# Bout' lost my life yesterday



## Randaddy

Damn. I bet if you had let go of that boat you wouldn't have been in the water for so long...


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## UserName

might want to calm down a bit beforre attempting rash actions / words. Might want to rethink your post and edit / down tone it a bit too. Sleep on it


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## DurangoSteve

Uhm, you might look for some new "friends." 




yakgrrl101 said:


> Howdy folks & I'm lucky I'm actually here to tell my story.
> 
> Yesterday (Monday 5.19) I set off what was to be a 2-day float trip down the Gunny River through Escalante Canyon to take out at Whitewater east of Grand Jct. First off, I waited in the hot sun by myself for 2 1/2 hours for the boat party (a total of 4 of us; a couple on a huge beat-up, patched gray boat held together with about a dozen plastic ties hold the zippers together. The other party was on a one-person yellow pontoon fishing oar raft). I was to follow along in my gray eskimo kayak. I have lots of raft miles under my belt and have enough kayak skills to do certain trips but I do know that my roll is not as consistant as it should be. However, knowing that the river is running wicked high with funny water, I was under the understanding that it was pretty flat with no whitewater to be concerned with. I also assumed that my friends (the ones on the raft - "Griff" and his girlfriend) have LOTS of raft experience and supposedly stress the safety issue and to be sober while on the river, itself (which they were if you can believe that).
> 
> After waiting several hours, we finally took off around 3pm. About 2 miles down the river, we encountered some (to me) unexpected rapids which were quite sketchy. I stuck close to Griff's boat who were upstream from my approximately 50 to 100 *FEET (NOT YARDS).* I went over a large wave (a rock I later found out that 2 canoeists last year wrapped a boat and broke it; apparently, it's still there). I didn't make my roll and exited the boat, holding onto the hand-hold at the nose of my boat with one hand and paddle in the other. Luckily, I put a whistle on my life jacket which ultimately saved me.
> 
> I was screaming, *"HELP, HELP, HELP"* and blew the whistle. Griff had a trolling motor on the boat where his girlfriend was sitting right next to. Griff was at the oars. Neither did absolutely *NOTHING* to even *ATTEMPT* a rescue. I was hoping that they were just frantically oar over to me so I could grab onto their boat to get to shore so I could collect my bearings and move on. He didn't even attempt to communicate to his GF to start up that motor to come get me. Yes, they saw me; yes they heard me. *NOTHING!!!!:evil:*
> 
> Meanwhile, the ranch manager lady at Escalante Ranch just so happened to be outside *BEHIND* the horse stable (approximately 300 YARDS through the trees on land) attending to her horses and heard my screams and whistle. Her horses, she told me, even knew there was a problem. She said she saw me in the water and the raft behind me and just assumed they would get me but noticed that they were not attempting a rescue. Meanwhile, I must have swam about a 1/2 mile in the middle of the whitewater, having my eye on Griff's raft and the left shore. I even screamed, *"I DON'T WANNA DIE OUT HERE!!!! HELP!!!!"*
> 
> I was in the water for about 10-15 minutes when I was able to grab a strong branch on shore (I have no clue how I was able to drag my upside down boat and paddle to the shore) and I wasn't even out of the water when out of nowhere, they lady comes up and asked if I needed any help. I was shivering nearly uncontrollably. Griff and his girlfriend floated right on by in the middle the river *WITHOUT STOPPING* and I barely heard something come out of his mouth which said, _"DRY OUT"_ (or something like that).
> 
> The ranch lady and I walked my boat back to the horse stable where he gave me some warm clothes, iced tea and I was at the ranch for about 3 hours waiting for her husband to get back from work to take me to the take-out where my car was. THANKFULLY, my keys were in a zipped pocket of my dry pants, along with my 15-foot NRS straps. However, my 3 drybags and cooler were on Griff's boat. Early that evening, we drove around Dominguz Canyon looking for them at camp. They dropped me off at the take-out and I drove straight to the Delta County Sheriff's office where I talked to a wonderful deputy about the whole thing. My goal was to get in contact with a BLM law enforcement officer patrolling the river to me up with these assholes to get my stuff with charges of criminal negligence.
> 
> The sheriff's deputy got a hold of one who told me that he didn't think there was a law that requires members of your boat party to attempt a rescue and they are not required to do so. I stayed in a motel in Montrose (rolling in around 12:30am). The motel lady gave me some clothes. I went to the BLM office in Montrose to report the incident and they *KICKED ME OUTTA THERE!!!!
> 
> *This experience taught me to no longer trust people anymore. I know have grave fear of the river and I may even give up kayaking for good. I'm in the process of staring up a on-line interactive newspaper called gunnylines.com (it's on the web now; you just can't Google it yet but you can type it in on your address bar; will be advertising it in the local community in the very near future). I also want to add that Griff NEVER signed in at the put-in. He was the organizer of this trip. I'm also having second thoughts about requiring permits for certain sections of rivers. I'd like to see a law requiring head members of boat trips to attempt rescues of it's own members if they see them in trouble.
> 
> Thank you for letting me share.


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## ec

Here's my advice. 

1) Don't quit kayaking. 
2) Learn and knowledge your personal limits, and stick to rivers/sections within your abilities. 
3) Make sure that you are paddling rivers where you can perform a self rescue if necessary. 
4) Know your paddling partners better. Communicate with them on safety issues before a swim occurs so you are on the same page. 
5) Kayak with kayakers. I've paddled with rafters before, and their vessels don't work the same. For example, have you ever gone mountain biking with a group of road bikers? It doesn't work out so good.


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## jboats

Sorry about the incident. Your crew was not very experienced by the sounds of things. I don't normally reply but feel it slightly necessary. 

I hate laws like you are mentioning. To make a inherant beginner mistake by attempting a new river with little skills at high flow with people you thought to trust but never been on the river with. sounds like your venting. 

There are inherant risks with all extreme sports. To force a law on the books ( which once on, is hard as hell to get off the books) due to an angry sense of insecurity is just not fair to responsible outdoor recreationalists. 

Come on please don't waste your time on such a petty deal. You swam and didn't let go of your boat and gear because you would rather risk life and limb instead of breathing another day. You basically told me you put a price on your own life of less than $1500.00 

Good luck and think. Sorry about the swim and well the plus side is with a self rescue is, you don't have to buy anyone ice cream / beer.



yakgrrl101 said:


> Howdy folks & I'm lucky I'm actually here to tell my story.
> 
> Yesterday (Monday 5.19) I set off what was to be a 2-day float trip down the Gunny River through Escalante Canyon to take out at Whitewater east of Grand Jct. First off, I waited in the hot sun by myself for 2 1/2 hours for the boat party (a total of 4 of us; a couple on a huge beat-up, patched gray boat held together with about a dozen plastic ties hold the zippers together. The other party was on a one-person yellow pontoon fishing oar raft). I was to follow along in my gray eskimo kayak. I have lots of raft miles under my belt and have enough kayak skills to do certain trips but I do know that my roll is not as consistant as it should be. However, knowing that the river is running wicked high with funny water, I was under the understanding that it was pretty flat with no whitewater to be concerned with. I also assumed that my friends (the ones on the raft - "Griff" and his girlfriend) have LOTS of raft experience and supposedly stress the safety issue and to be sober while on the river, itself (which they were if you can believe that).
> 
> After waiting several hours, we finally took off around 3pm. About 2 miles down the river, we encountered some (to me) unexpected rapids which were quite sketchy. I stuck close to Griff's boat who were upstream from my approximately 50 to 100 *FEET (NOT YARDS).* I went over a large wave (a rock I later found out that 2 canoeists last year wrapped a boat and broke it; apparently, it's still there). I didn't make my roll and exited the boat, holding onto the hand-hold at the nose of my boat with one hand and paddle in the other. Luckily, I put a whistle on my life jacket which ultimately saved me.
> 
> I was screaming, *"HELP, HELP, HELP"* and blew the whistle. Griff had a trolling motor on the boat where his girlfriend was sitting right next to. Griff was at the oars. Neither did absolutely *NOTHING* to even *ATTEMPT* a rescue. I was hoping that they were just frantically oar over to me so I could grab onto their boat to get to shore so I could collect my bearings and move on. He didn't even attempt to communicate to his GF to start up that motor to come get me. Yes, they saw me; yes they heard me. *NOTHING!!!!:evil:*
> 
> Meanwhile, the ranch manager lady at Escalante Ranch just so happened to be outside *BEHIND* the horse stable (approximately 300 YARDS through the trees on land) attending to her horses and heard my screams and whistle. Her horses, she told me, even knew there was a problem. She said she saw me in the water and the raft behind me and just assumed they would get me but noticed that they were not attempting a rescue. Meanwhile, I must have swam about a 1/2 mile in the middle of the whitewater, having my eye on Griff's raft and the left shore. I even screamed, *"I DON'T WANNA DIE OUT HERE!!!! HELP!!!!"*
> 
> I was in the water for about 10-15 minutes when I was able to grab a strong branch on shore (I have no clue how I was able to drag my upside down boat and paddle to the shore) and I wasn't even out of the water when out of nowhere, they lady comes up and asked if I needed any help. I was shivering nearly uncontrollably. Griff and his girlfriend floated right on by in the middle the river *WITHOUT STOPPING* and I barely heard something come out of his mouth which said, _"DRY OUT"_ (or something like that).
> 
> The ranch lady and I walked my boat back to the horse stable where he gave me some warm clothes, iced tea and I was at the ranch for about 3 hours waiting for her husband to get back from work to take me to the take-out where my car was. THANKFULLY, my keys were in a zipped pocket of my dry pants, along with my 15-foot NRS straps. However, my 3 drybags and cooler were on Griff's boat. Early that evening, we drove around Dominguz Canyon looking for them at camp. They dropped me off at the take-out and I drove straight to the Delta County Sheriff's office where I talked to a wonderful deputy about the whole thing. My goal was to get in contact with a BLM law enforcement officer patrolling the river to me up with these assholes to get my stuff with charges of criminal negligence.
> 
> The sheriff's deputy got a hold of one who told me that he didn't think there was a law that requires members of your boat party to attempt a rescue and they are not required to do so. I stayed in a motel in Montrose (rolling in around 12:30am). The motel lady gave me some clothes. I went to the BLM office in Montrose to report the incident and they *KICKED ME OUTTA THERE!!!!*
> 
> This experience taught me to no longer trust people anymore. I know have grave fear of the river and I may even give up kayaking for good. I'm in the process of staring up a on-line interactive newspaper called gunnylines.com (it's on the web now; you just can't Google it yet but you can type it in on your address bar; will be advertising it in the local community in the very near future). I also want to add that Griff NEVER signed in at the put-in. He was the organizer of this trip. I'm also having second thoughts about requiring permits for certain sections of rivers. I'd like to see a law requiring head members of boat trips to attempt rescues of it's own members if they see them in trouble.
> 
> Thank you for letting me share.


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## peak

I'm sorry that you almost lost your life yesterday (although I think you might have been more freeked-out and shocked than in real danger), and I'm sorry that your people didn't take better care of you. sounds weird.

It also sounds like you didn't really know what you were in for...maybe in a bit over your head?

Do you really think that we need more laws though, to prevent this type of thing? More permits and regulations? How about less knee-jerk reactions and fingerpointing and more taking responsibility for our own actions...?


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## blutzski

Sorry to hear about you're ordeal. But speaking from experience, people can have very different views of the same situation. I boated Grizzly with two friends that I had learned with but they hadn't boated in a while. In an eddy in Class I water, one of them flipped over and started floundering. The other freaked out and jumped out of her boat in knee-deep water to rescue the sticken boater. I just kind of sat there with a puzzled look on my face. I probably looked like an asshole to bystanders but I just couldn't figure out what all the panic was about.

Just saying that your friends may not have interpreted you're situation as life-threatening and it probably wasn't if you were able to swim to shore with all your gear. Then again, even if it wasn't life threatening, I've never heard of a crew who doesn't help swimmers to shore. That's just lame.

On another note, please remember, for your own safety that self rescue comes first. Don't ever wait for someone else to rescue you. If you are truly in fear for your life, ditch your gear and swim like you mean it. If you're friends don't get you or your gear, find new friends and move on.


