# Quit kayaking?



## Id725

Don't try to keep her in the sport.
It's not a sport that anybody should be talked into, at all. If you don't love it, aren't passionate, and don't REALLY want to do it, then you shouldn't do it.
I don't ever want to be on the river with somebody who's not sure they want to be there.
If she decides on her own that she wants to do it, awesome. We need more ladies on the rivers.
But if she says she doesn't want to do it, then that's it. Let it be.

(in my humble opinion)

-Mike


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## Id725

Oh - and sorry, I didn't realize this was on the Betty Buzz until just now (it was on the top of the list on the front page, you know?)
I feel like I just walked into the ladies' room on accident.
Excuse me.


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## gh

Being in a kayak just didnt work for my wife. We bought a duckie and she goes on a few III trips. It keeps her connected without feeling like she is gonna die.


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## cecil

i've had a very similar situation with my girl. she hasn't thrown in the towel, but her excitement about the upcoming season isn't really there either. she has mentioned that she would like to find some other female paddlers who would be willing to go with her, because she wants to "make some friends" from the sport. females are social creatures, so it would make sense that she might feel more comfortable with other female boaters.

we are going to try to get her hooked up with other female paddlers this spring. there are local groups that love to only paddle deckers/play parks/etc. and just take it easy. 

it sounds like it was never much fun for your girl because she was white-knuckled the whole time, so maybe getting her set up with other's that are at the same ability level could make her feel comfortable while she gets over that initial learning curve.

just my $.02


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## lmaciag

I almost gave it up after my first year after an injury... and again after my second year because my friends had progressed past me while I was dealing with head issues from the first year. Two years ago I found a great group to paddle with and it made all the difference (80 days this year and moving into IVs). Maybe paddling with some other people will help. There is definitely a different vibe when it's all chicks too. Things mellow out, people aren't as afraid to ask questions, they see more of a peer on the river. Then again, I've seen people rely on their significant other and freak out when they aren't there.

Do they have rolls? Fearing a swim can be very intimidating. If not, perhaps some dedicated pool time over the winter. CWWA has a 'Mental Toughness' class that has produced some great results. I didn't go through it, but I know they spend a lot of time in the pool on rolling drills... unexpected flips, flip over and pass you paddle to the other hand then set up and roll, people jumping on your boat, bump them when they are trying to roll, etc. BUT, also knowing that someone is right there for a T-rescue. Maybe look into that or try some of it on your own. I saw a guy I know literally throwing his wife around the pool in her boat last year, she did FANTASTIC this past season.

I always try to throw in some time on easier stretches with less experienced folks. I'm over on the 'other' site more than here (coloradokayakers), but would like to get more involved here too. I'll post up when the snow starts to melt.

Honestly, I can't believe I ever contimplated leaving the sport... but I did. I'm glad I got over my issues, but it's not the right sport for everybody and that needs to be respected.

Laurie


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## Kimy

I really can't add much here, ....the replies have covered the spectrum, ...and LOTS of really good advice here.
I can only add one wee anecdote. I paddled last spring in big water on a Class III- section of our local river with the Mom of two kids who are likely to be world class paddlers (if they want to be). The kids were really nice and attentive and so was hubby, but mom was a bundle of nerves being on something new. Wasn't hard, just unknown to her and intimidating as everything else was in flood stage. We let the kids and the dad go and I had her follow me down the rio. 
She had all the skills, but just wanted to know WHAT was coming. I was so happy to show her all the VERY conservative lines and talked, talked talked to her. She had a great time.
Anyway, you will figure it out.


KJ
PS. IMHO the worst coach for a new or intermediate paddler is her hubby or significant other. I know there are good ones, but I am a big proponenet of finding someone else to fill that role.


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## Ken Vanatta

*get her the Girls at play video*

Get her the Girls at Play video and have her first watch the Interview Chapters. Don't start with the technique chapters first. She'll be overwhelmed. Go straight to the women sharing their emotions and advice. It helped my daughters to hear the feelings and opinions of women and to respect their influence and accomplishments. Particularly to realize that they all cried or still do cry and that it is okay to release their crying rather than trying to hold it in. It seems it leads to a release and a calming effect. Something that she learns from and then can refocus. Getting them back in the pool this winter will by key. I would like them to use the tinyest boats and work on tricks in the pool. I think that would add excitement back to things for them. Then lots of class I and II camping trips next season will help them grow in confidence and appreciate rivers. 

Best wishes.
Ken


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## Loaner

Some people are just plain scared of water. People like me, who love the water, cannot possibly imagine the level of fear involved. My husband, who was never a swimmer and doesn't especially like the water, absolutely loves to kayak. He's a solid class III boater, with a few IV's under his belt. Pretty bombproof roll. He accomplishes new things of his own accord, at his own pace, in his own time. I'm so proud of his accomplishments considering his fears. So, the love of kayaking won out over fear. 

I know a teacher/coach that teaches a kayak roll class, but she's scared to death on rivers. Technically perfect roll in the pool, but I swear she has a panic attack the entire time down class II's. Its really weird.

