# 10th Annual Poudre Gnarrows Race August 1st at Noon



## prozoned (Jun 17, 2005)

So who's goin to tee off and start the shit talking!


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

Really? No one? Jeez, what a sad state of Fort Collins/Front Range boating these days. Maybe everyone has gotten to tired from getting beat down in the Cripps Hole to race anymore. Or was it that the Denver peeps know that Lower Narrows is not a stretch that you can easily swim across to win. Are the Fort Collins people too busy trying to get rid of the Herpes they got from the Trailhead. That stuff doesn't go away, it's the gift that keeps on giving. Go spread the love around at the Mish during a god awful Phish cover show. The only thing worse than a Phish show is a shitastic cover show attended by CSU trustafarians. The state of the Poudre is lame. No real boaters just people who want to float BPI to BTO in their Jackson Karmas and post their GoPro vid to FB to get 4 likes of their awesome flat spin in the takeout wave. I guess the race will be Nathan, Spencer, and Evan. Probably finish in that order although AW might pull out the old man dad strength and overtake the young buck. Actually, maybe there will be 4 boaters as the man who is actually AW shows up from the North like a Stark, which means he will lose just like that family. Is this really what the buzz has come to? Is everyone so PC and worried about people's feelings that they don't talk shit anymore. Raising a nation of wussies.

P.S. 
I won't make it because if I can't boof on people's heads at Whiteline it ain't worth racing.









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## BEArmstrong (Nov 5, 2009)

This is 2015 the shit talking is on social media these days. YourRealdad stay in Glenwood because we don't want to have to have to rope you out of the "new" Whiteline every time you're getting beat down.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

No one wants to BE Armstrong, not even Lance. Heads up for you, forums were and still are a form of social media. I know doping shrinks the testes, but must have done some shrinking of the brain in your case. Continue on with your "Social Media" posts of running Killer Bridge at 785cfs.


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## BEArmstrong (Nov 5, 2009)

yourrealdad said:


> No one wants to BE Armstrong, not even Lance. Heads up for you, forums were and still are a form of social media. I know doping shrinks the testes, but must have done some shrinking of the brain in your case. Continue on with your "Social Media" posts of running Killer Bridge at 785cfs.


YRD you sound bitter. One too many swims at Killer Bridge in the past? Bring a bigger creek boat next time you're running that gnar and I'm sure you'll do just fine.


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## yourrealdad (May 25, 2004)

This is the best the Fort can bring? Makes me ashamed to call it my home town. Nothing but a bunch of mustache loving hipsters that can't even talk a good game, lest back it up.

I will get back to this thread when there is talking worth listening to


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## almortal (Jun 22, 2014)

The reason we Fort Collinsonianites are reserved with our shit talking is to ensure your preemptively deflated egos actually make the drive out to the Poudre so we have someone to humiliate. If you knew you were going to lose a race to a bunch of drunk raft guides in a twenty year old raft held together with duct tape, which will be the outcome, then you would not take a day off of practicing your swim technique at grizzly creek. The lack of silly trash talking is not out of humility, ignorance, or fear; we are just saving our breath for the gloating that will occur after our grandmothers repack the throw ropes that pulled you out.

p.s. The rafters have taken a vow not to take dumps until saturday so we can drop fecal mines on our way down. That way you can say that you were [email protected] on before, during, and after your DFL run.

Thats literal shit talking.


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

my money is on spencer. that guy is on fire.


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*Dumber then..*

The reason there is no shit talking taking place is two fold.. 

First, kayaking is dumb.. No one kayaks anymore. Every time I have been up on the narrows this year, all I see are SUP boards and rec boats heading over to grand lake... Kayaking was cool when this race started 10 years ago.. But now all the cool kids are trimming their mustaches while doing yoga in tight pants on their tricked out SUP board. 

So YOUREALMOM, get with the times, pick up a SUP board and start running the class 2 gnar, just make sure you have your Go Pro on.

The second reason is that this is no longer a kayaking forum, this is a, what Yeti cooler best fits my 14 foot Saturn raft forum. This has happened because kayaking is no longer cool, and taking you and your 8 kids floating on pump house is where it's at (I hear there is a hot spring on the river, can you believe it?)

