# Lower Animas guides suck



## dugan (May 5, 2006)

Seriously, they suck. I know all raft guides are inherently stupid but these dip shits have taken it to a new level. Here are a few suggestions....
First, that thing in your hands is a paddle. The part that is supposed to go in the water is the blade. If it's not in the water, you can't turn the boat and you get stuck on rocks - all damn day. Put your F-ing stick in the water and go. 
If you are the lead boat and you happen to glance over your shoulder...maybe look for the sweep boat. If you can't see said boat or they are a mile behind you - try catching an eddy and waiting for your trip to regroup. There are other people on the river and they don't want to be in the middle of your trip with your lame ass customers having to listen to you bullshit guide spiel. Tighten your trips up.
If you miraculously happen to catch an eddy and your entire trip is in one location - don't peel out of your eddy right on top of another group and push every one out of the little current that is left. Have a little a awareness and respect and let people pass you. 
Finally, when your shitty little brat customers are shooting people that aren't on your trip in the face with a water canon - tell them to stop. I don't know you or your customers. My 60 year old mom and 3 year old kid got shot in the face and then this dude had the balls to talk shit to us and tell them if they didn't want to get wet they shouldn't be on the river. If my kids weren't there - you guys would have been walking home because that knife would have gone all the way down your front tube. 
No wonder every one hates you guys. I apologize to the front range rafters for all the shit I have talked to you guys over the years - there is no way you guys suck more than these idiots.


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## SummitAP (Jun 23, 2007)

wow


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## Cipherion (Apr 23, 2009)

*Feelings*

Tell me how you really feel.


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## streetdoctor (May 11, 2012)

roid rage!!!!! LOL it's not that serious bro chill..


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## BarryDingle (Mar 13, 2008)

My beef is with the durangatangs that say "D-go." Gives me douchechills. Its f'n DURANGO you gnardog! What,are you to busy to finish speaking the word!? Rabble rabble!

Okbye


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

I think this is the crux of the matter:




> My 60 year old mom and 3 year old kid got shot in the face and then this dude had the balls to talk shit to us and tell them if they didn't want to get wet they shouldn't be on the river.


I'd express it differently but I'd be pissed off too if my mother and kid had been blasted in the face by some random custys on a commercial trip. 

-AH


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## smauk2 (Jun 24, 2009)




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## bucketboater (Jul 9, 2012)

I don't blame ya, looked up that run and the only thing that would make me smile is the take out. If you want to beat a raft guide, you must think like one. Imagine you are piss poor, have no gear, never got laid in highschool and wish you were a cop but couldn't pass a piss test. Just give em some space, easy peasy bro.


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## treemanji (Jan 23, 2011)

bucketboater said:


> If you want to beat a raft guide, you must think like one. Imagine you are piss poor, have no gear,


Thats so funny and true. *Raft guides dont own shit for gear*.


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## treemanji (Jan 23, 2011)

Don't worry his rookie girlfriend will figure out he doesn't own any gear and bail next spring.


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## upshitscreek (Oct 21, 2007)

this was 30+ years ago but something along those lines happened to us when i was a kid. my dad boarded the offending raft and threw every last one of them in the river...saving the guide for last.

justice served. point made. no knives involved.


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## SummitAP (Jun 23, 2007)

upshitscreek said:


> this was 30+ years ago but something along those lines happened to us when i was a kid. my dad boarded the offending raft and threw every last one of them in the river...saving the guide for last.
> 
> justice served. point made. no knives involved.


Hopefully they learned being a dick makes any run a V+ :twisted:


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## Floatin mucho (Mar 25, 2012)

Call Mild to Wild, and ask for Molly. She is the owner, and the person giving water cannons to custys (a 5$ rental). They have already had problems with people spreying the train, and people on the bike path. Go on trip advisor and complain, that is a major source of referrals and business...


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## Cipherion (Apr 23, 2009)

*Your Dad was the man!*



upshitscreek said:


> this was 30+ years ago but something along those lines happened to us when i was a kid. my dad boarded the offending raft and threw every last one of them in the river...saving the guide for last.
> 
> justice served. point made. no knives involved.



Gotta say this is how you gotta play it if they blast your 3 year old kid with a water canon! Dad CANON!!!


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## colorado_steve (May 1, 2011)

sounds like you should have stood up for your mom and kid on the river instead of bringing this full on b*tch session onto the buzz.


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## Waterwindpowderrock (Oct 11, 2003)

Boy, I sure do miss the buzz...

The level of monday morning qb-ing here is superb! Some F-in joey wants to spray my mother in the face and the guide doesn't have the brains to ask them to stop... I'd be pretty ticked off too.


