# Why rafters suck..., by big dick



## bigboater (Dec 10, 2003)

Ha, just kidding. Made you look. 

I blow my nose in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

I'll tell ya why they suck, my friends uncle had a party/permit for the Main salmon last week, they wouldn't take me for the fact that I am a "Kayslacker". They let my bud go cause he's family and of course were grateful after he helped out with a mishap on one of the rafts. Instead, they took a bunch of urban yups that were ready to be outta there the second day...."are there any more rapids...we dont want any more rapids" fuknshiatpissr..I'm still not over it..


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## El Flaco (Nov 5, 2003)

Flow, my friend, you should be happy you didn't go along as a kayaker on the Main. It's pretty freakin' flat for kayakers. 80 miles of it, and I'd say at the current level the play is probably minimal and far between Class I-II slogs. Kiss their ass and hold out for a Middle Fork or Selway run- they're much better kayaking rivers - unless they're too pussified to row those rivers (and if they had trouble on the Main Salmon, that's entirely likely).


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Yah, I knew it wouldn't be much ww but I wouldn't mind spending a week gettin chorted in some prime scenery, seeing as I haven't done too many rivers in Idaho. As far as selway and mid fork, I'm guessin they wont be getting any of those soon, dude that had the permit was neither a yakker or rafter, pfft.


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## bkp77 (May 9, 2004)

bigdick... no hard feelings,for sure. your post just rubbed me the wrong way. you still can't borrow my BIG LONG 16ft hyside though. :twisted: 

flowtorch, i've got a permit for the middle fork of the salmon on the 22nd followed soon after a permit for the Main. You, of course, are not invited on either cuz I suck... and so do you. :twisted: 

.


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## stinginrivers (Oct 18, 2003)

flowtorch the proper term is "slackyaker"

bigboater are you some kind of gay ass frenchman. If so and I see you on the river you can't have any of the copious amounts of beer I have in my raft...

but flowtorch can since he acknowledges the fact that he is a slackyacker.


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

Jeez, I was wondering how soon it'd get down to that "kayakers vs rafters" crap:

"rafters suck, no kayakers suck, no rafters suck, blah blah blah..." :roll: 

Like Rodney King said, "Can't we all just get along?"

If BB and FT are so pissed at their rubber rowin brethren they can go do their own self-support kayak trips on the MF or Selway. Some guy's uncle didn't bring FT on a trip so all rafters are assholes. Boy, you can't argue with logic like that, huh?

In the meantime, don't we have better issues to get riled about than each other, like the Lower Blue River access? Comments are due to the BLM by the 18th of this month.


--Andy


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## crae (Apr 6, 2004)

Can't we all just get a bong!?


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## Hartje (Oct 16, 2003)

Back to open boats...Bigboater I'll go halfsies on an open boat with you if you can find one your cheap ass is willing to throw down for. I've heard that boofing big ledges in an OC1 is unreal. I'm serious. I think they'd be better in the SE though, don't know about 1,000 + cfs class V in an open boat. It's the ultimate regression: from K-1 to C-1 to OC-1. So naturally I'm drawn to it. 

Oh yeah, go to Gart Bros and buy your folks a Sevylor Tahiti Classic. It can handle anything on the upper C and you won't have to worry about offending anymore rafters, though they may pull rank on you and give you a lecture for using inferior rubber.


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## gapers (Feb 14, 2004)

Hey, Andy. Why dont you pull your panties out. You don't know the whole story so quit whining. FT and i have plenty of friends that are rafters, some are guides,others guided in the past and now raft or cat privately. We tag along and switch it up often. And i kayak and have an inflatable. So quit taking shit so serious. Damn, i thought most kayakers and rafters were men, not little whiny bitches (most people on these boards)who take everything personal.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

For real, shut your wordhole. Go back up and read, did I say anything about all rafters being assholes, dont go puttin words in my mouth, whiner. I was talking about this one guy...who had room on his raft....and room on his permit...who was being an asshole. Argue with that logic, prick. I'll be buying a raft when I get enough money, dick. No shit we should be talking about something else, have someone read you the first post and then my post and then you'll understand there were no serious intentions in either of them.

Crae, I gotta bong, bout a 3ft glassy.


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## bigboater (Dec 10, 2003)

Andy H. wrote:


> rafters suck,


Hey Andy, now we see eye to eye. Except, whats with that gay ass eye rolling thing?

Hartje, I'd be happy to go halvseys on an OC with you, but I get the front half. After Andy charges me $3,500 to stroke his rubber, I'll have to take out a second mortgage to pay for it though. Here's the plan. You give me half the money and I'll store it here in CO. 

Hows the dog zapping business going?


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

Wow. You guys take me back to Jr. High...

Amazing what a little anonymnity does for some folks. Kind of reminds me of the little rat dog on the other side of the fence. yap yap yap....

Flame on, flame on, and show us what you're really made of...


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## bigboater (Dec 10, 2003)

What the hell are you talking about; you started it. I know you are but what am I.