With that said I look forward to seeing all of you un-cool people out there come race day. I will be sure to stop and honk as I drive my 14 foot Saturn raft with the best cooler money can buy up the canyon on my way to a little Pump House rafting. If I am lucky I might even be able to talk a fellow SUP boarder into joining me for a trip down the river! Oh man it's going to be so fun!

Oh and the final (I know I originally only said there were two reasons) reason is that all the good trash talkers moved out of the country or died... Thanks for keeping us honest YOUREALPERV...


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

bobbuilds said:


> my money is on spencer. that guy is on fire.


I think Spencer almost made it to the final heat once. He could have won the preliminary heat a couple years ago, but he decided pinning below Whiteline was more fun. I may have laughed at him as I went by. There was also the year the race start was delayed because Spencer was taking swim lessons in the eddy of doom in Whiteline. Now if you want to bet on who has the most excuses for why they lost my money is on Spencer. 


It seems like the water is going to stay up for a while longer so it is looking like the race will be pushed at least one week.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Isn't it obvious? There are still rocks covered with water on that run! Waay too high for Colorado boaters to boat, much less race. Have you been to Clear Creek? I tried to go last week, when it finally got too low, and it was so full of cars I couldn't find a parking space. I had to snap the back of someone's farmer john, push his visor over his eyes, and toss his AT & Jackson kayak down the embankment to make room for my car. 

I'm hoping to make it out there but the time is potentially a problem for me. At the very least I'll join in the Kevin choir and point out how soft Ft Fun boaters are. I bet the winner will be too scared to swim across the finish line.


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Hold up. There is now a raft category in the gNarrows race? Don't know if there are any prizes for who spent the most money on a yeti cooler and a bimini.


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## johnsnow420 (Jul 22, 2015)

I'm gonna kick everyone's ass in the race because I'm the best boater on the river!! yourrealdad might have a chance if he wasn't DVT from glenHOOD springs where they run a 1/4 wave train and call it class 3 Shoshone. With my modified river saucer, I can boof mountains, let alone some river named after the female reproduction organ. Be ready to feel the pain as you get destroyed by my modified river saucer!


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## nomadderwhat (Jul 6, 2015)

*Safety?*

Do you guys need people running safety on certain rapids in upper/lower narrows? Im not good enough to run the whole thing but would be down to help out and/or run shuttle!


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## Dave Frank (Oct 14, 2003)

Too high for this week? Has it been officially moved? It's under three feet, what's the issue? You want 1.5'?

You may have to contend with Riley in a long boat if you delay it. 


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

Nathan said:


> I think Spencer almost made it to the final heat once. He could have won the preliminary heat a couple years ago, but he decided pinning below Whiteline was more fun. I may have laughed at him as I went by. There was also the year the race start was delayed because Spencer was taking swim lessons in the eddy of doom in Whiteline. Now if you want to bet on who has the most excuses for why they lost my money is on Spencer.
> 
> 
> It seems like the water is going to stay up for a while longer so it is looking like the race will be pushed at least one week.


I feel like I should defend myself but I'm more hoping your head gets so big you're too top heavy to boof.









I'm guessing this was taken the day before you swam this drop.


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## Myka (Jul 10, 2014)

^ lol that's a big head. Nathan bobble head lol


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

smauk2 said:


> I feel like I should defend myself but I'm more hoping your head gets so big you're too top heavy to boof.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nice, that was a couple days before I swam it. At least I don't swim in the whitewater park.

I'm expecting a good crowd this year, Austin and Caleb were trying out the long boats last night. Lucas is paddling super strong if he can make it. It shouldn't be the cake walk it was last year.


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## almortal (Jun 22, 2014)

Pizzle said:


> Hold up. There is now a raft category in the gNarrows race? Don't know if there are any prizes for who spent the most money on a yeti cooler and a bimini.


