# WOOD IN SALIDA!



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

White Chocolate is not so bad. His gangster killer attitude is only a façade, as we all assumed, he broke down in the car and read a poem about all the things he loved in his life. My favorite part was when he used a simile to express the relationship between his new found love for the water and the beautiful blue glow of my eyes. 

In fact, the dude has some mad skills on and off the water; his sweet talking charisma and gentleman like characteristics make him one the best guys I have paddled with all season. He even carried both of our boats. 

We started off the day floating the Milk Run in BV. (A personal first D for both of us). 
I showed him how to hold the shaft of the paddle correctly and how to feather it to get the most impact, with the least effort. He was very easy to teach and I enjoyed showing him all that I have learned over the years.

Later that afternoon, he got up the guts to ask me if he was ready to get into the hole and try to play around. I was not sure we were ready for that commitment so early on, so we went and rented a little boogie board so he could get his face wet without wet exiting. 

After I watched him play around, I showed him how it was really done. He took out his video camera as I demonstrated the McNasty left and right and his favorite, the air screw. We watched the video over and over again as I explained exactly how to perform these tricks safely. 

We decided to camp in the back of his truck and listen to rain drops gently soak the landscape. W to the C is a man of many words and explodes with excitement very easily. Anyone that has the opportunity to paddle and chat with this man should take full advantage.


----------



## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

this has to be one of the turkey leg stories cause im pulling the carcass back out for this one. wood in salida?


----------



## RealitySheriff (Oct 16, 2003)

I've got to assume an intended creative double entendre in the title.


----------



## CGM (Jun 18, 2004)

Freaking hilarious! Why do all the bad guys always get the girls!


----------



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

> :razz::razz::razz::razz:
> Freaking hilarious! Why do all the bad guys always get the girls!


He was only bad when I told him to be


----------



## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

I call bull shit no way is this possible not even in 100 years. im throwing the turkey now.


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

How did White Chocolate get everyone's passwords?


----------



## SBlue (Jun 5, 2007)

RealitySheriff said:


> I've got to assume an intended creative double entendre in the title.


Not just the title..."hold the shaft correctly"....."ready to play in the hole"...


Nicely written all the way through I'd say.


----------



## WhiteChocolate (May 16, 2008)

mize penis is like an ocean
it goes down so deep
my penis is like a rose
whose beauty you want to keep

my penis is like a river
that will never end
my penis is like a dove
with a bootyful message to send

my penis is like a rap
that goes on and on forever
my penis is like a prisoner
tits, to you that I surrender

thanks for the amazing weekend gurl


----------



## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

stupid.


----------



## DurangoSteve (Jun 2, 2006)

wow, a *"poem"* about his dick. *very* stylish. *mostly* adolescent.


----------



## COUNT (Jul 5, 2005)

Aw, no way man. That's poetry right there. Right from Shakespeare himself. Is that Sonnet #7 or Sonnet #18? Oh, wait, I bet it's Sonnet 69.


----------



## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

i bet the only truth to the whole story is whitechocolatte is a buger boarder.


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

Beautiful White Chocolate. No wonder the hot kayaker girl crowd goes for you! Let me try:

My raft is like White Chocolate, it's a little bit too small
My raft is like White Chocolate, except it doesn't hang out at the mall
My raft is like White Chocolate, the ladies love it and don't know why
My raft is like White Chocolate, it makes me laugh until I cry


----------



## mvhyde (Feb 3, 2004)

*Sex In The River*

A new reality show based upon weird stories of desperate kayakers with a twist of the Twilight Zone for those half-baked and those about to bake, yes we salute you.


----------



## watahwatah (Jul 5, 2006)

*Wood in Salida??*

That's what she said.


----------



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

> ...my penis is like a river
> that will never end
> my penis is like a dove
> with a bootyful message to send...


WOW, that sure was special.

I was really sad my ipod broke on the way down to Salida, but W.C. saved the trip. I gave him so much to rap about; there was never a moment of silence. 

I know everyone( especally CasperMike and DurangoSteve) thinks this dude is a Dbag and I have to admit, I was even a little shocked by how W.C. rolls. His baby pink “I love boobs” shirt, red headband and short cut off jeans confused, even a blonde. I figured he had to be compensating for something especially when he pulled up in a large, elevated truck with a ball sack hanging from his hitch. It wasn’t until our 3rd heart to heart that he explained to me how his confidence was shriveled at the early age of 28 when a female got down on her knees for the first time, unzipped his pants, and then laughed at him uncontrollably until she was blue in the face. This scared poor little W.C. for years.