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## Mut

Glad you are ok. 

BUT, you are responsible for yourself and YOU could have avoided your ordeal. 

Don't become some welfare reciepient looking for the government to watch out for you, take some responsibility.

Mut


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## ransark

Glad you're safe. Congrats on getting yourself out of a bad situation. ec has some good advice. I know you're PO'd about your "buddy" the rafter, and with good reason, but in general there's no legal obligation to assist. Most paddlers feel a strong personal obligation to help their friends (and others) in need, but that's different than a legal obligation. Look at the positive -- you learned a lot. Among other things, you learned that you need to pick your paddling partners carefully, that you can self rescue even in a tough situation, that cold water will take your strength away quickly, that big water needs to be treated w/ respect, that having a bomb-proof roll is v. important, and that there are plenty of good folks out there (ranch lady + her husband, motel lady, etc.). Rest up, relax, practice the roll, find some kayak buddies, and get back out there!


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## kayapelli

My friends and I have each saved each others lives several times as part of exploratory creeking and that is part of the bond that makes boaters so close. I would dump your asshole "friends" if your story is true.


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## gapers

Whaaaa,i took a long swim,whaaaaa.

Welcome to Kayakin. Cowboy up.


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## cma

Rapids on the Gunnison? Maybe a wavetrain or two that are about 20-30 yards long at the most and maybe the dam at high water but I have seen canoes go over the dam with no problem at all. Maybe there really wasn't a rescue needed?


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## KSC

This does seem like an extreme reaction. Doesn't sound like you were boating with the right people. Only boat with people you trust, take it slow, and if you swim get out of the river ASAP. I think those are the lessons. Ultimately the responsibility for your safety rests with yourself though.


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## Ture

gapers said:


> Whaaaa,i took a long swim,whaaaaa.
> 
> Welcome to Kayakin. Cowboy up.


Agreed. I thought it was a joke at first. Swimming class III while screaming "I don't want to die" and blowing a whistle all the while? I'd look the other way too. Jesus Christ. This is nothing like a near death experience. Maybe scared to death. 

My advice would be to get out of the water and stay out. If you panic that badly in a mellow "situation" then I'd say you failed the test. Nobody is going to want to be in a foxhole next to you when it really hits the fan. The rafters should have knocked you out with a paddle and THEN pulled you in so that you wouldn't climb on top of someone's head and drown them.


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## DurangoSteve

The temptation to belittle a hysterical person for their hysteria is sometimes hard to resist. Resist the temptation!


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## erdvm1

Can Admin please change the title of this post and move it to the eddy???


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## gh

It is about boating and as a rule we dont change titles due to censorship complaints in the past.

I would say that calling people out on the internet rarely accomplishes what you want and also that dog piling on this person wont help either but thats just my opinion.


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## basil

Well, she did ask for feedback. 

Yes, shit happens on the river. 

To me, it sounds like the swim was very uncomfortable, but not life threatening. If you can blow a whistle and yell, you've got lots of energy and wind left. 

What probably made the swim really agonizing is having that damn rafter nearby not helping. Sounds like he was getting back at you for something, but that sure wasn't the way to do it.


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## De la Boot

I can't believe I am responding but I can't help it. 

Ok, I think I know why you are getting so much flack here. Your perception of the whole ordeal seems to stem from the premis that Griff shoudl have rescued you. I think most of the readers here intuitively disagree with that. 

Here is how it should have happened, you come out of kayak, then you swim to shore as Griff rows over to meet you at the shore to make sure all is good. He hangs out while you empty your boat and climb back in and you peel out and he peels out and then you all move on.


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## stankboat

When I was learning - a million years ago - my friends would laugh so hard as I floundered for the grab loops of their Lazers. I was certain I was dying and enraged at their good humor. Today, I laugh like a monkey on LSD when my beginner pals - in wide open water - give me those googly eyes, drenched in fear and sputtering for help, certain their lives are about to end. 
It's kind of a personal highlight of kayaking. Especially when said paddler is all girded up from a week of pool sessions and not versed in moving water.
If I was there, I would have saved you and you would still be quite sore at me for laughing so hard as I did it. And I would have a pretty good story to regale you with at a later date. A story that would include your in-the-water lamentations and several references to your passionate use of a whistle. While in the water. 
Sorry, didn't mean to laugh there.
I like the advice to sleep on it a bit. And the bit about being a little more careful in choosing your pals. Your friends were indeed lame. But they're rafters. You'll figure that out soon enough. Different tribes that share vibes.
But learning to "never trust people anymore." Well, that might be a bit over the top. 
Also: before, inherent, freaked, premise. > end Sgt Spelling.
-j


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## Chip

*The opposite*

Stark fear tends to to make me goofy, rather than vengeful. 

Long ago, on a Pack Cat trip down Deso/Gray, I stayed left on Steer Ridge Rapid, hit a hole, and flipped. Water was warm, I had a grip on my boat— no sweat. The boat was overloaded and I figured it would take a while to swim it onto an eddy where I could right it. 

But my sweetheart was freaked, trying to grab my boat while paddling one-handed, etc. Thinking she'd flip as a result, I asked her to cut me loose. She squawked and redoubled her efforts. We went into the little riffle after Steer Ridge, and she let go (good). I waved a hand and said "Bye-bye." 

In the next eddy, as we were righting my boat, she told me she thought my farewell (which I thought would be comforting) meant that I'd given up and would thenceforth drown. 

I thought it was funny, but the look on her face warned me I'd better not laugh. She thought that a) I'd drown, and b) She'd be alone on the raging river. So what was to me a mildly embarrassing fluff was to her a major brush with death. 

What I learned was just how differently people (even those who know one another well) can see the same event. 

What helps most is to talk about the issue beforehand and agree on a set of signals (there are standard ones) and then to abide by them, regardless of one's own perception of risk or danger. For all you know, that chickenshit bastard flailing around after a wet exit might have broken a femur on a rock. 

If someone signals for rescue, you rescue them. Period, underline, bold. 

If it's a misunderstanding, better to err on the side of safety.

Chip


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## kevintee

Chip said:


> *If someone signals for rescue, you rescue them. Period, underline, bold.*
> 
> If it's a misunderstanding, better to err on the side of safety.
> 
> Chip


lol


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## paddlebizzle

Mut said:


> Glad you are ok.
> 
> BUT, you are responsible for yourself and YOU could have avoided your ordeal.
> 
> Don't become some welfare reciepient looking for the government to watch out for you, take some responsibility.
> 
> Mut


Mut is right on: I've been hazed so many times for swimming that my friends make me sign a pair of water wings every time it happens. Get over yourself. Learn to self rescue, and as the saying goes, you are only between swims....

That said, Chip does have a good point.

Between dog fights at the Golden bunny hill to upset swimmers, this day on the buzz is lame-o!
JT


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## tboe101

*Self rescue*

Each of us is ultimately responsible for our own welfare on the river. PERIOD. Self rescue needs to be learned and practiced every day and every season.. I'm teaching an oar certification course right now and have repeated this to my class every day, five times a day. Before you get on the water again take a swift water rescue course. My buddy Mather teaches a fantastic course, and I could steer you in his direction.
Anyone who would go to the cops over something they brought on themselves on the river would sue McDonalds over spilled hot coffee.


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## paddlebizzle

tboe101 said:


> Anyone who would go to the cops over something they brought on themselves on the river would sue McDonalds over spilled hot coffee.


Oh snap!


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## heliodorus04

My concern is that this incident is making you feel you don't ever want to kayak again, and that you are going to be less trusting.

Let's deal with the last one first:
Know who you boat with.
If you don't know who you're boating with, know your ability very well, and know the section you're running at the flow you're running it.

I'm not trying to blame you for anything that happened. You have to listen to that inner voice that tells you if you're really comfortable with the situation you're putting yourself in. Sounds like you were, but the real culprit of calamity was a combination of bad group, and a kayaker making a small mistake on a river.

I personally wouldn't want to be the only kayaker on a raft trip specifically because, if the shit hit the fan, I could be losing my gear.

As for giving up paddling, give it some time, and when/if you decide you want to paddle some more, start several steps below your surefire ability. If it's a lake, it's a lake. If it's a class 2 section, so be it. Run it till you get bored of it, working on getting comfortable again.

I think people who love kayaking just know they love kayaking, and people who aren't sure are probably only passing through till something else comes along (perhaps without the inherent fear associated with rivers).

But I hope you stay in and you reflect on this event, and the more constructive posts in this thread.

I'm glad you're safe, and glad you posted. Pax


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## WhiteLightning

1. You are ultimately responsible for yourself on the river.
2. You gotta always have your buddies' back (and if possible, other people on the river)
3. Only boat with people you trust who aren't assholes unless it is something you would boat alone.


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## rg5hole

Though your other shit is at Grand Junction Pawn it sounds like you made it out with your booties on....

Pabst Blue Ribbon anyone?


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## riverrat

*Let's go swimming!*

Aside from all the other advice that everyone has given which is all great and much better than this...I've got a suggestion for you. Get together with some people who are comfortable in the river, pick a class 2 or 3 in big water (Like the gunny), put on your wetsuit, helmet, and life jacket and leave the boat and paddle at home and go for a dip. Keep your head up river and be safe about it, but have fun and swim into eddys and goof around like you would in your boat. I know it sounds crazy and cold, but it will make you so much more confident in the river. Then when you swim out of your boat it's more of a "wow, swimming sucks when I have to carry a boat and paddle" and not a "oh crap! I'm going to die! someone save me!" reaction. I think high water's better because you're not constantly bumping yourself on rocks, but you do have to watch out for wood. Just make sure you know how to swim in the river and how it's different than swimming in a pool. It's really not as bad as you think and it helps a ton. If you come out to gunny I'll go with you. We can even just swim through the park and try to body surf a little.


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## tellutwurp

charges of criminal negligence.... really? That sounds a bit ridiculous to me.


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## farp

tellutwurp said:


> charges of criminal negligence.... really? That sounds a bit ridiculous to me.


It is ridiculous. In fact it's so ridiculous, I'm wondering if the genesis of this post was fabricated for the purpose of observing our reaction.


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## david23

In the interest of beating a dead horse:

If you encountered rapids that were unexpected, especially "sketchy" unexpected rapids, they you need to figure some $hit out before you saddle up.

As for attempting to file charges: that's ridiculous. Really, really silly stuff here. 

In the interest of my own well being, I hope I don't encounter you on the river until you realize that what goes on is almost always a direct result of your actions.


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## Withdrawn 1

farp said:


> It is ridiculous. In fact it's so ridiculous, I'm wondering if the genesis of this post was fabricated for the purpose of observing our reaction.


FUCK YOU!!!


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## SummitAP

yakgrrl101 said:


> FUCK YOU!!!


Now now, you were over the top... and you have pages of good responses... and what post did you choose to respond to and how did you choose to respond? I think you are demonstrating your personality too well for your own good.










But, I am guessing you will continue on in your own reality where you are 100% right and everyone else on the river is wrong...


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## Withdrawn 1

First off, to everyone here, I will admit that I underestimated the river at the level that it was running and I was confident in my abilities to run it in spite of the high water and such. I trusted everyone in my party to help each other out. The responses I'm seeing here sets in stone that people here have no heart whatsoever and could give a rats ass of lives on the river.


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## Withdrawn 1

SummitAP said:


> Now now, you were over the top... and you have pages of good responses... and what post did you choose to respond to and how did you choose to respond? I think you are demonstrating your personality too well for your own good.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> But, I am guessing you will continue on in your own reality where you are 100% right and everyone else on the river is wrong...


and why would you THINK I was making this story up?!!? you don't know me and you have NO RIGHT to say what you did.


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## SummitAP

yakgrrl101 said:


> First off, to everyone here, I will admit that I underestimated the river at the level that it was running and I was confident in my abilities to run it in spite of the high water and such. I trusted everyone in my party to help each other out. The responses I'm seeing here sets in stone that people here have no heart whatsoever and could give a rats ass of lives on the river.


No, you have warped expectations.

