# You Front Rangers...



## ross (Oct 19, 2006)

... are very lucky to have such a place as the Poudre Canyon so close. It's almost so good that it shouldn't be considered a part of the front range... Anyways, I was able to do a little exploring in your neck of the woods/city/mank town usa, and thought I would share. Here are some pics of our Narrows mission.

Ross Herr Kayaking


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## ridecats (Aug 8, 2009)

Poudre Canyon is pretty damn good for biking, too!


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## Paul the Kayaker (Nov 7, 2004)

Did you get on the Big South? The crown jewel of CO kayaking!! There is over 60 miles of runnable river and maybe way more, with the little south, north fork, Joe Wright, Big South, and the Poudre proper from Cameron's to town. Plus there is a town with a college, girls, things to do, fun bar scene... So ya all you front range bashers, just mellow, have a beer with the 15 dudes in the bar with you and realize that although you live in the mountains, there are rad places all over.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

poudre narrows is good.. but this post is lame.


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Ok, so I have to tell my story. I've seen the various posts on the buzz about 303 vs. 970, Front Rangers suck, Mountain Dudes have no jobs, and the like. I've never really participated but I thought they were entertaining and in good fun. 

Well, a week or so ago, I'm paddling down Clear Creek with a bud when we bump into a couple other guys. One of the guys is someone I'd met earlier in the year from Vail so we stop and say hello. The other guy was an unknown. Anyway, they had never paddled Black Rock before and asked if they could follow us. We said sure and gave them a little beta on the main drops. We get to talking with the other guy and it turns out he's from Tennessee and has been in Colorado for a few weeks doing lots of paddling. 

At one point towards the end on of the run, he turns to the two us and says (paraphrasing the conversion), "You're Front Rangers, aren't you?" We affirm his assertion. Then he says, "Man, you guys are cool as shit. Everybody's been telling me that Front Rangers totally suck."

Some time later, I began to contemplate this statement a little more. Are mountain dudes really sitting around talking about Front Rangers all the time? Do they have long conversation with people they meet about how much the Front Range sucks? Is this how they use their free time that would otherwise be spent dating chicks and working a white collar job? 

How exactly does the conversation go anyway. "Hey dudes, I'm from Tennessee out here looking for some cool paddling. I heard Crested Butte has some good shit, anywhere else I should go?" "Yeah man, CB is sick. You should check out the short section of blasted rock along the trashed mining operations by Vail too. Watch out for guys from the Front Range though. Those guys are total douchebags. You may have to drive through Denver on your back East, but try not to stop and avoid eye contact at all costs. Don't be fooled by the women; they're all succubus's and will give you herpes." 

Seriously, what's going on up there?


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## Canada (Oct 24, 2006)

*Front range / west slope*

Here's my thoughts.

The guys up in te mountain towns need to justify the sacrafices in pay scale and availability of women by bashing the front range. Having lived in both, they both have there positives. 

I married a mountain girl and thus was the brunt of these comments for a number of years from the guys she worked with. Funny thing was, all of the other mountain girls were with front rangers as well. They would bitch about the lack of hygene and knarly need to be a burn out as the turn offs on the locals. The guys would all go to the city to try and pick up cougars. 

In the end, there are good people all over Colorado and even one or two in Texas.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

whats going on besides a little bit on imbreeding? well obviously they seem to forget that the new bible is written by front rangers.. they have also forgot that they arent the shit because they are leaving first d's well to people not from colorado.. which is rad... they forget they have good shit to run but end up driving for some POUDRE NARROWS without a book and think they are the shit for not having a book or directions to a putin... extreme for sure.. as far as i know.. the front rangers have been getting it done for a while same with the arkies.. but west slope is on a downward slope literally.. go boat you bunch of yuppies... ohh yeah i got some really crappy pictures of gore canyon should i post them? no. 

btw that first drop is super collider Pete's got the sickest boof in the new bible


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

Thanks Canada.
Joe


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## Waterwindpowderrock (Oct 11, 2003)

KSC said:


> Are mountain dudes really sitting around talking about Front Rangers all the time? Do they have long conversation with people they meet about how much the Front Range sucks? Is this how they use their free time that would otherwise be spent dating chicks and working a white collar job?