The poem he wrote up here was a small step to his public recovery. I am shocked that the boating community is so harsh to the beginners of the sport. Last night in an attempt to educate my fuzzy bar of chocolate, I took out the Bible and the New Testament and read to him the fantastic stories of our elders; all the great laughs, cries, and carnage. I explained to him (I am shocked no one has done this yet) that if the section is in the book, it has probably already been run and if the section is not in the book, it has probably already been run. His tears dried up as I told him that one day he will find that first D, probably in a state like Okalahoma or Nebraska, one that would normally be off the boating radar. I left him on the couch with the precious books and some warm milk. He stared at the pictures all night long; he never knew someone could look so cool.


----------



## COUNT (Jul 5, 2005)

> His tears dried up as I told him that one day he will find that first D, probably in a state like Okalahoma or Nebraska


Can you call it a first D if everything's soo flat the rivers actually flow upstream?


----------



## jeffro (Oct 13, 2003)

Eww. I just hope all proper safety gear was used.


----------



## COUNT (Jul 5, 2005)

If WC has half a brain, I'm sure he at least had a helmet on before going into the hole....


----------



## ecarlson972 (Apr 24, 2007)

COUNT said:


> If WC has half a brain, I'm sure he at least had a helmet on before going into the hole....


 
OUCH!!!


----------



## DurangoSteve (Jun 2, 2006)

CU, it is noble that you showed WC such compassion...ESPECIALLY since he's the kinda twerp (twurp?) who composes hackneyed odes to his little, bitty dick. I'm sure you made his day. 




CUkayakGirl said:


> WOW, that sure was special.
> 
> I was really sad my ipod broke on the way down to Salida, but W.C. saved the trip. I gave him so much to rap about; there was never a moment of silence.
> 
> ...


----------



## jeffro (Oct 13, 2003)

CU...Which hole were you two playing in? It wasn't clear from the initial trip report...


----------



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

> If WC has half a brain, I'm sure he at least had a helmet on before going into the hole....


ya we both had helmets on, Dorks! Did you think we paddled without them? 

I did learn how to stay upright though unlike Count, who has lost and broken more helmets this year than most go through in a life time. :mrgreen:


----------



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

*I took Pictures!*



> CU...Which hole were you two playing in? It wasn't clear from the initial trip report...


Your mom's :mrgreen:

j/k we were in the top hole in the Salida play park mostly.


----------



## COUNT (Jul 5, 2005)

Apparently blondes can't even COUNT to 1 because that is all the helmets I've gone through this season. 

COUNT

P.S. you still owe me icecream.


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

CU, 

Will you teach me how to kayak? It sounds like an unforgettable experience...


----------



## CUkayakGirl (Mar 31, 2005)

No Derk, you owe me Ice Cream.

You are a little liar you can't even bullshit the run I rolled on.


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

You didn't answer my question? How 'bout a little clinic?


----------



## pinemnky13 (Jun 4, 2007)

Mental note: Take creative writing classes in September..... wait I'll be on the river , oh well


----------



## pinemnky13 (Jun 4, 2007)

So here is a quick little diddy:

Her eye's glowed like Schlitz cans in the moonlight,
Her leg's were like turkey legs
Tapered just rightwe played in the hole
till we coulnt no more 
then we layed down and listened to Tupac 
under the starlight


----------



## DurangoSteve (Jun 2, 2006)

Honky Hiphop Poseur Dude is not so bad. His *Aurora Suburban White Guy* Posing as a Black Urban Gangsta is an amazingly unconvincing construct of dubious origin and even more dubious delivery. My favorite part was when he made up a "poem" about his penis, showing us his *impressive sensitivity*. Clearly he is in touch with his *Inner Wanker*. Maybe he'll flash us some gang signs that he learned on the Mean Streets of Aurora while waiting at the McDonalds drive up window for his Happy Meal. We wait ever so patiently for the next chapter of this thrilling saga to unfold.

Or not...


----------



## Randaddy'sDaddy (Jul 30, 2008)

Randaddy said:


> You didn't answer my question? How 'bout a little clinic?


