# Wayne Chorter cut from Chunderposse roster for '05 season



## Chunderboy (Oct 14, 2003)

What up brahs? It's been a while and while it's certainly true that the Chunderboy has been keeping a low profile that does not in anyway mean that he, or his hardcore crew, have been on a paddling hiatus. So, while you choads may think you finally got the ole' monkey off your back, yall' better guess again...Chunder is back! Better lock up your sisters and pray to god I don't decide that it's your wife I want to take to bed when me and my crew come to visit your podunk town. That aint no warning, it's a god damn promise-you choads best put all your punani on lockdown, or the Chunderposse will turn that shiat out. That being said, it is with deep regret that I have been forced to let Wayne Chorter go. He was without a doubt the most underqualified and slow witted member of our illustrious grew. His hapless paddling escapades over past seasons earned him the nickname "rookie"- a nickname that we hoped he would one day outgrow. Elmer and Jeter had thier doubts about the guy from the begining-claiming that his pronouciation of the word "bagel" was a sure sign of the some sort of mental retardation. I convinced the boys that we should give this lovable loser a chance, and now I feel the time has come for me to openly admit that I was wrong. I called Chorter in Feb from my posh condo in the world renowned ski village of Zermat (a timeshare I share with none other than Duran Duran frontman Simon Lebon) to inform him that the he would have to have a strong showing in the 2005 creeking season or he would be cut. There is only so long you can hold a guys hand-only so many second chances that should be permitted. The Chunderposse is an exclusive crew and "rookie's" hack paddling style was begining to become somewhat of a liability to the our overall reputation. Truth be told, if the kid's girlfriend hadn't of bought him a brand new Nissan truck, chances are we would have nixed his ass back in 2004. In any case, even that fancy truck couldn't save Chorter from his fate- the kid just lacks the necessary skills to ever become a full fledged member of our crew. Maybe Hobie and those guys want him? Hell, those choads can have him, after all, we all know that the Vail standards for radness and overall badassness (ie. thier acceptance of excommunicted Steamboat paddler Hippie Rob) are far less stringent than those adhered to by the elite Chunderposse. Let me now relate the unfortunate event that led to Chorter's dismissal. I was kicking it with two of the girls from Bannnarama in the VIP room of a Prauge night club when Chorter called to inform me that conditions in Durango were ripe for the taking. Flows were so big that even Gary E and his band of Front Range loonies were afarid to go in. Gary and the boys had recieved a major ass-whoopin' on the class four Escalante a week prior, and I guess they were still nursing thier shattered egos. In any case, the Chunderposse was on its way- once again ready to set the standard for cutting edge class five Colorado hair boating. We borrowed a lear jet from the other guy from Wham and flew staight from Prauge international into the southwestern shiathole that is Durango, Colorado. Chorter met us at the airport, and as we loaded our gear into his truck I detected that he was concerned that conditions had gotten too big. He was trying to convince us that we should all run the Piedra (spanish for old man's piss) while the flows on the classics, like the West Fork of the San Juan, subsided. Jeter stepped forward and bitch slapped Chorter and called him a "little rookie biatch"-needless to say Wayne did not seem up for the challenge that layed ahead. Elmer, never one to be shy about showing his feeelings, came forward and kneed Chorter in the balls. As Chorter dropped to the ground I calmly explained to him that we had had a long flight and were understandably a tad bit irritable, and that his best course of action was to quit being such a little biatch, and to try his best not to scratch any of our brand new AT paddles as he placed them into the vehicle. The next day saw us at the put in for the West Fork of the San Juan. Chorter looked gipped as hell, and kept asking stupid questions the whole hike up- Have you guys eve been here when it's this big? Blah...blah...blah...the kid was sweating like Shady Rich's armpit on a Westwater shuttle and he was blabbering like a foolish idiot. We got to the put in and Chorter tried to pull a Boone, claiming that he had left his sprayskirt at the house. Elmer, having seen Chorter slyly stash the spray skirt the night before in a closet, produced the item much to the dismay of the terrified Durango paddler. "Nice try Chachie, here's your skirt-now be a good little girlie and put it on!" Enraged at Chorter's lack of self-confidence, and his Boone-like evasive techniques, I gave his face a solid whack with the backside of my hand. He fell to the ground and pleaded with us not to make him go through with the mission-but we were not having it. About a mile into the run is when the shiat hit the fan. We came upon a rather benign section of class three, the only visable hazard was a stainer on the river right. Haphazardly Chorter floated right into the stainer- yard saling his boat and some rather pricey camera gear. We chased his crap, but a nasty downstream sieve made sure that the there would be no recovery of gear this time around. Chorter was shaken but otherwise physically ok, financially however, he was not so lucky. He had suffered a loss of approximately three thousand dollars worth of gear. The epsisode was a disgrace to the Chunderposse and sure sign that Chorter was not now, or at any time in the concievable future, ready for the prime time. We left him there in the San Juan national forrest crying like a little biatch and begging for our mercy. Jeter, Elmer, and myself styled the remainder of the run- with no rookie to look after the Chunderposse was running on all cylinders and restored once agin to its elite status. At the take out we parleyed Chorter's losses-taking his new truck, and leaving him to walk his sorry ass home to Durango. What's next for Chorter? We could care less- unlike the Kern brothers we are not a bunch of baby sitters, we are a laid back ski town brah crew whose sole purpose is to get her done and with a brand new Nissan truck at our disposal we will easily be able to access any run we want. The Chunderposse has always known when the time is right for cutting our losses- a true sign of any legitimate playa'. Just as we parted ways with Vin Diesel after his  boxoffice flop The Chronicles of Riddick, so too were we forced to say goodbye to the rookie. See the rest of you douche bags on the water...later biatches!!!