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## sarahkonamojo (May 20, 2004)

You did the right thing by spewing your anger here and not on the river. Much nicer for your mother and child. Anger on the river just ruins the vibe, as does being blasted in the face by some touron.
Sorry you had to internalize the experience. Hope your next trip out is incident free.
S


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

i would have been pissed to probably would have been a bad day for the guide and customers cause i would blow the fuck up. i would have beat the guides ass first than the dumb custy.


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## GoodTimes (Mar 9, 2006)

I was about 12 at the time enjoying a nice day through Brown's with my dad....we get a significant "bump" from behind and get railroaded into an eddy...with a huge smile and custy's laughing the guide says "mind if we pass?". About 6 or 7 boats follow through.

A couple miles later (somewhere around Widowmaker) we round the bend and witness a shit-show...custy's everywhere...the entire trip scrambling to pick up swimmers. The guide that bumped and laughed at us perched high on a rock with his boat upside down in an eddy below.

My dad....with a huge smile....calmly says "mind if we pass?". We laughed our asses off to the takeout.

One of my first lessons in Karma.


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## Birdstrike (Aug 23, 2010)

I love the buzz. This thread is the best laugh I've had in days. My wife and kids just floated Brown's as part of a family reunion. She was complaining about the dumbass guide's one upmanship and just plain BS. In defense of guides, most I've met have been superb and have led a great trip. However, there are always the standouts for the wrong reasons

Up here in AK, unless you are on the upper Kenai, you rarely see other boaters and $hit like the water canon incident would result in the real guns being pulled that everyone carrys.


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## yesimapirate (Oct 18, 2010)

I think the bottom line is you have to be on the look out for morons everywhere. They have a tendency to show up in the most in-opportune moments. But you can't really narrow it down to just river guides and their customers. You find them in all walks of life.


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## upshitscreek (Oct 21, 2007)

sarahkonamojo said:


> Sorry you had to internalize the experience.
> S


i just puked in my mouth in my effort to internalize a response to your post.


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## sarahkonamojo (May 20, 2004)

And you swallowed it, Up. Yum.


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## Monto (May 15, 2012)

GoodTimes said:


> I was about 12 at the time enjoying a nice day through Brown's with my dad....we get a significant "bump" from behind and get railroaded into an eddy...with a huge smile and custy's laughing the guide says "mind if we pass?". About 6 or 7 boats follow through.
> 
> A couple miles later (somewhere around Widowmaker) we round the bend and witness a shit-show...custy's everywhere...the entire trip scrambling to pick up swimmers. The guide that bumped and laughed at us perched high on a rock with his boat upside down in an eddy below.
> 
> ...



GoodShit, GoodTimes!! haha!


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## mcfarrel (Apr 1, 2006)

I think you need to invest in a water balloon launcher


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## Wadeinthewater (Mar 22, 2009)

mcfarrel said:


> I think you need to invest in a water balloon launcher


I think you need to think bigger.

Wildfire WATERAX ULTRA-STRIKER® Portable 3-Stage Fire Pump | L.N. Curtis & sons


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## carvedog (May 11, 2005)

upshitscreek said:


> this was 30+ years ago but something along those lines happened to us when i was a kid. my dad boarded the offending raft and threw every last one of them in the river...saving the guide for last.
> 
> justice served. point made. no knives involved.


Did he let out half the air in the tubes before he disembarked?

Bad ass.


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## Kendi (May 15, 2009)

dugan said:


> I know all raft guides are inherently stupid ....


Awwww- my feelings are hurt.


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## mcfarrel (Apr 1, 2006)

Wadeinthewater said:


> I think you need to think bigger.
> 
> It says its used in water handling operations where pressure streams for direct attack are required as well as volume flow for water delivery... Should get the job done


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## dugan (May 5, 2006)

Good shit, Buzz. I laughed, I cried. I think we all learned a lot today. Thanks for letting me vent. Next week we are rollin' with blow darts and 40's. See ya out there!


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## colorado_steve (May 1, 2011)

haha


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## Pizzle (Jun 26, 2007)

Y'all should take this to the court! There is a small event coming up with raft races, and all sorts of festivities. The crazies part about this event is that the majority of the raft racers will be raft guides. How about that, all these bubbling idiots who don't know the differences between a thrust and and a cross bow rudder, let alone how to paddle a raft. Fame glory, and all the rafting honeys can be yours, all you have to do is pay the fee and win the race. 

Gore Canyon Race August 17-18, be there or be a gaper, or someone who wishes they were a gaper.


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## rgAHOLE (Jun 8, 2010)

There are only 2 reasons someone would be a guide on the lower Animas.

1. You lost a bet.

2. You are in-between seasons and want to stay in shape for your run at Gold in the Special Olympics.

Peace!


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