First off, who can afford a yeti when we're spending all that money on duct tape to keep the boat together. The cheap K-mart cooler will stay at home because the raft run will be so quick the beer in the rusty old Toyota will still be cold. And that way we'll have room for a dry bag full of towels to mop up your tears at the take out.
Secondly, the bimini (stolen=free=$0) exists simply to create enough drag to keep your shiny new (insert condescending brand snobbery) kayak in range of the farts we'll be crop dusting you with. Its no fun if we can't see you lose.

Thirdly, why put it off a week? Pushing rubber through holes is way cooler than paddling around the suck holes with a plastic tube. Choose how much Poudre you can handle getting in your mouth.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

I need an extra week for my over inflated head to decrease along with the flow in the Poudre so we are going to push the race to next Sunday at 2 pm. 

While the race would be great and provide some carnage that has been missing the past couple years, we always get better a turn out if the flow is closer to 2'. I think we should expect a good turn out and some solid paddlers to show up. All crafts are welcome, but there are only two classes racers and non-racers. The narrows race is always a good time and shows the great connections within the paddling community.


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## NYourd (Mar 29, 2013)

You just made my day Nathan, that is only day I am free! Where do we meet? Ive never been, so whats the format? Boaterx?


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

It's all true. More people will show at 2', Dave will swim > 2', and Nathan's head really is that big. I went for the first time two years ago after ignoring it for a long time. Despite having no idea what the lines were, I had a ton of fun. The typical format is small groups run upper through lower, top 2 finishers advance and there's a loser bracket as well. Subsequent heats are groups of (4 or 5?) that do boatercross of lower (starting above the bridge). Winner advances to the next round. Repeat until there's only one person standing.


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

I will have the camera boom and roller set up for filming. I think we could put together a nice clip of more than lower and whiteline if anyone wants to shoot and film on sunday.

We can get a few folks dedicated to film and shoot, maybe some go pro from the racers mixed in, any interest?


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

also, I forgot about Lucas and Aaron. We shall see who wins, though knowing the winner is responsible for replacing the buckle I am having my doubts with all my top picks being broke college kids.


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

bobbuilds said:


> I will have the camera boom and roller set up for filming. I think we could put together a nice clip of more than lower and whiteline if anyone wants to shoot and film on sunday.
> 
> We can get a few folks dedicated to film and shoot, maybe some go pro from the racers mixed in, any interest?



I just took a look at the camera boom and it needs work. I will bring it up but it will not be booming anyone's high dollar camera.

I think we will stick to the roller for nice cameras and use Go Pro on the boom.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Poudre Gnarrows race update.

I'm going to push the race again. I can do any day Thursday through Sunday next week.

I know I have delayed the race once already and there seems to be a good showing expecting to come Sunday, but I haven't been able to find a babysitter. I know people would be willing to watch her if I brought her along, but she has swim lessons at 5 so that won't work either. With Evan doing a family raft trip, if I can't make it there won't be any past winner there unless some old fellas come out of hiding, and as last year's winner it's my call anyway. 

If you are going to race let me know what day works between Thursday and Sunday and we'll go from there. When I delayed originally I would have pushed it to next weekend but at that time there was still a chance for Baileyfest.

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## dweiss (Sep 17, 2013)

really?? cancelled, not due to high water or no water but lack of babysitter?? as a spectator and long time paddler of Poudre this is disapointing


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

I know this is the buzz and reading comprehension is discouraged, but not cancelled, delayed a week. If people who are going to race have a preference of which day to race next weekend I'll try to make it so we get a good crowd. If you're just a spectator I don't care when works for you.

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## dweiss (Sep 17, 2013)

delayed, cancelled, moved, altered... so what I am getting is you don't care about spectators? and any "race participant" can alter schedule to fit their own schedule? so why not just make it a private race between you and you friends? why invite public to come and watch? just pm your group and do it when you all get together


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Can we limit the shit talking to focus on people's moms and calling out swimmers? Chill out. Lots of free youtube videos out there if you need to watch some kayaking this weekend.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

dweiss said:


> delayed, cancelled, moved, altered... so what I am getting is you don't care about spectators? and any "race participant" can alter schedule to fit their own schedule? so why not just make it a private race between you and you friends? why invite public to come and watch? just pm your group and do it when you all get together


Essentially, it is a race between me and my friends. That's the thing about paddling or racing class V, the community is small and tight. The point of posting when the race happens is intended to let potential racers know when it will be. I don't think anyone ever sought out spectators for the race.

