# Please Read



## fluidgirl (Aug 28, 2007)

Hello,
This is perhaps one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write, but I think the boating community should be aware and hopefully take this in to consideration when running this specific drop, or any big drop in the future. Kayaking is an extreme sport, and sometimes comes with the ultimate consequence. 
 Yesterday, my fiancé and I were up scouting Sherman Falls/Cinnamon Gorge for the third day in a row. His goal was to run Sherman falls and hike back out of the gorge so we were never separated. We had already discussed the best line, safety set-up, and consequences. He made the decision to run, knowing that it was a big drop. I fully trust him to make his own boating decisions- he is a very rational, intelligent, mature man, an incredible kayaker, and he was confident he could hit the line. 
He came over the falls just slightly over vertical and surfaced upside down. The timing of his roll with the surges in the waterfall were aligned just wrong so he ended up being pushed behind the falls. After numerous attempts to paddle out and getting pinned in the undercut river left wall, he swam and attempted to climb the railroad ties behind the falls to jump and catch a current out of the cave. I waited with a rope just beyond the pool. His jump was unsuccessful and all I can ascertain is that he was held underwater for a significant period of time. After waiting for him to resurface, I finally had to rope back up from water level to assess. Going back up was an incredibly difficult decision- I could not see as well from where I was, but if he floated out and I wasn’t down at water level, I would have no way to catch him if he floated by unconscious. He was still missing for a few more minutes as I made it back up, and then I saw him surface unconscious behind the falls with his boat. 
After looking at all the options, and watching for several minutes, I was forced to conclude there was nothing more I could do. The purpose of posting this is not to start a “what if” scenario for our safety set up, so please, leave that to my own thoughts and nightmares. Search and rescue recovered him from behind the falls this evening. I would like to thank that entire team for recovering him without any injuries to their crew, and for the sheriff’s department of Lake City for helping myself and my family through this.
 Life is fragile, sometimes surprisingly so. I think kayaking is learning the art of working with the very element that can destroy you. He died doing the thing he loved most with the person he loved most. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to say no one should run that waterfall, or even decide whether I will ever boat again at this point. I would just ask that you consider the risks before you set on the river, and know that anything can happen. Please keep us in your prayers.


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## Jensjustduckie (Jun 29, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss and experience, I hope you eventually find peace from the nightmare you witnessed.


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## jacy (Mar 1, 2008)

My regards to him, yourself and the family...a reminder in how precious life is...


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## gh (Oct 13, 2003)

Sorry for your loss.


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## thumper (Dec 9, 2004)

very sorry to hear about your loss, thanks for sharing this experience for others to put some perspective on future decisions.


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## Snowhere (Feb 21, 2008)

My condolences for your loss.


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## kayakfreakus (Mar 3, 2006)

Thoughts and prayers to those involved


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## BmfnL (May 23, 2009)

So, so sorry for your loss. For what it is worth, know that there is genuine poetry in the way that your husband went to the great beyond. There is also a great understanding evident in your expression of grief to us.

Some of us reading this will be hit by cars, or worse. When all existence is said and done, our moments of beauty, poetry, and courage will remain forever.


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## BasinSurfer (Mar 19, 2009)

My condolences to you and your family.


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## bdraughon (May 23, 2008)

thank you for writing even though it was hard to. we will all carry this in our hearts.


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

I'm so sorry. This took an incredible amount of courage to post. My thoughts are with you and all your loved ones.


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## Ed Hansen (Oct 12, 2003)

You have my condolences. Sorry for your loss.


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## 217 (Oct 27, 2003)

I'm so sorry. Gunny holds a special place for me as a boater and I cant imagine what you're going through. I cant find the words to say what I'd like to say. I admire you for so eloquently telling your story.


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## Chief Niwot (Oct 13, 2003)

Sarah,

Your in my thoughts and prayers this morning.


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## freexbiker (Jul 18, 2005)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that yourself.
Condolences


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## raft3plus (Apr 24, 2004)

Thank you for sharing. Take your time to process this experience that you may you best fear, loss and grief.


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## blutzski (Mar 31, 2004)

Thanks for the reminder. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## ross (Oct 19, 2006)

Ed was an amazing guy... touched many people and he'll be missed greatly... So sorry


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## yetigonecrazy (May 23, 2005)

sad, sad news. there is no easy way to deal with something like this, you just have to grit it and move on. condolences to the family and to you as well, im sure writing that was really difficult. that is a big waterfall, and anytime you mess with something like that you are walking a very fine line.

just for clarification for those of us still wondering, who was it? and was the flow too high or is it a good level right now?


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## jbarnow (Sep 10, 2007)

Your Man was a champion and a hero! Sometimes not all warriors get to return from battle but the memories of their heroism lives on...may you find peace


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## PARKER (Apr 21, 2004)

Thank you for posting you account. Brought tears too my eyes that I could not hold back. Reminds that me what you went through during that time, we put our spouses through every time we go out to meet our goals, aspirations and push ourselves to be the best that we know is possible. Your strength is evident in your post and composure in these difficult times. I hope you are surrounded by love and strength.

