# Weirdest things non boaters ask



## kayaklifeislife (May 12, 2015)

"What do you mean that rapid was brown?"


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## noahfecks (Jun 14, 2008)

"If I leave my stuff here at the put in can i pick it up when we take out?" (as if the river ran in a circle)

"what do we do if this boat comes off the track?" (not the log ride at disney)

"How deep is this river?" (just over a fishs' head and chest high to a duck)


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## mattman (Jan 30, 2015)

"It was like musical chairs, every time the boat spun around in a circle, some one else fell out."
krux hole sunshine falls.


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## kuuskv (Nov 28, 2008)

when I guided many years ago, I once had a customer ask "where's his legs!?" as a dude paddled by in a playboat.

I then explained how committed kayakers are to the sport. We cut our legs off.


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## treemanji (Jan 23, 2011)

You pack out your poop?

Don't you get tired of eating hot dogs for 2 weeks on the Grand? (Or whatever multiday)

How do we get back to the car? (car at put in)


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## BmfnL (May 23, 2009)

"You said CFS, what is that?"

"Chicken fried steak. The river is moving with the power of 5500 chicken fried steaks today. Just think about that power."


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## mervo (Dec 29, 2014)

"Does Walmart sell that raft?" 

(While passing tubers in a JPW raft on the Poudre)


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## festivus (Apr 22, 2006)

Are you going to kayak that?

As we pulled over on a mountain pass to look at a 1 foot culvert under the road spill water 500 feet down a sheer cliff face into a rock garden.

To which we replied "Sure thing"


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## OregonRafter (Jan 30, 2013)

While standing at the put in:

"Which direction are we going to go?"

"Is this where we take out too?"


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## yesimapirate (Oct 18, 2010)

"do we all get one of those paddles?" (talking about the oars)


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## yak1 (Jan 28, 2006)

How wet do you get when you fall in?

That didn't deserve and answer just the "Look"


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## Oslo (Feb 15, 2009)

"who did all this"

Customer while looking at the canyon while floating down Brown's.

Answer: "Disney was hired in the 60's to create this canyon ride"


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## MT4Runner (Apr 6, 2012)

noahfecks said:


> "If I leave my stuff here at the put in can i pick it up when we take out?" (as if the river ran in a circle)





OregonRafter said:


> "Is this where we take out too?"


 Awesome.

Just like, "How long until this river loops back to where we started?"
Their eyes glaze over when you start talking about the water cycle.


Rigged to flip, wearing helmets and drysuits:
"Are you guys going fishing?"


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Is the water cold?

Hey, is it hard to get out of that thing if you flip over?


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## Ninja_Nico (Mar 28, 2013)

While portaging one of the V's on the Big Thompson, a nice fellow parked on the road side asked if I was going to "paddle up the river?"

As if I were hiking laps to paddle bottom to top. 

My attainment skills aren't that badass.


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## Elkhermes (Dec 23, 2012)

Questions asked by various people I met while on a 2 week self support kayak trip down the Colorado River...
"How do you get to a hotel room every night?"

"Is there somebody following you in a car to bring you food and water and pick you up?"

(Asked with eyes wide open while looking at my sea kayak ) "You actually fit all of your gear and food in that thing? I don't see a backpack."

(Also asked while looking at my sea kayak) "What kind of canoe is that?"

"How do you go to the bathroom in that boat?"


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

"Where are your legs?"
"That's the smallest Canoe I've ever seen?"
"what do you do when you flip over?"
"How much does one of those cost?"
"Where can I get one of those?"
"Why are you flopping around in that waterfall over there?"
"You look like you're drowning"
"You're not going to paddle that are you?"
"Are you going down the falls?"
"Do you have permission to be doing that?"

The types of things I hear every time I get in a playboat in TX.


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## soggy_tortillas (Jul 22, 2014)

Paddle_like_Hell said:


> "Where are your legs?"
> "That's the smallest Canoe I've ever seen?"
> "what do you do when you flip over?"
> "How much does one of those cost?"
> ...


Are there rivers in Texas?


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## kikii875 (Oct 25, 2010)

On a motorized trip on the Grand,
"I haven't seen any boats going back upstream. Do you run them back up to the start during the night?"
Yup, and taking our oar rigs back up is exhausting.
I was asked that question twice, and both times it was an adult.


"Has that boat behind us been through this next rapid yet?" Nope. "So we are first?" This was a twelve year old boy so I can cut him some slack.