Yeah, it's pretty much like that.

Above 8k, you're required by local penal codes to talk smack about the front range... it's a fact.

C'mon, if you shoot Canon, you've got to talk smack about Nikon (cause obviously Nikon suks!!). If you drive a Ford, you've got to talk smack about Chevy (don't own either... so, umm, no comment?), the people who watch the professional ball playing contests talk about the other people who watch the ball playing contest in a different city... and so on & so on.

Living out of the city & seeing all the toolbags that come up every weekend, could you really live up here & NOT talk smack about the blight at the bottom of the hill that is Denver???:twisted:

We live in the boonies, what the hell else do we have to do, there's no girls, no bars, and it's just plain boring up here so we talk smack for entertainment. Unfortunately, our ringleader CB passed a few years ago, so the quality of our rhetoric has been dropping ever since.


As much as I like to talk sh*t about you bottom of the hill folk, I can't imagine telling someone that those front range boaters are pricks or anything like that, boaters are boaters. Well... aside from smelly raft guides that is...:mrgreen:

(people from Texas on the other hand... seriously? Now there's now way there's any cool people who live in THAT state!!)


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## jmack (Jun 3, 2004)

Actually, its more like this:

You can go boating on Clear Creek but you'll probably end up chasing some Boulder yuppie's empty 97 gallon creekboat down razor sharp blast rock, while he sits on the side of the creek meditating about the meaning of life and how often he should fertilize his lawn. Meanwhile, your car has been broken into by tweakers and your girlfriend has run off with the biker gang from Kermits. If that sounds good to you, sure, go boating on the front range.

subtext: we're all out of water down here and it sucks.


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## ski_kayak365 (Dec 7, 2003)

Hell that sounds good to me. If anyone would like to come to the real front range, ie western kansas I"ll show you some real good lakes, flat canals, and stinky water to rip up! everyone bashes the area codes no matter where you live, except maybe 719 since there is so few good runs worth doing. In person it seems to be a competition among friends or competitors to be in the best location, on the buzz everyone bashes front rangers or the mts as its the only thing to do on the buzz when not bitching about some sandbagging person or how many ropes we can loose in a season on CC. Boredom, too many ppl not on the water is the real issue.

Since your all outa water Mack, you should come join me on lower lake creek Saturday, since they do have water. Or Ian/Kevin on hitting Big South, which was great last weekend.

There is only one good person (briefly) in Texas


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Mack., it's actually a 92.5 gallon boat and he's not meditating on the meaning of life but rather what boat he could buy that would be less tippy and roll more easily. Otherwise, yeah that's pretty accurate, including the part about it sounding good.


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## boaterchic610 (May 2, 2007)

Wow, nice add to an otherwise shitty day. Thanks guys, I needed to laugh my ass off.....perfect.


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## possumturd (Jul 13, 2006)

*Front Ranger*

Here is a vid about this front ranger during the week. But I strap on my gear for the weekend and fire up some class II+ gnar.

YouTube - COTM - Dad Life


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## ross (Oct 19, 2006)

Whoa, didn't know i'd start such a conversation for stating my enjoyment on the front range. Never said a negative word to my knowledge. 

CasperMike, no one is forcing you to click on my website last time I checked.


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## Cutch (Nov 4, 2003)

Ross, your completely correct that the front range is the shit. And your also correct that the Poudre is barely the Front Range. If you start claiming Battlement Mesa or Dotsero as a sick mountaintown near Vail, then we will start including Ft Collins, even when they embarass us with crap like balloon boy.

