# Boating Rationale



## Gnome79 (Mar 17, 2012)

Have a dilema that I'm sure is not uncommon. I have a spouse that is not all that thrilled with my boating addiction. Just wondering what other folks do to set the stage for a day on the water. No matter what I do, 80% of the time I get the silent treatment when I leave the fam and go boating. Any good intros? Here are a few I've tried:

1. I've picked up the dog poop. Can I go boating?

2. I've taken care of the kid poo, can I go boating?

3. Snowshoeing is boring, I'm going boating (silent treatment guaranteed.)


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Suppose to set those rules first boss.. Good luck. And snowshoeing is extremely unpleasing.


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## Junk Show Tours (Mar 11, 2008)

Grow a pair. Instead of asking, tell her you're going boating and then walk out the door. Problem solved. You're welcome.


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## BryanS. (Jun 22, 2012)

Maybe you can find a way to involve her. Raft trip or easy ducky float? Or if that doesn't work, try frequent oral pleasure(for her, not you).


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## Gnome79 (Mar 17, 2012)

BryanS. said:


> Maybe you can find a way to involve her. Raft trip or easy ducky float? Or if that doesn't work, try frequent oral pleasure(for her, not you).


I bought her a ducky when we first started dating and she seemed really into it. I've now realized that was just a front. Wish I could lay down the law but that makes it worse. I'm happy enough to get out once every other week.


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## stubby (Oct 13, 2003)

I recommend the negotiated boating schedule...ie once a week, twice a week, one weekend a month, one week a year...just like the national guard. It makes it worse in the PNW since you can't say, "There's only water 3 months a year!" Like we can here in Colorado...not sure if that's good or bad.


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## Kendi (May 15, 2009)

Good luck. 

In my case my soon-to-be-ex liked rafting and introduced me to it. I fell in love with the river. He wasn't pleased to say the least. He thought he'd try to placate me by bringing me along in the early days- had no idea I'd love it nor that I'd end up better than he was at it. 

He quit and then accused me of "stealing" rafting from him.

Ya right.

Maybe a "schedule" of sorts would work for you- who knows? I tried that and it got me no where. 

Good luck.


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## qsjones (May 9, 2011)

My wife and I have a understanding. I go snowboarding or kayak once a week. Been like that since we have been dating. She likes to go boating with me once I bought her a duckie.


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## Learch (Jul 12, 2010)

There is a give and take. I deal with the same thing, we have 2 kids together (2yo and 4yo). She loves to boat also, having 2 kids not old enough to go right now means I go, but my frequency is once every other month. I make sure that my wife is happy, the house is taken care of, and my relationship with my them all is good. They all know that they come before my float trips, and our lives will evolve as they get older. I am planning on including them with our float trips more and more every year. 
You gotta talk to her about it. Your recreation is as serious as a mortgage, but her happiness is of equal importance also. You need to talk to her about this, don't talk to us. If she is not happy with you going, you need to find a solution. Mutual recreation is a key ingredient in a relationship, so maybe some sacrifice needs to be made on her part and yours. If you can do something that makes her happy and feel important and meets her emotional needs, then she will be willing to make a sacrifice to let you enjoy a day on the water. 
I don't push my luck right now, but when I leave for a float trip, she is happy to send me off to go rafting for a day or two. I am sure some of her kind words and love are to make me feel better, because I know in her perfect world I would do something with her and the kids every Sunday. But I have days like today, we went to a monster truck show, and all 4 of us had a great time. She went to bed happy, the kids were in heaven, and I have a great time too. Days like today make it much easier for me to have her approve of my next day on the water. Hope this helps...


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## lmyers (Jun 10, 2008)

I went through the exact same thing with my lady. However, she has known that I am totally into boating ever since we hooked up, and she works in the office for a raft company in the summer...... so she understands. You should be able to boat all you want, just make sure to give her the appropriate amount of attention.... don't let boating interfere with you two spending time together.


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## FastFXR (May 22, 2012)

Take up heroin. Once she realizes how expensive and destructive THAT hobby is, she'll welcome your boating.  

Seriously tho...you have to have an escape or something that keeps you fit, physically and mentally. If she can't understand that, no amount of ass-kissing will help the situation--just do your thing.


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## Rich (Sep 14, 2006)

Thank you for reminding me why I am single!

I never need permission to go have fun.


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## suzpollon (Apr 18, 2009)

While I love to boat, I was never going to be as good/daring as my ex. (No - it's not at all the reason we split). 

