# 2011 Gnarrows Race?



## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Wow! This may be the most premature Gnarrows Race thread ever, Poudre's running near 5 feet as it has been for the past month. I can't say the Gnarrows Race has even crossed my mind yet, I'm more concerned about when that damn gate opens.

BTW wouldn't waiting until after school starts benefit you? Laramie is closer than Casper. All Casper boaters are welcome, we enjoying seeing girls boof on heads.


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## freexbiker (Jul 18, 2005)

Just wondering.... And thanks for the geography lesson....


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Mostly felt obligated to throw some trash talk in there, it is the gnarrows race thread after all. The rate the season has been unfolding everything seems a month off so I would expect the race late August or early September, unless we buck the trend of scheduling it around flows.


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## Awoody (Nov 15, 2006)

You pussies, I think the current flows would be excellent for the race.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

With Austin on this but leave it to 307..Nathan you can't talk shit till you show up.. pussy


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## chiefton (Aug 3, 2006)

*wieners*

You are all a bunch of wieners.

Love,
Craig


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## Lin3Dawg (Jan 16, 2011)

Ok so the levels are dropping. Is there going to be a race this year? Not that I'm entering, just wondering.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Oh, there will be race. I'm in communication with the current buckle holder. He may or may not attend but the prize will make it home one way or another. Late August is the likely scenario.


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## gannon_w (Jun 27, 2006)

Whoa that's a record...smack talking on the second post about who's representing in the Gnarrows race!

Back in Arkansas here 

I'll do a richland race if it ever comes up


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

It would certainly be awesome for Natalie and me if the race were to take place sometime after august 22, since we'll be in canada until then. I've never had a chance to race the narrows.

If we miss it, maybe we'll put together some sort of Big Thompson race instead.


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

leif said:


> It would certainly be awesome for Natalie and me if the race were to take place sometime after august 22, since we'll be in canada until then. I've never had a chance to race the narrows.
> 
> If we miss it, maybe we'll put together some sort of Big Thompson race instead.


Would The Big Thompson race take place in the gnar section? if so I vote we have a group that includes portaging and one that doesn't. I'm going to start a strenuous work out routine that will give me ungodly portaging powers. Think a Prefontaine and Hussein Bolt hybrid.

http://www.justrunners.com/Steve-Prefontaine-Poster.jpg + http://www.iaaf.org/mm/photo/competitions/competition/04/70/46/47046_full-lnd.jpg = me


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

Of course it'd be on the gnar section. Those other parts are really more of a high water novelty. I don't think people actually paddle them very much. 

As for the portaging, I think that's an awesome idea. Contestants in that division would be required to portage at least once, but there would be no rule about where they portage. Start and finish would have to be in the boat, though. But this is all hypothetical.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

I just want to point out that I just got done with a low water ssv run on Friday. Combine that with a high water jw/spencers that makes for two days in my creek boat. I have been saving all my energy for this race. You all are done for. My right boof was mediocre but it is super mediocre since I have been pushing rubber with my right shoulder.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

The Buckle is on it's way home. Sunday the 21st of August is being floated as the date. Leif and Natalie will be back so they can complete their nuptials by taken each other out in the finals. Who wants it? Comon and and get it.


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## [email protected] (Apr 26, 2006)

Y'all better prey the kings and postpile stay in til next week or I will have to come and plunder that race


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## drumrmax (Apr 29, 2009)

Gnarrows is good to go! lets do this!


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## gannon_w (Jun 27, 2006)

All you guys make me feel bad to claim being from Colorado to my buds here in Arkansas...THIS IS THE GNARROWS RACE and there are barely TWO pages with very mediocre $hit talking at best??? In fact, I've seen better $hit talking between first year boaters comtemplating running Mad Dog on Filter Plant than what I see here. Get your act together and represent! 

Jeeze, do I have to spell it out for you?

$hit talking topics:
Moms!
Missed Boofs!
Swims!
Time upside down!
Bad lines!
Downgrading a class!
Easier Whiteline!


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## GAtoCSU (Apr 18, 2005)

My money is on Evan. He's super aerodynamic.


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## funkins (Jun 24, 2005)

Now Gannon is talking shit from Arkansas. This thread has reached a new all-time low.


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Finally my moment to gloat has come! After missing almost all of this epic season in CO, I can honestly say that I have better things to do than backdoor bumper boating down the gnarrows at 1.5 with you fools....I'm on my way to boof the Green! And I'll be doing that for the next 8 months until you suckers in CO can finally go kayaking again. 