If anyone has a problem with the scheduling there is a simple solution, win the race.


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## prozoned (Jun 17, 2005)

if it could be during the weekend I feel like that's when the most people will race. But also everytime it changes you lose competitors. As the organizer of the race, you gotta just pick a date and commit. C'mon


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

prozoned said:


> if it could be during the weekend I feel like that's when the most people will race. But also everytime it changes you lose competitors. As the organizer of the race, you gotta just pick a date and commit. C'mon


Again, opinions from people who have raced or will race mean more than non-racers. We tried to invite you down upper at 2.4 and you weren't interested for some reason I don't picture you racing it at 2.3.


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## erdvm1 (Oct 17, 2003)

Nathan said:


> Again, opinions from people who have raced or will race mean more than non-racers. We tried to invite you down upper at 2.4 and you weren't interested for some reason I don't picture you racing it at 2.3.



ICE COLD


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## Myka (Jul 10, 2014)

Good thing I decided against driving lol


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Saturday or Sunday. I get to go kayaking one day next weekend you choose.


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## paulk (Apr 24, 2006)

Just think of it as a bailey fest replacement. My money is on the Poudre - everyone swimming through the finish. Aaron's purple euro boat is the heaviest and will probably finish first


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## Myka (Jul 10, 2014)

Nathans plans to win it again by changing dates so nobody else will show up lol. 


"If anyone has a problem with the scheduling there is a simple solution, win the race."

" I just won't pick a time when anybody else can make it" lol


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## prozoned (Jun 17, 2005)

Nathan said:


> Again, opinions from people who have raced or will race mean more than non-racers. We tried to invite you down upper at 2.4 and you weren't interested for some reason I don't picture you racing it at 2.3.


 I had every intention of racing the past 3 weeks. Still would like to if it is going to happen at all. I'm sorry I didn't get to run with you boys last week, my lil bro wasn't down to wait for me, but I've been getting my laps in. I'm not talkin shit, just frustrating for people who've been trying to make plans to race. I know I'm no where close to the talent level of you in yer buds, but I would enjoy paddlin along side some better boaters ya dig? So, you pick a date yet?


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Myka said:


> Good thing I decided against driving lol


I remember one time when I drove 4.5 hours to Lander to get bailed on...

Race will be Friday. Meeting at 5 so it can start by 6. I'm doing Friday so Lucas and Marshall can make it.


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Otherwise, those guys wouldn't be able to paddle Gore saturday and sunday. Gore it is!


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## quesihealy (Feb 9, 2014)

I won't make it off work in time, but ya'll should head out to gore after and appreciate the Kremmling demolition derby Saturday night. It's more fun than you could imagine.


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## radman152 (May 9, 2010)

Results?


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

Marshal won, then Nathan followed by lucas.


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

video:https://video-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/h...=2aa17723fa316e2272825689aadbcef6&oe=55D27325


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

As marshal's unofficial spokesperson he would like to thank:

chocolate milk
no comic books in bed
powdered bull penis

I wonder what the buckle will be?

Did the Frank family make it in time to race?

There was a road delay on taft hill, it took us 45 min to get around. If Riley didn't get to race I'm calling shenanigans.


JK's all around, Congrat's Marshal.


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## Dave Frank (Oct 14, 2003)

FRank's didn't make it. A late start, coupled with detours, rush hour traffic and then the wreck on Taft put us a full hour late. We got there just as the first heat arrived at lower.

Riley was disappointed; I was relieved. We got some good laps in, including middle through lower well past dusk.

Nice work Marshall. Nathan had the hole shot, but Marshall stole a good inside pass at the entry rock, and never looked back.


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## prozoned (Jun 17, 2005)

Any competitors looking in to cashing in on ice cream owed, get ahold of me on here. Especially Victor since he stopped racing momentarily to make sure I got out -heath


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