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## riojedi (May 23, 2005)

Must be a Front Range thing, drinking to much Confluence water will rot your mind.

Seems to me Andy and BB are both stingy fuckers in there own way.


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## Hartje (Oct 16, 2003)

Business is status quo, though I am in the midwest for another week, which is why I'm smack talking to innocent rafters on the buzz. I rented a raft once in Idaho, took some people down the Hagerman section of the snake and popped the f*&^ out of it. So yeah I wouldn't loan you a raft if I had one either. I see where your coming from though, I remember I once had family come to visit and one phone call got me a shredder and permission to take it down the upper Y. If I would've trashed it I was good for it, but that was a shredder not a raft. A shredder would be almost as good as an OC-1.

I did cut my teeth on the Poudre in a Sevylor, those were the days. Even had a Stearns life vest and wore converse for river booties.


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

I had sex with ALL of your mothers. ...in a very uncomfortable place...and I DON'T mean in the back of a volkswagon.


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## Matt J (May 27, 2005)

*the Midwest?*

Why?

Just got off bailey with your favorite spreadhead WesternMD. Chickened out on a second run 'cause I was busting a path to Derek Trucks playing at Cervantes. Saw your blog - looks good!


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## manofthehouse4now (May 7, 2005)

I lover running over kayakers in my raft ..watch the stupid poor fucks swim and whin..I'll always contine to mow you bastards down


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## manofthehouse4now (May 7, 2005)

I LOVE running over kaykers im my raft...feels good having that lumping feeling against my floor..another stupid plastic fuck gasping for air...ahhh..how sweet it is...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## jester (Oct 14, 2003)

I love checking this forum to see all the trivial nonsense people feel the need to talk about. Boy those guys really told you Andy, didn't they? I think it's fun to run kayakers over if they're in my raft line too...except when I'm in my kayak. Then I get in the way of the big rubber monsters whenever possible. Aren't we all just boaters who love the river???


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Ahhh, little andy cant stand being corrected. You wanna talk about jr. high, your the illiterate fuck who came on here creating a problem and then bitch when your told how it is. And when you have nothing to say, always go with the "flame on....a little anonymity....little rat", we've all heard that tired cop-out before. I can see what your made of as well. And as far as a little rat dog yapping, I'm not going to court appointed anger therapy because i'm all talk....and so far I haven't learned much, so try me, little guy.

uhhhh, jester, WTF are you talking about now, if you know how, read back over the posts, once again. Read in my post, I said I didn't care about the amount of whitewater, I said I want to do an amazing river. *Why is this so hard to understand*. In essence, that was what I was saying, we all love rivers. Nobody said anything about hating all rafters or there being any us vs. them crap...except andy who was so quick to create this little feud since he had some wise premonition of where this thread was going, and then ran and hid after I told him the deal, since he couldn't respond directly to what i was saying. You two should start with some remedial reading classes, nothing too heavy at first, and then chime in.

And big Manofthehouse....uh yaah, we all saw your posts, nuff said.

Anymore rafters wanna hate on kayakers, just make it clear beforehand that you dont like plastic because you never learned how to roll or bumped your head when you flipped, swam and got scared. I know the majority of all rafters are cool as shit, at least the guys I float with , I also know some have a chip on their shoulder.....maybe cause all the ladies on their commerc. trips are too busy eyefukin the shit out of us, I've seen the jealous, bitter guide stare many a time.

Meanwhile, I'm going back to the river and whattya know, I think theres an inflatable going with us today, fuckin taint. First I gotta walk the dog, he's pawin at my leg and droppin ass under the desk, peww.


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## will raft 4 beer (Nov 6, 2003)

Flamingtorch:



> Anymore rafters wanna hate on kayakers, just make it clear beforehand that you dont like plastic because you never learned how to roll or bumped your head when you flipped, swam and got scared


What rafter do you know who's afraid of a swim? Introspect (did they teech that wurd too you in the reamed-ial reading class?) and see which clan's afraid of swimming. Kayakers suck ass, including myself, as a recent convert to slackyakin. Drivelly f-n whiners who haven't realized how lucky they are to know some rafter who'll haul their shiz (literal shiz and the copious ammounts of beer) down the grand. Based on gear hauling, trip costs should be divided 70% slackyakers 30% oarsmen (who do all the work setting up camp and rigging rafts, too......). 

Teach a rafter to kayak: immediate convert. Teach a kayaker to raft: pinball who does more damage to the raft than it's worth. Reason: due to kayak's maneuverability, yall never learn how to READ water. Just paddle hard and roll hard. Why would we lend you our boats if you can't row them and trash them anyhow?



> I also know some have a chip on their shoulder.....maybe cause all the ladies on their commerc. trips are too busy eyefukin the shit out of us


. Too bad you're crammed into a hot uncomfortable little plastic sweatshack cooking in your own flatulents getting "eyefuk"ed rather than the real f-k ed, like the rafters at the top of the food chain with their naked river nymphs sunbathing, reclined acros the love shack- err, frame--rather than cutting off circulation to our ankles and cramping calves and thighs and knee joints, pre and post f-ing.