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## tomcat (Oct 16, 2003)

hehehe...that's some funny shiat. Chunderboy reminds me of one of those rouge gorillas that the alpha-male ran off from the family and now he's out thumping his chest trying to attrack the ladies away from the alpha-male. Maybe one day he'll succeed and actually get laid.  Until then we'll just have to listen to his chest-thumping and rattling of the limbs.


tomcat :twisted:


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

Chunderboy - For Entertainment Purposes Only

"I was kicking it with two of the girls from Bannnarama in the VIP room of a Prauge night club "
"We borrowed a lear jet from the other guy from Wham " 

-- I love it!


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## smokey (Jun 2, 2005)

*choderposse*

you guys are gay.


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## cosurfgod (Oct 10, 2003)

Best damn post I have read this year. It is great to see when someone can use the term Boone properly.


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## Mr. Coffee (May 19, 2005)

They should use that post in drug education classes! "Kid's, drugs may not kill, but in a few short years could end up posting crap like this!".


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## Chunderboy (Oct 14, 2003)

*Mr. Coffee -I smell front range trash a brewin'*

You listen up and listen up good you Starbucks drinkin' Todd Helton loving piece of Denver garbage- How dare you step to the plate against the Chunderboy, you aint got the skills brah! I'd come down there and shove my AT paddle up your hemorrhiod infested arse, but then again I bet that's just the kind of reaction your overworked pooper is looking for. You are a dimwhit and a pretentious one at that. Stick to playboating and sippin' your double mochas and keep your lame ass pros off of my dope ass posts. Watch your back brah...you never know when your going to find yourself on the recieving end of a Chunderposse ass whoopin'- Remember it's not too easy to sip coffee from a straw, and that's exactly what you'll be doing if we ever see your ass on the river...word to ya' motha biatch!


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## 217 (Oct 27, 2003)

has anyone ever actually seen chunderdonkey (go donkeys!!) boat? is he "elite"? making fun of the front range (yes the front range is funny) when your location says france (but france is worse) is pretty interesting......not bashin chunder cause he's funny, i'm just curious.


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## Mr. Coffee (May 19, 2005)

*I see London, I see France...*

Actually, many people drink coffee from a straw, but you French just use coffee for colonics right? Chunderboy...is that one of those East European fast-food joints?


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## Livingston (Jan 8, 2004)

Last time I saw him was a couple years ago on Gore. He was walking his playboat around Tunnel rapid.
-d


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## OsheaD (Oct 14, 2003)

The responses after a Chunder-Post are like lemmings off a clifff--you can't help yourselves. You don't get it and you certainly couldn't keep up, so don't even try.


This shiat makes me laugh out loud and reminds me what this web site used to be. A bunch of paddlers* who had had internet access. Now it's a bunch of web surfers* who want to run Browns some day. 