Yet nobody likes to be called front rangers, you see, because if you live in Ft Collins, you think the rest of the front range sucks. If you live in downtown Denver, you are pretty sure Highland's Ranch blows, saudi Aurora is just that, and Boulder is a bunch of socially awkward hippies. The sprawl between Ft Collins and Denver is disturbing and generally to be avoided, places like Erie and Longmont. Co Springs seems great if you live downtown, crazy bible thumping around the rest of the city, and not a lot in common with Denver. We have weed stores on every corner, and they have military bases. Pueblo has some nice gas stations while on the way south to epic whitewater. Basically we have way to many f'n people on the so called Front Range that when you lump us all together with all the other gapers that live near me, we get annoyed because we know we are so much more badass than our gaper neighbors. 

Representing Skyland biatches!


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

kyle how couldnt you be stoked to live next to some dad lifers? 

ross just f*cking with you.. water is dropping quicker than a 20 hookers top. and i havent creeked in 4 days...


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## Canada (Oct 24, 2006)

*Maturity levels / Men versus women*

An irony of the front range / backside debate is that is always guys. Why don't girls participate?


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## Fallingup (Feb 27, 2010)

woo-hooo! happy friday!
Keep in coming, I seriously need to be entertained since I am at work and boatin starts in less than 6 hours for me
Front rangers or mountain dudes alike, it seems to me that you all are suffering from lack of blow jobs! So go get some and get out & boat!


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## possumturd (Jul 13, 2006)

*woman*

Woman never seem to be interested in the chest thumping thing


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

canada take it back.. she won the entire thread.. lack of blowjobs..


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## JDHOG72 (Jul 18, 2007)

KSC said:


> Ok, so I have to tell my story. I've seen the various posts on the buzz about 303 vs. 970, Front Rangers suck, Mountain Dudes have no jobs, and the like. I've never really participated but I thought they were entertaining and in good fun.
> 
> Well, a week or so ago, I'm paddling down Clear Creek with a bud when we bump into a couple other guys. One of the guys is someone I'd met earlier in the year from Vail so we stop and say hello. The other guy was an unknown. Anyway, they had never paddled Black Rock before and asked if they could follow us. We said sure and gave them a little beta on the main drops. We get to talking with the other guy and it turns out he's from Tennessee and has been in Colorado for a few weeks doing lots of paddling.
> 
> ...


So you ran into Crazy Nate who gets most of his information from talking to rocks and believes that he is being chased by a dragon- seriously ask him. The other guy is from Tennessee so he is probably related to a hand paddler -enough said. Either way any information gathered from either of these fellows should be disregarded.


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## seanlee (Apr 17, 2004)

well i'm glad someone started this because i'm getting old and as a front ranger i'm tired of cleaning your creeks, drinking you shitty beer, not being able to find a good steak to grill, and rescuing your womem from hearing about how good you are at skiing and how big of a bong hit you can take. not to mention when i'm in the mountains after a long day of kayaking i can't get a rub and tug or find a place to get my nails done (that's for you gary). 

the truth is it took a couple of sick front rangers to run the bottom part of obj after the high water came and logs choked it up this year. after a 4 hour drive we were there for a total of 10 min before we started cleaning logs out of the shit you don't want to run while you watched from the banks. the weird part is not even one local came down to help us. running laps on a 500 yard stretch of river and talking about how high it was 2 weeks ago is just lame. why is my crew cleaning obj 2 weeks after it gets choked? i guess thats just how we roll. i mean REALLY, why is there EVER wood in OBJ? it would take a couple of you lazy gapers a 1/2 day to get every log in there above the high water mark.... wtf is going on up there (we know your not getting laid)?

so why does obj have wood in it? why is ruby always choked? why isn't the east fork of the san juan clean? what's up with cross (chad nice work on what you have done). why does yeti have to drive to denver to get laid? there are runs and women in your back yard that have a ton of potential but for some reason you just don't get it done but feel the need to continue to talk shit. even after i'm done entertaining your women that flock down from the mountains for guys like me, i have time to clean our runs. and your women... i can't seem to figure out why you always complain about them.... after my crew runs through one of your towns there are enough leftovers that even Tom Janney gets some (with a girl... anal usually) Yes, our runs are manky but.... runnable and wood free. 

learn how to wipe you own ass yeti, i'm sick of doing it for you. but feel free to keep scouting the 1st d's and telling us where you are too scared and too lazy to go.


