# How to keep going



## lmyers (Jun 10, 2008)

Most of us have been through this type of experience one way or another, although you have been on the river longer than many....everyone deals with it differently, some are able to get back into it, some are not.

Here are a couple of similar threads that might provide a little reading material for you:

http://www.mountainbuzz.com/forums/f11/losing-your-edge-river-nerves-25961.html

http://www.mountainbuzz.com/forums/f11/shattered-whitewater-confidence-30829.html

good luck


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## Avatard (Apr 29, 2011)

Have you considered switching to a boat (raft or cataraft)? I would think you could get the same pleasure with what I consider a less hazardous hobby


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## TriBri1 (Nov 15, 2011)

I had a similar experience but with open water swimming, where I was in a race and got ran over and pushed under water and could not find a hole to come up for a breath for what felt like forever. It was hard to get back in the pool or ocean without a little panic. I did start pool swimming again then open water swimming and pushed through it.

I would also suggest picking up flatwater kayaking. You still get the paddling feel and solitude, but without the stress around whitewater. When you feel ready for whitewater stick to confidence runs with paddlers that you are comfortable with.

Good luck


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## lhowemt (Apr 5, 2007)

This may be too touchy-feely for most guy- but after a really lucky flip last year i've been journaling to help sort out how i feel. Do i really want to consider boating dangerous stuff? Why do i? How can i continue in a way that is fun?

I'd also recommend some fun and safe watersports to get you comfortable and happy swimming once you get past panic in the water. Like water polo or something water-immersed. So the fun of the game takes over your mind and not just laps


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## cayo 2 (Apr 20, 2007)

Step it down a notch or two.The fear is mostly in your head.Part of it might be legitimate if you are pushing yourself too hard,but if you have been boating that long then you know what you can do. Say you are a 5- boater and had your mishap on a 4+/5- rapid/run,go run some 3 just to get your confidence back .After a while you will probably think it is too easy,get bored, and want something more challenging.If you are petrified it is all psychological, you know you can run 3 with ease. Basically just confront your fears under safer conditions,then progress gradually back up as far as you are comfortable.Maybe you'll get back to where you were or harder,maybe just be good with easier stuff or enjoy the non adrenaline aspects of the sport;camraderie,scenery,playing,etc. Don' t let irrational fears ruin a great part of your life.

Yes ,I've had close calls,pinned in an undercut once and almost swam VI ish water swimming into a must make eddy,and many other ,mostly embarrassing, swims.I found it important to get back on the horse soon,and even stepped it up some after those incidents.But getting older I am more than happy on easier stuff,i never ran harder than a little 4+/5- anyway ,but 3-4 suits me fine now.


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## MountainMedic (Apr 24, 2010)

My gf is going thru the same thing. It was pretty damn close.

Interested to hear how others deal with this.


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## mania (Oct 21, 2003)

In your case I would definitely recommend stepping it down to whatever is fun (maybe class III for starters). maybe try other craft as tard suggested. if that isn't fun then take a break. go mountain biking it is super safe. I'm not sure climbing has that going for it.


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## Iraft (Jan 16, 2012)

I watched some friends have a close call in a raft, I pulled one of them out and into my boat. It was scary shit. So just having been part of something like that made me take it down a notch. I do mostly floaters in the II - III range now and just enjoy the scenery and being outdoors.
So if you still have the itch, which it sounds like you do, get out on a lake or flat river or a raft on mellow trip like ruby horse and just enjoy the day doing nothing but cruisin'


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## stickyiguanas (Jan 29, 2012)

lhowemt said:


> This may be too touchy-feely for most guy- but after a really lucky flip last year i've been journaling to help sort out how i feel. Do i really want to consider boating dangerous stuff? Why do i? How can i continue in a way that is fun?
> 
> I'd also recommend some fun and safe watersports to get you comfortable and happy swimming once you get past panic in the water. Like water polo or something water-immersed. So the fun of the game takes over your mind and not just laps


Funny you mention that...I work in a fairly dangerous occupation as well and a co-worker had near death experience happen to him. My advice to him was what you are telling me now. To get through it, write your thoughts in a journal and collect yourself from the pieces you find yourself in and gradually pull yourself back together. I don't think that that is too touchy-feely at all...maybe it is but I'm okay with it. Thanks.