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## Paddle_like_Hell (Nov 2, 2010)

Dam it Soggy, you got me! There is actually no running water in TX. We typically suit up in our front yards and have a friend throw buckets of water at us or get into our boats on sewerage treatment ponds but there always seems to be hordes of non boaters on the shore heckling us. It's pretty annoying.


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## 2kanzam (Aug 1, 2012)

-The "takeout" Shuttle drivers at the put in - "Can I just leave my keys here in the car?". A few weeks ago we had three vehicles at the take out for the 11 people we had floating....and two of them left their keys at the put in.

-"You think you can get that thing down through there? Only kayakers run this."

-"Did you hear any banjos?" while they belly laugh uncontrollably at their own lame joke.

-Them: "Didya catch any fish"
Us: "Yeah we boated 50 smallies or so"
Them: "Can I see 'em"
Us: "threw them back"
Them: "Why would you do that!!!?!?!?"


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## 2kanzam (Aug 1, 2012)

MT4Runner said:


> Awesome.
> 
> Just like, "How long until this river loops back to where we started?"
> Their eyes glaze over when you start talking about the water cycle.
> ...


 
The funny thing is there actually is a float around here that loops back to the take out like that. You can put in, navigate "The Jug" for a few miles and take out 100ft from where you put in. Flat muddy water stretch but good musky fishing.

...and we have some fishing runs where we might wear helmets. We have the opposite misunderstanding when they find out we're fishing. "You're fishing? Down THERE?? That's for kayaking!"


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## merritrd (Feb 1, 2010)

*dumb question*

My favorite was on the Animas.
Do y'all think the indians at Mesa Verd where very smart? (Texans usually say Verd.)
Why do you ask that? I say.
If they had any intelligence at all, they wouldn't of built their homes so far from the highway.


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## jalthage (May 11, 2006)

At the gas station in Craig on the way to Gates of Ladore:
"Where's the rest of your boat?"
"This is it..."
"Boy, you're crazy the Yampa is running like twenty thousand miles per hour"
"Hmm..."
"Y'all are gonna die!"
"I think we'll be ok"
"Nope.. y'all are gonna die"


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## FishVailStevo (Jun 14, 2014)

*Jeez...*

Havent heard it personally, but apparently about once a year fishing guides hear people ask if the river is in a looop like a lazy river when they see the car that was shuttled down....


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

jalthage said:


> At the gas station in Craig on the way to Gates of Ladore:
> "Where's the rest of your boat?"
> "This is it..."
> "Boy, you're crazy the Yampa is running like twenty thousand miles per hour"
> ...


hahaha. "Nope....y'all are gonna die." 
So matter of fact.


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## elkhaven (Sep 11, 2013)

my most common is when I'm floating with the dogs:

"do they help you navigate?"
"do they spot the rocks for your?"
"hope they can swim"

and the all time most common when fishing:

"you got them things trained to retrieve yer fish?"....."hahahaha".


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## Caleb125 (Oct 25, 2012)

While at a play park:

"Is this just practice for when you actually go down the river???"

When flipping over at the play park:

"What's that trick called?!?!"

My profile picture is me browning on barrel springs and one comment was:

"aren't you supposed to have both hands on your paddle?"


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## SteamboatBORN (Sep 22, 2012)

jalthage said:


> At the gas station in Craig on the way to Gates of Ladore:
> "Where's the rest of your boat?"
> "This is it..."
> "Boy, you're crazy the Yampa is running like twenty thousand miles per hour"
> ...


Not surprised coming from a gas stop in Craig America! 

My story: I had just graduated from CU and a buddy took a bunch of our classmates rafting on poudre (Stevens to Poudre Park). As we are at the put-in, this girl we brought, who has the smallest life vest in the world strapped around her bikini'ed body (one of the reasons we probably invited her), and she flat out asks Chad and I if the raft has seat belts! Both of us just dropped our jaws, chucked our beers, and took a hit, because it was going to be interesting run. She turned out to be worthless on the river, but seeing her ghost white face along with the others at take out was priceless and her bikini was nice too.


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## dbendell (Apr 8, 2012)

While standing at bottom Royal Gorge, hopped the fence to get ice cream in our kayak garb.
Tourist says - "where are you going"? I said "the bottom." pointing downstream
Tourists says - "where did you start"? I said "the top." pointing upstream.
Toursist says - oh.


the rest are all the same
"we come back to where we started"?