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## twitch (Oct 16, 2003)

> and even one or two in Texas


A line has been crossed and now we must sacrifice a virgin, preferably not one prone to give blowjobs.


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## JCKeck1 (Oct 28, 2003)

I'm here, but I'll accept your virgin.
Joe


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## Jahve (Oct 31, 2003)

Ross yea you had no part in this.. Did any of you "rangers" even read his blog?? 

I got to say is that here in the 719 we go to great lengths to clean our creeks and then I go to baileys to find logs so lee - you "rangers" got some work to do in your own back yard .. I mean over 1 million folks and no one with a chainsaw?? Come on! 

Fair to say Lake and clear creek would be unrunable if my local crew does not put in the work.. Oh yea and on the Lake kick I was up there yesterday and now that the flows are gettin to the super low - around 300 we will pry see some of you "ranger" boys up there again.... Only the locals or pros seem to go up there above 700 or so just sayin... 

Also you are right BV sucks - it is not that fun, no jobs, and the last 2 nights that I went out I was out numbered by hot mtn chicks 4 to 1... Too bad I got a lady! 

Oh yea in the winter the BC is not very good around here as lappin 38 deg pitches, with bottomless pow, at 3 a hr with only your crew around is over rated.. I guess you "rangers" are all are used to sittin in the I-70 traffic we all hear about! Dude Copper is so sick - not as sick as Loveland ha ha!! So dont come up here nothing to see here.. 

Yesterday I got in a quick am session down on bodacious, then worked a full day, and ended with a lap of Lake that was almost too low to be fun but still ok.. This am it was a mtn bike ride and I wll get in another surf session when I get a hour in here.. Tonight a big rib bbq down at the wave and another surf session. Sorry but I just got to laugh out loud at you poor "ranger" saps that have to plan a entire day just to kayak - Up here we just plan on kayakin every day..

Also what is up with the drippy fat peers that you all have down there? When you say the front range I dont think of most of you but rather your peers... I pretty much only head down there to fly out to a real city like NYC or LA but when I do I seem to run into your "ranger" peers.. Or end up in a lowdow bar where everyone is yapin about the new audi they just bought or how maybe next week they will be able to get out and kayak or ski... Bla bla bla - go to REI that kid has to listen to ya..

Now all in good fun boys but I just had to speak up for us uneduicated, poor, mtn folks that just cant seem to figure out that the "range" is where the good life is ... I for one am glad most of you like it down there - lets keep it that way!!


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## BroKing (Feb 19, 2009)

*Frontrange sucks we already knew this.*

I am so glad I dont live anywhere near Denver. That place is a total shitbox. Whitecollar jobs suck! It has to be hard to realize that where you live sucks and lets hope the gel haired city boys stay in it!


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## Jahve (Oct 31, 2003)

BroKing said:


> lets hope the gel haired city boys stay in it!


Gel haired city boys.. Classic my man just classic....


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## lmyers (Jun 10, 2008)

seanlee said:


> why does yeti have to drive to denver to get laid? there are runs and women in your back yard that have a ton of potential but for some reason you just don't get it done but feel the need to continue to talk shit.


Sorry Kit, but that shit is kinda funny...



RDNEK said:


> Also you are right BV sucks - it is not that fun, no jobs, and the last 2 nights that I went out I was out numbered by hot mtn chicks 4 to 1... Too bad I got a lady!
> 
> Oh yea in the winter the BC is not very good around here as lappin 38 deg pitches, with bottomless pow, at 3 a hr with only your crew around is over rated.. I guess you "rangers" are all are used to sittin in the I-70 traffic we all hear about! Dude Copper is so sick - not as sick as Loveland ha ha!! So dont come up here nothing to see here..
> 
> Now all in good fun boys but I just had to speak up for us uneduicated, poor, mtn folks that just cant seem to figure out that the "range" is where the good life is ... I for one am glad most of you like it down there - lets keep it that way!!