Maciag, I'm sure glad you didn't quit girl!

Merry Christmas! (Santa already brought what we really want!!!!)

Deb


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## H2Obug

*CW Mental Toughness*

There are 2 mental toughness classes this year. The first one starts Jan. 21 and the 2nd one starts April 29. The class includes 3 2-hour pool sessions, 2 on-river days at CW training camp, and training camp fees. You have to be a CW member. If you're interested, go to www.coloradowhitewater.org. 

I think this class has helped a lot of people, but only if they WANTed the help. It hasn't helped those that haven't want to be there or are scared to death. I agree that if people are not having fun, they shouldn't be on the river. 

Cheers!


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## Tiggy

Get her to row a raft


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## tellutwurp

well Mike, I think getting her knees all banged up on the poudre in high water may have been a bit scary not too mention swimming down foxton. That scar above your eye is a pleasent reminder that even if you don't swim doesn't mean you're going to stay perty... Hell, I imagine she doesn't even want to be around it after our epic on the arkansas... Anyway, maybe you should get her in one of those clinics for women where she can meet some people that paddle at her level...but then again she probably doesn't love it and was just doing it for you and to be around you. And I agree with Tiggy, we should get our girls a raft...


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## Strider

What about our BOYFRIENDS or HUSBANDS who get scared %$#*less while trying to learn how to kayak?!? As a veteran girl paddler (>20yrs) I taught a few old boyfriends (and my husband) how to paddle. My husband wants nothing to do with kayaking. So I bought him a duckie. He can paddle almost everything I can (except huge whitewater) and the groover fits in his duckie for our extended trips!
Kim


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## Anna Levesque

There is a lot of good advice being posted! I'd like to reinforce how important it can be to find a group of women for her to paddle with. It can make a huge difference. A few weeks ago I paddled a class IV river with a group and there was a woman who was paddling for the first time in 6 months. She was doing great and the guys she was with meant really well and wanted to encourage her, but without even realizing they got in her way and she had a few bad experiences. 

One guy decided he wanted to show off and surf the hole (which wasn't very fun in the first place) at the bottom of the rapid and throwdown. He had a hard time getting out of the hole and she came down while he was still in there. She saw him and it freaked her out so she back paddled a bit trying to avoid him and ended up sidesurfing the hole. Of course she knocked him out! She ended up getting a bit trashed and swimming and feeling badly about her skills even though she was doing fine. That guy didn't mean for her to swim, but he could have waited until everyone was finished running the rapid before he surfed the hole. The guys would have boofed over him or gone around him, but she was already feeling stressed that day. If she had been more aggressive she would have boofed over him too, but she was nervous and it freaked her out. I was a bit peeved at the guy because it would have been really easy for him to just wait to surf the hole -- that should be common courtesy and river etiquette. And his lack of consciensciousness cause her to have a bad experience!

On a rapid further downstream the guy who was leading her (a different guy) led her down the hardest line -- probably because that was what he wanted to run. When I saw that she was following hime I knew she would have trouble because it's a pretty hard line. She ended up getting pinned on a rock and having to push herself off the bottom. Luckily she didn't swim, but it freaked her out.

These were good examples of how even when guys mean well they can still end up getting in the way because they don't approach the sport in the same way. Guys are more physically aggressive and they recover from and brush off swims or bad lines a lot more easily than women do. It's important to remember this when paddling with women. It's really, really important for women to have safe, fun experiences when they're starting (especially nervous women) and if you're not willing to paddle class II and take the easy lines and maybe not play so much that day then you shouldn't really be leading nervous women down ther River. This may sound like a generalization, but I've seen it so many times. Like people have said here in their posts-- women are social, they like to take it slow and easy at first on the river. I also agree that it's better to learn without your significant other. 

I really hope she doesn't quit without trying to paddle with other women and finding a group that she has fun with. I do also agree though that the sport isn't for everybody and you can't force it. Let her know that if she has any questions she can email me.


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## liquidchaos

I have had the same issues. My girl was a great class III boater, she did shosho and browns a bunch, she had an offside roll, hand roll in a pool, and now she jsut will paddle a duckie. I never pushed her too hard, and she is just not into it any more! she can row easy stuff, but wont really noat anymore. she will be in denver so I hope that she will get into some womans groups and [paddle some more, but she just hasnt gotten into it. she loves being on the river but how do I encourage her to be in her boat more? 
when girls are involved she is deffinatly more apt to being there, but, I take it like skiing, dont ever teach your signifigant other how to ski, or be abetter skier, it always spells trouble! any advise would be great!


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## bkp77

I think it's important to realize that not everyone has the same passion for rivers that we all share. Flip the tables abit...say your gal loves ice skating and is a "Class V" is skater too. You come along as a total noob and she tries to get her guy into ice skating so she can share the experience/passion with him. 