-shady

P.S-if you think my pits are bad, ask B-Smith about our field trip to a local paddling shop!


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## EZ (Feb 10, 2004)

Oh, Yeah! That is some old school MountainFuzz type shiat. Chunder, I've always poured abit on Earth for you cause I thought you was no more. Hallelujah! The CB is back! Praise Jah!


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## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

LOL,Damn chunder is spewing like a german ggg chic...Gotta love the little guy though..
Gary


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## will raft 4 beer (Nov 6, 2003)

*Chunder synonyms*

Just a small exerpt from the chunder page. seems fitting.... http://www.geocities.com/mbordt/chunder2.htm

Chunder synonyms 
Here they are, all 1592 of them
We seem to find a gold mine (or a carrot mine) about every two years. Following is the August 25, 2003 version. The list now holds 1592 synonyms. We've added or changed 313 in the intervening two years and made several corrections in spelling and overall consistency. Additions and changes are marked in bold. The additions range from the sublime ("a belch too far" reminiscent of the film, A Bridge Too Far; "see sickness") to the ridiculous ("be a translator for the United Nations") with a couple of notables ("free the Tater Tots from their gastric prison" and "undo dinner") come to mind. Some of them are outright ridiculous ("lick the ashtray") or otherwise appropriate. 

Many of the additions come from www.vomit.com, which other than wasting a good URL, lists about 398 synonyms of which almost 300 were not included in our 2001 list. At this rate, we should surpass 2000 synonyms by the year 2007!



a belch too far 
a chunder from down under (Kiwi Style - New Zealand) 
a perfect 10 on the Linda Blair scale 
abdominal voorheaves 
a-Bordt dinner (thanks to Herb Bordt!) 
accident, to have an 
acid flavoured stew 
aerial bile manoeuvre 
after dinner mince 
after dinner mints 
air entrails 
air out the oats 
air out your gastric contents 
air the diced carrots 
airsickness 
Alan's psychedelic breakfast 
all things re-considered 
amino acid attack 
anacathartic 
analysis past paralysis 
animated throat-missiles 
anorexate 
another one 
antemetic 
anti-poop 
appetize the audience 
arf 
Arial upchuck 
Australian diarrhoea (from the UK only) 
baby food 
backfire 
backwards bungee 
backwash 
bad cough 
bail out 
bail the rail (mung overboard!!!) 
ballistic breakfast 
ballistic dinner 
ballistic lunch 
barf 
barf belly-bombers 
barf mulch 
barf up a lung 
bark 
bark at the ants 
bark at the floor 
bark at the grass 
bark at the ground 
bark at the moon 
bark at your feet 
bark like a seal 
bark 'n park 
bark painting 
bark turkey 
bark up breakfast 
bbrrrraaaaacccccckkkkkk 
be a food fountain 
be a translator for the United Nations 
be let out 
be sick 
be the mother bird 
become a fountain of flavour 
beer belch 
beet, to 
beg God while kneeling at the porcelain altar 
belch 
belch chasers 
belch it out 
belches with speed bumps 
belvis 
bend and send 
bhluuuugh 
big spit, do the 
big wah, the 
bile breakfast 
bile brunch 
bile pile 
bile surf 
bile-ence (Bile + Violence) 
biolence 
bit spit 
blanch 
blarf 
blecch (thanks to MAD magazine) 
blevis 
blow 
blow a gasket 
blow acid 
blow beans 
blow beets

just to name a few....

Perry aka Vince Niel


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## MACNOODLE (May 13, 2004)

*This shiat makes me laugh out loud and reminds me what this web site used to be. A bunch of paddlers* who had had internet access. Now it's a bunch of web surfers* who want to run Browns some day. 


-shady*

Nice Buddy. I guess you were born with a paddle in your hands running lake creek. Let me guess you are a "native". Get off the internet geek boy.

semi-native


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## Chunderboy (Oct 14, 2003)

*Macnoodle-a true choad and a sure front ranger*

Mr. Macnoodle you need to lighten up brah. You might be the biggest turd that has ever replied to one of my post ,and that my dimwhited friend is saying a lot. How dare you step to my boy Shady-you better check yo self before the Chunderposse gives you a thrashing AT style. Trust me you will not be spewin' any more of your verbal garbage after Jeter and I whack you upside your head with our brand new carbon fiber blades. Being a nerd is one thing, but subjecting the entire paddling community to your nerdom is quite another-Stay off the buzz choad, and oh yeah, I almost forgot- tell your little sister I said wuz up and watch your back douche bag!