But if I were to show, I would clearly win because:
-Tom's poor river karma due to years worth of shit talking and downgrading rivers such as NSV and USB would finally catch up him as his monkey back hairs catch on the blast rock forcing a swim. 
-Kyle will likely have too much muscle strain from flat water paddling during his last epic 8-day class III adventure.
-I heard Alex was interested in competing in the new portage-option division this year, but I suspect his knee will slow that down a bit.
-Which pretty much leaves me and Evan, who is clearly faster and on home territory. However, I expect him to have problems finding a babysitter because the Steamboat guys coming down will likely occupy all the 15-17 year old girls in the Fort. 
- Leif again returns to the race as Slave river play boating champion!
- The French just aren't fast, they can't even win their own damn bike race.
- Gary is clearly too busy with his rigorous golf schedule to show up. 
- Only a true Mank master could style those lines at 1.5!

Have fun boys! I definitely wish I was there this season, but I'll see you out east.
Joe


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## gannon_w (Jun 27, 2006)

funkins said:


> Now Gannon is talking shit from Arkansas. This thread has reached a new all-time low.


 
Ummm you know how boring the ACC message board is compared to the buzz! I'm just trying to paddle vicariously through posting on the buzz (which has been proven to make you a better paddler). It's dry as desert here and rockport is the only thing running and only on the weekends. 

FYI have you seen the thread on cement in richland? Apparently some ACC members may have taken some concrete to the roadblock rapid undercut.


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

Keck! Talking trash for an event you're too scared to enter. I can't believe it. Furthermore, what's this watered down clam juice you seem to be calling "trash talk"? Based on your arguments, looks like I'm the one favored to win. I may not have much experience at these weird in-between levels, but I think that my experience up here on the Slave (yes, winning. I see you've been following my blog) has gotten me in prime shape to go head to head against the only real competition: NATALIE. 

Tell me though. Most of my experience on the pooter is either high water (above 5 feet) or low water (below 0 feet). You mention mank... I don't know why... will the lines be any different?


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## ski_kayak365 (Dec 7, 2003)

Ya, just how was Texas during Colorado's spanking amazing high water season anyway? I mean I'm sure you could'a got in a boat and tried out a few tornado's....
I'm in this year, what do you have to say about that?? 

After watching the many swims throughout baileyfest, this should be good times!


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

Comon Keck your talking smack while admitting your not attending the race? Shits weak.
I'm thinking we should make the race this next Sunday. 

-Leif its awesome you are winning competitions on the slave but you cant wave wheel your way to victory in the narrows. 
-Evan is going to have a rough time cleaning up the narrows with his current rock bashing skills. I'm estimating he pins three times on the first lap.
-The last time I saw Cutch he was surfing at the golden play park. Not exactly top notch narrows training.
-I'm waiting for Luke to start some shit but getting him to leave wyoming is damn near impossible.
-Mike, well he will get boofed on by a girl and swim, everyone knows that.
-Nathan ran the left side of tampax during Bailey fest... I think this just disqualifies him from the race. 
-If Tom comes down to race, someone will have to make sure it's not actually his paddle partner who has matching... well everything. Did you guys coordinate that shit? Its damn cute.
-YourRealDad... I saw you race last year. Impressive but if you spent less time picking that thong out of your ass you might stand a chance.

This river is my home stretch, so all of you coming from out of town, you might as well not show up. All the locals wanting to show up, you guys are just old and brittle, stay home.


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

smauk2 said:


> -Leif it's awesome you are winning competitions on the slave but you can't wave wheel your way to victory in the narrows.


That's where you're wrong, Spencer. I'm just that fast.


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## funkins (Jun 24, 2005)

So...is it going to be Sunday the 21st? Any the afterparty?


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

Ya Sunday the 21st. I created a face book event stating it starts around 2pm, but this doesn't have to be concrete if people need to re-arrange for work and what not.

After party? I sure hope so, let the Buzzards start throwing out ideas for locations and times.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

hah you suckers had a hard enough time keeping up with me and i ran gore before the race.. shit you metrosexuals are lucky i have better things to do than play slap ass. you guys are going to get stomped specially leif and natalie you going against the 60 mile champs and i wouldnt leave woody out of the equation.. way to get it keck


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

This will be my first year so I am going to say, 

rabble, rabble, rabble, 

just in case I get destroyed. I'll talk shit later.

see you there.


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## freexbiker (Jul 18, 2005)

307 is gunna win. All you greenies'll be sucking your thumbs after I pass you.


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## [email protected] (Apr 26, 2006)

Since I'm not gonna be there maybe I will call christian out of retirement so cutch won't win it.