Here is what is supposed to happen when you get into trouble: 
1. Self-rescue
2. If holding your boat is endangering you, ditch it. Your buddies will get it if they can.
3. If holding your paddle is endangering you, ditch it. Your buddies will get it if they can.
4. If you are still in danger, then your buddies should be focused on helping you instead of your gear. 

Here is what you expected:
1. SAVE ME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!1111!!ONEONEONE!!!!!
2. YOU DIDN'T BABYSIT ME! I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU ARRESTED!!!!!

Now, your "friends" were not "friendly." You should find better friends, but you will have a lot of trouble doing that with your attitude problem.


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## SummitAP

yakgrrl101 said:


> and why would you THINK I was making this story up?!!? you don't know me and you have NO RIGHT to say what you did.


The other guy didn't know you, so he was suspicious of your over the top story. Your story was over-the-top because of your reaction. I don't think you made it up. I never said you did. You are just an over-the-top reaction type of person as evidenced by your conduct in this thread. 

PS I have the right to say whatever I please. Deal with it.

PPS You can get all angry at me because your "friends" aren't around to face your fury, but it really isn't going to help your situation. In fact, the only thing that is going to help your situation is for you to step back consider, and adjust your perspective on this whole thing.


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## Withdrawn 1

SummitAP said:


> No, you have warped expectations.
> 
> Here is what is supposed to happen when you get into trouble:
> 1. Self-rescue


*Which is what I did and I have no problem with doing that.*

Summit, people like *YOU* have the attitude problem!!!


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## SummitAP

yakgrrl101 said:


> *Which is what I did and I have no problem with doing that.*
> 
> Summit, people like *YOU* have the attitude problem!!!


You missed the point. Your first expectation was to be saved by someone else. When that didn't occur, only then did you self-rescue.

If you self-rescued yourself without injury and without letting go of your boat or paddle after being in the water for "15-20 minutes" I'm not believing that you "bout lost your life." That kinda messes up your "criminal negligence" claim even if there was a legal requirement... actually suffering no loss or injury (aside from your pride) does that. 

Look, nobody is saying that your situation was pleasant or that your "friends" did right. However, your perspective is not just "what jerks, they should do what is right." Your attitude is "someone should MAKE them do what is right and since they didn't someone should PUNISH them."


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## Mut

yakgrrl101 said:


> First off, to everyone here, I will admit that I underestimated the river at the level that it was running and I was confident in my abilities to run it in spite of the high water and such. I trusted everyone in my party to help each other out. The responses I'm seeing here sets in stone that people here have no heart whatsoever and could give a rats ass of lives on the river.


You are so far off base here. I, and everyone I boat with, would put their life on the line to save me or another one of our friends. We would even put ourselves at risk to save a stranger. 

The point still is, you are responsible for yourself. It is absurd you would ask the police to intervene because you got yourself in over your head. No one made you kayak. No one made you go with people you don't know real well. No one made you make all the bad choices that you made that day. Its all on you.

If your original post had been more of a question on the etiquette of offering assistance, you would have found that everyone would agree that you rescue anyone and everyone you can on the river.

Instead, you ignore your responsibility in this matter and insist that this was everyone else's fault. 

Now you know. You are responsible for you. You need to make sure at every put in that you tell your buddies " I AM A ROOKIE. IF I SWIM YOU MUST HELP ME BECAUSE I HAVE A HARD TIME SELF RESCUING, OK?" 

Now get back on the horse and go paddle.


----------



## yourrealdad

This is one of the best threads I have read in a while. Yakgrowler, instead of getting pissed off about people's replies which just shows how hotheaded you are as you can't handle constructive critism, you should look at all the feedback you are getting and use it to not suck at life. That's how it works, you learn from your mistakes. On my second time down the river I swam and held onto my boat and my paddle and they went into two different holes and I cot crucified and then had my hand crushed between the boat and rock. You know what I learned, get your boat when it is safe for you to get your boat. Dagger pumps out those suckers out by the hundreds, Yahweh only pumps out one of you.

P.S. Self rescue should be known before you ever step on a river, even fat ass texans that come rafting know that

P.S.S. Screaming that you are going to die and blowing a whistle means you have too much air and time on your hands, buck up.

P.S.S. Think about what the law you want would open up (insert can o' worms here) Suing people cause they didn't help you or couldn't. What if they determine its not safe for them to get to you at that precise moment and you do self rescue, are you going to get them arrested because of their decision to wait?

P.S.S.S Responding with a FUCK YOU to a reply doesn't make people want to boat with you let alone rescue you. Watch those bridges cause once burned it is a long hike out of the canyon


----------



## Grif

What do you want me to say? Bitch can't swim.


----------



## caspermike

personally if you can't self rescue and you need a life guard, stay in the swim pool.


----------



## peak

Grif, why d'ya leave her?
did you leave her?


----------



## Grif

Man, me and my girl were just chillin' and this girl starts blowing her whistle and harshing our buzz! I tried to throw her a rope, but I was too messed up and I accidentally threw a turkey leg. She didn't catch it so we kept going. Fortunately one of the horses knew that something was wrong and kicked a log into the water for her to grab on to. We eddied out later and she never showed. I guess she decided to hang out at that ranch all day.


----------



## SummitAP

I'm thinkin' that ain't the real McCoy...

But I'm entertained :mrgreen:


----------



## Grif

Am too. Grif McCoy to be specific.


----------



## LSB

Grif...... I think ya made me pee a little


----------



## DurangoSteve

You heartless bastard! There was a crazy woman 'bout to lose her life and all you could do was think about your drug experience? Wow. You are one mean sumbitch... or a pretty amusing imposter. :twisted: 



Grif said:


> Man, me and my girl were just chillin' and this girl starts blowing her whistle and harshing our buzz! I tried to throw her a rope, but I was too messed up and I accidentally threw a turkey leg. She didn't catch it so we kept going. Fortunately one of the horses knew that something was wrong and kicked a log into the water for her to grab on to. We eddied out later and she never showed. I guess she decided to hang out at that ranch all day.


----------



## basil

Grif, trying to make a joke of your poor actions is low. OK, you didn't like her and she was in over her head, but you need to have enough strength to realize when to do the right thing. 

I've been generally really impressed that when kayakers hook up at a put in and boat together, they are a team and have responsibility for each other. People take that committment seriously. Even if one guy is a douch bag, if you make the decision to put in together, you are a team. You work your ass to save them nomatter what. You can't ditch them unless they are on land and you tell them their skills aren't good enough to continue. 

This code of committment in kayaking is cool. Ah, but Grif is a rafter.


----------



## tboner

*get a clue dude*



basil said:


> but Grif is a rafter.


"grif" is but only an imposter......and you are but a fool, and if COUNT was doing his actual job he would cross reference IPs for us and we would know who is really is.. but more to the point, who he isn't.


----------



## Grif

Look here. The water was flatter than a lady acrobat, so we kept cruisin'. She's just mad cuz I already had a woman with me.


----------



## lotsawater

Basil your lame. 

This is some funny shit. I would love to hear the real Griff tell the story. 

lovin' it!


----------



## Jay H

*that's more like it!*

ah, I can feel my faith in the 'buzz being restored...


----------



## DurangoSteve

If you had a personal relationship with the Lord Jeezus, you would have known what to do: "Sure I'll save you... IF you welcome the Lord into your life." It's the new and improved "forced baptism." Works most times. If they drown, they are sinners.



Grif said:


> Look here. The water was flatter than a lady acrobat, so we kept cruisin'. She's just mad cuz I already had a woman with me.


----------



## TakemetotheRiver

*Rafters are Boaters, too*

I've done 5, no 6, trips with kayakers I didn't know since last August. Every trip was a great time- every person knowledgeable, fun, and responsible- and even the 2-3 swims were quickly corrected by everyone, rafters and kayakers, pitching in to help. As a rafter, I appreciate having kayakers along for safety and company. The kayakers I've boated with seem to appreciate my beer cooler, cooking prowess, aim with a throw rope, and sick sense of humor. Will the real Grif please stand up and tell us the "rafter's" version of the story?



basil said:


> This code of committment in kayaking is cool. Ah, but Grif is a rafter.


----------



## Matt J

Personally, swmrgrrl101, I'm just glad you lived to talk about it.


----------



## grandyoso

*Shreddin*

I think Icantride55 is trying to break his personal best for number of responses. Are there any green runs open this time of year Joe.


----------



## d.e.

I'm sensing a powerful convergence of river karma opening a can of whoop-ass on the horizon. The high water season of 2008, boaters beware. I hope all you boyz and girlz have each others back, because when shit happens it happens fast. Beatdown TR's to follow. Seriously though, have fun and be safe out there. My two cents, if your not willing to fish somebody out of the drink, you need a new sport. If you're gonna paddle learn how to self rescue and don't run anything you're not willing to swim.


----------



## COUNT

Trev is right. Grif is not who you think he is.


----------



## Randaddy

Whoever he is, he sure sounds like a cool guy. Turkey legs AND a motor? I want to raft with Grif!


----------



## Matt J

Don't forget that he didn't sign in with the ranger either.


----------



## Grif

I never sign in. I don't want the man knowing where me and my girl will be using my bad ass outboard motor!


----------



## Grif

Here's a picture of my creek boat.

http://s284.photobucket.com/albums/ll17/countrybeaners/?action=view&current=motor-raft.jpg


----------



## Snowhere

Yes, self rescue is key. When I was a newbe, I got talked into doing Browns at 2800 and I had no roll, and did not have much of a brace. Needless to say, I swam just about every rapid. I mostly self rescued with a little help from my boating partner who was probably second guessing talking me into going. Not once was I afraid for my life, but that came from being a swimmer and diver since I was a wee camper, so I was very comfortable in water, just not upside down. After that day, I took a couple of weeks off to let the water come down, and then looked for some easier water on the Taylor to learn on. But I was very adept at self rescue after that day and not losing my gear while swimming the Ark at 2800 was accomplishment enough for me.


Now this is too funny ^.


----------



## mr. compassionate

After taking a few minutes to reread the original post that the man has so kindly put back on the sight, I have a couple of questions. 

1. Why did it take 12015 minutes to leisurely float through the 1/2 mile of raging rapids? My calculations would show that the water was only travelling at 1/6 to 1/8 mph-this doesn't sound like whitewater to me unless Yakgirl was actually in an eddy not in whitewater.

2. Why do you carry 3 drybags on a 1 night trip-seems vain? Do you carry make-up and 10 outfits?

3. How could someone 900 feet with a layer of trees between you hear you? It seems that you overestimate times and distances as much as stories.

4. If you have a reliable not bombproof roll and are fairly handy in a kayak then this section should have been no problem. Do you also estimate your ability as well as times and distances?


----------



## sj

Troll Perhaps?


----------



## caverdan

How did the OP.........yakgirl101.........change his/her/it's name to...............Withdrawn1.............this place gets stranger by the day.

Why did the man cross the road??????


















Because he was stuck in the chicken!!


----------



## upshitscreek

basil said:


> Grif, trying to make a joke of your poor actions is low. OK, you didn't like her and she was in over her head, but you need to have enough strength to realize when to do the right thing.
> 
> I've been generally really impressed that when kayakers hook up at a put in and boat together, they are a team and have responsibility for each other. People take that committment seriously. Even if one guy is a douch bag, if you make the decision to put in together, you are a team. You work your ass to save them nomatter what. You can't ditch them unless they are on land and you tell them their skills aren't good enough to continue.
> 
> This code of committment in kayaking is cool. Ah, but Grif is a rafter.


 
ah, but basil is dumber than a stump


----------



## stumpster

I just came back from Escalante(retrieving my boat after a swim) and was talking to the ranchers wife about my boat when she starts telling me about this girl the other day!!!!
Yes it did happen and she was definetly border line hypothermic not to mention "very very very very unhappy about he whole ordeal" as the ranchers wife modestly put it... So there is truth to the story...

THIS BY NO MEANS CONDONSE THE PURSUIT OF MORE LAWS!!!! 

PS this is not the same one that helped her either.,.



> dumber than a stump


Hey now!


----------



## Cutch

That creek boat picture is spectacular. I love it. 