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## rasdoggy (Jan 31, 2005)

"This shiat makes me laugh out loud and reminds me what this web site used to be. A bunch of paddlers* who had had internet access. Now it's a bunch of web surfers* who want to run Browns some day."

I guess that makes me real lame having fun on Deckers as Browns is to big for my swimmin azz.


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## MACNOODLE (May 13, 2004)

*Re: Macnoodle-a true choad and a sure front ranger*

*


Chunderboy said:



Mr. Macnoodle you need to lighten up brah. You might be the biggest turd that has ever replied to one of my post ,and that my dimwhited friend is saying a lot. How dare you step to my boy Shady-you better check yo self before the Chunderposse gives you a thrashing AT style. Trust me you will not be spewin' any more of your verbal garbage after Jeter and I whack you upside your head with our brand new carbon fiber blades. Being a nerd is one thing, but subjecting the entire paddling community to your nerdom is quite another-Stay off the buzz choad, and oh yeah, I almost forgot- tell your little sister I said wuz up and watch your back douche bag![/quote

Click to expand...

*


Chunderboy said:


> Whatever Dude......Watch my back!!! Are you a paddle gang banger or maybe a paddle banger. You seem to have a strange relationship with your paddle. Stop swinging it at people pull it out of your ass and try using it on the river. Get off the computer and I'll get off your mom....Oh Yeah, If you think you got what it takes.....bring it and come strong.


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## BozonePaddler (Sep 15, 2004)

Aaaah the long awaited return of the "CHUNDER POST", you transplant coloradans are just so exictable, so much shit talking and animosity. Just had to put a little fuel on the fire. You guys are doing the right thing though I will give you that. Stay here surfing the e waves and leave the real rivers to the real men......HA HA HA. 
PS chunderboy I did come down to the boat' already this year and I owned the hole for the few days I was home,.....let the fury of reposting begin


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## cayo (Mar 20, 2005)

probably ought to stay out of it,but since wer'e talkin trash:what's with the France bashing double a hole,maybe if you'd ever been anywhere instead of regurgitating Rush Limbaugh you'd have an f'n clue!We'd be alot better off emulating Europes culture than devolving into Missa fuckin' sippi
all you need to know abput chunder bung is he pals around with WHAM,maybe it was him playing George Micheals bagpipe in rest stop shitter
Preemptive strike on your bullshiat reply Chunder 'bring your chunderpussies up to the front range and talk yer' smack then the whole paddling community can hear how you got twisted into pretzels and shoved up yer own asses by a class 4 chachi duckiest,aren't you late to your bondage session with Boy GEORGE AND lIBERACE LATE


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## medman (Mar 10, 2004)

here we go again--every year same stuff. And what the hell does France have to do with anything--I think France sucks ass, now Italy, that's a different story.
And I apologize chunderboy for having to live on the front range, having to do something besides boat and having to know how to shock your dead ass back to life when things go south on the river. It takes all kinds.


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## chrispy (Apr 6, 2004)

*chunderboy*

i love it when chunderboy posts 
gotta admit he looked good on gore rapid in "whiteline"


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## 217 (Oct 27, 2003)

i hate france (yes i've been there) and rush, in fact the whole right wing for being so utterly wrong and morally bankrupt and while i'm at it I hate the left wing too for being such sissies and not actually standing up with whatever means necessary to defeat such blatant facism and you moderates can go to hell cause you dont give a crap about anything but how you appear to others and your overpopulating family and your white picket fences on your sprawling suburban hellholes....oh and gore rapid cause i still dont have the balls to run it...maybe next year france will be cool cause the rest of this crap has no chance of changing...i hate being a defeatist 8) 

-double-a-hole (aaron)
PS can i get a Chunderboy T-Shirt?