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## stickyiguanas (Jan 29, 2012)

cayo 2 said:


> Step it down a notch or two.The fear is mostly in your head.Part of it might be legitimate if you are pushing yourself too hard,but if you have been boating that long then you know what you can do. Say you are a 5- boater and had your mishap on a 4+/5- rapid/run,go run some 3 just to get your confidence back .After a while you will probably think it is too easy,get bored, and want something more challenging.If you are petrified it is all psychological, you know you can run 3 with ease. Basically just confront your fears under safer conditions,then progress gradually back up as far as you are comfortable.Maybe you'll get back to where you were or harder,maybe just be good with easier stuff or enjoy the non adrenaline aspects of the sport;camraderie,scenery,playing,etc. Don' t let irrational fears ruin a great part of your life.
> 
> Yes ,I've had close calls,pinned in an undercut once and almost swam VI ish water swimming into a must make eddy,and many other ,mostly embarrassing, swims.I found it important to get back on the horse soon,and even stepped it up some after those incidents.But getting older I am more than happy on easier stuff,i never ran harder than a little 4+/5- anyway ,but 3-4 suits me fine now.


I think your right. I was in a class V at the time which is kind of a push for me. I really enjoy a class IV so maybe I should just step back and take a ride on a few good class III rivers. I also love surfing with my boat in the ocean. I live on the pacific coast so we go out there sometimes. I'm thinking of trying that after I recuperate on some flat water first. Thanks.


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## deepsouthpaddler (Apr 14, 2004)

Read Doug Ammons pieces on fear and the mental aspects of the sport. He is the stand out author in this space in the sport. 

Tone it back and keep it fun. If it is more fear than fun, keep dialing back. If you dial back so much it's not fun, try a new angle. Different craft might help. Lots of class V guys do SUP to make class II / III a challenge. 

Don't give up without a fight. Learning to age gracefully in whitewater is tough but there are some great role models out there. Paddled th grand with a 68 yr old kayaker who did the grand annually for the last decade. Shared a lift chair with an 80 yr old riding black runs in a foot of powder. Keep you spirit positive and find your own definition of fun and success


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

It's pretty early in the season here in colorado, plus I have a broken leg, so things are slow... Would you mind sharing a little more detail about this experience? The minute you do, there will be a million opinions about what you could have done better (probably a lot from rafters), so of course there are reasons not to share, but I would certainly like to live vicariously for a few minutes.


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## stickyiguanas (Jan 29, 2012)

leif said:


> It's pretty early in the season here in colorado, plus I have a broken leg, so things are slow... Would you mind sharing a little more detail about this experience? The minute you do, there will be a million opinions about what you could have done better (probably a lot from rafters), so of course there are reasons not to share, but I would certainly like to live vicariously for a few minutes.


Ya, no problem. The put in to this river leaves no warm up area before entering into at least a class IV rapid. That was the first thing against me. I had not been down this river before and heard it was at a classV stage so I put a couple of lightly inflated airbags in the stern, which I never do, that you will see was my first mistake. I was feeling pretty confident so I was the first in my group to put in. I went into the first hole, the Maytag, and was on my way out the other side and the weight that I wasn't used to in the back of my boat drug me back into the hole. I did a few unintentional cartwheels, barrel roles, flips, and spins until I realized I wasn't going to be able to roll out of this or get spit out so I exited. I held onto my boat in hopes of the boat dragging me out but that didn't work. The hole kept me under and the boat didn't pull me out either so I was hanging out there wasting my breath so I let go of the boat. The hole took me under, washed me around a bit and spit me out which is what I expected would happen. I got one breath of air and slid into another hole. It washed me around and spit me out. Again, expected, but now I'm running out of lung capacity. I got one breath of air and slid into another hole that seemed to want to keep me. At that point I was unable to hold my breath any longer so out of desperation I made a swimming motion to get to the surface. In the river world that is a big no-no, I know, but my choice was to either stay there and drown or accidentally go down and drown. Either way I was going to drown unless I was lucky. I turned out to be lucky that day and came up to the surface. Again, luckily for me there were no more holes but my head was above water and I still couldn't breathe. I finally choked out a bunch of water as I floated down and another kayaker threw out a life line for me. In the 22 years I had been boating I had never been so scared. I honestly expected to be woken up on the beach by CPR. I really 
appreciate the input everyone has given. Thanks. I plan on easing back into it.


