# Teens giggle as front range man eats Sh%t at Terrain Park



## deepsouthpaddler (Apr 14, 2004)

Keystone, Colorado

On a windy afternoon in the Area 51 Terrain Park at Keystone, a group of teens gathered at the top of the rails laughed and giggled as Front Range resident and closet gaper, Deepsouthpaddler, "like totally ate shit on the rail, dude". DSP noted that he had been styling the small jumps and was feeling confident when he attempted the rail. "I hit the rail, went through the flat section fine, and got flipped backwards when I hit the downhill segment". DSP reported searing pain, nausea, and humiliation. Limping away from the rail, with his tail beween his legs, the aging boarder was painfully reminded that he was not sixteen anymore. DSP suspected a broken arm after he witnessed his hand move in an un-natural fashion trying to put his glove back on. In a move universally criticized by the ER staff DSP rode down to the base of the moutain on his own to avoid the dreaded ski-patrol gaper parade sled ride down the mountain for all to see. X-rays at the Keystone medical center revealed a broken radius, and a deflated ego. After a beer and a vicodin, the boarder appeared in high spirits, until he realized that he could not tie his own shoes, and was now demoted to the lowest of ranks, the disabled gaper. Not one to be kept down, DSP vowed that he would be back for spring. Keystone locals are eager to see the carnage upon his return.


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## 217 (Oct 27, 2003)

bummer man...sorry to here this story but on the bright side, many people snowboard (not so much ski) with broken arms.....on the slopes next weekend?


-aaron


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## abron (Nov 19, 2004)

I concur, that sucks! real logslides are way better than metal, btw, just a little bit more friction. not that one won't eat just as much s#!t if you bail, but they are less scary slippery. ( the wide double bar or square ones are the only metal slides i like.) oh, and the other good thing- log slides are usually found in the woods, far away from the ratpack (or is it bratpack?)

also There is (besides Homeopathic Arnica and calcium) a supplement or medication that increases bone growth and strength. i don't know if your injury is severe enough to warrant using it, but it's worth a shot. (my friend had a compound Tib/ fib Fx, and they gave him that med, and a titanium rod in his leg) 
good luck with that, and although it sounds crunchy, i'm sure, Arnica will really help reduce swelling and bruising, thus speeding up the healing process.... available at your local health food store....


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

DSP...bummer dude. Vicodin and brew make everything seem ok, though, don't they. Although the professional in me should tell you not to mix those the old head in me tells you to add a little green for a real nice, mellow buzz.

Your problem on the rail was obviously that not enough surface area of your underwear were showing over the metal studded belt that secures your Andre the Giant sized pants around the bottom of you ass.

You gotta dress for success, bro.

Could be worse...could be april.


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## gapers (Feb 14, 2004)

Gotta hit them rails fast, yo. Speed is your friend. And it could be that you didn't have enough hanglow in your steez. Dont get me started on the studded belts with the ass hanging out. I was hoping that shit would fade away, but its not leaving soon enough. I'm def. not against baggy pants, you aint gonna find me in tight ones, plus it just looks better and is more mobile. But what do these kids think when they put on their pants. "Are my boxers showing just enough"? "How's my hanglow"? I saw a Pro ho at keystone the other day with em riding just above her butt cheeks, and she had on some frilly, lacy type red panties hanging out. Though it really wasn't as hot as it sounds for some reason. Trying way to hard. All her bro's were prety much dressed the same too, fucking asses hanging out everywhere.

Speaking of pro ho's, i was standing in line next to Chad Otterstrom at A basin around the beginning of the season. He had two lame, loudass chics hanging off his nuts, name dropping out loud in the middle of the line. Whats up with that shit? It was pretty annoying until they started doing toe touches with one leg strapped in and one leg out in front of themselves...of course they ate shit there in the middle of the line. Ahh, that made me feel warm and fuzzy, sweet redemption.


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## heliodorus04 (May 31, 2005)

*Re: Teens giggle as front range man eats Sh%t at Terrain Par*



deepsouthpaddler said:


> In a move universally criticized by the ER staff DSP rode down to the base of the moutain on his own to avoid the dreaded ski-patrol gaper parade sled ride down the mountain for all to see.


With that kind of sense of humor, you could turn this into a magazine submittal. That line was genius, I'm still snorting my pepsi through my nose from it.

Get well soon, mate, and yeah, it's not April yet.
Give us an update on your prognosis when you know more.


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## Roy (Oct 30, 2003)

*Re: Teens giggle as front range man eats Sh%t at Terrain Par*



deepsouthpaddler said:


> In a move universally criticized by the ER staff DSP rode down to the base of the moutain on his own to avoid the dreaded ski-patrol gaper parade sled ride down the mountain for all to see.


Like heliodorus, I dig the writing style, but there's more to be said for taking the gaper sled than just avoiding the disdain of the ER staff. A bud of mine busted his metacarpals in the back bowls of Vail and got to the clinic on the front side on his own, only to be charged for setting them, whereas it would have been a freebee if the patrol had brought him in.

BTW, I feel for ya--I've been the old man front-ranger busted below a rail in a terrain park with the teenieboppers looking down sniggering and asking "Are you OK, sir?". I keep it in the trees now, where I can suffer in private... :roll:


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## Andy H. (Oct 13, 2003)

Bummer to hear it Ian. There's a reason I stay away from the railslides and leave that stuff to the kids...

I hope you're going to be well enough to rip up that Little D wave come March!

--Andy


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## Withdrawn 1 (Mar 13, 2004)

Terrain Parks are for acrobatic, indispensible kids ages 5 to 25 who grew up skateboarding, snowboarding and surfing for that matter. When you take up snowboarding over the age of 25 (like I did), you won't even think about going near a jib park. It took me 3 broken bones, 2 casts and 2 years to lean to snowboard and get good at it. I officially reach my young crest of age 35 (still looking 25 :lol: ) next week. I'll just stick with the earn-your-turns wide open bowl snowboarding with a tree or 2 thrown in there just for kicks.
I did see a older tele skier do a back flip in the half pipe at Copper a few years ago. GO PINHEADS!!!!


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## KSC (Oct 22, 2003)

Bummer. Be thankful it didn't break at the elbow - trust me. Good luck mending.


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## skiweasle (Nov 23, 2005)

That's why we call it the "trauma park" in the patrol room. Sorry to hear about that DSP. I hope your recovery is fast.


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## newby0616 (Jun 16, 2005)

DSP,
I'm really sorry to hear about your arm, but did wanna give you kudos on the brilliant write-up, and for keeping your sense of humour about the whole situation.  That trip report's up there with BSoE's inventive homily on the stoned screech owl a week or so back-- didn't think we'd see one of those again for a while.... er, the quality of the post, not stoned owls. If I start seeing stoned owls anytime soon.... well.... 

Hope you feel better soon!! 
(Unfortunately?) I tried my own hand at snowboarding for the first time this weekend, too (normally a skier, but figured what the hell, right?  ), so for whatever the consolation's worth, my ass is bruised up probably just about as nicely as your ego this morning!


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## BastrdSonOfElvis (Mar 24, 2005)

Yeah yeah sure...snowboarding...


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