Grif made me laugh. If he's the real Grif it's even funnier and even more f'd up. That said, I think 08 is about to get very scary, and working as a team on the river is going to be mandatory. 

I swam last week in Slurry Pipe on Gillman Gorge. I never yelled, never looked for or really wanted a rope, yard saled everything, and swam through a nasty rock infested 60 yards trying to claw my way into shore. Once I wasn't so dizzy I pulled my boat across, paddled to the takeout, drank a booty beer, and laughed about all of it. I was with very good paddlers that would have done anything for me, and they did... they retrieved my boat and paddle, and they provided the beer for my booty, all after making sure I was okay. 

Had I sat in the river blowing my whistle and yelling for help while holding onto my gear I would be stuffed under a log right now. I guess this is why my grandma always told me, "The funny thing about common sense is that it isn't common."

Be safe this season.


----------



## Homerslides

*I know Griff...*

You actually expected Griff to show up on time, not be drunk (surely he had at least a 6 of PBR in him!), AND to rescue you in a Class II ripple!? 

That right there says a LOT about the choices you make!

Griff is a great guy, albeit a drunk and bitter old ski bum. I would trust him absolutely in an actual emergency situation! I also know he would expect self-sufficiency of everyone present, and that he would not baby ANYONE. Knowing Griff, and from your description of this event, it is easy to assume that you over stated your ability to the rest of your party, leaving them to believe you were at least somewhat capable of self-rescue. 

Griff may be grizzled, but he is not, at all, as inconsiderate as you make him out to be.

There are a lot of boaters in Gunny who are great people, willing to help the nubiest of nubes. Find yourself a group of fun girls to boat with, lose the attitude, and get back on it.

And let me know if you have any luck in getting a law passed that makes it illegal to not completely babysit your paddling partners: I may just have to have Milo arrested for sending my wide-eyed nubie ass into "Widow Maker", "Nail in the coffin" and "I'll tell your mom you loved her" rapids, on the Gunny, before I was anywhere close to a roll!

... miss ya' bro!

Homer


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## SummitAP

Homerslides - You absolutely must get the real Grif on here to share his story. 



caverdan said:


> How did the OP.........yakgirl101.........change his/her/it's name to...............Withdrawn1.............this place gets stranger by the day.


Probably when she, in absolute tears that nobody would tell her that she was 100% right, wrote the admins demanding that they change her name to hide her shame. Or, perhaps she did realize her folly and wished to start anew. Either way, since there is no username "yakgirl101" I guess I can now post a most amusing PM she sent me:



yakgirl101 said:


> YOU are MEAN
> 
> What the living *FUCK* is up with people like you? :evil:What makes you think you are better than anyone else out there? People like you turn off REAL people like me who want to enjoy life in the mountains and on the river. You are *NOTHING* more than bad energy on the river.


I about died...


----------



## Homerslides

SummitAP said:


> Homerslides - You absolutely must get the real Grif on here to share his story.


Maybe we can get Milo to stop in The Talk of the Town, in CB, to lure Grif to this thread.


----------



## caverdan

:mrgreen: :twisted: :mrgreen: :twisted: Personally.........................I think the admins are F.'n with ya'll.


----------



## Canada

*55-grif*

The whole thing is starting to come together. Grif is a ski bum. Ski bums associate occaisionally with ski patrollers. Ski patrollers bust I can't ride 55. I cant ride 55 and yak girl are one in the same, and this whole thing is the man trying to hold him/her down!

Legislation is the only answer!!

Ski patrollers can no longer bust him/her on closed slopes and boaters must rescue him/her from the throws of class II death waves.

As a line item on the same bill I would propose that anyone encountering boaters named Canada must give them free quality beer!

Feel free to add your line items and I'll bring it to the house!!


----------



## soylent green

What a shitshow! This has all aspects of a good thread.
*aliases
*posted PMs
*people going to someone's work to get the story
*people dumb enough to believe an alias
*threats
*Summit's ability to make perfect sense and still stir the pot


----------



## Snowhere

Canada said:


> As a line item on the same bill I would propose that anyone encountering boaters named Canada must give them free quality beer!
> 
> Feel free to add your line items and I'll bring it to the house!![/quote
> 
> 
> So does it have to be Canadian beer or will Austrailian beer suffice? :mrgreen:


----------



## yakgirl101

Ok, you guys don't seem to be able to see the facts right. First off, as I said before I have a lot of raft miles under my belt. So you can believe me when I say that I almost lost my life. No joking matter. When a member of your party is dying 50 feet away, who doesn't go and help? I think we need certifications and more regulation of running rivers. That way you can rely on people when you need. Grif never signed in. He was the leader and was responsible for evverybody on the river. Grif failed us all when he floated by drinking his Shlitz and talking to hi sk### of a GF. 


Summit, why did you make up that PM? I didn't send that. But YOU are MEAN.


----------



## stankboat

Griff was drinking Schlitz! And you were blowing your whistle! Your whistle! And you were dying! 50 feet away! 
god I love this thread. this is the he-brought-a-gun-to-the-take-out thread for 08.


----------



## caspermike

if he was floating by why didn't you swim over to his raft? somebody with rafting experience would have known that. if your raft flips are you going to hold on the the first rock you see or are you going to swim like hell to catch it? swim like hell.... should be the correct answer unless you are running ahh gore or the green river narrows not class 2

were you wearing a PFD?


----------



## TakemetotheRiver

The water's getting deeper. Dig,dig. All back- paddle, paddle, paddle.



yakgirl101 said:


> Ok, you guys don't seem to be able to see the facts right. First off, as I said before I have a lot of raft miles under my belt. So you can believe me when I say that I almost lost my life. No joking matter. When a member of your party is dying 50 feet away, who doesn't go and help? I think we need certifications and more regulation of running rivers. That way you can rely on people when you need. Grif never signed in. He was the leader and was responsible for evverybody on the river. Grif failed us all when he floated by drinking his Shlitz and talking to hi sk### of a GF.
> 
> 
> Summit, why did you make up that PM? I didn't send that. But YOU are MEAN.


----------



## tboner

i'm not going to put her name here, but if anyone is curious as to who she really is and her real name, it's plastered all over her website.... gunnylines.com


----------



## doublet

Hey litigious swimmer - maybe you could take all the great advice from this column and make it into a blog post for gunnylines.com. It could be titled something like "When you're about to die drop your heavy, waterlogged vessel and swim your ass to shore". 

People actually were pretty nice to you at first and gave you some good advice. I can understand why people have become a bit less friendly as the thread has progressed. A lot of people on here have seen some scary shit go down on the river, and you may lack perspective.


----------



## jmack

Yakchick- I think you need to stick to commercial trips. You will have a "certified" trip leader. There will be lots of silly regulations to make you feel safe. And they will humor you when you moan and cry about how you "almost died" in flatwater.


----------



## caspermike

jmack said:


> Yakchick- I think you need to stick to commercial trips. You will have a "certified" trip leader. There will be lots of silly regulations to make you feel safe. And they will humor you when you moan and cry about how you "almost died" in flatwater.


they also give you a speech on how to preform an aggressive self rescue


----------



## rwhyman

I think the NEW yakgirl101 is an impostor since this is he/she/it's 1st post and the original yakgirl had her username changed.

But this is funny shit anyway!



yakgirl101 said:


> Ok, you guys don't seem to be able to see the facts right. First off, as I said before I have a lot of raft miles under my belt. So you can believe me when I say that I almost lost my life. No joking matter. When a member of your party is dying 50 feet away, who doesn't go and help? I think we need certifications and more regulation of running rivers. That way you can rely on people when you need. Grif never signed in. He was the leader and was responsible for evverybody on the river. Grif failed us all when he floated by drinking his Shlitz and talking to hi sk### of a GF.
> 
> 
> Summit, why did you make up that PM? I didn't send that. But YOU are MEAN.


----------



## cecil

even during a high-water season the buzz still doesn't lose its sense of humor. some might say i wasted 20 minutes reading through this all, but i can't stop smiling


----------



## Homerslides

yakgirl101 said:


> I think we need certifications and more regulation of running rivers. That way you can rely on people when you need. Grif never signed in. He was the leader and was responsible for evverybody on the river. Grif failed us all when he floated by drinking his Shlitz and talking to hi sk### of a GF.


Did you pay Grif, as a certified guide, to take you safely down the river? If not, I fail to see how it was *his* responsibility to make sure that *you* had a safe and fun time on the river. 

I believe it was *your* responsibility, as a nubie boater, to inform *him* that you are seriously lacking in boating and self-rescue abilities, and that you would need him to nurse you through your run.

Sounds like you had your bitch-whistle already in-mouth by the time your party arrived "2 hours late". 

You should probably pack up and go back to Wisconsin, where the water is much calmer and the people are used to needing babysitting. Colorado, and especially Gunnison and CB, are far too hardcore for the likes of your whiney-ass!
*
Top 50 Ways to get 86'ed out of Gunnison County*

Be a whiney bitch who can't handle her shit; then try to have someone arrested for failing to nurse your ego; topped off by dragging a long-time local's name through the virtual mud.


----------



## UserName

When someone is having trouble breathing and tells you he cant breathe, well since he just told you he is obviously breathing... His condition would be categorized as respiratory distress. Yappergirls experience seems to fall into this type of designation; Distress. So what we know here is that she did have a 'bad swim' in class II/III, and she was significantly distressed by and during the experience. And as most of the first responses express, sorry this was distressing, but been there done that. 

Panic: The belief that danger is imminant and inescapable. People will respond to this type of situation by either acting purposfully (swimming to shore, asking for help) or non purposfully (thrashing about and / or screaming incohearantly, just sitting there doing nothing, etc.). Why would someone react with non-purposful actions? Because they don't know the way out, what to do, what would be purposeful. So what do you do about this? Get some training and experience before putting yourself in this position in the first place, or to be constructive, in your next place (and that day will come). 

What Yappergirl is telling everyone here is that she is not someone to go boating with; That she has no concept of her skills and limitations, that she has no concept of the skills and limitations of her boating partners, that she panics in class II/III situations, and that she is fulling willing to prosecute her boating partners. So I gotta ask myself, is this someone I want to go boating with? If I get in trouble does she have any sense of how to help me out if she cant figure out how to help herself out? Should she attepmt to help me out will she just exacerbate the situation by getting herself into trouble as well?

This is not particularly to give her shit (well the yappergirl part is...), but to give a little perspective. My advise here is to either take a rescue class before you go boating again, particularly during the high water season, or get out of a sport that clearly dosent seem to be your cup of tea. 

One more thing I would like to add here is that this post has really become disrespectful of those that have and will find themselves in life and death situation on the river, and those that have and will die on the river. This is a reality of this sport. It is really fun, with increadible potential for disateous consequences. This is a fact we must accept conciously and willingly to participate in this sport. One fact to bear in mind going into this season is that we are going into a high water year, and historically this shoots the boating fatality statistic up pretty good. There will be significant river accidents this year and they will start pretty soon. Before we all start getting too carried away with all this making fun of a situation and belittling the comming reality, 

there will most likely actually be fatalities on the river in colorado this summer. 

It is not cool to make light of this. 

Any wilderness activity does bear the responsability of learning your own skills, limitations and risks, and those of your party. If you haven't taken a rescue class, you damned well should. Why would I want to boat with you if you haven't? Are you relying on me to rescue you soley? Can I rely on you?

All said and done, boat safe y'all. Have fun. Peace


----------



## Canada

Snowhere said:


> Canada said:
> 
> 
> 
> As a line item on the same bill I would propose that anyone encountering boaters named Canada must give them free quality beer!
> 
> Feel free to add your line items and I'll bring it to the house!![/quote
> 
> 
> So does it have to be Canadian beer or will Austrailian beer suffice? :mrgreen:
> 
> 
> 
> Free and cold are my favorites in that order.
> 
> Doublet: Litigious swimmer!! Excellent.
> 
> Grif, please come to the table after several hours of planning. An escalation will certainly help make my life better.
> 
> Any one who is rescued in summit county must now ask "are you the mean one" before accepting services of the first responder.
Click to expand...


