times so I'd like to also take the time to mention that only steers and queers come from Texas.


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

*Good Fun*



soggy_tortillas said:


> And........ I've watched full metal jacket a few too many times so I'd like to also take the time to mention that only steers and queers come from Texas.


Zero Butts hurt here, I promise. My last comment was also made in Good fun. 

Soggy_torts, your funny bone seems to be in fine shape. 

All about fun and rivers, anything outside of that is purely outside of my scope. 

D.T.S.


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## duct tape (Aug 25, 2009)

PLH,

I hope I've made it clear I liked your posts, video and humor.

It's probably not your fault you're a Texan too.


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

duct tape said:


> PLH,
> 
> I hope I've made it clear I liked your posts, video and humor.
> 
> It's probably not your fault you're a Texan too.


Thanks duct_tape, yes you've made your opinion very clear and I appreciate the kind words. 

Feel free to check out my other videos here: https://vimeo.com/user4718099 including trips to South America, South East, and the Grand Canyon. 

SYOTR


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