# Poudre Gnarrows Race 2013



## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

The Gnarrows Gods have been consulted, the Champ has made the call, and hopefully we'll be able to get up the canyon past the mudslides - the 8th annual race is on! July 20th Saturday high noon racers meeting at the start line pullout above Uppers. Let the smack talk begin but it ain't no use since I'm bringing the buckle back to it's rightful place around my waist!


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

I hope I get to yell encouragements to you while you're upside down in Whiteline again. I guess that imaginary belt you wear is heavy and impedes your lines.


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## Awoody (Nov 15, 2006)

You Front Range ninnies can breath easier as I won't be making this year's race. I'm instead going rafting for a week where I'll spend my time wearing stupid ass sun hats and talking about coolers for days on end (you know, shit that rafters do). 

Have fun sucking ol' BrownLick's wake.


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

Nathan your river karma was bled dry last season when you laughed at me during the pin in the race. Rocks are looking out for a Red Villian this year! 

Evan, your karma was spared last year seeing as you at least didn't point and laugh during that lap, let's see if that old man strength comes through.


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Dont make me all remind you that if you screw up and pin, I'll take the glory from last place on a technicality! And I will look good doing it, maybe wearing either a speedo or a 3 piece suit! 

PS is that log out of whiteline? Havent been up there in a few...


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## cheim (Jan 2, 2012)

Whiteline is good to go, as of sunday.


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

I'll be camping up in the canyon Friday night and would love to come watch. Where is the best spectator spot?


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

That pull out below the bridge is a good place to catch the finish and the winners and loosers heats. The start of the race is also a great place to watch, up where you'll see the biggest rapid (narrowest) part of the canyon. Just look for other cars parked about 2 miles upstream from the big pullout below the bridge. 

My suggestion is watch the start, then scoot down to see the finish and later heats just on lowers.

Its more exciting when all the boaters are crammed in the rapids together.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

I thought the box was in.....


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

caspermike said:


> I thought the box was in.....


Kendrick Lamar-The Spiteful Chant(Feat. ScHoolBoy Q) Section 80 - YouTube


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Spencer you don't know what you are missing. Not even the half of it. I can tell you one thing the poudre ain't shit. specially if you ain't gonna win.. I get the race just saying dont miss the real goods...


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

caspermike said:


> Spencer you don't know what you are missing. Not even the half of it. I can tell you one thing the poudre ain't shit. specially if you ain't gonna win.. I get the race just saying dont miss the real goods...


I know the box is good but this is the gnarrows race thread yo. Also I've been waiting for the right time to post that song for quite some time, feels good to get that one out of the way.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Okey you still missed the point... You are right it is the narrows race so anybody want to run the box this weekend hit me up!


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Shannon used to say, 'Smooth legs, smooth lines!'. With this weak ass competition I think Evan probably does have it all sewn up - smooth head, smooth lines!
Joe


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

What about smooth balls? Still smooth lines? Evan I'm coming for you! As Adro would say, if I even show up...


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

*GNARrows pics from years past....*

...from 2010 and 2011...

Natalie bow boofing over another racer....Paul the kayaker....CM looking like he just puked (maybe that was after his swim????....a couple people coming of airplane (Kyle and Evan?)...and Lucas coming through WL...in that order...


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

That was not me getting boofed over for the record, but dang look at that speedo/coyote jacket combo! Pullin it off!! You'd be luck if you get to see the 2013 edition of that guy! But you'll be so far behind that's you'll never get a glimpse!


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

*Gnarrows stoke*

Just a few more from the ghosts of GNARrows past....I hope this facilitates some more smack talk because so far you guys are WEAK as.....


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## DoubleYouEss (Oct 4, 2011)

It's as weak as the fact that I have to guide rafts this weekend instead of being able to get up to this race...


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

https://plus.google.com/photos/118192908731853546071/albums/5500916290697075969?banner=pwa

*More pics from years past!*


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

And where it all began! 

Colorado Kayaking :: Colorado's online river guide and journal for whitewater kayaking


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

PS in 2010 we had 10 pages of shit talking, we're barely going to break 2 pages this year... We're all getting old and lazy...


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## Buckrodgers (Feb 28, 2007)

Paul the Kayaker said:


> PS in 2010 we had 10 pages of shit talking, we're barely going to break 2 pages this year... We're all getting old and lazy...


I blame facebook.


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## RiverWrangler (Oct 14, 2003)

Ednaout - that's Alex Clayden getting boofed on by Natalie in the first shot, who by the way hasn't been seen at the race since. 

P to the K - you are looking mighty festive there and if you could bring back some of that vibe and the sign you wore on your back that read, "if you can read this you're in second place," that would awesome. Except the sign should probably read, "if you can read this why the hell are you watching the guy in last place?"

Nathan - thanks for the encouragements and maybe I still owe you Ice Cream but have you even been in your creek boat this year? You're hands are gonna be too slippery from baby doo doo to hold onto your paddle so I'm putting you back in the losers bracket like oh, most every year. 