----------



## LSB

I tried to put a link to this thread on the gunnylines.com arts and entertainment page but the only way to post is to email the administrator. I dont think she will oblige.


----------



## tress33

tboner said:


> i'm not going to put her name here, but if anyone is curious as to who she really is and her real name, it's plastered all over her website.... gunnylines.com


 
she even has a 50 ways to get kicked out of a bar on her website...one of them is calling the police when it's unwarranted....


----------



## bobbuilds

This is no laughing matter!

After ordering at Wendy's drive thru the other day and starting around the bend MY boat fell off the roof of my car and landed in the drive thru lane.

So I did the only thing I could think of... I grabbed the whistle from my glovebox and dove out the passenger door onto my boat. I had my feet up and out in front of me, I was holding onto my boat and blowing my whistle.

My wife obviously assumed I was fine and continued down the drive thru to get the food. I saw her receive the food and pull around to the other side of the building yelling "Bob, quit screwing around". After a few more minutes of my feet up and blowing my whistle the cars behind me began to blow their horns and scream "Idiot- get the fuck out of the way!!"

One woman even got out of her car, WALKED over to me, told me all I needed to do was grab that curb and stand up. MAN she has amazing drive thru skills. I laid there with my feet up pointed towards the second window,when finally, some qualified help showed up. 

Denver PD showed up to help me out of my situation, they tossed my boat down into the drainage ditch on the side of the Wendys, put me in the back of their car, nice folks, so I could begin to calm down an collect my thoughts. 

I was just getting ready to put back on when I learned that *I* was the public disturbance so I ended up continuing to downtown where I learned that next time all I had to do was get to the side, collect my thoughts and continue on.

Lesson Learned.

Bob

PM if you ever wanna go boating!


----------



## Warren

*Two Words*

Just two words for ya: Roll Clinic


----------



## Cheyenne

My favorite Star Trek quote:


> * Capt. Picard: *I understand what you've done here, Q. But I think the lesson could have been learned without the loss of 18 members of my crew.
> * Q:* If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous - with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid.


----------



## Boat-ERS

*Also from her list of ways to get kicked out of a bar in Gunnison County:
30.) Dancing on the bar

Glad I live in Eagle County, if not I would always have to drink at home. 

I have a lot of long, nasty swims under my belt, both in CO and back east, and I can say that I have NEVER been in the water longer than a few minutes, and I would say that 90% of those swims have been self rescue, and only a few times have I had to let go of my boat, and only once have I lost my paddle. 15-20 minutes in the water this time of the year, no matter how fit you are is not good and I don't think would end up good, I don't think you would be walking away from the river. Write you name on your shit and let it go next time! Or don't head out this time of year. 

I will be women enough to admit that things are little big for me right now, and the mental game is taking over. And I have nothing to prove to anyone. Not so much that I don't have the physical ability and skill level to be out there, but I know that the mental game takes over a little bit when the water is cold and fast. 25% physical & 75% mental, one the best kayakers I know once told me. And I honestly don't want to put anyone else in danger by having to worry about rescuing me. Sounds like a little bit of a mental game in this story too. 

I know when to stay off the river, see you all on the backside of the peak! And remember, We are all between swims (I've already drank a bootie beer this season)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Who brings their keys on the river? That would suck if you lost them! 


*


----------



## lhowemt

Someone needs to collect these all into SOMETHING that is archived on the Buzz. There are just too many hilarious takes on this "tragic" story! Is there a "best of" section? There should be!



bobbuilds said:


> This is no laughing matter!
> 
> After ordering at Wendy's drive thru the other day and starting around the bend MY boat fell off the roof of my car and landed in the drive thru lane.
> 
> So I did the only thing I could think of... I grabbed the whistle from my glovebox and dove out the passenger door onto my boat. I had my feet up and out in front of me, I was holding onto my boat and blowing my whistle.
> 
> My wife obviously assumed I was fine and continued down the drive thru to get the food. I saw her receive the food and pull around to the other side of the building yelling "Bob, quit screwing around". After a few more minutes of my feet up and blowing my whistle the cars behind me began to blow their horns and scream "Idiot- get the fuck out of the way!!"
> 
> One woman even got out of her car, WALKED over to me, told me all I needed to do was grab that curb and stand up. MAN she has amazing drive thru skills. I laid there with my feet up pointed towards the second window,when finally, some qualified help showed up.
> 
> Denver PD showed up to help me out of my situation, they tossed my boat down into the drainage ditch on the side of the Wendys, put me in the back of their car, nice folks, so I could begin to calm down an collect my thoughts.
> 
> I was just getting ready to put back on when I learned that *I* was the public disturbance so I ended up continuing to downtown where I learned that next time all I had to do was get to the side, collect my thoughts and continue on.
> 
> Lesson Learned.
> 
> Bob
> 
> PM if you ever wanna go boating!


----------



## Randaddy

100 posts! Thanks again Grif, I haven't had this much fun in a while...


----------



## TimWalker

You've all been duped! This is obviously a brilliant approach by the *almost deceased *to direct traffic to her ezine website. Brilliant!!!


----------



## EZ

Kewl picture of her talking to a parrot: 

page4

Seems a bit kooky to me, but whatever.


----------



## caspermike

telling by the birds body language. he doesn't like the b**** either.


----------



## kayakjack

can't say that I blame him


----------



## ritatheraft

that was the worst virtual raft trip ever. I think I am giving up virtual rafting forever. none of the people there cared about each other on the trip. I will NEVER trust virtual rafters again. i 'bout killed my avatar. f.


----------



## pearen

That's why I just hold my breath and pray when I swim. God has saved me every time. Self-rescue is a sin, don't be the devil's servant.



DurangoSteve said:


> If you had a personal relationship with the Lord Jeezus, you would have known what to do: "Sure I'll save you... IF you welcome the Lord into your life." It's the new and improved "forced baptism." Works most times. If they drown, they are sinners.


*****


----------



## UserName

I was driving home early Sunday morning through Bakersfield
Listening to gospel music on the colored radio station
And the preacher said, “You know you always have the
Lord by your side”

And I was so pleased to be informed of this that I ran
Twenty red lights in his honor
Thank you, Jesus, thank you, Lord...


----------



## Granpa

Hey Yakgirl,
I think you better just stick to your vitrual boat:

page2


----------



## DurangoSteve

Ah, but the Girl with the Faraway Eyes drinks SATAN'S BREW... the evil Schlitz in a can.



UserName said:


> I was driving home early Sunday morning through Bakersfield
> Listening to gospel music on the colored radio station
> And the preacher said, “You know you always have the
> Lord by your side”
> 
> And I was so pleased to be informed of this that I ran
> Twenty red lights in his honor
> Thank you, Jesus, thank you, Lord...


----------



## caverdan

How the hell did she change her user name back?????

GH.......I ain't buying it.:shock::shock::shock:

The OP is still Withdrawn 1............but shes baaaaaaaaack!!!:shock:


----------



## wayniac

Withdrawn 1 said:


> Howdy folks & I'm lucky I'm actually here to tell my story.
> 
> Yesterday (Monday 5.19) I set off what was to be a 2-day float trip down the Gunny River through Escalante Canyon to take out at Whitewater east of Grand Jct. First off, I waited in the hot sun by myself for 2 1/2 hours for the boat party (a total of 4 of us; a couple on a huge beat-up, patched gray boat held together with about a dozen plastic ties hold the zippers together. The other party was on a one-person yellow pontoon fishing oar raft). I was to follow along in my gray eskimo kayak. I have lots of raft miles under my belt and have enough kayak skills to do certain trips but I do know that my roll is not as consistant as it should be. However, knowing that the river is running wicked high with funny water, I was under the understanding that it was pretty flat with no whitewater to be concerned with. I also assumed that my friends (the ones on the raft - "Griff" and his girlfriend) have LOTS of raft experience and supposedly stress the safety issue and to be sober while on the river, itself (which they were if you can believe that).
> 
> After waiting several hours, we finally took off around 3pm. About 2 miles down the river, we encountered some (to me) unexpected rapids which were quite sketchy. I stuck close to Griff's boat who were upstream from my approximately 50 to 100 *FEET (NOT YARDS).* I went over a large wave (a rock I later found out that 2 canoeists last year wrapped a boat and broke it; apparently, it's still there). I didn't make my roll and exited the boat, holding onto the hand-hold at the nose of my boat with one hand and paddle in the other. Luckily, I put a whistle on my life jacket which ultimately saved me.
> 
> I was screaming, *"HELP, HELP, HELP"* and blew the whistle. Griff had a trolling motor on the boat where his girlfriend was sitting right next to. Griff was at the oars. Neither did absolutely *NOTHING* to even *ATTEMPT* a rescue. I was hoping that they were just frantically oar over to me so I could grab onto their boat to get to shore so I could collect my bearings and move on. He didn't even attempt to communicate to his GF to start up that motor to come get me. Yes, they saw me; yes they heard me. *NOTHING!!!!:evil:*
> 
> Meanwhile, the ranch manager lady at Escalante Ranch just so happened to be outside *BEHIND* the horse stable (approximately 300 YARDS through the trees on land) attending to her horses and heard my screams and whistle. Her horses, she told me, even knew there was a problem. She said she saw me in the water and the raft behind me and just assumed they would get me but noticed that they were not attempting a rescue. Meanwhile, I must have swam about a 1/2 mile in the middle of the whitewater, having my eye on Griff's raft and the left shore. I even screamed, *"I DON'T WANNA DIE OUT HERE!!!! HELP!!!!"*
> 
> I was in the water for about 10-15 minutes when I was able to grab a strong branch on shore (I have no clue how I was able to drag my upside down boat and paddle to the shore) and I wasn't even out of the water when out of nowhere, they lady comes up and asked if I needed any help. I was shivering nearly uncontrollably. Griff and his girlfriend floated right on by in the middle the river *WITHOUT STOPPING* and I barely heard something come out of his mouth which said, _"DRY OUT"_ (or something like that).
> 
> The ranch lady and I walked my boat back to the horse stable where he gave me some warm clothes, iced tea and I was at the ranch for about 3 hours waiting for her husband to get back from work to take me to the take-out where my car was. THANKFULLY, my keys were in a zipped pocket of my dry pants, along with my 15-foot NRS straps. However, my 3 drybags and cooler were on Griff's boat. Early that evening, we drove around Dominguz Canyon looking for them at camp. They dropped me off at the take-out and I drove straight to the Delta County Sheriff's office where I talked to a wonderful deputy about the whole thing. My goal was to get in contact with a BLM law enforcement officer patrolling the river to me up with these assholes to get my stuff with charges of criminal negligence.
> 
> The sheriff's deputy got a hold of one who told me that he didn't think there was a law that requires members of your boat party to attempt a rescue and they are not required to do so. I stayed in a motel in Montrose (rolling in around 12:30am). The motel lady gave me some clothes. I went to the BLM office in Montrose to report the incident and they *KICKED ME OUTTA THERE!!!!*
> 
> This experience taught me to no longer trust people anymore. I know have grave fear of the river and I may even give up kayaking for good. I'm in the process of staring up a on-line interactive newspaper called gunnylines.com (it's on the web now; you just can't Google it yet but you can type it in on your address bar; will be advertising it in the local community in the very near future). I also want to add that Griff NEVER signed in at the put-in. He was the organizer of this trip. I'm also having second thoughts about requiring permits for certain sections of rivers. I'd like to see a law requiring head members of boat trips to attempt rescues of it's own members if they see them in trouble.
> 
> Thank you for letting me share.