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

I started narrows training today so none of you stand a chance. The rain spiked it up to a juicy (unless your tom medium brah, which would be bone zone), 2.3. Nathan and I blue angled super collider. Nathan botched the boof, and next thing I know his boat is across my chest in the hole. The area definitely earned some more respect from me. But still, don't expect to win bitches.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Look, I know this thread is for talking shit but I am going to go ahead and be the adult here and do you all a solid. Don't show up. It will be a waste of gas, time, pride (gay for Tom) for you all to race against me. It will be like being put in the ring against Conan the Barbarian. You will get destroyed. I haven't ran the new Whiteline yet, but I rafted Filterplant at least 10,000 time this season so you all are like Jenna Jamison and Fu#%[email protected]


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

I've been playboating and rafting for like a month now, so I'm going to be pretty excited to run over some paddlers that think they're fast. A lot of built up aggression since I haven't run class V since the last time that I won a race. It's good to hear that Natalie is going to make it so I have some competition. See ya'll Sunday.


On a more serious note, since Gore race isn't happening this year we might have a good turnout, eh? Let's see some more Colorado folks show up to represent so in the off chance that a severly piton I won't get passed by some guy from back east. Because of the shit talking, this event has a super good competitor vibe, and can be really fun to watch if you time it right.


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## jonny water (Oct 28, 2003)

Since the Southeasterner won last year, will he show up to defend his title, or at least to pass down the belt buckle?


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

jonny water said:


> Since the Southeasterner won last year, will he show up to defend his title, or at least to pass down the belt buckle?


I don't think he is showing, but I have heard the buckle will return for the race.

On another note I continued race training yesterday. I am currently enjoying a slice of humble pie. I had it for dinner last night too. There is enough to last me for a few days...

We all know the river gods ARE ALWAYS LISTENING. It turns out they browse mountainbuzz as well. I've learned more lessons this year than I care to admit, and its probably because I have a thicker skull than I care to think. Turns out my greatest weapon is likely my downfall this season... being young, dumb, and full of... shit talk.

Oh yea and heads up for the epic eddy/hole in the bottom right of Whiteline.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

It flushes...


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

The Buckle has returned to CO, the vultures are circling (especially in the Whiltline eddy of doom) and the game time has been set. 2pm, pull out 1/4 mile above Super Collider racers meeting. Come and git sum.


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

smauk2 said:


> the river gods ARE ALWAYS LISTENING. It turns out they browse mountainbuzz as well.


Now THAT should be the Mountain Buzz tagline.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Evan,
Please engrave the buckle:
2011 Jacobi

That's jacobi with an i not a y


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## ski_kayak365 (Dec 7, 2003)

and when *I* am running you over and asking *Y* your swimming....engrave what now??


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

U must have me confused with Casper mike


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## bolsito (Aug 26, 2007)

Anyone wanna meet up around noon to run a lap pre-race?


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## gannon_w (Jun 27, 2006)

While you ladies (Sorry to Nat if me calling all the guys ladies has offended you ) are all piddling around and stuck running the Gnarrows race I'll be playboating on a 4-hour dam released only on the weekends during the summer river (Rockport) with one good ender/cartwheel hole! HA HA H...oh wait


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## funkins (Jun 24, 2005)

Results??????


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

There was 1 winner, 12 losers and a bunch of shit talkers that watched from the shore, including one that delayed the start of the race because he thought it would be good to practice swimming Whiteline again.

Good times at the race even if I was one of the losers.


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

*Natalie boofs over guy in Whiteline.*

I got some good shots today, but this might be my favorite  I'll add a link with all the pics I got real soon. Great race folks.


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

Was this before or after she pretended to pull that guy's skirt? I think "gentlemen's rules" don't quite apply to Natalie.


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

allegedly pretended.


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## ski_kayak365 (Dec 7, 2003)

another loser here.....great race, excellent paddling w/ everyone!

Leif, thanks for some great lines! I got the double claw from the rear, I'll work on getting it a into a quick video. I need to be a bit closer next time though.


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

> I got the double claw from the rear, I'll work on getting it a into a quick video. I need to be a bit closer next time though.


Josh, I think you just "outed yourself."


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

So, I don't have any official results or anything, but I did just finish writing a really detailed account of the race, with some photos:

Leif and Natalie: Gnarrows Race 2011

Some partial results:

1) Curt
2) Leif
3) Austin and Josh (tie)

5 (i.e. finished third in semifinals): Nathan Werner and Kyle McCrotching

7 (i.e. finished fourth in semis): Natalie Anderson and Evan Stafford


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## gannon_w (Jun 27, 2006)

ednaout said:


> I got some good shots today, but this might be my favorite  I'll add a link with all the pics I got real soon. Great race folks.