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## leif (Jul 11, 2009)

Which run was this? I know that there's a rapid that I think is called maytag right at the stairs at BZ corners on the white salmon, and that could certainly dish out a hellish swim, with that series of wall to wall holes. I've ran it once or twice (back in the early 2000's) and happened to have clean lines, but then someone pointed out how deep and narrow the channel is there, and I realized how lucky I had been.


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## Nessy (May 25, 2009)

Intense. Have you considered signing up for a swift water rescue class? I did this at the start of last season and it boosted my confidence a lot. Participating in a positive structured atmosphere with cool instructors who make time with you could help heal some of the anxiety.


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## Kendi (May 15, 2009)

Only place I know w/ Maytag is the White Salmon, and yep it's a IV with no warm up.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm a pretty conservative boater by nature, but the swift water class was one of the best things I ever did to improve my confidence on the river. I highly recomend it.


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## MountainMedic (Apr 24, 2010)

Was it the yuba? There is some meat in there for sure.


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## stickyiguanas (Jan 29, 2012)

leif said:


> Which run was this? I know that there's a rapid that I think is called maytag right at the stairs at BZ corners on the white salmon, and that could certainly dish out a hellish swim, with that series of wall to wall holes. I've ran it once or twice (back in the early 2000's) and happened to have clean lines, but then someone pointed out how deep and narrow the channel is there, and I realized how lucky I had been.


That's exactly where it was. Needless to say I didn't drop the falls that day. My brother was with me that day and he had put in further down river so didn't see the beating I took. When he saw my boat floating upside down down river he knew something was wrong because that doesn't happen often for me. Taking a swift water rescue class is an excellent idea. I'm going to look into it.


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

What kind of airbags are you using? Mine only weigh half a pound tops. Airbags are like throw ropes, you should always have one. Big fan of safety and safety meetings.


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## Kendi (May 15, 2009)

Hey Sticky- For the Swiftwater class, Chris Jonason up at Wave Trek Rescue in Index is doing some classes in early March on the Sky. She is amazing. Do it.


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## craporadon (Feb 27, 2006)

Get an SUP asap. It is what gets you back on the water and stoked to go every day with your friends. Class 2 and 3, even the bays around Tacoma.


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## stickyiguanas (Jan 29, 2012)

craporadon said:


> Get an SUP asap. It is what gets you back on the water and stoked to go every day with your friends. Class 2 and 3, even the bays around Tacoma.


What's an SUP?


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## Phil U. (Feb 7, 2009)

"How to keep going?" Dam good question. Some good feedback in this thread.

I've not had an experience like you. But I have been plenty scared at times. I deal with how to boat and what edge I want to dance constantly. I'm an older boater now and not trying to "get better". I typically paddle stuff a class or even 2 classes easier than I'm capable of. I want to be styling as much and often as possible. My margin for error is a lot less than 15 years ago. I would agree that paddling some easy water would be a good start. But also would suggest that pushing back to harder water does not have to be a goal. Just getting on a beautiful rio with good friends is as good as hitting a hard line.

I also find that for most of us a big part of boating is adventuring. And adventuring can happen on easy water. Desert floats, self support in slot canyons, sea kayaking the coast, a class 2/3 wilderness run, these all hold the essence that we crave. 

Back off, give yourself time. Enjoy the rio without the adrenaline for a while.

Or not...


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## Kendi (May 15, 2009)

Stand Up Paddleboard (SUP) is like a big surfboard.


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## deepsouthpaddler (Apr 14, 2004)

SUP = stand up paddle board


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## stickyiguanas (Jan 29, 2012)

Phil U. said:


> "How to keep going?" Dam good question. Some good feedback in this thread.
> 
> I've not had an experience like you. But I have been plenty scared at times. I deal with how to boat and what edge I want to dance constantly. I'm an older boater now and not trying to "get better". I typically paddle stuff a class or even 2 classes easier than I'm capable of. I want to be styling as much and often as possible. My margin for error is a lot less than 15 years ago. I would agree that paddling some easy water would be a good start. But also would suggest that pushing back to harder water does not have to be a goal. Just getting on a beautiful rio with good friends is as good as hitting a hard line.
> 
> ...


Amen, brother! That's putting a good picture in my head. That's what it's all about. I never got really into playbaoting and like I said before, class V was a little bit of a push for me, but man I used to be poetry in motion...I loved to just feel the water under my boat and be a part of it as it was a part of me. I'm still in my 30s so I have a bit of youth yet but I do like the sound of kickin' it back a couple of notches and enjoying "the essence that we crave." Our reality is the water as our therapy, our release.


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