In life, like the river, you meet all kinds of people. I'm truly sorry you had a bad experience, but like some respondents here, I am dead set against any sort of requirement (legistation etc.) for rescue. I would have paid attention and rescued you- but it wouldn't (and shouldn't) have been a responsibility. It would have been what some of us do because we care, we are aware, and we can. And yes, I've seen some 'rescues' turn into disasters. I hope you can come to terms with this in time and view it as a learning experience. On a different note, my Selway group just got off the Middlefork at 8.3 feet and they're OK. We know you are not 'supposed' to run the Middlefork at this level, but it's a priviledge that few will ever know. And it was a fairly tight knit group of rafters and kayakers. The kayakers hang with the kayakers. The rafters hang with the rafters. Not because they are incompatible as people- but rather as someone said here the boats aren't compatible. Another thing that I always stress to newbies in any sort of craft is that they stay upstream of me- so that they'wash into my raft when in trouble. My nephew (in a kayak) swam all of Goat Creek rapid on the Selway because he got ahead of me and hard as I tried I could not cath him. He was rescued after a long swim by a kayaker. I asked him to pick who he wanted to run with and stick with that group. from there on out.If 'Griff' had never run with kayakers he wouldn't know this stuff. I'm not sure why he didn't respond though.
wayne


----------



## captishmael

*Rangers and Rules and Regs! Oh My!*

Whadya say, the next neonazi that proposes another stretch of water becomes regulated/permitted/patrolled gets subjected to 3 consecutive check-ins with Ranger Tim at Westwater, or has to apply thru Judy -and only Judy- at Dino?


----------



## paddlebizzle

caverdan said:


> How did the OP.........yakgirl101.........change his/her/it's name to...............Withdrawn1.............this place gets stranger by the day.
> 
> Why did the man cross the road??????
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Because he was stuck in the chicken!!


No! It's supposed to be:
Why'd the baby cross the road?



Because it was stapled to the chicken!

Sorry - I just wanted to be the 113th post on this thread.


----------



## farp

TimWalker said:


> You've all been duped! This is obviously a brilliant approach by the *almost deceased *to direct traffic to her ezine website. Brilliant!!!


Earlier I said it was all made up and she responded by writing: "Phuck U."

But she used the standard spellling. 

My feelings were hurt real bad.


----------



## Ice Water

doublet said:


> Hey litigious swimmer - maybe you could take all the great advice from this column and make it into a blog post for gunnylines.com. It could be titled something like "When you're about to die drop your heavy, waterlogged vessel and swim your ass to shore".


(I can't believe I'm caving into the temptation to be naughty - but here goes anyway!)
My favorite experienced boater part - is she got to shore and her kayak was still upside down... THAT'LL help with the float! :mrgreen:


----------



## stankboat

Ice Water said:


> (I can't believe I'm caving into the temptation to be naughty - but here goes anyway!)
> My favorite experienced boater part - is she got to shore and her kayak was still upside down... THAT'LL help with the float! :mrgreen:


I can't stop either. 
I was quite impressed that not only was she sporting car keys, but she had a PAIR of "15-foot NRS straps" in her dry pants. THAT'll help with the swimming!:mrgreen:
Anyone else note that that Shlitz'd Grif was BEHIND her when she pulled herself out of the river. She watched them float by and holler "DRY OUT." So they were behind her. They hadn't left her. They were maybe trying to catch her but it's hard to paddle hard when you're busting your gut because some freaking out swimmer won't stop BLOWING HER WHISTLE. man do I love that part.


----------



## kclowe

*Can't help myself!*

Ok, I've resisted for a long time.
This is the best entertainment I've had in a long time! It's like a freekin' soap opera! I came home and had to see what was being said about this chica on the buzz. Awesome!
Anyway, I would like to ask her: Is this some crazy stunt to get publicity for your site? If so, what in the world is great about it? Please tell me because you've now got all of our attention.
No way this is real. From the sound of it, you've been boating for a while and you would know that it's completely insane.
Unless.....your "years of rafting experience" are actually once a year commercial trips down Brown's.
If you just want people to check out your site, there are easier ways to go about it. However, this made my work day go by quickly, so thanks.
Happy boating, and I really hope I don't have to listen to that whistle and throw you a turkey leg. That would be a waste of a good turkey leg.

Kim


----------



## tboe101

"You should probably pack up and go back to Wisconsin, where the water is much calmer and the people are used to needing babysitting. Colorado, and especially Gunnison and CB, are far too hardcore for the likes of your whiney-ass!"




HOLD IT!!!!!!! You've crossed the line now buster. Keep Wisconsin out of it. The Packers kicked the Broncos ass last October if I remember right. YakGirl sounds more like she is a F.I.B. or a 212 cr*ck than a cheese head. If she were a cheese head she would have shot the Schlitz can out of that S.O.B.'s hand while swimming her boat, paddle, and a Minnesotan to shore on her back while whistling 'The Beer Barrel Polka' with that whistle that is permanently stuck in her mouth.........

Bonus prize--a free, warm, old Schlitz for anyone out there who knows what a FIB or 212 are......


----------



## rg5hole

tboe101 said:


> "Bonus prize--a free, warm, old Schlitz for anyone out there who knows what a FIB or 212 are......


No poaching this thread! This is serious shit...the only beer that gets flung around here is straight into this bitch's booty!


----------



## krausedmb

*FIB?*

I've got to say this really is a page turner. It's also kept me entertained and wondering what funny shit will be next. My guess for FIB is "Fu$king Illinois Bit$h" How bout that warm Schlitz.......


----------



## hullflyer

Bonus prize--a free, warm, old Schlitz for anyone out there who knows what a FIB or 212 are.........hold it i know this cause I went to school with a F*%$#ing Illinois Bastard!
Yes! I love schlitz I think I drank one when I was thirteen. Throw me a turkey leg. This is the funniest s*&t I have ever read on the buzz. Durango Steve's qoutes are killin' me. Oh the one about the drive thru was the absolute best. keep em coming- it's Friday and I don't have a lot of paperwork to do today.
Yeah Buzzers!

M


----------



## tomcat

<opens door, peeks in to see whatz happening on the buzz, slowly closes door and backs away very carefully.....with a strange desire for a turkey leg>


----------



## tboe101

krausedmb said:


> I've got to say this really is a page turner. It's also kept me entertained and wondering what funny shit will be next. My guess for FIB is "Fu$king Illinois Bit$h" How bout that warm Schlitz.......


But what is a "212"? (Hint--It is lingo among the local Vail masochistic restaurant employees)

I have the Schlitz in the microwave right now warming up.....


----------



## hullflyer

tboe101 said:


> But what is a "212"? (Hint--It is lingo among the local Vail masochistic restaurant employees)
> 
> I have the Schlitz in the microwave right now warming up.....


 I figured it out. similiar to a 505er. 212= Manhattan
Damn!
Shlitz me partner.
m


----------



## DES

WOW! simply amazing!!!! and to think I just well spent about 20 minutes of my life reading this, with no regrets what so ever... whomever made the comment about the soap opera was right on. (shaking my head) amazing! just amazing!


----------



## tboner

and to think COUNT thought he was going to take away all our fun : )


----------



## Ricohone

Really a fun post. My daughter is 17 and just taking up kayaking. She knows how to take a swim, and when to use a whistle. I am showing her this post. She will get a big kick out of it. Thanks everyone for all the great post. Keeping it alive.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. First rule, Don't Panic! and always carry a towel.


----------



## carvedog

*'Bout lost my avatar and user ID yesterday.*

So here I was waiting to get on the servers the other day. I knew there was a lot of traffic on the Buzz due to some recent postings, but I thought I had enough savvy to navigate the higher than usual activity.

I can't always hit my back button quick enough, but I don't have to bail and do a hard restart very often. 

So after waiting for hours to get enough bandwidth ( off the neighbors unprotected wireless network) to join in I finally launched. I thought I was just surfing through some normal threads with some higher than usual post counts, when I dropped into this one that threw me.

I started getting sucked in and I didn't hit my back button quick enough.

So now I am about 12 or 13 pages into this thing and on my own, unable to get to the back button. I am hitting the key that makes the wild eep noise on but no one is listening to me. Finally I just hold the thing down, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep, eep. And nothing......everyone just surfs on by. ( My wife walks into the room and asks WTF I am doing however )

I finally grab onto a strong post and disconnect myself, my overheated laptop and my external hard drive off the interweb. Thank God there was this nice lady with a 900 number who gave me directions to a nice place to cool down and dry off a bit. She did want my credit card number, but I think that was just to verify my identity.

So as soon as I can I go straight to the D.R.I.P. ( Defenders of Rational Internet Protection ) website and launch a complaint. The first DRIP officer I PMed was really nice. (Seems like he had the same problem on a TGR thread about Jesse James and barely made it ok too.) He referred me to an ICANN site that may be able to shut this thing down. And when I was IMing them the details of the thread - THEY TERMINATED MY CONNECTION.

I used to think the internet was a safe place to wring out my personal laundry as it were, I no longer think it is a safe place and I may quit posting to forums all together. 

You cannot trust people on the internet anymore. I know have grave fear of the forums on the buzz. In case all the whining has made you want to see more I am posting a link to my website for my gallery
http://saddletreegallery.com 
I don't have the online shopping cart active yet, but you can paypal me money and I will send you whatever river picture that I am trying to get rid of that day.
All of you buzzards, this activity should be regulated, there should be a law about hijacking desperately serious newbie surfers when they get over their head. 

Thanks for letting me spew.


----------



## Ice Water

This thread has occupied 3 work shifts for me!  hahahahahahaha I love it!


----------



## bubchambers

All about self rescue duder, leave your gear and swim! If you can not do that and blame somebody else, you should not be boatin!


----------



## P_McP

Just like to say for the record that SummitAP helped rescue my yardsale (again) today and wasn't at all mean about it.


----------



## Canada

*Open questions*

1.) Was this a legitimate thread?
2.) What was Grifs take?
3.) Was the traffic to Gunni Lines worth it?
4.) Has she moved out of Gunni?
5.) Does she still boat?
6.) Can anyone buy her a louder whistle?


----------



## pinemnky13

Canada said:


> 1.) Was this a legitimate thread?
> 2.) What was Grifs take?
> 3.) Was the traffic to Gunni Lines worth it?
> 4.) Has she moved out of Gunni?
> 5.) Does she still boat?
> 6.) Can anyone buy her a louder whistle?


1 Yes, I think
2 all he thinks about is schlitz and turkey legs
3 No, but the last time I went it was down
4 possibly, but probably not
5 probably, she answered the galley slave on the grand thread
6 Dog whistle or airhorn?


----------



## kevintee

pinemnky13 said:


> 5 probably, she answered the galley slave on the grand thread


I'd venture to guess that wasn't actually her and rather the same person who made up her username and used it in this thread as well.


----------



## UserName

Those "Fox40" Whistles claim to work underwater!!! Think it would be well worth while to give that a try!


----------



## Canada

*It's real!!*

So, 

It appears it was real. (Anonomous sources confirm)

Someone hunt down Grif. If I didn't have a pregnant wife and two kids at home, I'd make the trip to do the investigative reporting. Something tells me reality might even be funnier than the imposter logging in his name.

Can you imagine being on the grand and having something like this happen? I'm sure there are some great stories about trips exploding and people hating each other for 10 + days without escape.


----------



## arkshark

that's 30 minutes i won't get back. somewhat like driving by a horrible accident on the highway, ya gotta look.


----------



## knappco

peak said:


> It also sounds like you didn't really know what you were in for...maybe in a bit over your head?
> 
> Do you really think that we need more laws though, to prevent this type of thing? More permits and regulations? How about less knee-jerk reactions and fingerpointing and more taking responsibility for our own actions...?


*True that shit!*


----------



## 3d360

based on the information you have provided my assessment of your actions leads me to believe that you did not take responsibility for yourself on this day and have found solace in blaming others for your misforture. Specifically, you sat around the put in for 2 or 2.5 hours waiting for somerafters when you might have been able to assess the river from the bank on your own, aquiring knowledge that could save your life. You said that initially you thought the river was at a mellow level but upon arrival the river was running high, this is a lemon. You made arrangements with people you didn't really know and apparantly trusted them, this is a lemon. You do not have a good roll, lemon. Your river skill is questionable as you did not employ the normal responsible mode of eddy hop, river scout, bank scout. As you now know floating into a rapid blind can and will kill you, basically you got lucky and are probably scared out of the sport. My personal experiences have led me to believe that no one else has my best intrest in mind, be aware, stay alive, be responsible. If you want to pass laws that matter try something related to personal responsibility. good luck.