 
That pic need a caption...who got boofed on?


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Awesome write-up Leif. That is what it's all about. Your mom killed it on the shots too. Nice work Leif's mom. Not to be confused with the proverbial "Leif's mom," of races past...

Also, congrats Kurt! Great race all around.


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## ACC (Oct 30, 2003)

ednaout said:


> I got some good shots today, but this might be my favorite  I'll add a link with all the pics I got real soon. Great race folks.


Nice shot. But your caption is off. Should read: guy (me) nicely removing Natalie from a surf at the base of whiteline. (yes I was losing to a girl.)


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Clayden is right, or it could read, "Natalie catches a ride in Alex's lap out of the eddy of doom." Stoked both of you came for the race but was not as stoked when I found out both of you were in my heat!


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## bill (Oct 13, 2003)

Leif's mom has a name. her name is Ann. just thought a few of you children should know that.


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

*Phantom boater...*

This one needs a caption too. Josh Heise is down there somewhere.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Kind of an inside joke for those who were involved in the Gnarrows race from the beginning... there is another Leif, Leif Embertson, who pronounces his name "Life," and for whose "mom" became the subject of much debate and actually turned into something quite different than his actual mother. 

Ann, Leif Anderson's mom took some phenomenal photos this year and it was awesome to have her at the event. I believe clarifying in this instance is understandable considering the closeness of these two Norse's names, dimensions and lifestyles, and the subsequent involvement of Leif A's mother. And for the record I have children, so it might be stretch to be calling me a child, as much as I admittedly may act like one still (thank GOD).


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## peterholcombe (Mar 8, 2006)

Here are a few shots I got. Enjoy!


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## gosudizayn (Aug 22, 2011)

peterholcombe said:


> Here are a few shots I got. Enjoy!



Awesome shots thanks a lot....


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## Airborne2504 (Jul 11, 2008)

*Some pics I got*

Here's a few that I got. Enjoy! I'm also trying to upload all of the photos I got to an album on here, once I figure that out again, I'll poast back up!

Here's the album on Facebook for those of you that have FB. 
Facebook

Lemme know if the FB link works!

- Alex


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## Airborne2504 (Jul 11, 2008)

*A couple more!*

SOme more pics,!


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## gosudizayn (Aug 22, 2011)

Airborne2504 said:


> Here's a few that I got. Enjoy! I'm also trying to upload all of the photos I got to an album on here, once I figure that out again, I'll poast back up!
> 
> Here's the album on Facebook for those of you that have FB.
> Facebook
> ...



Facebook link is working...Ty for more shots...


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## Airborne2504 (Jul 11, 2008)

*AND, a few more,..*

Trim that BUSH!!! , HEH, Please.  Last couple for now, gonna try and figure out this album thing on here.


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## crackeryaker (Oct 15, 2003)

leif said:


> So, I don't have any official results or anything, but I did just finish writing a really detailed account of the race, with some photos:
> 
> Leif and Natalie: Gnarrows Race 2011
> 
> ...


Thanks for the great write up Leif, from those of us who couldn't make it. Looks like it was a fun day for the racers and spectators alike, see you there next year!

Mike

to all the racers and spectators who showed for supporting!


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## JJH (Oct 14, 2003)

Another great day on the river wwith some really fun and slightly competitive paddlers. 

Thanks to the safety boaters, who like us, organized by showing up and paddling.

till next year.


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

There are a ton of pictures on this flickr link from race day, I simply didn't have time to weed out and whittle down the set. If you see one of you that you want, shoot me a message and I'll send it to you.

Enjoy!


Gnarrows race 2011 - a set on Flickr

p.s. Let me know if there is a problem with the link...


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

lukes mustache looks scary. sick pics beth


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## jmack (Jun 3, 2004)

You guys let Heise make the finals? Must have been a weak field.


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## ski_kayak365 (Dec 7, 2003)

What no trashing of jmack for that comment? He calls Kyle, Evan, nathan, natalie, Alex, and the rest of you weak and no one trashes back?? Either that, or I'm just a bad ass kayaker that got in front, minus leif on my ass the whole time


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

I briefly remember seeing Heise on my right somewhere above Super Collider in the first round, but didn't see him much after that except when I looked behind me, so I actually think that semifinal bracket might have been a little weak. 

We need a better starting gate for next years race. 

Gnarrows Race is such a fun non-event.


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