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## snug (Jul 12, 2004)

*Whoa, Whoa...*

Can't believe you hoes are gettin' all touchy over some BS about coffee and France and not step'n up to the real shit here. ChunderBoy, *****, you aint gonna hate on a g like that and walk BITCH (not biatch, that's what you mountain bum pretty boys say) as far as you and yo weak ass crew... no surprise yall jump at the first chance to bite at the big dog. and i heard from a bro of mine that was on that trip that everyone walked the BC section, so what da hell? the rest of the chunderpussies shoulda been more worried about remembering their tammies instead of bringing extra skirts.

peace/im out.

oh yeah, if any yall find my topo i lost last summer in the inner gorge of crystal, or pieces below millers, leave it tha hell alone, it had a good death, let it rest in peace.


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## cayo (Mar 20, 2005)

Double-a Ron attacking you personally was uncalled for ,appologies.Not being a liberal sissie and standing up to ass backward thinking is exactly what i was doing, this neanderthal mentality"uhmerika gud rest of world bad" pisses me off.It is largely a byproduct of right wing propaganda being uncontested.I for one plan to contest my ass off,these neo conmen/paleo republicans have the world turned against us,the phrase the bigger they come the harder they fall springs to mind.THATS WHERE I,M COMING FROM
yeah,whats any of this got to do with kayakin' ask chunderboy he started this thread


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## Jahve (Oct 31, 2003)




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## medman (Mar 10, 2004)

Cayo--I'd be a little careful about saying you are peronally going to do something about it "the bigger they are the harder they fall" ect on the internet. You never know how that could be interpreted and who could be knocking on your door for it tomorrow.
Now as for your political posts--I know this isn't a political website and it shouldn't be one but I have to respectfully disagree with both you and double-a-ron. Don't really feel the need to hash it out here ont his forum, not the place or time (particularly b/c I know I'm in the monority among boaters) but the whole right wing--stupid doesn't really work or sit well with me since I'm actually highly educated. No disrespect to your opinions but try and remember that they are yours and not everyone's in the boating community; nor should they have to be.


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## cayo (Mar 20, 2005)

saying the bigger they come the harder they fall is in reference to us getting knocked off our high horse as a country not me briging it about ,thats absurd.this isn't a political forum so i should chill a bit,that mindset just sets me off.If you are so educated how can you guys continue to ignore the facts,seems alot of smart people are just in denial,theres room for difference of oppinion but,facts are being blatently disregarded and distorted.GET THE LAST WORD IF YOU NEED TO.


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## medman (Mar 10, 2004)

Hey man I know it's absurd b/c I know what you meant but you just hear all the horror stories about what the goons will do for less than that. They tend to be slightly sensitive. I don't need the last word--in fact it's not that I fall into line with the current administration on all issues and policies> In fact, I'm rally pissed off at Bush right now b/c I think he's going to waste 4 years with this social security thing that will never pass (not that I don't want my own money back) when he could be making some good changes in health care (my employment sector). Facts to me come from double blinded placebo studies and so "facts" is really" arbitrary b/c the right has "facts" and the left has "facts" and the economists have "facts" ect ect. So in reality we could argue about the "facts" all day long and both think we are right but it all boils down to a way of thinking--not the support of a man, as I mentioned above I don't always do. I hope that didn't sound like trying to get the last word--peace out and hope to see you on the river.


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## hobie (Nov 3, 2003)

"Maybe Hobie and those guys want him? Hell, those choads can have him, after all, we all know that the Vail standards for radness and overall badassness (ie. thier acceptance of excommunicted Steamboat paddler Hippie Rob) are far less stringent than those adhered to by the elite Chunderposse."

Welcome back ya' lil' biatch! But come on, you know I live in Gypsum now. 

hobie


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## Geezer (Oct 14, 2003)

Jesus H. Christ! I can't believe how much Chunderboy's great posts always get so many people riled up and ready to kick each other's ass. 

:roll:


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## Len (Dec 11, 2003)

you think people are riled up over Chunderboy's posts on this board?!?! 

Have a look at how bend up some bitch ass new englanders got over it (11 pages of whining):
http://www.npmb.com/cms2/forum_viewtopic.php?4.19268


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## Flying Fish (Apr 16, 2005)

That is quite possibly theee most boring thread ever.


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## FLOWTORCH (Mar 5, 2004)

Whoa, theres actually forums that post about other forums.


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## ToddG (Nov 29, 2003)

Maybe we should have a competition or battle with that *other* forum to see who's the most pretentious & self-righteous ... 