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## bigben (Oct 3, 2010)

the classic "what elevation do the deer turn into elk??"

the other day a lady asked me "how are those rocks floating so much slower than we are??"
so i rolled up my sleeves and flexed for her -"you better call the veterinarian, cause these pythons are sick!!!"


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

Is that fun


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## theusualsuspect (Apr 11, 2014)

I cut the people from TX some slack in regards to comments regarding "do we take out where we put in". Think about it, most of them go to the san juan below navajo and they literally run cycles through the tx hole and take out again for their yearly fishing trip. 

I'll never understand the appeal of that place.


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## noahfecks (Jun 14, 2008)

bigben said:


> the classic "what elevation do the deer turn into elk??"


Always loved this one

not a boating question but sine the majority here probably recreate on snow in the winter......

"y'all ride that ski board in the stunt ditch?"

"what d y'all do with the moguls in the summertime?"


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## dafewillis (Jun 21, 2014)

My buddy worked at Old Faithful Inn in Yellowstone a couple summers, and on more than one occasion was asked if the geysers going off fucked with plumbing in the Inn. 

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## yak1 (Jan 28, 2006)

No such thing as a stupid question. However there are a butt load of stupid people.


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## jamesthomas (Sep 12, 2010)

To paraphrase Mr Carlan "Just imagine how dumb the average person is, then imagine that have of us are dumber than that."


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## mattman (Jan 30, 2015)

" If I fall out of the boat, will I be in the same water as fish?"


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## tomrefried (Oct 12, 2003)

Standing on the side of hwy.2 in Leavenworth, WA. Watching a couple make a high water run thru Tumwater canyon a tourist who stopped to see what we were watching asks "Is that dangerous?" Someone answered "It's less dangerous than standing here on the side of the road with traffic passing by at 60 mph two feet behind your back"


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## Gremlin (Jun 24, 2010)

Where should I put my towel?


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## SimpleMan (Dec 17, 2009)

Is that island surrounded on all sides by water?


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

bigben said:


> the classic "what elevation do the deer turn into elk??"


Deer turn into elk at timberline, 11500 feet in Colorado. Elk turn into moose at 15000 feet and thats why there arent any native moose in Colorado, highest mountain is only 14400

I had half the state of Texas believng this back n the 90s


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## VernanBarbarian (Apr 27, 2014)

Should I throw my cigarette butt into the river? ( Please don't, the river is trying to quit)


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## sammyphsyco (Aug 15, 2012)

Did a flat float on the Missouri today so the booger eaters could get some paddle time and try to find some rythem. The take out is a popular beach in the summer. Dude asks if there's air in my raft.


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## joejacksonframing (May 20, 2011)

Where are your legs? (playboat)


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## pitty (May 3, 2011)

Had a guy ask if Browns canyon was salt water or fresh water. His wife immediately complemented him for asking such I good question. 

No shit. 


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## raymo (Aug 10, 2008)

Those toilets stink. Thats because people shit in them. You guys must be good. Yes mam, but our boating skills still need alot of work.


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

While at the playpark in a playboat:

Where do your legs go in those little boats, do you sit indian style inside there?


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## Spade Hackle (Jun 18, 2007)

*At Salida WW Park on Saturday*

Did you guys just float by 30 minutes ago?


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## mattman (Jan 30, 2015)

"What happens when they go upside down" (talking about kayakers) "they die". Shocked look of horror.


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## eddy hopper (Sep 17, 2007)

I get this from my girlfriend(s)

Okay, if we're running this rapid solo in order for everyone else to see the line and how pushy it is. What do we do if something happens to us?


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## goldcamp (Aug 9, 2006)

I had one of my friends rowing a flat water stretch on the Upper C. We reached a braided section and with urgency I said "Don't go left that way goes back to Denver" To which, with wide eyed amazement, he said. "What? Really!"


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## DoubleShadow (May 2, 2013)

I once had a guest ask me how cold the water is? I told him that there is a thermometer at the bow of the boat in the water, and to check it out and see. Then when he bent over the bow, I threw him in and asked "how cold is it?"


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## chepora (Feb 6, 2008)

I got asked this when guiding on the Ark years back: "are all them shiny specks in the water gold?" Yup, sure are. I'm just rowing your fat ass down the river for $60 a trip for kicks. My friend got asked if the royal gorge (the actual canyon) was natural or man made...it took sooo many bull dozers dude.


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