Well said RDNEK...


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## mikestaggs (Jul 11, 2010)

I live in Denver and yes I have to plan a full day to kayak but I’m thankful for that because it means that every once and awhile I get out of this state and actually paddle something worthy. Living in the big city has its advantages; lots of hot chicks, jobs that pay more than minimum wage, and a major airport. I think BV would be a great place if I was into class III, hiking, and bong hits. But I’m not. And I get bored paddling the same old class V every day. Living in Denver, while not my favorite place, at least provides me with the means to travel to some real mountains like the sierra’s and the cascades. And don’t even try to tell me those high altitude hills around BV are mountains. Mountains in my book have summits you can’t hike to. You can say what you will about the Front Rangers but some of the best kayakers in the state live here. You won’t find us in BV for obvious reasons, but if you come to Cali, BC, PNW, or Gore over 2500 you probably will.


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## Struth (Feb 22, 2005)

There is nothing wrong with the front range, seriously people quit bitching about it, it keeps the front rangers out of the mountains.


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## deepstroke (Apr 3, 2005)

This whole Western Slopers vs Frontrangers thing is really stupid because both suck. Y'all both allowed some dude to come up from Texas and win this year's Pine Creek Boatercross and take the belt down to Texas! And we're talking about a guy who mostly slalom boats on the class II San Marcos River in Texas. Not one Coloradoan could beat this guy. Just pathetic. 512!


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

deepstroke! atta way.. texas i tell you!


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## hobie (Nov 3, 2003)

I love this thread.


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## [email protected] (Apr 26, 2006)

Sean that shit was funny but you forgot to add the part about getting thier floor wet with my shocks still on from the shower and sean might act like he doesn't like doing it but he loves cleaning other guys wood for them especially if when he is done he gets a face shot of something wet.

O yeah is the ark on the "front range" last time I checked you don't have to drive over any passes to get there so shut up about how BV isn't front range because it is.


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## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

tom i was thinking the same thing pretty sure royal gorge is the epiccenter of front rangerness... coloRado Springs baby... gotta drive and give your leg for gas to be a boater in that city... unless you kayak in streams of human feces...

gotta way to solve the problem of whos the tuffest turds!

show up at Casper this sat 17th for a Rodeo and throw down.. winner gets the pride and the losers get to clean the champs wood for a whole season. its fair distance for both sides of the hill and neither will have home advantage cause more than likely ill loop over all you.. so bring it. chumps. 307 will knock your dick in the dirt yo...


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## Phillips (Feb 19, 2004)

All you "mountain boyz" have obviously never been to Lakewood. You can store your truck topper on your roof. . . Esse


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## JDHOG72 (Jul 18, 2007)

Well golly gee wiz I've been working real hard up here in the mountains so that maybe one day I can get me one of them fancy lofts in the big city and maybe one of them
9-5 jobs in a real tall building. I guess I will have to leave my mountain lady so that I can get me one of them pretty painted up ladies at one of the fancy drinking establishments. A fellow has got to have dreams....until then I will just have to suffer living next to the western gateway to Gore....but oh boy someday


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## deforrest (May 17, 2005)

Front Range, Back Range, Side Range Blah Blah!! Everyone needs to just come together and admit COLORADO SUCKS.!! Just keep your jobs so you can get out to Cali for some real boating and Skiing and Climbing!! Hope to see some of you guys out there this weekend I'm flying out tomorrow to get in early, Baby!! The rest of you will have to go up to Wyoming this weekend for some real boating. By the way Ross, I agree the Poudre is almost too clean of a river to fit into the front range category.


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