I'll give you a little clinic...


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

Randaddy'sDaddy said:


> I'll give you a little clinic...


Not cool. That picture of my dad is from our family's private album! I guess nothing is sacred now.


----------



## riverrat (Jan 20, 2007)

CUgirl, I'll go kayaking with you. I already know how, so we can skip all that beginner stuff. I'm assuming you're a class V boater. Class III's just aren't that exciting for me anymore. IV's are what I've been running and I'm thinking it might be time to jump up to V's. I've got a great helmet that's kept me safe so far, but I'm thinkin that if we do some V's I might have to upgrade to a full-face helmet. Better safe than sorry, right?


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

riverrat said:


> CUgirl, I'll go kayaking with you. I already know how, so we can skip all that beginner stuff. I'm assuming you're a class V boater. Class III's just aren't that exciting for me anymore. IV's are what I've been running and I'm thinking it might be time to jump up to V's. I've got a great helmet that's kept me safe so far, but I'm thinkin that if we do some V's I might have to upgrade to a full-face helmet. Better safe than sorry, right?


Damn dude, full face? I guess you can't take any chances with these river chicks...


----------



## riverrat (Jan 20, 2007)

Yeah, full face may sound like overkill, but the river's always unpredictable and it just takes one good rock at the wrong time...and then you're wishing you'd paid the extra money for more protection.


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

I thought we were still on the double entendres. My comment had nothing to do with kayaking. It was more like a social protection thing. Kind of like paper bagging...


----------



## WhiteChocolate (May 16, 2008)

i am calling you out casper mike, i have pm'd you twice to come down here and boat with me and you never got back, are you scared to run some shit with me? 
cukayak girl has given me the confidence to run some more first d's, i found this sick stretch on turkey creek, hit me up and i will show you how we do it down here. i can also so you some new tricks i have been working on down in confluence park, probly throw some ends in your face while your taking notes. i have a bomber roll now thanks to my cutie instructor, ready to take your wyoming punk ass on. maybe a bufe off at turkey creek?


----------



## riverrat (Jan 20, 2007)

Randaddy, yeah, that's what I'm saying. If you're about to get on the river with some class V chick and have her show you the way down, you don't know what line she might take you on. It may be one that you don't need to worry about, but it might be different and it only takes one rock that might catch you off guard and then you've gotta deal with the consequences. And the trip to the hospital would be more expensive that just buying a better helmet.
I think we're still on the same page. 8)


----------



## Randaddy (Jun 8, 2007)

riverrat said:


> Randaddy, yeah, that's what I'm saying. If you're about to get on the river with some class V chick and have her show you the way down, you don't know what line she might take you on. It may be one that you don't need to worry about, but it might be different and it only takes one rock that might catch you off guard and then you've gotta deal with the consequences. And the trip to the hospital would be more expensive that just buying a better helmet.
> I think we're still on the same page. 8)


Not at all. You're talking about boating and I'm talking about sensual protection.


----------



## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

whitechocolatte. bluegrass is half way so sounds like a good meeting spot. ill bring the playboat again. do you think you could find your way out of the city?


----------



## WhiteChocolate (May 16, 2008)

i have to get on the goods while i can down here, maybe if your weak play run is still runnin in a month or two i will come up there and show you some stuff. 
i am tired of publicly humiliating you on this forum so just pm me if you want to boat sometime.

peace


----------



## caspermike (Mar 9, 2007)

WhiteChocolate said:


> i have to get on the goods while i can down here, maybe if your weak play run is still runnin in a month or two i will come up there and show you some stuff.
> i am tired of publicly humiliating you on this forum so just pm me if you want to boat sometime.
> 
> peace


 
who was at the salida playpark? come up in a month or 2 when the flat water is a little tamer right.
lets boat or are you going to be a bitch?


----------



## riverrat (Jan 20, 2007)

Randaddy said:


> Not at all. You're talking about boating and I'm talking about sensual protection.


*smacks forehead*


----------



## oarbender (Feb 3, 2007)

okay, so this guy tells his wife that the DR, was working on getting him retirement based on his gray chest hair count, and his wife asked if he showed his dick..........maybe we could get disability! the poor, un-satisfied, usta-be-a-hottie morned.

:-D


----------