We have some talent on the bench, but i dunno if we can compete with the New England canoe club


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## Caspian (Oct 14, 2003)

The only rivals I can think of for Chunderboy are the Kingdom Tele Boys in Vermont - they had the greatest letter to the editor I have ever seen any where published in Backcountry back in '99 or '00. More refined than him, but every bit as hilarious. I reckon there's someone else here who might remember the phrases "riding the arc on 205 skinnies" and "*****-***** jump turn wannabes".


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## 217 (Oct 27, 2003)

Link?


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## Caspian (Oct 14, 2003)

I looked, but there isn't anything. It was an old issue, before everything was also published online. I can't find it online. If I turn up a hard copy, I'll transcribe it for all.


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## kurfothich (Feb 28, 2005)

i love to see all you u scramble for your holes when chunderboy speaks. He has you biches by your balls. God i love it chunderboy keep up the good work


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## MONKEY#1 (May 11, 2005)

Livingston said:


> Last time I saw him was a couple years ago on Gore. He was walking his playboat around Tunnel rapid.


Hahaha

Chunderboy... more like Chachi-boy

i think its time for you to trade gear with milo... sorry man i know the rollerbladings coming along real smooth

till next time,
MONKEY#1


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## mescalimick (Oct 15, 2003)

Chunderboy...wasn't he Orgazmo's diminutive sidekick?

Oh ya, that was Choda-boy...my bad.

http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/3971/orgazmo.htm


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## bingo (Aug 6, 2004)

The buzz just got its flava back. 

Thank you Chunderboy.


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## sj (Aug 13, 2004)

Yo chunder if it's not to late. Could I get fries with that? Yano for trancient labor brought in to make my weekends in the mountains more enjoyable you're allright. In fact next time I am up in your neck of the woods i will remember to tip a little bigger. :wink: Although it sounds like they need your ass in the North east in a big way. sj


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## merry prankster (Mar 22, 2004)

Those Chiachi Biatches on NPMB pulled my post with the link to "chunder, the man" and the sad news that one of the great on-line personas has passed from this realm. Damn -- I'd have thought a group that got their panties in such a wad over the chunder would at least want to express condolences...

So in the true spirit our departed friend, some one needs to slap admin WayneM and the rest of the npmb crew around AT style. :twisted: I even emailed him and requested he at least link the post without my commentary.

(and who ever in bean town said "who brags about hanging with Bananarama" you're making me laugh through tears.)


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## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

Leave those uptight bitches over there,f&*(k em..I'll stay where the people are cool...
Gary

"I'm just a fat man getting it done"Sully


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## badkins (Oct 30, 2003)

New England must be an uptight no-fun place, what a sorry excuse for a paddling forum. Thank god for M-buzz, Frenchy, and Chunderboy (may he rest in peace)! This is the big tent forum, all bitches, playas, chachis, choads, gapers, front rangers, and even the occasional rafter can post here without censorship. Flame on bitches!!! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:


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## Stone-Free (Jul 8, 2005)

Sum all of those people into one word: Poons


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## 217 (Oct 27, 2003)

flood his email account with chunderpraise..... [email protected]

-aaron


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## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

Just a reminder CHOAD, You cannot hang


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## waynechorter (Oct 10, 2003)

I’m just glad I got to run with the Chunderboy for as long as I did, the man was a god damn legend. It’s fucked up how they took my truck like that though. Let’s all spill a little beer out for the kid, those were the best days of all time.


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## craporadon (Feb 27, 2006)

Even Eagle County will pour a little of our 40's out on the ground for the illustrious Chunder in '07. Routt County has been in a very deep funk since Chunder left. No way Chunder would have stood for not beer bonging at the takeout. I think Chunder would have cut the whole county from the roster. Maybe Routt County will even learn to drink 40's and be able to give the guy a proper salute rather than just a few drops from a 12 oz. sunshine wheat.


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## Gary E (Oct 27, 2003)

TTT-- god I miss the little f*)(r, he was classic


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## N. Wigston (Nov 5, 2003)

i know. i think about him all the time. now that I am a Dad I have been thinking about writing a series of kids books called "The Adventures of Chunderboy". Too bad I ain't no good at writing.


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## eljim (Sep 19, 2007)

*YYYYYYYYYYES!*

Reading that post in Paddler is why I subscribe to Mountainbuzz.com I wish I could have met him.


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