# Gore Fest 2015



## tango (Feb 1, 2006)

Pretty sure Cripps is gonna beat Jmack in the totally fucking boring short boat class. 

All washed up Vail boaters will be crushing the paddleboard events while hot dudes in tight pants from 303 are ripping long boats through Gore. Shaved heads are faster.

There will be many full faced gobros in karmas aping their way through after the race, so keep the cameras rolling. And the rafter jocks will take it way to seriously.

Where's the finish line this year?


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## jmack (Jun 3, 2004)

tango said:


> Pretty sure Cripps is gonna beat Jmack in the totally fucking boring short boat class.
> 
> All washed up Vail boaters will be crushing the paddleboard events while hot dudes in tight pants from 303 are ripping long boats through Gore. Shaved heads are faster.
> 
> ...


Not so fast my bald-headed friend... All the coconut water at the Boulder Whole Foods can't give Cripps the superpowers that have gained by bathing in the glowing waters of the Animas. 

Tango, we will miss what you bring to the race (someone has to finish last), but I am still hoping for a good turnout. You know- more people to take pictures of me.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

jmack said:


> Not so fast my bald-headed friend... All the coconut water at the Boulder Whole Foods can't give Cripps the superpowers that have gained by bathing in the glowing waters of the Animas.
> 
> Tango, we will miss what you bring to the race (someone has to finish last), but I am still hoping for a good turnout. You know- more people to take pictures of me.


Ah, but what you don't know is I've started going on a Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage diet to train. Jmack, I think it's time to borrow a long boat from your 4CRS friends and play in the big boy division. I have a green boat ready to rock.


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## pearen (Apr 28, 2007)

Now I am going to have all sorts of crazy nightmares of the half-man-half-ape mutated jmack swilling animas water and mutilating small children and puppies.

Maybe the short boat and bimini classes should be combined?


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

pearen said:


> Now I am going to have all sorts of crazy nightmares of the half-man-half-ape mutated jmack swilling animas water and mutilating small children and puppies.
> 
> Maybe the short boat and bimini classes should be combined?


I'm thinking it's like getting hit on the head twice in the cartoons. He'll lose all his hair, and Hickenlooper is going to have to buy an industrial razor.


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## TonyM (Apr 17, 2006)

JMack can use my Green Boat, I'm tired of winning my division every year. I'm going 9r this year. And JMacks condition is no joke, when he transforms into the San Juan Sasquatch his strength is multiplied 10x, his eyes turn red and his pelt is like that of a grizzly bear.


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## TonyM (Apr 17, 2006)

*JMack training hard!*










Josh Mack has been training hard for the 2015 Gore Fest! You guys better watch out! Since the mine spill in Silverton he has gained super human strength, grew an average size dong and the pelt of a grizzly bear! As these pics confirm, he has also been training for the long boat division.


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## jortsKing (Jan 9, 2014)

i swear that looks just like my mother in law, hope she didn't take up kayaking! if what you say about the mine spill is true, im on a non-stop trip to the animas to dip my dong in that puppy! no more pills!


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## jmack (Jun 3, 2004)

Durango crew is in route. Autographs an photo ops will be available at designated access points. We thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. That is all.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

jmack said:


> Durango crew is in route. Autographs an photo ops will be available at designated access points. We thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter. That is all.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Mountain Buzz


You guys realize this isn't a hiking contest right? You have to paddle for more than a mile straight.


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Didn't a front ranger win the Vallecito race this year?


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