The idea of ice skating makes my skin crawl but I would probably go along with it abit to check it out... but then after awhile and since there is still no real passion for it or desire to grow in it then I'd probably start passing on it too.

Bottom line...flip the situation around and put yourselves in something you don't have much passion for... What would you do? Probably the same as many of your girlfriends are doing. 

Not everyone gets it the way we do. Life goes on.


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## CUkayakGirl

Kim you rock!!!! 

I totally agree that you should not teach a sig. other how to paddle, emotions get in the way. I know I turn wimpy and second guess everything when I paddle with my boyfriend, it is something I can't help and sometimes I get very frustrated. 

I would say make sure she has a solid roll; she will never have confidence if she can not make her roll. 

If you guys are in the metro area this summer PM me, I will be around and would love to help in any way I can; the more girls paddling the better.


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## waterlily

There are two things that I think are really important; confidence and being totally comfortable around everyone you are boating with. Having confidence means the difference between being scared shitless and really enjoying yourself.

I know where your girl is coming from. I started kayaking about four years ago. That summer I fell in love with it. I got my roll right away and was ready to try anything. I even ran the numbers on the ark (at low water). By the next spring however I had lost something and had a bad first trip down filter plant, filter plant of all runs!! That one bad run completely ruined my confidence. Ever since then I have only kayaked a little each summer and each time out have been scared shitless. I am also a raft guide, so swimming doesn't bother me (did that a few times on the narrows of the ark this past summer) but for some reason I don't even want to practice my roll. I feel bad going with the people I guide with becuase I feel really silly if I swim. It is very hard seeing people you learned with or who learned after you progress further than you. 

I would definitely try to get her around some female paddlers. They know what she is going through and have a better chance of talking her through it. I know that you want to help, but because you are on a different level of paddling she may feel embarassed around you. I was so embarassed when I swam at high water paddling with my boyfriend, he was completely supportive and always right there to help but he is a solid class V boater and I felt silly.

Also, try to get her in the pool this winter and give her lots of encouragement. ******just becuase she is scared now doesn't mean she doesn't have passion for the river. I live to be out on the water and I struggle to remember that great feeling of confidence and joy that came from paddling.


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## sarahkonamojo

*Love the person, not the sport*

My suggestion would be to get your SO to love the river as much as you do, assuming you love the river more than the adrenaline rush. If you want her to be around on the river, you might have to try other approaches.

As Tiggy said, she could learn to row a raft. She will become very popular among river people and have a very deep appreciation for the river. Or a duckie. Or just being a passenger in a raft.

In all cases, it would be best if there were other friendly female paddlers around. And the water isn't too high or too scary.

You have no idea how flat a river has to be to make some kayakers relax. The Filter Plant isn't it. Try Horsetooth.

Don't push, you stand to lose it all.

sarah


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## SarahK

1) She thinks she was "scared shitless" and you thought you "never pushed her too hard". Maybe you should work on some communication skills.  It seems like you thought the situation was fine, but she didn't. 

2) She obviously remembers being scared more than she remembers having fun. Everyone gets scared, but the fun to scared balance needs to lean toward the fun side. If I didn't have fun, I wouldn't kayak! Was she having fun when you guys went boating? Maybe you should try to communicate a little better, and make sure she is enjoying herself when you are out on the water.

3) You shouldn't try to teach your girlfriend how to boat. Period. Pay someone else (lessons), or find her a group of beginner (preferably female) paddlers to hang with.


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## stumpster

Lots of great advice here. 

I have a similar situation with both my daughter and wife. Both have full kayak gear and seem to love it but are scared to death of leaving an eddy.
My daughter was rolling after a half an hour last year but she won't wet exit without freaking out so I cant leave her side. My wife was doing great 2 summers ago until she had a swim on the upper sea, something that seemed harmless to me, (I floated her down without even a scratch) but now she is white knuckled as soon as she gets in a boat(those doors of perception).
Tonight I just bought 2 duckies and it will be up to them where they go from here. All I know is that I love the river (120+ paddles last year w/ a full time job) and the only thing that could make my time there any better is to have them with me.

Now as far as this whole thing being a girl / guy issue! Hmmmm

The things I read in the previous post are all the same things I dealt with when I learned. I was pinching a loaf as soon as I saw the water. I taught my self how to roll, and paddle well enough to not feel like a total [email protected]@ in front of other people. My wife and daughter would go with me in tubes to the upper sea or sweet-water, that and hours in big Eddy's is how I got enough confidence to go with paddle club. Through paddle club I met some great paddlers (women) who taught me from there. Now I'll paddle with anyone that will have me

I guess my point is that its not a female thing to feel the way she feels. Each one of us has her or his way of dealing with situations like those that present themselves on the river and it all comes down to how bad we want it.
Kayaking is definitely a self journey into the soul that can tell us a lot about ourselves. Some don't like what they see others embrace it and still others choose to not go there.

My other point is definitely get her into a female group, they are far better at teaching and making someone comfortable in the present situation!

LOL Ive been married almost 16 years now and that's my 2 sense!


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