----------



## DurangoSteve

It's not at all about self-rescue, it's about spending quality river time with companions who understand the true value of cheap canned beer and turkey legs. Everything else superfluous... except maybe the ability to swim and operate a whistle simultaneously (while drunk on Schlitz). But I could be wrong...


----------



## riverrat

I coulda sworn this post was dead. Woohoo! It lives on! Everyone grab your loudest whistle and blow it at least 20 times in celebration! Never thought I would say this, but I think I'm falling in love with Yakgirl/Withdrawn. I get a strange excited feeling every time I see her post and just can't wait till she does it again. *sigh* if only she would post but once more on this thread...


----------



## gapers

3d360 said:


> based on the information you have provided my assessment of your actions leads me to believe that you did not take responsibility for yourself on this day and have found solace in blaming others for your misforture. Specifically, you sat around the put in for 2 or 2.5 hours waiting for somerafters when you might have been able to assess the river from the bank on your own, aquiring knowledge that could save your life. You said that initially you thought the river was at a mellow level but upon arrival the river was running high, this is a lemon. You made arrangements with people you didn't really know and apparantly trusted them, this is a lemon. You do not have a good roll, lemon. Your river skill is questionable as you did not employ the normal responsible mode of eddy hop, river scout, bank scout. As you now know floating into a rapid blind can and will kill you, basically you got lucky and are probably scared out of the sport. My personal experiences have led me to believe that no one else has my best intrest in mind, be aware, stay alive, be responsible. If you want to pass laws that matter try something related to personal responsibility. good luck.


 
Better (four months) late than never.


----------



## DurangoSteve

And no mention of Schlitz, Turkey Legs or Whistles.

Our traditions are falling faster than Wall Street...


----------



## riverrat

*waving hands, repeatedly blowing whistle* This thread is dying! Please save it Yakgirl!!! Please post again! We've tried our best to keep it alive, but we need some new material to work with. If you don't, and the thread dies, I'll go to the admins and try to get a law passed that says that the starter of a thread is responsible for the life of their thread if it is providing fun for other boaters. And if the starter doesn't do that because they're too busy drinking Schlitz and eating turkey legs (that's for you DurangoSteve), then they get kicked off the buzz.


----------



## DurangoSteve

If Yakgrrl is our salvation, we truly ARE screwed...


----------



## cma

I never would have guessed in a million years that this section of the Gunnison would have ever provided this much entertainment. My only recolections of the Gunnison are.. "That was the Dam? I guess we missed the chute.." and on camping downriver from the canyon at "Camp Poo" which would have been a nice camping area under some cottonwoods except for the fact that there was a cowpie for every 2 square feet on the ground.


----------



## riverrat

dude, the gunny's full of surprises, like near death swims in class II/III water. Gotta watch out for that play park man...it'll get you.


----------



## peak

I just wanted to take a moment and recognize that its now been just over half a year since yakgirl/withdrawn1 bout' drowned on the Gunnison, yet didn't really come close... I hope you (yakgirl/withdarawn1) have fully recovered from your swim and will get back on the horse come spring. (maybe get some pool sessions in first?)

I intend to eat........a turkeyleg tomorrow, skin and all, in recognition of this epicstory/thread. I also will be half drunk, although not on Schliz, in recognition of Griff... I hope others will do the same.


----------



## pinemnky13

Yes turkey legs, the Pinemnky13 family bids all a Happy Thanksgiving, with some schlitz and whistles


----------



## carvedog

I too will grab a leg and think of the Yakgirl withdrawn1, with fond memories of a fine thread reprised for the holidays.

And no one will know why I am laughing as I feast on the leg of Turk.


----------



## DurangoSteve

In honor of Yakgrrl, I am putting a whistle up the butt of our turkey so I will know when it's done. This is a little-known technique, and I'll let you know how it works. We will sacrifice one of the turkey's legs in an ancient Druid ritual (couldn't find any virgins in Durango) to protect one and all from scary swims next season.

Of course, we'll have to wear our mukluks for the ceremony, 'cause we're under a winter storm warning tomorrow. SNOW!


----------



## tboe101

I bet if we all tell Yakgrrl to take reponability for her own actions we could get this post fired up again. It worked great the last time! The word on the street is she married Grizz and now have two turkey legs for kids.


----------



## tboe101

Canada said:


> So,
> 
> It appears it was real. (Anonomous sources confirm)
> 
> Someone hunt down Grif. If I didn't have a pregnant wife and two kids at home, I'd make the trip to do the investigative reporting. Something tells me reality might even be funnier than the imposter logging in his name.
> 
> Can you imagine being on the grand and having something like this happen? I'm sure there are some great stories about trips exploding and people hating each other for 10 + days without escape.



My buddy had something go down like this on a Ladore trip not too long ago.


----------



## DurangoSteve

*Fun Facts!*

• This is the second highest viewed thread in the Boater's Forum (25,079 views)
• There are 153 replies to this thread

On this Thanksgiving Eve, let us give thanks to Yakgrrl for spreading so much joy throughout the boating community... and giving us the opportunity to flame her cruelly and continuously. Oh yeah, and thanks for the turkey leg/Schlitz thang too...


----------



## SummitAP

I'll throw a turkey leg at my mouth in memory of this deeply amusing thread.


----------



## Grif

I can't believe that bitch is famous. Happy Thanksgiving y'all! I'm going to Popeye's.


----------



## bobw

All I want to know is...where can you buy Schiltz? Haven't had one for years, not since I was a child in IL. But amusing thread! Happy Thanksgiving to all.


----------



## paulk

Leave yakgirl and Britney alone. Leave them alone!


----------



## hobie

I just read it for the first time. 


Did she quit?


----------



## C-dub

My first time also. The rafters I've gone with carried wild Turkey. Turkey is aparently good on the river in all forms.


----------



## hotchkiss

I don't mean to be an ass, it's just that I haven't been on mountain buzz in quite some time and this may be the funniest/best line of threads I've ever read. Sorry, I just can't let it die. Long live the idiots who want to sue McDonalds because the coffee is too hot.


----------



## Ture

hotchkiss said:


> I don't mean to be an ass, it's just that I haven't been on mountain buzz in quite some time and this may be the funniest/best line of threads I've ever read. Sorry, I just can't let it die. Long live the idiots who want to sue McDonalds because the coffee is too hot.


One of my friends burnt his scrotum and penis with McDonalds coffee after a night of heavy drinking. He spilled it in his lap at McDonalds and ran to the bathroom and put his junk in the sink and splashed cold water on it.

It was too late. He spent a few days in the hospital and ended up getting skin grafts on his private parts. He never sued McDonalds.

True story.


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## hotchkiss

I'm sorry about his junk. I didn't mean to offend. Out of curiosity though, did they graft his junk with skin from his ass?


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## Ture

Hmmm.... good question. Now I'm curious. I had always assumed it came from a cadaver's ass?


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## mania

Ture said:


> He spilled it in his lap at McDonalds and ran to the bathroom and put his junk in the sink and splashed cold water on it.


so did anyone walk in on him?


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## Randaddy

If you need junk skin I believe they use the pelt of a baby seal. It's the softest.


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## 1whitewattafoo

I just spent 1hour and 10 minutes reading and laughing my ass off. death on the river aint funny, but this sure was or is. her website is dead. 
anyone wanna come down the big ditch in january? all the kayakers going are gonna row and all the rafters are gonna kayak. and after reading all this crap we will now be eating turkey legs for dinner every night.


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## mr. compassionate

After reading Tethered In Narrows thread I though it best to bump this thread, powerful safefy lessons may me gleaned from this gem...cheers to Grif, god bless him, turkey legs and Schlitz!


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## greenwater780

*This is not L.A.*

I simply can't imagine pressing charges against someone you are on a river trip with just because they didn't pull you out of flat water. I can only hope that the next time someone takes a swim on one of my trips they don't press charges. The world already has enough of this kind of crap. It does seem telling to me that the entire crew would leave you behind.


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## Scottsfire

The booty beer tradition came from, I'm sure, a similar story as yakgirls. In honor of Grif and Yakgirl, I think if you swim, lose your cool with the people rescuing you or can't rescue you, you drive to the closes chicken place, (maybe KFC) and throw chicken legs at them while yelling yakgirl calm down......
Can't we find away to never forget by having some tradition? When i grow up I want to be like Grif.


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## DurangoSteve

> Can't we find away to never forget by having some tradition? When i grow up I want to be like Grif.


*Tradition?* Doesn't nearly 33,000 views mean anything these days?

The tradition is turkey legs, not chicken legs. Thus sayeth Grif. On, like, the third or fourth day. I think.


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## bmml112

well FUCK, find a better crew


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## ericnourse

God, Jesus, and Michael... let this be a joke. Even Jesus would point, laugh, and yell out "pussy" as he floated by in this situation.


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## Phil U.

ericnourse said:


> God, Jesus, and Michael... let this be a joke. Even Jesus would point, laugh, and yell out "pussy" as he floated by in this situation.


As in the song... "Michael rowed the boat ashore, hallelujah"? We could change the name to Griff...


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## Riparian

ericnourse said:


> God, Jesus, and Michael... let this be a joke. Even Jesus would point, laugh, and yell out "pussy" as he floated by in this situation.


That's simply untrue. Jesus would calmly walk across the raging class II to the panicked Yakgrrrl and levitate her into his loving, protective arms.


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## LSB

Riparian said:


> Jesus would calmly walk across the raging class II to the panicked Yakgrrrl and levitate her into his loving, protective arms.


Criss Angel could do that


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## superpuma

ericnourse has not made any friends yet?? Try this, I Know you can Walk on Water!!
"Jesus would calmly walk across the raging class II to the panicked Yakgrrrl and levitate her into his loving, protective arms."


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## Riparian

LSB said:


> Criss Angel could do that


OK, but could he turn Gunny irrigation-return water into Schlitz? Or catfish into Turkey Legs? I don't think so...

Criss Angel Walks On Water - Video


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## raft3plus

*This one time, at raft-camp on the MFS ...*

.. heard about the greatest thread that ever lived in our great buzzard yonder. Some of the kayakin' folk were telling tales of the legendary yakgrrl and sure as shit it got this good. Hadn't seen this thread since the week she opened that can.

1) It was worth the time suck of 45 minutes it takes to get to page 18 (have you people lost your minds?) The lower abdominal workout was a bonus.

2) The balls of this chick.. euphemism for audacity.

3) Checked her website, she is now back home on the range in WI doing desk job stuff. We won't have to worry about ignoring whistles on the rivers any more.

4) Unexplainable cravings for airborne turkey legs and warm schlitzes.

5) Say *what* one more time.. I dare ya..!

6) Did anyone get an opportunity to thank Grif?


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## FLOWTORCH

dirkdirkajihad. Careful what you say on this thread.....remember Dirk Jr? This chic likes legal actions.

CEASE AND DESIST

though i heard she looks pretty good...maybe i can interest her in some sexual positions and emotional investments.


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## lhowemt

I'd say welcome back Flow, but this thread is just too holy to usurp.


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## FLOWTORCH

O-ya, cant threadjack this. It was a little campfire talk for us while on the Main. I heard you were up there on the MF too. I recall seeing your slick cat. Welcome back at ya.


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## pinemnky13

raft3plus said:


> .. heard about the greatest thread that ever lived in our great buzzard yonder. Some of the kayakin' folk were telling tales of the legendary yakgrrl and sure as shit it got this good. Hadn't seen this thread since the week she opened that can.
> 
> 1) It was worth the time suck of 45 minutes it takes to get to page 18 (have you people lost your minds?) The lower abdominal workout was a bonus.
> 
> 2) The balls of this chick.. euphemism for audacity.
> 
> 3) Checked her website, she is now back home on the range in WI doing desk job stuff. We won't have to worry about ignoring whistles on the rivers any more.
> 
> 4) Unexplainable cravings for airborne turkey legs and warm schlitzes.
> 
> 5) Say *what* one more time.. I dare ya..!
> 
> 6) Did anyone get an opportunity to thank Grif?


what? What? What?
MMMMM TURKEY LEGS!
SCHLITZ in a can Again!
She has ovaries, nuts for a man but she cant drop
Brother GRIF if your out there
Ill join ya down in nawlins


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## ericnourse

FLOWTORCH said:


> O-ya, cant threadjack this. It was a little campfire talk for us while on the Main. I heard you were up there on the MF too. I recall seeing your slick cat. Welcome back at ya.