I really liked when he involved and appreciated me going along to run shuttle and the others boating were appreciative too. (It's important here not to be condescending and make shuttle bunny jokes, but to be appreciative of her trying to involve herself with you and your sport). It gave me a chance to hang out with him/them while driving out to the run and afterwards for beer/dinner. While they boated I often had fun driving around on back roads or hiking and throwing the ball for the dogs.

And I would get many marriage proposals if I showed up with booze or hot soup (depending on the day) at the take out.


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## dirtbagkayaker (Oct 29, 2008)

Gnome79 said:


> I bought her a ducky when we first started dating and she seemed really into it. I've now realized that was just a front. .


You and I have the same wife. It will get better. Just plan your trips in advance. It takes alot of work to give you the silent treatment for two weeks or 6 months. Invite her and be pleasent when she says no. Plan summer short trips on easy water that you can both enjoy. Or just go to a beach or swimming hole more often. Everyone likes rafting, we just sometimes forget. 

Just say.

"I really want to go float the Owyhee in march with my friends. We are hoping to leave on 3/3 and we'll be in a week, How does that work?" Then ask: "Would you like to go?" Then just follow through. Have a plan before you ask so she can get some answers. Don't leave her hanging. 


Its just a matter of time before she starts boating again. It took my wife 10 years to warm back up to floating.


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## Old Fart (Oct 12, 2003)

Alot of helpful answers, eh my friend. You have handled this so well and given her total respect in the process. It's not like you're this irresponsible asshole. You are asking for some time and space once every couple of weeks and shouldn't have to come home to a cold shoulder every time you go. However, if that's the case just live with it and keep going . Eventually she'll figure out that is part of who you are. I should have stayed out of this but I don't want to lose a good paddling buddy


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## glenn (May 13, 2009)

Why is there friction? Thought of you getting hurt/killed? Lack of family time? Come home drunk/high? Don't know when you are coming home, can't get in touch while gone?


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## lhowemt (Apr 5, 2007)

OK, there are kids involved, correct? So going on the statistics (and my own personal experience) being how women do a substantially greater share of work around the house which includes inventorying, planning, shopping, and then the actual work at the house, it may be beneficial to you to make sure that you are doing your share, at a minimum, in HER eyes. With kids, she's (again I'm assuming) doing the majority of the work so you going off boating may just seem like her getting left with the kids yet again. Have you sat down with her and discussed the distribution of labor and responsibilities? Do you make sure to take some time to take the kids so she can go run off with girlfriends or just get errands done without also being a "mom"? How about planning (yes, planning is a lot of work) babysitters so you two can go do fun stuff that does not include managing the kids? Now I am not accusing you of anything, just talking about a lot of issues that friends with kids have that may be useful to think about. Doing your share of "guys" chores may not be enough. Do you clean the toilet AND the wall next to it? If she feels like she's getting left behind to yet again babysit (although a mom would never say that, it can feel like it) I wouldn't be surprised at all at her reaction.

Lot of good advice from others also, so I'll just stick to this aspect of this.


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## BarryDingle (Mar 13, 2008)

She needs to be a bit more understanding. Tell her it's Boating or strip-clubs




You can't even begin to fathom how many titty bars there are in Stumptown...


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## BrianK (Feb 3, 2005)

> you can't say, "There's only water 3 months a year!" Like we can here in Colorado


I have used this one a lot. Unfortunately, my wife realized that this year I started boating in March and got out a couple times in October and November. So this argument might not work anymore.


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## FastFXR (May 22, 2012)

suzpollon said:


> And I would get many marriage proposals if I showed up with booze or hot soup (depending on the day) at the take out.


THIS right here...an ice cold beer awaits me after EVERY trip! 


Miss FXR--while not her favorite thing--enjoys running shuttle. She's done this for our dirt bike multi-day trips and kayaking trips. Prior to the trip though, I make sure she has a nice hotel to stay in and plenty of area activities to go to /see, including spa/massage days, shopping trips, etc. You'd be surprised at how 'involved' your S/O can become!


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## carvedog (May 11, 2005)

A buddy got a Selway permit after I picked up a pre-season Middle Fork. over the weekend my wife was asking about spring boating plans and I mentioned that I didn't think I could do both. She says " you know it's your slowest time of year ( it is). My don't you do both, you know you want to."

She has her issues but me going on the rio doesn't seem to be one of them. I love my wife. 

Do you think I need to worry that she wants me out of town for some side action?

My wife does love to boat and we do several family outings and longer trips whenever we can. I do give her 'girl' time whenever possible so she can get away with her buddies unencumbered at least for a long weekend here and there. It doesn't match with the time I take for high water spring trips but I try. 