Casper - The Box is hanging in there, which I was not expecting and I will admit I'm seriously jealous if you're going in there for round 2! I can't make it happen until Aug 1 which it just doesn't seem like it's going to hang in there until but who knows. Anyways, that pic that Beth posted is you drooling and maybe puking up a little bit of your booty beer after Natalie ran you over and made you swim which is yes, one of my fondest Gnarrows Race memories. And saying the Poudre ain't shit would hurt you're credibility... if you had any credibility to begin with (also though Spencer does not know shit).

JJ - you should probably come outta retirement and maybe you can mountain bike alongside the run and yell encouragements from the safety of the road.

Buckrodgers - get your head outta those sheets of ancient music that nobody listens to anymore (and off Facebook for that matter) and get your ass down to the race. We need somebody to give Ronto a run for his money for last.

Spencer - try not to swim before the race. I don't waste all my energy rescuing your shit again.

Cutch - I can't wait until Syd is beating you in this race, which with your old flat water paddling ass shouldn't be too long now.

and finally - smooth head smooth lines!!! but get off my jock cause Kurt is definitely going to be there and well somebodys gonna have to take him out if they want to wear the buckle for the next year!


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Slow Jacobi wont be there this year, so ya maybe I am looking at last place... Someone come paddle with me! Just kidding assholes, I'm taking it this year, got me a new faster boat, less frill in my costume, and the secret weapon of the speedo to get in your head! 

Wibbs, maybe you should let Ashley race for you to save the embarrassment

Adro, ..."if I show up"... enough said

JJ, to old to even spectate? 

Wrangler no number of pre race day practice laps can get you prepared for my sweet first line of the season, glad that logs out I can finally show you all how to run this shit!

Frenchy green is cool, especially for 3 days, but you basically planned that to get out of the gnarrows race....

Marty I'm looking out for you, real competitor, well 8 years ago anyway...

Lotas?? Ecuador has the internet I know, I see you on FB all the time, your commentary would be appreciated, but you're too worried about the next great porta potty strategy to waste time on us...

I dont know the rest of you noobs, bring it though! Best sign on your back wins. 

PS Wrangler have a look at this 2010 photo... Last place I think not! #1 baby!!!


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

I can't believe this is your all's idea of smack talk...this thread often has more talent than the actual race... Yawn. I guess I'm not so sad that I have to miss the race for little event called cirque de soleil. Good thing WW lush is about to pop on here and learn you boys how to shit talk, as well as earn the buckle. I know, I know... Tina doesn't like to talk shit, but if she heads up to race she'll put u boys to shame. Git 'em Tina!!


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Seriously? You'd post shit about weak smack and then claim to miss the race to visit the circus? 

Here's a real excuse: while y'all are playing bumper boats in a blast ditch on the amount of water provided by a garden hose, Leif and I will be dropping waterfalls in a little slice of heaven where the Kokanees flow like wine and the salmon flock like the women of Aspen when I come around ... A little place called Canada. BC to be exact. 

Now someone step up and please don't let colorado mank boating heritage be embarrassed by another east coast slalom sissy! Suck it Kurt!

Joe


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

My lines were so clean today I picked up a sponsorship with Arm & Hammer!


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## boof512 (Oct 26, 2003)

*Gnarrows Race 2013*

The level of shit talk is sooo poor this year, that I have changed my plans to fly back (from Germany) just for the race. I have re-booked my ticket and will be going to Norway in a few short hours to run the shit up there! So while you all are out there bumping boats down some pooper style class 5, I will be running the smooth clean lines of Norway!!
Enjoy!
P.S
I will miss you up North Forest!


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## Buckrodgers (Feb 28, 2007)

boof512 said:


> The level of shit talk is sooo poor this year, that I have changed my plans to fly back (from Germany) just for the race. I have re-booked my ticket and will be going to Norway in a few short hours to run the shit up there! So while you all are out there bumping boats down some pooper style class 5, I will be running the smooth clean lines of Norway!!
> Enjoy!
> P.S
> I will miss you up North Forest!


I'll miss you too buddy! The shit talking is weak for sure. 

I would talk some shit, but can't race since I'll be getting paid to play the ancient music known as "Pirates of Penzance" today. Now THAT'S worth talking shit about!


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Looks like they lowered Long Draw one day early on us. Rock report is 1.75, maybe it'll be too low for Kurt.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Nathan said:


> Looks like they lowered Long Draw one day early on us. Rock report is 1.75, maybe it'll be too low for Kurt.


Eh? But there is a race today right? The only smack talk I seem to be hearing from Ft. Collins boaters is their favorite excuse for why they're not racing.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

There will be a race. Come on up, I'll show you which eddy not to catch in Whiteline. Hint, you swam out of it in the footage from Roy's camera.


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## bobbuilds (May 12, 2007)

good luck boys! see you in a few!


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Nathan said:


> There will be a race. Come on up, I'll show you which eddy not to catch in Whiteline. Hint, you swam out of it in the footage from Roy's camera.


That's the problem with racing. You're not supposed to take the fun lines.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

KSC said:


> That's the problem with racing. You're not supposed to take the fun lines.


There you go showing your Front Range roots, thinking swimming is the fun line.