Kent, Fill me in! Back so soon? Time flies. This thread needs to go away. Missed you. BS? Hope you were safe. That is what it's all about.

Long day at work.

E-


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## DurangoSteve

> This thread needs to go away.


Are you insane? This thread needs to be draped in golden shrouds and hung in the Hall of Infamy.


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## barry

This threads a classic. Reminds me of this one that ended up in TGR's hall of shame


Interesting Tahoe Craigslist Ad... (NSR) - Teton Gravity Research Forums


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## freexbiker

barry said:


> This threads a classic. Reminds me of this one that ended up in TGR's hall of shame
> 
> 
> Interesting Tahoe Craigslist Ad... (NSR) - Teton Gravity Research Forums


 Thank you for posting that... I just spent all afternoon today while at work reading that.... To bad the meeting didn't work out.

That thread sits Right below this one on the F-ing funny scale. If the deal had turned out it would have blown this out of the water.



Back to schlitz and turkey legs!


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## superpuma

turkey legs! and stickies!!!!
Keep it going
HAPPY 4TH


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## mr. compassionate

It being spring I thought this highwater episode should remind us all of the risks we take and should make us pause and think for a moment. I was also interested to know if any of you computer sleuths out there could possible track Yakgirl to see what adventures she is writing about.

Also I thought Grif was supposed to reveal his true identity if we won that dude and his chick shorts in a different thread about 6 months ago. Grif?

Turkey legs and highwater!


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## TakemetotheRiver

mr. compassionate said:


> Also I thought Grif was supposed to reveal his true identity if we won that dude and his chick shorts in a different thread about 6 months ago. Grif?
> 
> Turkey legs and highwater!


He did. You missed it. Most of us already knew who he was anyway.


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## Riparian

TakemetotheRiver said:


> He did. You missed it. Most of us already knew who he was anyway.


Mr. C doesn't do "nuance".


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## pinemnky13

I don't know about you guys but I wanna go swim across the river and grab a case of Schlitz


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## FunnyH20

pinemnky13 said:


> I don't know about you guys but I wanna go swim across the river and grab a case of Schlitz


Now folks, where I live, you can get a case of Schlitz and although I prefer New Glarus or even leinenkugel's, or even an ice cold Pabst canned beer but what do I know, eh?

But, what I do know is that poor ol' YakGirl is got a mad itch to get back into the river. Due to family, financial and medical reasons, she moved back to her home state of Wisconsin in late November of 2008. She is working on getting a new boat and will be practicing her roll at a place called Crooked Lake where there's a bar there called Monkey Business that actually serves up Schlitz beer.

Runnable rivers and creeks in Wisconsin are few and far in between but the state does have some decent whitewater. They run weather permitting. 

Yak Girl would like to share a good river story here on the Buzz. If you can believe this, her great-grandmother, once upon a time in the late 1930's, was an avid canoeist. She, her sister who went by the name Tiny, and four of their girlfriends all went on a week long river trip in Northern Wisconsin. They packed and hauled all of their own gear. They camped out in a major thunderstorm, boated topless, drank beer, hooked up with boys. Did I mention that all six of the ladies were between the ages of 14-16? One of the ladies documented the entire trip in writing and photos. Yak Girl and her uncle would like to re-enact the entire trip. Her uncle is a whitewater canoeist. 

Now on a bad note. Several months after her bad river swim, she got very sick and was hospitalized for a week with an e-coli infection in her lower abdomen. It was not from something she ate (so the doctor says). She was misdiagnosed twice from two different hospitals. By the time she was admitted into the ER, the infection was the size of a large grapefruit.

What she does not understand is that how can all of river people she has ever known, who have drank more than their fair share of river water over the years have never been as sick as she was? 

Yak Girl did jump back into the boat last summer and felt great. She's going to do it again. She can't let a bad experience or an illness hold her back from what she loves doing. At least she is a decent snowboarder.


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## FunnyH20

And the funniest thing is that my boyfriend just told me that Schlitz is making a comeback!!!!


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## bobbuilds

welcome back, glad you finally came around.


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## Randaddy

So she got sick and almost died from that swim? This chick is the most overly dramatic idiot ever. Go away.


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## FunnyH20

bobbuilds said:


> welcome back, glad you finally came around.


Thanks!!! I'm not here to continue any drama. Just trying to make some peace.


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## Matt J

funny that a year later you would still need peace from what most would consider a pretty minor incident

perhaps therapy?


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## carvedog

FunnyH20 said:


> Now folks, where I live, you can get a case of Schlitz and although I prefer New Glarus or even leinenkugel's, or even an ice cold Pabst canned beer but what do I know, eh?
> 
> But, what I do know is that poor ol' YakGirl ......


Did you just spend an entire post talking about yourself in the third person?

Were you planning on topless canoeing and seducing the local population with your uncle? Or just retracing the path. Hard to decipher the intent in the third.....

If you are truly yakgirl, sorry to hear about the illness. ecoli is no fun. 

Weird. 
Word.


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## Canada

*I had Ecoli*

but my really loud whistle cured me.


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## okieboater

*no mas no mas*

I thought this thread had thankfully went away.


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## Waterwindpowderrock

This horrid thread has accomplished one thing today... it made me realize I spend way too much time sledding & downhilling if I could have missed this until now. I guess I need to do more virtual boating so as not to miss a prize like this again!!


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## BrownTrout

*You're an idiot*

Please stop blaming others for your mistake. You swam, you did not let go of your boat and you did not have the beta for the river. Sounds like a rookie mistake to me.


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## psu96

*enjoy*

heres another good thread...

14ers.com • View topic - Vagrancy?


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## Riff Raft

Will someone (admins) finally please pull the f'n plug on this one and put it in The Eddy.


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## Riparian

Will someone puh-lease enshrine this thread in the Buzz Hall o' Fame?


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## mr. compassionate

Riff Raft said:


> Will someone (admins) finally please pull the f'n plug on this one and put it in The Eddy.


 
Why pull it, is it making your homeboy Griff look bad. I believe he hails from that armpit called Paducha.


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## pinemnky13

Riff Raft said:


> Will someone (admins) finally please pull the f'n plug on this one and put it in The Eddy.


Just when I thought it was it's back, just like that gift that I got from that hooker "Blackbird" back in 87. I guess penicillin won't work on this either


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## Riff Raft

sorry mr c, i don't think griff's from my side of the river. An lay off paducah, we are the home of the national quilters masuleum after all.


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## eagleriverswimteam

self rescue is key, hence my screen name


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## caspermike

turkey legs and shiltz....


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## robanna

I almost died from salmonella poisoning from an under cooked Turkey leg. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and almost never boated again because of it.


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## SummitAP

I love this thread... and turkey legs


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## bfreeman

I totally agreee bout the concept of being "in over heads," I live my life such a manner. But, there are definite experience with the "exception to the rule" is not cowardness but, more, security in your personhood. I DO, on the other hand, BELIEVE that a class I flow can most assuredly have classV+ CONSEQUENCES. A friend and experienced all-around outdoorsman tried to tell me that once, gues how it ended. I learned that when taking your life in you own hands... the experience should be exactly that. Throw bags, paddles/oars, webbing, and saftey vests are redundant backups in the scary scenario that your BRAIN stops working. When in doubt, expect the worst, but react with purpose, urgency, and awareness. Always ask, WHAT IF...? I may help save your life some day. I mean this litterally and metaphorically.


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## kclowe

Two years and going strong! I can't believe you guys revived this post....again! How funny! I think I need a beer and a turkey leg!!! Oh, and where the hell's my whistle?


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## widewhale

All this thread is missing is the Great Climber Camilo, and the mother of a 4-year-old willing to trade sex for a place in Tahoe.


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## freexbiker

widewhale said:


> All this thread is missing is the Great Climber Camilo, and the mother of a 4-year-old willing to trade sex for a place in Tahoe.


 
hahah TGR Hall of Famers? I think I read the Tahoe one....


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## Waterwindpowderrock

widewhale said:


> All this thread is missing is the Great Climber Camilo,



That's that guy that summited k2 like 4 times in one week right? I'm pretty sure he would have been scared shitless in this situation. I mean, 10' waves, flying turkey legs... Even Camillo would have shite himself in a hurry.


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## drosenfi2004

As well. Sorry about the swim. And please, do not push for harsher permit regulations. We have enough bs to put of with as it is.

And Im sorry to say, but the most irresponsible part of the story that I just read is YOU taking off a river without communicating to your DOWNRIVER party members. They probably starting hiking back up river to look for you. Get back in your boat and go. 

And please... Dont leave a Mountain Buzz headline about dying.


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## rivrrunr

At camp a couple of weeks ago with a variety of paddlers and talking about some classic Buzz threads... and this one came up. I just came back to revisit the laugh-track, and damned if there aren't new posts two years later! I'm just hoping she found some self respect, some new friends and some new skills. She probably just cruised through Ginger and Scissors and is rightsiding Pyrite falls as I read this...
--

Whaaattttt? Did you say: "Mow me a bbrroap"?


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## theo

this is such a crock of shit...


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## BigShift

Classic!

Now I am thirsty for Schlitz!


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## loot87

Damn funny shit. Thanks for bringing it back. Better than Patty in Modesto.


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## carvedog

Bump in honor of Milos coffee thread.


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## pinemnky13

Just when you thought it was over.....


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## kclowe

Will it never end???? Ha! Turkey Leg!!!!!!


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## LSB

Withdrawn 1 said:


> Howdy folks & I'm lucky I'm actually here to tell my story ~~~ >)}}'> Thank you for letting me share.



HURRUMPH...


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## cbrobin

and on and on and on


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## catboatkeith

Classic Read! Schlitz & Turkey legs...."Go for the gusto" & bite it to the bone.


----------



## Kendi

Funniest thing I ever read- my sides are hurting from laughing so hard. You guys are awesome.


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## Withdrawn1JR

My mom was a good person, how dare you all make fun of her for her long swim! This post is disgusting, making fun of someone's long swim. How dare you people do such a thing! This is a disgusting act of human kind! You should all be ashamed of this cruel act! Shameful, Shameful, Shameful.


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## extremekevin

Bout fell over and died laughing from this! And then withdrawn1jr comes along and keeps this thing alive. Well done!!!


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## Withdrawn1JR

This thread should be deleted!!!! It's disgusting is what it is! I demand we take this down for once and for all. Let my mom live in peace where she doesn't have to live another day knowing her terrible terrible swim is being made fun of by worthless idiots! I'll say it again, SHAME ON EVERYONE!!!!!


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## pinemnky13

How is your mom doing nowadays anyway?


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## scannon

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.


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## Withdrawn1JR

She's doing quite well actually. Hasn't touched the river in quite some time though. I blame everyone on here for that. It's hard to overcome such a traumatic experience when it becomes a joke on the buzz. But she's doing quite fine otherwise.


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## pinemnky13

Its a shame, I think about her everytime I hang with Griff and bbq some turkey legs and quaff schlitz. I even named my new dog whistle after her. Good times , good times!


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## lhowemt

pinemnky13 said:


> I even named my new dog whistle after her.


We need a "like" button for posts!


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## chepora

Lol is this for real...someone comes along trying to get our rivers restricted because they are inept, then their daughter is here trying to defend them...priceless!! This thread needs to be immortalized as "most dramatic thread ever"!


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## mountainjah

i heard when jr. swam the only thing kiddo could get a hold of was chepora's leg

But seriously, what gives with mom's website?


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## robanna

Why didn't Max blow his whistle?
Why didn't Sarah through him a turkey leg?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3WeXGmqYsE


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## Marty

robanna said:


> Why didn't Max blow his whistle?
> Why didn't Sarah through him a turkey leg?


Awesome. I needed that today.


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## rivrrunr

Hahahahahaha.... OMG, this thread's still alive ??!!

Sara.... paddle towards shore. It looks like he's got plenty of energy going to waste. He'll follow you!


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