Rafts and rafters suck cause you just can't take a raft through the same gnar. Everyone sucks, especially you flaming-taint. Agro-people suck!


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## brendodendo (Jul 18, 2004)

Well i'm here to tell you that epic rivers rule. Hate to start with a gloat but since I bought my little bitty raft (Aire: Super Puma) I have been invited on more trips than I can handle. Dolores at 4200cfs, Middle Fork in early June and last weekend Cataract. Yes I push hard and have to set up and rig, but I also like having a slakyaker around who knows what he's doing (not you sally whining biatches I was on the MF with) I also like bring the body board and get in some surf time with the yaks. Who of course probably hate me. So we all know our place.

I'll take that line... flip... that was FUN!!!


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Willstandonthecorner4beer:

I dunt need ta interspect cuzz I wurnt sayin raftars are skeered ta swim. I was saying they most likely got freaked from flipping and being stuck inside a boat...then swimming thus becoming scared and taking up rafting (like some I know). I dont know what the fuck you guys are talking about-needing to be so thankful we have the privelege of knowing rafters to carry our oh so hugely, insane amounts of gear. All the guys I boat with could give a shit less about carrying our gear in their cats or rafts, dick. I'm thankful I know some cool guys and not sally's like ya'll. As for your paying 70% comment and not setting up camp, etc., I wont waste my time with that, sounds like you boat with some lame yakkers.

...oh and how kayakers dont know how to read water-keep tellin yourself that, punchy

...oh and the river-nymphs, you speak of...come on...we know the portly ladies dont count, unless you need more weight in the raft or like that sort of thing. Please, I get more ass than a toilet seat even with my sore ankles. Remember, while their sunnin on your love shack...their just gettin warmed up for us. 

I'm over wastin my time explaining (not flaming) to you turds. I dont give a shit about rafts vs. kayaks. And it's safe to say your not part of my crew and i'm not part of yours, thankfullly. Leave it that, oh and I'm also aware that agro people suck...and nice people swallow.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Thats hilarious. Who was it that said "you can teach a monkey how to guide a raft"? Words to live by,dude.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

HOOOHAAHAAA, "top of the food chain" hahaaaa. Sorry man, I keep going back to your post and I keep smiling. Heeheehe, I'm just picturing you in my head, heehee. nevermind...maybe I do flame a bit.


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

YappyTorch said:



> i'm all talk....and so far I haven't learned much


Tell us something we have't figured out yet...

As for running over kayakers, This should be discouraged and I don't think any rafter should do that - its LOTs of work! Man those guys can scoot out of the way a whole lot easier than I can row over 'em!  

Later,

--A


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## will raft 4 beer (Nov 6, 2003)

*Bleedingtorch*

Bleedingtorch:



> I'm over wastin my time explaining (not flaming) to you turds.


Very interesting.....you mention that, and then the next two posts are yours, responding to my one post. By the way, how many different posts do you need to retort my one ass-whipping?



> Please, I get more ass than a toilet seat even with my sore ankles.


Another good one. You are more sore than a toilet seat under


> portly ladies


 from grabbing your ankles? You've spent too much time persuing prison love I guess. But if you want to flame to the world about that, I guess it's OK, according to Seinfeld; "not that there's anything wrong with that." 

My question is, how long are you going to sit at your computer with your dog blowing ass and humping your leg trying to come up with good respons[ES] (pl.) to the lashings you recieve from me? And who said I wasn't a kayaker?


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Goddamit I said I was thru tryin to get through to you turds but wow, bleedingtorch/Yappytorch?? You and Mandy are too good, taking a bite of my quotes-I can't compete with such witty computer geeks or rather am not going to take the time I'm sure you had to put in. But the comeback to my toilet seat, weeeeak...oh and the portly ladies, how'd you get that twisted, I just couldn't make any sense of that, in case you wonder what I meant, portly lady=your wife/girlfriend (thats right people, I went after the woman, let me hear it). Man, I'm still laughing just picturing you though. 

But since your lethal comeback styles are just too untouchable, I'm gonna have to surrender....seriously, dude, do you think what your saying is that gold. 

Well, I'm gonna submit this now cause i'm sure you and mandy are sitting around plottin and schemin your next clever reply, high five'n each other, while the rest of us are doing that gay eyerolling thing. Seeing as you replied so quickly this morning, I'm guessin your the one whose been sittin around waitin for this, while I been out lapping narrows...oooh big scary gnar I can't take the raft I dont own down.

PS. the multiple posts I wrote were just out of the sheer joy and laughter you brought me from your wise words and snappy comebacks, thanks, buddy.

Oh and where the hell did I say anything about you being or not being a kayaker, once again, as i've said before, for you people, the hard of hearing or reading:

*I dont give a fuck who does what.*


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Running over kayaks? I guess that's why I..a kayaker...have a river knife. Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft. I love that sound. OH...I just had all your mothers again. At the same time. Sexy ladies, all.


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