I have also made arrangements for babysitting help when I am gone for a week so she gets a respite from being on 24-7. Stock the fridge, treat the kids to some dvds and whatever else to make it easier for her. 

Other than that not sure how to make it easier for the OP. 

Sometimes the shoulder is quite warm when coming home, and sometimes toward the cool ( but never cold). That is more jealousy that I got on the river and she didn't.


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## eklars (Mar 28, 2006)

I'm told that I'm intolerable when I don't get on the river enough. Try that angle, just be incredibly cranky whenever its been too long. I think other men act this way with regards to sex instead of boating.


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## adgeiser (May 26, 2009)

I agree with the give her some attention crowd. 

Remember we all need different types of time... I.e. me time, us time, guy/girl time... 

And remember boating is a hobby, you choose to marry her.
I have told my wife that she is more important than kayaking but she also understands how important kayaking is to me. 

We also will set aside a " non-kayaking weekend" once every 2-3 months.... It just really sucks when that pre planned weekend happens to hit when your favorite river peaks.


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## jimr (Sep 8, 2007)

Wow y'all have it bad if your ladies/man don't respect your passions, life and what makes you happy! I mean what's the point if your significant other doesn't support your passions? Isn't marriage all about acceptance and compromise!?!? Been with my girl for almost 10 years I do what I want and she does what she wants as long as there is no cheating involved, and we both know that the other person is always welcome to join in on our adventures... I must be lucky...sounds like you need to have a serious family meeting to resolve this issue and put it all on the table I couldn't imagine being in your shoes...there has to be a trade off for both of you at the very least... best of luck
#freebird


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## Jerbready (Apr 21, 2006)

*An idea.*

Maybe the problem isn't your boating. I would recommend some light reading: Amazon.com: The Original Kama Sutra (9781452803388): Vatsyayana: Books


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## MT4Runner (Apr 6, 2012)

lhowemt said:


> OK, there are kids involved, correct? So going on the statistics (and my own personal experience) being how women do a substantially greater share of work around the house which includes inventorying, planning, shopping, and then the actual work at the house, it may be beneficial to you to make sure that you are doing your share, at a minimum, in HER eyes. With kids, she's (again I'm assuming) doing the majority of the work so you going off boating may just seem like her getting left with the kids yet again. Have you sat down with her and discussed the distribution of labor and responsibilities? Do you make sure to take some time to take the kids so she can go run off with girlfriends or just get errands done without also being a "mom"? How about planning (yes, planning is a lot of work) babysitters so you two can go do fun stuff that does not include managing the kids? Now I am not accusing you of anything, just talking about a lot of issues that friends with kids have that may be useful to think about. Doing your share of "guys" chores may not be enough. Do you clean the toilet AND the wall next to it? If she feels like she's getting left behind to yet again babysit (although a mom would never say that, it can feel like it) I wouldn't be surprised at all at her reaction.


You hit pretty much every nail on the head. I got in 48 days in '04 and almost got divorced. It wasn't the boating. It was my attitude and my participation around the house.

I did take a break from boating (visible to my wife) so she could see that I was more committed to the family. We also bought a 2nd raft and I took them out on a lot more Class I-II stuff. I'd rather raft with my family than kayak with the crew...even though I love kayaking a lot more than rafting.

I clean the kitchen (and not just the dishes) and now vacuum...including the edge of teh walls where the dog hair accumulates. Chicks notice those messy parts, and I guess it's good karma if guys clean there where we wouldn't if we lived solo. :lol:

I got in 35 days in '12 and things are great at home. Issues with getting time to go on the rio have nothing to do with the river.

OP, if you have no kids, Paddle Iraq has your advice.


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## Billy Goat (Feb 3, 2011)

To the OP- Not sure how long you have been married? I love my wife for sure and I also love quiet so I guess I would take silent treatment as opposed too most of the alternatives. Ya get home tired, go to bed, wake up tomorrow and everybodies talking again. Good luck in your mindscaping.


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## The Mogur (Mar 1, 2010)

Gnome79 said:


> I have a spouse that is not all that thrilled with my boating addiction. Just wondering what other folks do to set the stage for a day on the water.QUOTE]
> 
> Recently Married Wife: What, you're going rafting again? Seems like all you want to do is go rafting. I mean, what's the point? How many times do you have to go down the same damn river? I figured you'd grow up and quit these outings with that bunch of delinquints you hang out with.
> 
> ...