Parker


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## LagoonYaker (Jan 20, 2009)

I hope you don't stop kayaking. Five years ago I started kayaking after my oldest teenage son (just (JUST) turned eighteen) was killed in a really horrible car accident (trust me--it was as bad as it gets). Of course we were devastated. It is a life sentence dealing with something like this. HARD time on the Cross. It does get easier with time, which is on your side, I want to assure you. One day the next year we all (my wife, other son, and daughter) went to the local zoo and they had these kayak rides around the park water way for $5. We started to feel a little better for the first time in a long time (that whole experience is going to be strange for you too). But we did it again. And again. Well, within a few months time I had a garage full of kayaks. It's been therapy for us that is better than anti-depressants or therapy alone (and its used for wounded veterans--Project River Runner (Welcome to Team River Runner! | Team River Runner) and cancer victims through First Decents (First Descents > Home). Check out those websites--it will do you some good when you are ready for it. It is about re-connecting with life. Again, down the road a little probably. I'm speaking from the perspective of 5 years later. 

Kayaking. You should not give this up. But if you do, find another outside sport or activity to replace it. Listen, I've been there. For me, the only thing I could do in the beginning was distract myself with things. There's nothing else you can do. But then it becomes about living strong and though you may not be ready now (be patient with yourself) your next goal in life (like it or not) is figuring out how to live life again. Won't be easy and my heart goes out to you. I'll pray for you and your fiance today on my paddle. In fact I'll dedicate my paddle to you both today.


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## Canada (Oct 24, 2006)

Your decission was incredibly brave and wise. You are in my and my families prayers. I wish we could ease your burden


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## Toni (Sep 18, 2006)

Thank you so much for having the courage to share that. For you to see, right now, that "He died doing the thing he loved most with the person he loved most", is truly amazing. I am thinking of you today. Continue to lean on your family and friends, it will keep you strong. You are strong and you will be ok.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

condolences and prayers to you and your family. life is extremely fragile. you are an extremely strong person to go through the situation alone. thank you for sharing this very important lessen so we may relearn. 

lets be safe brothers.


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## yetigonecrazy (May 23, 2005)

so everybody is sad, but nobody knows who it is?


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## Toni (Sep 18, 2006)

Emotional support is the point here.

Maybe someone could give Yeti the facts he needs to show a little compassion.


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## Mr Beaver (Mar 8, 2009)

Ahh, Yeti....

It is called empathy, we feel compassion for someone, because we are able to place ourselves in their position.


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## bluesky (Sep 11, 2005)

Fluid, thanks for posting. I'm recently married, and your description brought tears to my eyes. It's a good reminder not to take anything for granted, and to always respect the consquences of our time on the river.

Yeti, a previous poster mentioned the name "Gunny," but that's all I got.

Everyone else, let's surprise me by avoiding a flaming for just this post.


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## Schizzle (Mar 26, 2004)

I'm very sorry for your loss. You will get through this and someday better days will come back again. Remember all the good times you shared together and talk with your friends and family.

Also, FWIW from a total stranger, it sounds like you both did a solid job assessing the risks of the drop and setting safety in a very challenging environment. There's only so much a person can do when when faced with an incredibly more powerful adversary.


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## JHimick (May 12, 2006)

yetigonecrazy said:


> so everybody is sad, but nobody knows who it is?


"The tears of strangers are only water." ~Russian proverb

Contrary to this proverb, I empathize with this stranger because in this case the tears are not only water, they are the river... our bond. It's not about who this is, it's about the river and the joy and tragedy it can bring to our lives.


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## whip (Oct 23, 2003)

I work in ER/ICU. It is very important that you recount this event amongst friends and honor his memory.


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## dak_sunset (May 8, 2009)

"ive asked "fluidgirl" repeatedly who she is long before this incident and have never been given a response"

Yeti, 

Why not just click her profile. Enough of her name is in there you should be able to determine if you know her.

Sarah, though I do not know you I am very sorry to hear of your loss.


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## IkayakNboard (May 12, 2005)

Sarah, my heart goes out to you and all who are effected. I can't even imagine what you are going through.


Yeti...this is one of those times you should refrain from using your keyboard. Please.


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## KUpolo (May 24, 2005)

Sorry for your loss.

Yeti, Just chill. This isn't the time or the place.


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## yarmonymatoid (Nov 5, 2008)

I'm very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and both family's. 