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## chrispy (Apr 6, 2004)

my lower back is too sore right now to make it up to the poudre . i'll have to catch it on ABC's wide world of sports... the agony of defeat....


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Nathan said:


> There you go showing your Front Range roots, thinking swimming is the fun line.


Aka - we actually go kayaking.


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## coloclimber512 (Aug 29, 2009)

So, who has the buckle?


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

Kurt... again


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## stubby (Oct 13, 2003)

Damn! Keeping the buckle safely out east.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Uh, Kurt lives in Fort Collins.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Well it's east of Boulder. That's all that counts. 

This is probably the last time I'm willing to throw the race to Kurt. Actually the Poudre race was an awesome time. Despite the fact that nobody in Ft. Collins boats anymore, they still pulled it off. It's probably for the better because it allowed some solid boaters to come in from out of town and form a competitive field. I've decided to give this event my stamp of approval. Next time I'm leaving the drysuit at home though.


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## stubby (Oct 13, 2003)

I was misinformed! Actually, I apparently thought it was someone else. 

Now that it's got Kevin's official stamp of approval we should see some river brain promotion or sponsorship for next year, that and maybe a long boat sporting crew from D-Town


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

It's the Gnarrows race so there are no sponsors, just a belt buckle and a 40 of Old E. The long boaters from D-town come, even though this year it was just Cutch. He managed to make it through the first round. 

As for Fort Collins, we took first and third, and I'm also pretty sure all three swims on the day too. That's what I get for calling out the Denver swim team, the FOCO swim team shows up instead. 

The race is always a great time and it was nice to see new faces this year. 2nd and 4th place were first time racers and everyone in the finals were closer to Kurt than last year. That's what happens when he's only been in a plastic boat twice in a season.


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## stubby (Oct 13, 2003)

Nathan said:


> It's the Gnarrows race so there are no sponsors, just a belt buckle and a 40 of Old E.


Just given Kevin a hard time since he's plugging it every chance he gets. 

Sounds like an awesome time and wish I wouldn't have been driving across I-80 all day instead.


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

I'm throwing together an edit of the race. If anybody has footage of Super Collider or anything pretty much except Whiteline I would love to incorporate it.


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## BrianK (Feb 3, 2005)

It was a good time spectating, and its good to see that the tradition of women boofing on men lives on.


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

BrianK said:


> It was a good time spectating, and its good to see that the tradition of women boofing on men lives on.


He was kind of a sitting duck right there...just waiting to be boofed on.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Love that first shot! I suppose that had something to do with the swim?


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## ski_kayak365 (Dec 7, 2003)

Where were the swims?


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## BrianK (Feb 3, 2005)

KSC said:


> Love that first shot! I suppose that had something to do with the swim?


Not really. He was surfing before she got there and he was still surfing as she paddled away. I'm sure it didn't help though. 

I saw one swim in Super Collider and two in the Whiteline eddy of doom. 

Here is the another shot:


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## mattoak (Apr 29, 2013)

I thought what happened was she boofed on him, and they both flipped. They both rolled but she was clear of the hole and kept going, the hole sucked him back in and he finally swam out.


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

Does anybody know the name of the paddler from Oregon who took second? As far as I'm aware the places were...

1. Kurt Braunlich
2. Paddle from Oregon
3. Nathan Werner
4. Lucas Glick

Putting credits on the video and would like to have his name.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Quinn. Not sure about last name.


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## Nathan (Aug 7, 2004)

Quinn Connell


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Who cares if your not first your last! Suckers


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Ya and if you dont show up your comments cease to have any importance... First in your heat is all that matters, the finals are for the birds...


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

Oooooooooh man, big words. You all act like it was the Grand Prix or something Jesus help us what's next Colorado kayakers wearing moto cross gear to go creeking.. Ohh wait... Hey spencer when are you putting up the teaser trailer?


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

No teaser, just about done with the video. Didn't have too many angles and some of the exposures were a bit wonky, but I'm happy with the end product nonetheless. Video should be uploaded tonight at some point, gotta go get some more gnarrows laps now though.


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## jtnc (Aug 9, 2004)

Ok, some more photos. Lower provided more head to head competition and that "tongue" drop (4th below airplane) gave some good entertainment.

enjoy. Oh, and for fun, I threw in a picture of lower Narrows maybe 30minutes or so after the rain finished after the creek at Sportscar flashed. The finals could have been a tad more "earthy".


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## ednaout (Jun 3, 2005)

*Pics from the race.*

I screwed up my setting and most of my action shots are really washed out, but I managed to get some face shots and such from the racers.
Great job to all the racers...thanks for the entertainment!


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Hahaha, I thought that was Lesley paddling that broke ass pyranha in the other photo set. Someone give her a boat!


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)

It took me awhile to get this up due to compression and uploading issues. Didn't get it to upload in HD but tired of messing with it, so here it is, The Gnarrows 2013 Race video!

Also not sure why it's labeled part 1, as it's the only video to come.

Gnarrows pt1 on Vimeo


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## Redpaddle (Jan 10, 2007)

Better late than never, PM me if you want full res files:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10101511700367211.1073741829.7026058&type=1&l=48bc7ca5fb


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