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

*Get her a hobby!!!*

She needs to find something that she likes to do. My wife has a couple of horses. I have very little use for those high dollar hay burners but I always make sure to give her plenty of time to play with them. And in return I get to paddle and she doesn't mind running shuttle.


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## John_in_Loveland (Jun 9, 2011)

Gotta put her first man. Run the GC one time or one last time, sell the kayak and get a raft that will hold you both and the dog. (Some unbreakable wine glasses at lunch stops can also help)

Finally figured out at 60 that while gravity sports are way fun, they eventually loose their luster while the wife gets better and better


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## herdsire (Feb 17, 2011)

*Herdsire*

Been married to the same great woman for over 38 years and raised 2 wonderful kids. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times my wife has gone boating with me. Just not interested. Lord knows I've tried. Mind you that I'm not an occasional boater, I fish every month of the year(over 100 days last year) with a least 5-6 multi-day raft trips thrown in. 
For the longest time she thought I spent time on the water just to escape her and the kids. Then when she finally realized just how IMPORTANT it was for my mental state, things changed dramaticaly for the better. 
It's still very important to carry an equal end of the marriage duties and above all spend lots of quality time with your kids! They grow up fast!


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## OldFatMan (Jan 10, 2011)

I mostly lurk and read- seldom even log in but finally a thread I can contribute something! For 22 years - if the kids couldn't go, I didn't go. I fish 25-30 weekends and take at least 2 fishing vacations every year now that they are out on their own. Mama goes 1 or 2 days per year- I make her comfortable, come home early, take a great picnic lunch, buy her dinner on the way home and clean everything up when we get home. Now, mama is glad when I go and happy when I come home. Oh, and pick the right one!


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## Pro Leisure (Sep 19, 2011)

What say you Gnome? What advice if any is going to work for you?


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## Gnome79 (Mar 17, 2012)

Thanks for all the input and advice. When i started the thread I was really just hoping for some humorous lines (actually used or made up) to give the spouse for reasons to go boating. Definitely got some of these along with some good advice. Guess I didn't tee it up quite right. Oh well, next post.

I think I'm actually pretty good about balancing family/spouse time with my own time. We kind of have an unspoken agreement that i can go boating once every two to three weeks. Even though she warms up pretty quick, I still get the silent treatment so maybe a little more communication is needed as some have suggested.

Ok, enough Dr. Phil. What are some good reasons/excuses/justifications to get on the water? For a spouse, boss, teacher or other.


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

Gnome79 said:


> Ok, enough Dr. Phil. What are some good reasons/excuses/justifications to get on the water? For a spouse, boss, teacher or other.


"of course I have to paddle every day ITS RIVER SEASON DAMNIT"


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## MT4Runner (Apr 6, 2012)

Gnome79 said:


> Ok, enough Dr. Phil. What are some good reasons/excuses/justifications to get on the water? For a spouse, boss, teacher or other.


Mental health. Even if (somehow ) you have a shitty day on the rio, ALWAYS come back and give 115% to show how good the river time has been for your psyche. 

Once you get it well-established, once you start getting grumpy after being dry too long, if you're lucky they'll beg you to go boating!


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## caverdan (Aug 27, 2004)

Remember..... if it get's too bad......give her half your shit and find a woman who boats.


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## LSB (Mar 23, 2004)

MT4Runner said:


> Once you get it well-established, once you start getting grumpy after being dry too long, if you're lucky they'll beg you to go boating!


Exactly! Just like when mine tells me to go out to the garage and get an attitude adjustment.


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## Learch (Jul 12, 2010)

*Reasons*



Gnome79 said:


> Thanks for all the input and advice. When i started the thread I was really just hoping for some humorous lines (actually used or made up) to give the spouse for reasons to go boating. Definitely got some of these along with some good advice. Guess I didn't tee it up quite right. Oh well, next post.
> 
> I think I'm actually pretty good about balancing family/spouse time with my own time. We kind of have an unspoken agreement that i can go boating once every two to three weeks. Even though she warms up pretty quick, I still get the silent treatment so maybe a little more communication is needed as some have suggested.
> 
> Ok, enough Dr. Phil. What are some good reasons/excuses/justifications to get on the water? For a spouse, boss, teacher or other.


 When I did the Grand I was 16, so my geology and meteorology teachers both told me I'd learn more there than at school, lol. 

I might get to save a dog (Did that 2 trips ago) 

My Dad's boss is the one who got us into rafting, so he's an easy sell. "Hey Jeff, you wanna go boating today?" Uh, okay... (On a Monday morning)


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