Peace

Life Goes On
by Tarna
The rain will fall the snow will sparkle,
the tree's will blow and the birds will sing, children will dance flowers will grow, music will ring and tears will flow,
ice will melt and memories felt.
Yesterday i was there, today i am not.
The angels called upon me and led me far away.
Tears will fall, hearts will break.
but i am still there in your heart.
I can still be felt.
close your eyes can you see me standing there? remember life goes on.
one day we will meet but until then enjoy what you have got.
If you ever need me just close your eyes and i will be there,
open your eyes and i will be gone,
now live your life and move on.
Remember i am only sleeping.
i will never be too far.
i will be that star shining down on you,
can you see it?
tonight i say goodbye,
tonight i shed my last tear,
i have to leave the angels are near.
Fall with the rain,
sparkle with the snow,
blow with the tree's
and sing with the birds,
dance with the children
and ring with the music,
enjoy yourself and be happy,
smile and cry sing and dance,
laugh and be sad.
share moments and express feelings.
stengthen and weaken.
love and smile.
you are still young, your life is yours.
forever will i miss you.
but now I've been laid to rest.
the angel came i got my wings.
i can fly, and i can sore
i can reach where I've never been before.
close your eyes see I'm still standing there.


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## GoodTimes (Mar 9, 2006)

KUpolo said:


> Yeti, Just chill. This isn't the time or the place.


Agreed....

So so so sorry to hear of this and your loss. Being just recently married, it'll make me think quite a bit harder about what I may be leaving behind. I can't imagine what it was like for you......and it sent chills up my spine thinking of what my wife may think/do in the same situation.

Our thoughts will be with you and your families......


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## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

Sarah, so sorry you have to go through this. 

Today, June 8 is the worst day of my life, 7yrs ago my good friend died 5 feet away from me. I've never felt so helpless in an environment I feel so very comfortable in. My other good friend once told me "the risks are real, but so are the rewards" it's so true. It's incredible that something can bring so much happiness and still be able to bring so much pain. 

I always hated the saying they died doing something they loved, cause the fact is they didn't want to die. What I've thought and figured, is they died in a great place, with people that loved them, with the mist, sun and smiles. It wasn't on a road, or in a school but with the above. Be glad you were there to support him as you were obviously the only one he wanted to be there with. So I guess that saying isn't all that bad.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My condolences to you and your families.

Gary E

2 great men in a week, don't forget


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## kayakingkate (Mar 16, 2004)

I just wanted to say I really feel for you right now. Enough that I just logged in for what is probably the first time in 3 years. I lost one of my good friends just over three years ago and my husband was with him when it happend even paddled into the rapid to get a grap loop to him but he just couldn't hold on to it. The call I got that afternoon still haunts me. I flew out the next day and spent days hiking through the canyon looking for him. 

I feel terrible knowing this is incredibly rough for you. I could not drive by his condo without crying for probably 6-9 months. I still cry occasionally when I think of him. Please continue to reach out to the kayaking community - they will help you through this if you let them. We had so many great friends that did so much for us in the days, weeks, months and years following the accident. I will never be able to fully explain how much their support meant during that time. So, just remember there are a lot of people who will help you if you just let them. Even it's just calling someone b/c you don't want to sit alone at night. Or you just need a friendly email.

I hope you can find peace. I will have you in my thoughts.


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## cadster (May 1, 2005)

Obituary

Middletown Journal Deaths and Obituaries


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## SSOWDEN (Apr 29, 2004)

Sorry for your loss.

I will probably never boat gore because of my personal loss there. Hard enough for me losing a friend that I was not with. 

The spirit of adventurous can carry a high price. 
Thank you for the reminder of what that price can be.
Many of us have lost friends and family to nature's forces, YOU ARE NOT ALONE now.


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## slowgan (Jun 12, 2007)

You, your family, and friends are in my thoughts.


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## sandoz (Jul 13, 2005)

I moved away from Gunny last fall and injured my back this winter so I have not been on top of the boating scene this season. I have been avoiding Mt. Buzz since I really can't get psyched up since I am healing my back. I read your post and my heart sank...... I first thought of all your smiles at the play park and you guys showing up for super late Taylor runs hitching a shuttle from us or whoever was driving along the canyon. I smile because you guys were passionate and lived and loved! Nothing but time can alleviate the pain at this point and I am sending positive thoughts your way! Keep your chin up and eyes open looking for all that is good in the middle of all this pain.......


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

I'm so sorry. I had a great day with him on the USB (Normany Canyon)this year. Great guy, great paddler. He gave me some fantastic tips on my 1996 Tacoma. 

Everybody watch out for each other out there.

Joe


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## raymo (Aug 10, 2008)

Salute, hope he likes JD. Sorry


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## mhelm (Jun 28, 2008)

I have lost too many friends and family that have been close to me by whitewater, car accidents, suicide, and cancer. Nothing I say can help except to stay strong and think of the things about him that made you smile the most. It seems to help me... My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Matt Helm


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## WOODYDUCK (Apr 26, 2009)

Sorry for your loss,you're in our prayers


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## Kendo (Jul 26, 2006)

My deepest condolences, I am very sorry for your loss, and our communities loss. I appreciate your finding some strength and peace in that its what he loved to do. Our thoughts are with you and your families...


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## st2eelpot (Apr 15, 2008)

I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss.


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## Golder (Jun 13, 2005)

I just boated 49 to BP in Cali with him a little while back. I am so sorry. RIP. God Speed.


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